Rated G: Does it work for you?

As a mama that loves movies, I have been itching for quite some time to get my 4 and 6 year old sons to a movie theater with me.  I envision it as a fun activity that the three of us can do together (the dark theater, the popcorn, the previews!) since my husband couldn't care less about what's on the big (or little screen).  But the problem has been finding a movie that I feel completely comfortable in taking them to.  I never imagined that it would be this hard.  It seems like every "kid movie" out there has some sort of plot line that is over their heads, aimed at entertaining the parents in the theater. 

I just wish that they would make a movie that is truly for kids.  One that doesn't use potty talk as humor (really, it's enough of a problem in our house as it is), teasing, rudeness, or violence.   I've been hopeful a few times in the last year when a couple of rated G movies have been released (WALL-E, Earth), but when I take a peek at Common Sense Media, other parents have commented in ways that have made me decide the movie wasn't for my kids, right now anyway.

Maybe I just need to lighten up and take on some of the rated G movies as having teachable moments.  But I'm curious...how do you handle film content and your young kids? Do you take them to the theater or just say home and watch a video?

When parents go bad, how do you react?

There are two stories of parental murder that are in the Portland headlines right now, and while the one involving a dad has a higher body count, somehow the one involving Amanda Stott-Smith seems more horrible by far. Is it that she's a mom? That she survived the ordeal without, herself, taking her life? That it happened right here, on the Sellwood Bridge, on a sidewalk I've biked or walked over dozens of times, and driven past hundreds, thousands more? Is it that her seven-year-old lived while in the water with her dying little brother?

It's so awful that I often must turn from the headlines, turn off the news, stop thinking, stop imagining. Another mama and writer, Nancy Rommelmann, has been following the case closely from a journalist's perspective and I don't know whether to be horrified or to read every single word Rommelmann writes. My two older children are nearly the same age as Stott-Smith's little boy and girl, so I've been reading, and I can't take my mind off the topic.

I write not to discuss the relative horror of what either Stott-Smith or James Gumm have done, but to wonder, how do we react to stories of this sort? Is empathizing useful or self-destructive? Can you bear to know the details? Do you bury the front page in the recycling or do you read it all in awful fascination? Do you feel that knowing the reasons behind such acts of familial destruction can help us better prevent them in the future; or is it better to hand the parents over to the judicial system and stop thinking about it to save our own troubled minds? I find, personally, that my empathy takes over, but when I read something as thoughtful and emotionally gripping as what Nancy's written, I can't help but consider the motivations and terror in depth. And to believe that something healing must come of knowing. What do you think?

Swine flu, oh, what to do?

Swinebirdhumaneek! flu has hit Oregon, and after listening to reports on NPR of school closings in Texas and letting my far-too-fertile imagination run wild following the automated PPS phone call last week noting that no schools were being closed... yet, I'm wondering: will they close the schools? If so, how will we cope? We are not a city whose citizens are likely to react amicably to being advised to stay indoors, also, most of us have to go to work, which brings up that nasty issue of parental paid leave.

Has this crossed your mind? Do you think health agencies are over-reacting to the now-so-called "pandemic"? Or are you already keeping your kids away from confined spaces, Joe Biden style? Or are you like me, mama of a child whose cough has gone on for a couple of weeks (but no fever, I swear!), sure that passers-by are recoiling in horror and fear that his cough is swine flu.

In one of the NPR stories, after a student at a high school had a confirmed case of swine flu, the rest of the town began to avoid high schoolers like... well, you know. The plague. Two kids going to the gym with their dad were turned away. The idea that my kids, too, could potentially be given a wide berth in public and turned away at businesses gives me shivers.

Mamas & Blogs & Facebook: is it too much?

When we started urbanMamas almost 5 years ago, I was mama to just a teeny little babe who would wake me up at all hours of the night.  After a feeding at 2am, I would sneak downstairs, open up the computer, and check out the feeds I'd read.  I'd devour the stories, gobble them all up along with a middle-of-the-night snack.  Thank goodness Facebook wasn't around then.  I may have never slept.

Through time, I realized it wasn't terribly healthy to be crawling out of bed and catching up on mama blogroll, as it would keep me up for 1-2-3 hours during prime sleeping time.  I went through a period when I forced myself to stay in bed.  I had to resist the urge, that pull into the blogosphere vortex. 

Now that the kids are older, I am on a much more regulated sleep schedule, but I am still drawn to catch up with friends on Facebook or to check out what's the haps on urbanMamas and other favorite mama conversational sites.  I know I'm not the only one!  An urbanMama recently emailed:

I am hooked on Facebook.  I check it 3-4 times a day and love reading updates, new photos, posting status updates and commenting on my friends' walls.  I can't help it, I feel so connected to people miles and miles away.

I also check my blog rounds throughout the day during my breaks from school, our toddler, and all of our responsibilities. I like being a part of these social networks and forum like discussions but I feel like I am contributing to a society more in touch with ourselves, and less in touch with each other.

How do I moderate this habit?  Any suggestions that have worked for you?  When I am not around a computer I am more creative; and when I talk to friends and hang out with them it is so much more fulfilling than messaging or writing comments on their blog or wall.

Is our generation going through a change of communication, what's going on?  How do I balance traditional social etiquette and lifestyle while being modern, wireless, and digital?

Turnoff Week: Ideas to get out and about

This year's "turnoff" week is next week, April 20 to 26.  And, instead of being billed as "Turn Off TV Week", the organizers, Center for Screen Time Awareness, is calling the week "Turnoff Week", meaning we unplug from not only TVs, but also videos, games, computers, cell phones, and iPods.

Why turn off?

• Screen Time cuts into family time and is a leading cause of obesity in both adults and children.
• In the US and other industrialized nations around the world, screen time use continue to increase every year. 
• The average daily usage for all screens, in some countries, has reached 9 hours per day.  This is for recreational use of screens and does not include work time.
• On average, people watch 4 hours of television and then spend another 4 plus hours with computers, games, video, iPods and cell phones

So, what can we do?  Here are some ideas to start:

• Hit the playground, and invite school/neighborhood friends.  Make it a huge playdate!
• Find out what activities your school may be hosting.  Better yet, offer to plan and host an activity.
• Host a session of board game playing at the community center, library, school, or friends house.
• Check out free or reduced-cost swim sessions at the public pools (Columbia on Wednesdays; Buckman on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays; and Dishman on Saturdays.  Call specific pools for details)
• Gather friends for a short bike ride in the neighborhood.
• Organize a scavenger or treasure hunt.
• Check out the urbanMamas calendar for more ideas for fun.  There is something going on every day!

How will you be recognizing Turnoff Week this year?  What activities, if any, are planned at your school?

Need more tips or resources?  Kaiser has a great run down of sample activities, more information, and a screen-time toolkit to learn fun and healthful alternatives.  Check it here.

What is the podcast for the urbanMama?

Podcasts are something I should get into, but anything with a "pod" is a bit too high tech for me.  Do you need an iPod to listen to a podcast?

Anyway, I digress.  I surely understand the value of the podcast, if only I could figure it out.  An urbanMama recently emailed:

What are you listening to/watching these days? I am stuck in a Fresh Air and This American Life podcast rut and a Daily Show, FoodTV on demand/TiVo rut. Any great podcasts or shows out there that I should learn about? Especially ones that although topical, aren't out of date in a week? What about good ways to get new music or TV? Anyone tried Hulu? I like TV and have TiVo, but my TiVo is full of George, Clifford, and Martha, rather than interesting mama shows. What are your recommendations?

Halloween treats: Who do you trust?

Do you mind if I have a bit of a rant?

As the news rolls in about melamine in children's candy and I prepare to write a book about "inconvenient food," I consider our society on Halloween. We talked last week about all the ideas for what to give away on Halloween, some of us bemoaned the problem of not being able to hand out homemade treats because of scares (for the record, I heard a piece on NPR in the last few years about how there had been maybe two cases in all of history of people getting poisoned/hurt from Halloween treats -- less than chances that a hurricane will rip through our city).

I've given up sugar and am trying to greatly reduce my children's intake, though I let them eat whatever they get given (within reason) by teachers, relatives, friends. But really, my values these days are "prepare food with love" and I can see no love for anything but profit in the contents of the candy aisle (or the cereal aisle, or most of the aisles in the grocery store). My go-to treats are honey lavender shortbread, hazelnut butter cookies, apple pie (sweetened with maple syrup), sourdough carrot cake, and the standby: homemade oatmeal whole wheat bread with lots and lots of butter and honey. Why would I go to the store, buy something I don't believe in that very well could poison you (if the sugar isn't poison enough -- now that I've given it up even a "fun size" bar would give me a two-day headache), just because my neighbors can't trust ME?

I start to wonder if the proscription against homebaked food has gone on long enough. How did our society become this insane place where we trust a corporation unquestioningly but we don't trust our neighbors? How is it that we have grown so ill-confident of our kitchen skills that we don't even dare challenge rules against bringing homemade food to public school? (Let's leave aside allergies for the moment -- that's not the reason schools banned baking.) Damn it, I trust you to know enough about cleanliness not to get my food all poopy!

So I'm going to hand out lavendar shortbread cookies for Halloween today. I'll have an alternative (we have leftover candy on a high, high shelf) because I haven't yet gotten to the place where I want to force my neighbors to trust me. Next year maybe.

When she says: "I'll email you"

Previously on urbanMamas, we've talked just a little about internet safety, our kids and mature media, or YouTube as a learning tool.  Not sure what came over us this weekend, but we went ahead and set up our 8-year old with her very own email account: first name [dot] last name [at] gmail [dot] com.  Not too creative, I know.  We let her know she can use the email for communicating with our extended family, who is scattered everywhere, geographically.  We know she has other friends who have had email for a little while, but we know that the majority of her peers don't have email accounts yet.  Our intent is for her to use it strictly for family, and she needs to ask us before getting onto the computer.  We also intend to check her email for her and keep track of her password.

I would love to hear other parents' thoughts about this: when would you/will you let your child have his/her own email account?  What would be some of the parameters you would set for usage?  Have you encountered this in your household yet?

TV Turnoff Week Starts Today: Got Plans?

Wow, that snuck up on me.  Today is Day 1 of what could be a l-o-n-g week for kids and families alike.  This year, TV turnoff week runs from April 21st through the 27th, Sunday to Sunday.  We've discussed the TV or no TV issue before, but this is just a week, so (thankfully) doesn't require so much philosophizing! 

Do you plan to turn off your TV this week?  Gonna be hard?  Or are you looking forward to it as a chance to get outside more in the balmy (?!) Spring weather?   Have you warned the kids,  planned fabulously captivating replacement activities, or are you just gonna wing it?  We're a video family, and since the DVD player broke a few weeks back, we've got no choice!  If you need back-up support, there are a bazillion places to turn.  To name a few: the Center for Screentime Awareness (they cooked this 'holiday' up - so love 'em or hate 'em), LimiTV, and, for the hardcore, AdBusters.  And there's always the uM calendar, packed with exciting things to do in Pdx.

This one doesn't happen to be a hard one for our family, but what really worries me is when somebody asks me to avoid the computer at home for a week.  I know my kids would sign our family right up.  We're plugged in but they're not?  Oh, mama, how unfair.

The new Mama Mag

5 1/2 years ago when I was expecting baby number 1, I was ravenous to learn about birth, nursing and motherhood. I was turned on to Mothering magazine by my midwives ( I am still forever grateful for their sage wisdom).  I kept my subscription for 2 years.   At that time some of the articles were feeling a bit stale to me and not necessarily relevant to my situation. I was ready for a change.  About the same time I became pregnant with second daughter and reading anything was thrown out of the window.  My mind was mush. 

Fast forward a few years. I am getting pretty comfortable with my place as mama and I feel I can take on a little side read now and again.  I've picked up Cookie which is a nice change to the typical parent mag layout, but really I can't relate to buying couture clothes for my children or redecorating their room in the latest post modern fashion, much less dress myself like a runway model to hit the coffee shop.  A recent article on MothersMovement.org called out such reads as "parentbling".

I can think of many other magazines to fit under this category. And I must admit, I have enjoyed flipping  through the ad filled pages of Parenting and the likes of other gifted subscritions as a substitute for television while I nursed and tried to make it through the day.  I must also admit that at times I actually enjoyed it. I found it interesting to see what parenting in America was "suppose" to be like. I think it helped me relate, or not, to other mamas at times.

Today, my friend turned me on to a new magazine called Wondertime.  I haven't had a chance to take it in too much yet, but it looks like a more down to earth sort of read. The website links to a stay-at-home-dad blog and a mama turned eco-blogger along with ideas on how to celebrate spring and debates on when to buy organic.  I am intigued.  Could this be the right combination of intellect and eye candy?

I have to thank Mothering for the years of compassionate parenting information that I gained. It is still one of my favorite magazines and I would recommend it to all new and seasoned parents. But for those who are looking for a bit of light reading along with entertainment to comlipent their parenting intellect which new Mama mag should a mama grab?  What do you enjoy about the magazines you read?

Think Out Loud: Clinton and the Generational Gender Divide

Join in on the conversation NOW on-line or via phone.  Lisa (Activistas) and Honorable Betty Roberts are special guests on Think Out Loud on OPB radio. The discussion is focused on "talking more about how your own experiences (at the workplace, at home, on the ballfield, in the supermarket aisle) have shaped your political and social views. We might circle back to talk about the election, obviously, but you shouldn't feel that the show is limited to a Clinton-centric discussion." Lisa, you're sounding great!

YouTube as a Learning Tool?

It all started two weeks ago with a library book about the Titanic.  Since then, my son has been on a fact-finding mission to learn everything he can about the Titanic, not to be mistaken with the Carpathia or the Californian which were other ships involved in the story of this disaster.  The questions are endless, what are smoke stacks for? Where's the engine?  What are the rudders on a ship? What about the propellers?  How did the ship sink?  Most often, I do my best to explain things using my limited knowledge, but it still does not satiate the mind of my curious 5 year old.  I have come to accept and realize that the best thing to do is to feed his curiosity by encouraging further discovery and exploration into whatever subject matter that seems to pique his interest.  For the Titanic, I used a most unlikely resource (for me) YouTube to help further his understanding to better explain the things I could not.  Who knew that Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On is helping to tell a 5 year old the story of the Titanic? 

I'm curious, do you allow your kids to watch YouTube (of course with parental supervision)?  Aside from the Titanic, we've watch the space shuttle launch, the eruptions of Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Pinatubo to name a few.  Do you use other electronic media?  What about encyclopedias?  With the Wikipedia and the vast "resources" on the Web, do you feel there is still a place for doing research using books?

Comcast Responds

Thank you so much, everyone for all your letter writing and complaints regarding Comcast's exposing kids to violent previews.  The corporation responds, and Leah sends her update:

I got a call today from Comcast Executive Escalations - they called to let me know they have now "fixed the situation and will now only be showing family oriented programming previews during daytime hours."  Thank you to all the parents who wrote and called to push this issue along.  Nicely done!

Parents working together to impact change.  Love it.

Comcast: exposing kids to violent previews

The other day, Leah emailed us about an issue that accurs in her household:

Our family has Comcast - which comes with a nifty OnDemand feature.  We're not big TV watchers, but our daughter does like Little Bear and Max and Ruby [and it is great to be able to watch those chose whenever she'd like]. To use the service, you go to channel 01. On this channel, you can use your remote to scroll thru and find the TV program you want and hit play and off you go. BUT the whole time you are doing this there is a preview screen running in the corner.  So they play movie preview after movie preview.  And most of these previews are NOTHING I'd ever want my daughter to see. So I have her leave the room, but every once in a while, she sees it anyway. They have explosions, fighting, monsters, scary movie previews that give me the creeps, sexy scenes...the whole thing.

She wrote to Comcast about this problem and she wasn't able to get them to turn it off.  So, she prodded a bit more and found a Customer Service Representative (CSR) from Comcast here in PDX office who will collect individual e-mails on this issue and forward them in bulk to the corporate group.  The more people and organizations that respond/send concerns in, the more likely it is that something will be done. Send emails to: lisa_walter@cable.comcast.com and the subject should be: Customer Complaint - On Demand.

Leah says:

Corporate has had a trickle of these complaints and asks "what promotion exactly did they see that was offensive?" They haven't received critical mass of complaints yet.  The CSR has watched the "Barker" ( the ad window that rotates promos ) and knows exactly what we're talking about. The promo loop rotates through completely in about 5 minutes. It is "refreshed" every Thursday for a 1-week run.  And it almost always includes violent promos.  She would like all individuals to send their comments to her, with as much detail as possible about what promo was on that causes concern.

Disney, gender stereotypes: Avoidable?

Over on Twitter, several of the parents I follow have been talking about gender stereotypes. We were amazed to find that two of our children (Everett, who's five, and a little girl who's four) had recently made the oddly-worded identical statements: "Pretty stuff is for girls, and cool stuff is for boys, right mama?" It's not the worst gender stereotype in the world, of course, but Everett's always enjoyed "pretty stuff" (I have the box of much-loved gaudy buttons and beads to prove it) and, speaking as a girl here, I hate to have us all banned from "cool stuff." (Is an iPhone cool or pretty? But I digress...)

We darkly attributed the identical statements to Dragon Tales, which we find that both of our children watch, and several other parents chimed in about the gender stereotypes promoted by most (if not all) of the children's programming, especially Disney with its princess gestalt. Whether they come across it at home, at school, or on a trip down the grocery store aisle, it's highly difficult to protect children from Disney, and out-and-out impossible to eliminate gender stereotypes from a child's world.

Protectionism definitely isn't the answer, and thus far I've just countered Everett's many cultural influences by working on projecting a couple of good role models and pointing out where stereotypes aren't borne out. And, as I said on Twitter, I spend a lot of time digging in the dirt (lately, I get the feeling that a connection to earth heals all wounds). Where have gender stereotypes surprised you -- and what have you done to counteract them? Want to come dig in my backyard, too?

urbanMamas poster gals for Portland blogging culture

Horn-tootin' time! A few weeks ago, Steve Woodward from the Oregonian emailed asking about just why Portland is such a great town for blogging? Turns out we've been ranked the second best blogging city in the nation (behind Austin, Texas: ironically, the originator of the 'keep Portland weird' campaign. Austin has to be first in everything, waaah!). Today the article was published on the front page of the 'Living' section and I was pleased to see both me and betsywhim (who contributes to, like, 30 blogs) representing the Portland blognoscenti. You can find the article here online but it's lots easier to read in print.

We know why we think Portland is such a good blogging town (and I'll quote myself): because Portland is so rainy and, more often than not, you're stuck inside and can't interact at the playground or the beach -- blogging is a way of connecting. It's also because you all are so non-judgmental and supportive, contrary to what we hear in the news and see on Other Cities' Communities. I think another aspect is that writers are drawn to Portland for its literary scene and bunches of us are spilling out our literary guts in blogs. What do you think?

To TV or Not To TV?

My daughter came home one day and taught me a playground patty-cake rhyme:  "coca cola....  pepsi....  lemonade...  iced tea...."  I stopped her.  I asked, "What's 'pepsi'?"  She shrugged.  Slowly, she said, "You know.  Pepsi is when you shake some liquid and it explodes."   I was amused.  She had no idea what Pepsi was!  She knew what 'coca cola' was; her daddy drinks it maybe a few times a year.  We have since changed the rhyme to "coca cola.... izze...."  She knows and loves the fizzy izze drink.

Anyway, what spurred this anecdote is an email from Sarah who asks about how other urbanMamas and urbanPapas are dealing with TV and videos in their homes:

We have two boys (an almost 3 year old and a 5 month old) who have never watched TV or videos. I really wanted to get them excited about reading and in the habit of amusing themselves with active and imaginative play. My husband and I gave up TV in early 2005 and frankly don’t miss it (we’re not totally pure – we do get our movie fix from Netflix).

I love that my son doesn’t recognize a Coke logo and doesn’t ask for silly toys and sugar cereals that are so heavily marketed to young children. I realize, however, that TV is ubiquitous and I am wondering when (if?) to introduce our older son to TV or DVDs.  Do other parents have this dilemma?  When and how do I delve into this and what TV or DVDs do other urbanmamas recommend?