Two incomes, can't afford child care: Let's potluck this to a better way

I did not have the intended response to the front-page article in the 'O' section of today's Oregonian. The writer meant for me to be sympathetic with the plight of the family depicted; two parents in what seemed a loving, functional marriage with two children under four. I think it was the way the writer approached the story, obvious scrabbling to paint a sad picture of a family left exhausted and strung out, juggling two jobs and only one car.

While I can relate to the stress of the enormous, far-too-dear cost of child care for young children, I came away from the article wishing to share my perspective as a mama of three boys, having drastically changed my work schedule in the past year; though I fear the chasm between the ways we look at life is great. The two parents are working alternate schedules; mom at Costco, dad in sales at a construction and industrial supply company. They pay for only about nine hours of day care a week, or $480 a month, and together make $64,000. They live in a two-bedroom, 800 square foot apartment somewhere in Tigard. No, their schedule doesn't allow for matinees, pedicures, or post-work beer with the guys. Yes, they're "trapped" with one parent, and the car, at work when it rains. The fun for the kids, according to the article: a walk to a toy store, cartoons on 'On Demand,' the shopping mall play area. [The article's writer explained the day she followed the family, it was raining, so they decided not to go to the park; there are parks close by, though the original article wasn't clear on that fact.]

I wish I could fix it for them. What's obvious at first is that we all need a better link to community; to friends who can share childcare providers or swap care for free; to people who can provide that post-work beer experience with the kids; to occasional potluck dinners so each night doesn't seem so harried and lonely. My life today is not perfect (far, far, far!) but thanks to my perspective I can see a number of choices that are worth re-thinking. The sidewalk-less suburb is just one; I know that prices don't vary much from the middle of my neighborhood in inner SE Portland to Tigard, giving the parents far more places to connect and allowing mom & dad to get rid of the car altogether, choosing Tri-Met or the bike for commuting. Then maybe one parent can quit or reduce hours, relieving the pressure and the exhaustion considerably. Harriet calls this concept "householding," and I'm a big fan. (After hearing from the writer who wrote the story, I deleted my comment about food.)

Instead of sitting here frustrated at how isolating, stressful and perhaps more expensive than necessary are the lives we're asked to sympathize with in the Sunday paper, I'll make a challenge. [And judging from the age of the photo illustrating this post, it's a challenge I need badly.] I'll make it easy, because frankly, sharing child care is enormous thing to think about on such a beautiful day. Invite someone over for a potluck dinner -- or invite yourself to their place, if they have more room to set plates and cups. Connect in a simple, relaxed and nonmaterial way. Spend as little money as possible; yes, a carrot and lentil chili and a big salad, with water or homemade iced tea to drink, is perfect. Skip the cartoons and toy stores. Talk about the best place in your neighborhood for nature walks. Make it a regular thing. Start the change small, and see what happens.

Legislating nutrition and exercise in child cares? Yes? No?

One urbanMama wrote in wondering what others think about the Oregonian's article yesterday on nutrition and exercise in child care settings.  Did you see it?  I did and it made me simultaneously appreciate and cringe about the food at our child care center, from the tater tot casserole (boo) to the organic milk (yay), from the fruit loops in the sensory table (yowza) to the whole wheat flour they're now using (progress!). Oh, and the unsweetened soy milk they recently switched to. 

But legislate it?  Our center used to participate in the UDSA food subsidy program for child care centers, and from what I understood (admittedly from the sidelines), compliance was a b#$%#.  We've talked before about the quantity of outside time in childcare settings, but this is a little closer to home. 

What do you think?  Is this the help our child care system needs?  I, for one, can think of some other items to at least add to the list, like 1) affordability, 2) location,  3) quality, and 4) availability.  From the article:

With children joining the ranks of the overweight and obese before they're old enough to recite the alphabet, public health and child advocates say it's time working parents across Oregon wonder whether day cares should shoulder some of the responsibility.

Closer regulation could be on its way. A statewide obesity prevention task force has recommended that the upcoming Legislature require state agencies to study child care and develop minimum standards for physical activity, healthy foods and time in front of a screen.

New food and activity rules will undoubtedly raise some hackles. Is it necessary to mandate play for rambunctious toddlers? Reasonable to expect low-paid caregivers to persuade children to eat their vegetables when most parents can't pull it off at home? And, really, aren't toddlers supposed to be a little chubby?

Thanks, K, for asking what everyone thinks.

Juggling the cost of care with the pay of work

Mamas, we recently heard from an urbanMama who is trying to juggle the cost of childcare with the wages she'll bring in with a new job.  Do you have any advice for her situation?

I started my first day of work today: $10/hr., 3 full days a week, and I have two kids that need daycare.  Obviously, this will be hard to swing, but I have a provider who is willing to charge me $6/hr. for both of them.

However, she wants payment in advance, PLUS a deposit.  At bare minimum, I must pay 75% of my monthly bill on the first day - 50% of this month's bill plus 25% of my deposit (which is equal to 1 month's bill).  I will be making about $800/mo before taxes, and paying $650 of it to her for the next two months.

I know that $6/hr is a steal, but I feel very uncomfortable about the money upfront.  For one - I don't HAVE that money.  I'm just getting back into the workforce!  I will have to borrow the first TWO payments from my parents - who don't have money either and will be paying interest on something they were intending to use this money to pay off - because my first paycheck will be for only 1 day of work, and I will have to wait another 2 weeks - 3 weeks total - to get a substantive paycheck.  By then, I will have already had to pay the first $650.

Trust and kids: When do you go too far?

A few months ago, I was travelling for work, and as Monroe is still firmly attached to me as a provider of breast milk (and is none too pleased with the whole bottle concept), I had him with me. I tried to get him into the corporate daycare -- he'd been before -- but there was no room in the infant room.

After mining my network for all it was worth, I resorted to Craigslist. My first choice fell through (hair appointment), but the next morning my second choice met me and Monroe at the hotel and I handed over the room key and my baby and was off to the office. Some of my co-workers were discomfited. How did I know she wouldn't just make off with my baby? Well, first, it's a relatively shocking crime, one that seems a little extreme for such short notice. Second, stranger kidnapping makes up less than 2% of violent crimes against children. Third, this is what I do, meet people online and then trust them. I firmly believe in the principle that, when people feel trusted, they will act in a trustworthy manner.

Away from Monroe in a big meeting room, I relaxed, having comforted myself that -- were she to decide to kidnap him -- I had plenty of information about her to apprehend and recover my child. And I had a good feeling. I picked Monroe up at the appointed hour and she gave a great report: Monroe was happy, he'd napped, and she even amiably accepted his peccadillos (he won't do a bottle OR a sippy cup), giving him milk from the hotel water glass. Trusted, and trustworthy, all online.

I'm on the liberal end of the trust spectrum, I guess. I am crazy? (specifically about this, I mean?) How long does it take you to trust others with your kids?

Outside Time in Childcare: Is it Happening?

Every time I pick up my two kids from a full day in child care I struggle to ask those exciting but leading questions that'll get them to tell me what happened in school that day.  "So did anything wildly exciting happen today?  Any superheroes in class?"  I know, the beginning of a long, long road. 

Inevitably I wind up asking if they went outside to play.  I honestly don't listen too closely to the answer, though often it is no - even when it's not raining cats and dogs.  I tend to chalk this up to the fact that my 5-YO has no idea if he went outside that day and/or doesn't care to remember and tell me.  I'm not worried because school policy includes daily outdoor play. 

But after reading a recent article in the NYT about kids not playing outside while in childcare, I am wondering.  Did he really not go outside?  Is it because someone doesn't have warm enough clothes?  The teachers don't feel like it?  The park is a long walk?  And if there's an indoor playground, need I worry anyway?  Do your children play enough outside while in childcare?   How do you know?

Thanks to CafeMama for the playground pic.

Finding a Babysitter You Trust

That first time leaving the kids with a babysitter can be nerve wracking.  For us, we started with trading with friends.  We slowly weaned ourselves from the "free" care to using my husband's co-worker, and her vast network of babysitting friends.  But when that became too hard on the pocket book, and now that the kids are older we use a teenage babysitter.  Andrea recently emailed us about finding a babysitter: 

Now that my younger sister just had her first baby this week, I've lost both her and the monopoly on my parents' time in terms of free babysitting services.  Considering that I've never left my three kids with anyone but family, I'm in mourning!   So for me, it begs the questions....how did you find the babysitters you trust?  Word of mouth?  Go through a service?  What are the thoughts on the age of who is watching your kids?  Is 13 old enough or do you only trust the grandma next door who successfully raised her own kids?  And last but not least....can someone who has never had kids successfully get a 9 month old, a three year old, and a 5 year old (who fight like crazy!) fed, bathed, and in bed? And if so, what are their names?? :-)

News to us: State increased childcare subsidy

Apparently, few of us had no idea.  The Oregonian reports that it's a "little known fact: money for day care":

That made a huge difference for Lisa Fackler, a 29-year-old mother of two. With the increased state subsidy, her out-of-pocket cost for day care for 10-year-old Risha and 3-year-old Aaron at the YMCA dropped from $392 in September to $25 the next month.
.....
About 9,900 families are currently enrolled in the state's Employment Related Day Care program. More than 500 new families signed up in February -- but that's still short of the 3,000 families the Department of Human Services predicted would be added to the program by July 1, 2009.

Are you a family who needs childcare assistance and think you may qualify?  Know another family who should know?  Check out the DHS website on Qualifying for Childcare Assistance or the Child Care Resource and Referral Directory or call 1-800-342-6712.

When it's a "SNOW DAY", what do you do?

As much as I love the sight of puffy white stuff coming from the sky, I dread how it can have an effect on our schedules.  Today, a Saturday, is a great day for a snow day, a day to stay inside and watch the flakes come down.  But, if the weather is like this on Monday, a school day, and if our school is closed (see HERE for the PPS inclement weather e-hotline), what are we to do, if it is supposed to be a work day for us?  If you work outside the home and have a "snow day" school closure, what do you do?

Childcare Costs: There Goes My Paycheck

At the beginning of this month, I wrote a check for $1,118 to our child care center.  What for?  For my two children to attend a total of five days/week - one for two days (the 2-year old) and the other for three days (my five-year old).  That adds up to $13,416 for one year of part-time child care.  That is one ton of money.  The cost for two kids to attend our center full-time???  I don't want to know!  Read more on the high, high costs of childcare & share your experiences & opinions over on Activistas.

Starting a Workplace Daycare

If you can't find childcare that meets your needs, why not pool resources and start your own?  Mary is in search of advice from others that have been successful in working with their co-workers in creating a workplace-based daycare.  She writes:

My husband and I are both teachers struggling with the issue of childcare. Is the amount paid worth being away from our two beautiful children? Are we able to find a quality daycare that would meet up to the standards of two idealistic teachers? What happens when the children are in separate schools? How do we get them to two places when we have to be at work by 7:15 am? In our hopes to solve some of these dilemmas, we are working with a committee of teachers from my husband's school district to try and open a district daycare. We are wondering if any others out there have a similar experience. Does anyone have a workplace daycare they are involved with, or has anyone started a workplace daycare? Tell us about your experiences.

Traveling with a Nanny - Setting Expectations

Holly will be vacationing with a nanny (how awesome is that?) and she wants to know a fair wage.  Any thoughts?

We are planning a family vacation to Hawaii in October.  We’ve invited a college-age sitter from our children’s daycare to travel with us and act as our nanny for the week.  We’ve never traveled with a nanny before and have some questions about compensation, time off and reasonable expectations.   

So far, we have purchased a plane ticket for the sitter and she has agreed to sleep in the kids’ room – in her own bed.  We also intend to provide all meals and give her some free time off each day. 

Our initial thoughts are to pay the nanny between $8 - $10 per hour.  We are thinking that this will cover the money she could have made by working at the daycare for the week, and it’s tax free.  This is for two preschoolers and one infant.

We don’t plan on being absentee parents on this vacation.  We see nanny acting as a helping hand and extra pair of eyes.  We are hoping to reach an agreement that is favorable for nanny and us.  We would love to hear from the UrbanMamas.  What sounds fair to you and is there anything else we should consider? 

In sickness at the daycare?

Every child will get some kinda sick in their childhood.  If your child is in daycare, what are the rules - the hard and fast rules, the "it'd be nice..." rules?  How about when your daycare provider is sick?  An urbanMama emails:

I was wondering if you could post a question concerning daycare etiquette.  What kinds of rules do people follow with regard to sending their kids to daycare when they have colds/flus/fevers/ear infections?  What do folks do when their daycare provider is sick?

The Preschool Pressure - PDX Style

We've heard stories about the preschool frenzy in cities like New York where waitlists are eons-long and parents wake up at the crack of dawn to spend days in lines to sign kids up for preschools.  Here in Portland, is the story the same?  After the recent post on the Portland Preschool Scene, Tracy got to thinking:

The recent question about preschool has me thinking about a bigger issue, which is why the pressure to start kids in preschool at age 3 anyway?  I'm a mom who has arranged life to avoid group care settings for my little ones on purpose.  I've really struggled with whether or not to send my oldest (age 3) to preschool next fall and get all kinds of messages that I'm missing something if I don't.  He gets plenty of social opportunities through Parks and Rec classes, play groups, etc where I'm present to help him work things out and develop social skills.  He gets all kinds of exposure to letters, numbers, books, etc at home.  I have no doubt that at age 4 he'll go because I don't want kindergarten to be his first school experience.  But does it have to be so soon?  My solution has been to sign up at a cooperative so I'm part of the program, but I haven't fully committed to sending him yet.  I'd love to hear what others think and whether or not I'm the only one questioning this pressure.

Not only do we question the pressure, we also wonder whether all children will have access to the same resources, regardless of familial situation.  Kris recently emailed:

I am a mother of an 18 month old girl and have amerced myself in everything motherly including reading mommy blogs, having regular play dates scheduled, being a part of several moms groups, and basically just networking with other mommies like crazy.  On a regular basis I find myself upset and confused on the issue of single mothers unable to find quality daycare that they can afford. I myself am married and we do well financially, well, we make ends meet anyways. Daycare is hard enough for us to pay for and I know, because I have met some, that for single moms without a lot of support it gets close to impossible to afford good care. I know how hard it is to leave your child with another person and couldn't imagine having to leave them with someone that I didn't feel good about.  I am wondering if anyone knows how to get active on this issue. Are there single moms out there who have any ideas on how to make good care for their children an option?

Mamas, what say you?  What are your thoughts?  Is it a matter of the "haves" and the "have-nots"?  Do you feel like these differences are less pronounced here in Portland?

A babysitter's going rate?

What are other urbanMamas and Papas out there paying their sitters (primarily the date-night variety of a sitter as opposed to the fuller-time more primary caregiver variety of sitter, should there be a difference)....  I think I used to be paid one or two dollars an hour back when I was a kid and did a little babysitting for neighbors.  What has inflation done to the going rates?  Chrissy emails:

I have a 9 month old son.  My husband have starting the search for a babysitter for date nights.   I am curious to know what the going rate is for a babysitter these days.

Drop-In Daycare: The Search Continues

I know many of us working parents struggle with finding adequate back up care.  We've posted this previously, but we're wondering if some of this information needs to be updated.  Daniel recently sent us this question:

We have a 16 month old and another due in December. Mom has debilitating nausea and could use a drop-in infant care center on 'bad' days. I found a list of drop-in centers (http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:rM8XNZmz__IJ:www.icse-conferences.org/2003/travel/childcaredropin.pdf+portland+oregon+infant+care&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=6&gl=us&client=firefox-a) and was curious to know if any of Urban Mama community has had any experience with the Joyful Noise centers? Any other suggestions would be helpful too.

Does Joyful Noise centers do drop-in?  Besides Grandma's Place, are there drop-in centers you would recommend?

ERDC Daycare in NE

Chrissy is seeking childcare that accepts Employment Related Day Care (ERDC).  Any recommendations?

Does anyone have experience with Rose Quarter Grandma's Place?  Or know of a great FT daycare center in close-in NE? I have a 4 yr old who has been attending PT at Grandma's Place Lloyd Place, however I would like to look for work soon and she will need to switch to FT.  The problem is I wasn't sure I liked the feeling of the place when I visited it. I am intrested in shopping around. I will need someone to accept ERDC cause I am low-income and don't know where to begin looking for good FT daycare in close-in NE.

I am living with family and have been going to school for a long time and haven't been able to work because of the daycare situation.  I hardly have anyone who can help with my daughter, and I am sure many other mamas have been there.  I really just want to find a good place for my daughter where I feel she will be safe.

Experiences With Nanny Placement Service

Krista is seeking your experiences with nanny placement services.  Can you offer any?

I am wondering if anyone has experience with either Care Givers Placement Agency or A Brilliant Nanny - I am looking for occasional childcare for my 3 month old daughter and would love to know if anyone has used either of these agencies and what their experience was like. 

A beacon of green

Last Thursday's Oregonian featured Eco-Friendly childcares and what the Oregon Environmental Council (OEC)* does to promote eco-friendly childcare.  There are now over 100 Eco-Healthy childcare providers in Oregon, including 40 or so in Portland!  The number participating childcare providers is on the rise.  Is your childcare designated Eco-Healthy? 

* OEC also administers the Tiny Footprints Program.

Childcare Forum for Providers

We recently launched the urbanMamas Childcare Referral Forum as a place for childcare seekers to post their requests.  What we forgot to mention is that it's also open to providers.  If you have a school related open house or event, send us an email and we will gladly post it on the forum.  Do you have an opening at your school or childcare facility?  Let us know, and we will help to spread the word!

Emergency back-up care

We've talked before about finding back up care for anticipated time off like Spring Break or Winter Break. But, what do you do when you're REALLY in a pinch? Debby is in need of your suggestions:

I am looking for back-up options for days when my day care provider or her child are ill, like today! I tried Grandma's Place and they are not able to take my daughter (19 months) today due to the fact she is not registered and the manager is ill today among other things. I am getting really tired of having to email everyone I know the night before to see if they can help, and the babysitting "exchange" that I work out on those days is really eating up all of my free time! But I really can't take any more time off from work. What do others do for back-up besides family and friends??? Any thoughts for TODAY??!

urbanMamas Childcare Referral Forum

If you've sent us an email recently regarding seeking childcare resources in Portland, we just want to let you know that it has not been lost.  We just get many, many requests and have been trying to figure out a way to spread the word and get you in touch with someone that can help you out.  In response to the frequent and recurring requests, we have dedicated a portion of the urbanMamas site to posting the various childcare requests we recieve from our readers.  We call it the urbanMamas Childcare Forum.

For childcare seekers: send an email to urbanmamas@gmail.com and include the following in your email: geographic area, type of childcare, frequency needed, ages of children, and contact email.

For childcare providers:   send an email to urbanmamas@gmail.com with details of your opening, event, or open house along with contact information.

We strive to respond to all emails we recieve in a timely manner.  However, please note that if there is a backlog of emails which there is often, we may not be able to immediately post your request! Childcare questions of general nature will still be posted on the main site.

Inner Eastside Care - 24/7

Here's a unique request of the urbanMamas: recommendations of an in-home provider of 24/7 care.

Does anyone have a 24/7 in-home provider that they love, located in inner NE or inner SE?  We are looking for someone who can accommodate us for one or two Saturdays out of every month.

N/NE Preschool Fair

MOMS Club of N/NE Portland is hosting a free Preschool Fair. Come meet local preschools, talk to the teachers and other parents and find the best preschool for your child.

Saturday, January 27, 2007
9:00am - 1:00pm
Grant Park Church Gymnasium
2728 NE 34th Ave, Portland OR (cross street Knott)
Refreshments provided.

Infant Daycare SE: Discoveryland?

Researching schools and daycares can be difficult. Lauren is seeking your feedback: I'm curious if anyone has experiences (positive or negative) with Discoveryland for infant care (SE 60th)? Any other suggestions in this area (Mt. Tabor/Hawthorne regions) for infants would be welcome too.

Seeking Part-Time Childcare for under 2

uMamas, can you help Jennifer out with some suggestions?

I just found out that our nanny is taking a full-time job with Google and I have a month to find childcare for my 20-month old girl. I think she would benefit from a daycare setting, but in the limited amount of research I've done so far it's been hard to find one that a) is conveniently located, b) allows half days (I work part time), c) takes kids her age, and d) has immediate openings! I've seen lots of interesting preschools out there, but most won't take kids her age, and most of the daycare places don't have websites so it's hard to learn much about them in a short time. Anyone have any recommendations? We live in northeast, near New Seasons in Concordia.

Seeking Infant Care in SW

Help a mama out! Writes Melissa:

I'm starting my search for child care for infants in the SW region of Portland (Hillsdale, Multnomah Village). I would be so delighted and appreciative for any advice you could offer. Thank you so much!

Drop-in Centers

Have a doctor's appointment? Have a few errands to run sans bebes? Have a dentist appointment? Where do the kids stay if they're normally with you all day? Anne asks:

I was wondering if anyone had feedback concerning any of the drop-in childcare centers in town. I have a three-year old and am finding I need childcare every now and then for a short period so I can make it to an appointment. I was thinking of using Grandma's Place near Lloyd Center, but would be interested in any downtown or close-in eastside location.

Creative Gift Ideas for Daycare Providers

Last year, we had a previous conversation The Etiquette of Gift Giving for Daycare Providers. urbanMamas are also wondering what kinds of gifts make for great items for teachers or daycare providers? After nurturing and loving our youth, we're pretty certain that they've been nice and not naughty. Says Misty:

Any affordable/creative ideas for Christmas gifts for daycare providers? Between my two kids, I have 5 or 6 daycare providers I need to get gifts for.

The Tiny Footprints Program

Create an Eco-Healthy Environment with the Tiny Fooprints Program. The Oregon Environmental Council’s Tiny Footprints’ website is an online resource which helps identify eco-healthy options for raising children. The website includes parks that don't use pesticides, eco-healthy childcare facilities, plastics should you consider avoiding, and eco-healthy baby gifts. Or if you are just getting started, check out Tiny Footprints’ eco-healthy baby shower kit which is a great way to get family and friends involved at the beginning of a child's life.

For more information on this program, please call Sara Leverette at (503) 222-1963 x105. Would you like a Tiny Footprints Baby Shower Kit? Please email saral@oeconline.org.

Holiday Camps?

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone (although the leftovers still abound), we're looking ahead to holiday fun, like holiday crafty stuffs.  But, for many of us, we will also be faced with needing to find some all-day holiday cheer for our kids whose schools or daycares will be closed.  There are holiday camps, similar to summer camps, offered at larger institutions or community centers:

Children's Museum Camp runs from December 18 through 22, the full week before Christmas.  Full-time care can run from 8:30 AM to 2:30 PM, then there is additional aftercare offered until 5:30 PM.

Oregon Zoo offers 1/2-day camps for children ages 4 through Kindergarteners for $12-14 per day.  Full-day sessions for children in grades 1 through 4 are $27-35 per day.  Good animal winter fun!

Portland Parks & Rec offers Wild Winter Wonderland at the following community centers: Mt. Scott, Fulton Park, Matt Dishman, and East Portland.  Another offering (which seems to be the same offering) is Winter Madness at Sellwood, Hillside, University Park, Southwest Community Center, Montavilla, St. Johns, and Peninsula.  Some centers offer the whole week, others centers register day-by-day.

Do you have any other suggestions for finding holiday childcare or camp fun?  Aisha writes:

Can anyone recommend a good day care for the Xmas break in the North/Northeast Portland area--my hubby's 7 year old is going to be with us on Christmas break at a last minute's notice and we both have to work.  I have tons of recommendations in SE but nothing around our neck of the woods, any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated.  Something like a winter break camp would be perfect--sports or art related in particular.  Thanks for the help and have a great holiday!

Infant Childcare in NE

I was talking to a mama recently, who has a great new job and is seeking childcare in the NE for her 10 month old son. She prefers in-home care, but is interested in different scenarios accommodating part-time schedules.

Also, Christie is looking:

I am due in March and looking for child care for my infant beginning in June (probably 4 days a week, maybe 5). I think nannies are out of our price range, but will take suggestions for good childcare in general. I would really like to find somewhere in Cully, Alameda, Irvington, Hollywood areas (we live off Fremont and 50th and both will be working downtown). Does anyone have experience with Growing Seeds, Little Pandas, Alameda Beaumont Childcare (not sure if they take infants), or anywhere else?

A few previous posts: Preschool Wanted in NE, Seeking Childcare in NE/SE/NW. A couple of comments on Growing Seeds. Also, here is a comment on Alameda Beaumont Childcare. I don't think we've heard anything yet on Little Pandas. If you have any thoughts or insight for NE childcares, please share!

Going Rate for Teen Babysitters?

Can we get a sanity check on what to pay babysitter's these days?  Sloane recently sent us this question:

I live in Alameda/Irvington and would love to know what the going rate is for casual babysitting in our area. We have a nine-month-old baby and a lovely 13-year-old neighbour and would love to get them together for two or three hours a week so my husband and I can have a little alone time. The baby has an older, experienced sitter who is available only irregularly, who charges $10 an hour. I can’t imagine the 13-year-old warranting that much, especially as this will be her first time sitting. But I’ve really no clue. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.

Nannysitter Available with Glowing Reviews

Childcare, it's probably the hottest topic on the urbanMamas.  Whenever we catch wind of a good find, we'll try to pass it along.  Here's one from one of our readers:

We are letting our nanny/sitter of 8 months go starting 9/1 because we're expecting another child in December and we snagged a spot at the preschool where we were wait-listed much earlier than anticipated. She's a gem of a caregiver, so I thought we'd give the urbanmamas first crack at her.

Her name is Beth, she's 23, creative, attentive and always prompt. She has honored every request we've made regarding our daughter's care and is always up for last-minute changes. She has her own transportation, loves going to the park, and can manage a toddler and a trip to the coffee shop. They go on long walks, do all kinds of art projects, and Beth has taught her most of the colors and shapes. She's an ace hair-doer and is amazing a the art of distraction after a boo-boo. She makes meals and tidies up after the kid-stuff, her rate is reasonable and we'd really love to see her go to a family that will love her and appreciate her as much as we do. She's willing to consider full- or part-time. If anyone is interested, they can email me at bitemycookie@gmail.com. She comes with glowing references, in addition to ours.

Seeking Childcare for a 2-yr old, NE/SE/NW

uMamas, we came across another request via the We Are Family thread.  Jocelyn is looking for suggestions for her 2-year old:

I have a 25 month old. I am a working mama and I work in Wilsonville. When I returned to work after maternity leave, I wanted my son near to work so I could nurse him. The benefits of having him close-by outweighed the negatives (long commute for a small baby/toddler). But now, there is no reason for him to be out here, when we live in NE. I am looking for childcare in NE/SE/NW to bridge the gap between now and the time he is potty trained and 3 years old. Help. Is there any hidden gem out there. Everywhere I look, the wait list is long, for example Growing seeds and Providence on NE 47th ave. I looked at Alameda Montesorri and decided against it for now. What else is available out there. HELP!! The commute is getting worse and worse as my little angel learns to assert his wants and dislikes. He does not like being in the car that long!!

Part-Time Nanny - Vancouver

Another frequently asked question on urbanMamas, but this one from someone across the river.  Jayena's writes about her quest for a nanny:

I actually live in Vancouver, but shop and am over in PDX area lots and lots!! Monday, 6/19 I go in for a C-Section with our second daughter, and our first is 8 years old. I would like to get references for a part-part time nanny for Friday’s. My mom is watching the girls Monday-Thursday but we wanted someone to come into our house on Friday’s to be at home with them, take our oldest to school etc. I am nervous though to get anyone I don’t know and was wondering if anyone had any good recommendations for services, or where to go.

Gonna be a mama in the SE!

Yay for Amy having her first baby in the fall!  She's scoping out options for infant care 2-3 days per week come December.  And she asks:

Are there daycares that are known to provide excellent, attentive infant care?  It seems harder to find infant care than toddler care - what challenges do I face, and what should I look for? My sister-in-law has found several wonderful situations in West Linn very easily through Craigslist... why does it seem harder to find in Portland (especially inner SE)?

We all know that finding a babycare/childcare situation that meets all our needs is hard, hard work.  So, please uMamas, share your advice!

Nanny Share: How does it work?

So, we've done a nanny share before and I think the situation can be done in different ways.  Thanks Amy for your question:

How [do] nanny-shares actually work?  Do you hope to meet another family who needs a nanny on opposite days, thereby employing someone full time between the two families? Or do you alternate homes on the same days, with one nanny for both/all children?

If you've done or considered a nanny share, how have you made it work?  What are key factors that can contribute to sharing success?

Finding Childcare

Lately, we’ve been receiving many requests from readers on locating nanny services. Most recently, Claudine wrote:

We are looking for a full-time nanny, not live in, for our two children, ages 10 months and 3-1/2 yrs.  It would mainly be for my daughter (the baby), as my son is in pre-school till 3:30.  I am a "work at home" mom and would be in and out during the day.  We would need the nanny to be able to multi-task, with other things like housekeeping, laundry, and simple meals. We would be interested in recommendations, and or tips for finding a great nanny.  We have never had one before and are a bit apprehensive, but excited as we hope that she could become like a family member eventually.

Let's see if we can offer any generic tips for those new in town, or even new to the prospect of hiring a nanny.  Here are some tips:

• Craigslist it baby! The first place to start would be to place a posting on Craigslist.  I've personally found adequate backup childcare for Spring Break last year, and I know plenty of parents who rant and rave about finding good matches via CL.  Better yet, it’s simple, free, and wildly popular among those seeking positions and looking for help.
• How about a service? If that doesn’t work, there are numerous services that will match families up with nannies for a fee. These include:
  • Northwest Nannies
  • Caregivers Placement Agency
• Ask other parents. Seek the recommendation of fellow parents that may have a nanny. More than likely, their nanny may have friends in the business that they could recommend.

What’s your secret to finding that fabu nanny or babysitter? Can you recommend any services or nannies that may be available? What about places to post requests?

Nanny Needed - Experience with Twins

Anyone that can offer Shar recommendations?

I am in need of a nanny Monday 11am-6:30pm, Thursday 7:30am-6:30pm and Friday 11-6:30 for twins (boy/girl) who are 9 weeks old.  To start in about 1 month.  Prefer experience with twins.. permanent position.  Thanks!

Update:  Looks like Shar's found a nanny.

Wanted / Needed - Fabulous Nanny

Psst.  Pass it on:

Our fabulous nanny has availability on Tues. & Thursdays from 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. through the first week of June (she is going to grad school, despite our efforts to convince her otherwise). Also, come June we will need a part-time nanny to take her place, M-W-F.

She's available because one of her families has put their toddler in full-time daycare. She'd prefer a family in NE since that's where she lives, but she'd be willing to consider other neighborhoods.

We found her through a friend of a friend who has known her for 14 years. Additionally, our backyard neighbor has known her since she was a toddler and her parents live two blocks away from us, all of which lent a great deal of confidence to us when we hired her.

She has been caring for our 7-1/2 month old son since December and he loves her. Her personality is laidback and low-key, which we like. She tries to get outside with our baby every day for walks in the stroller or Baby Bjorn; she takes him to Book Babies at the library and reads and sings to him. She is also fluent in Portuguese and Spanish. Besides caring for our son she also does his laundry and runs to the grocery for us. She's also an excellent cook. Besides caring for infants, she also has experience caring for 3-year old twins as well as a 13-year old.

If you're interested, please email suzcloset@yahoo.com and I'll put you in touch with her. And if you have any nanny referrals I'd appreciate you sending them on.

Babysitter Etiquette

So.  I am wondering.  If you ask your sitter to take the kids to the coffee shop, do you give her some spending money for herself and for the kids?  Then, if you ask her to walk down the street to take the kids to OMSI, do you give her money for her admission, even though the family maintains its own membership?

In the past, we've had sitters who maintain their own memberships at the Zoo or CM2.  But what if they don't?  I know it's just a few bucks, but just wanted to know what you all thought.

Seeking Nanny / Post-Partum Doula

Wish I had Carolyn for a friend!  Read on:

I live in the Bay Area and have a friend in Portland who just had her 2nd baby.  I came up for a week to help out, but she's still having a hard time -- long story, including a c-section, complications, toddler sickness, hubby's job schedule, etc., but I was thinking about getting her some hours from a reliable, caring nanny service as a gift.  Problem is, I know nothing about any services in Portland -- and am hoping that the mamas on your site could offer some recommendations for a very trustworthy, capable, sensitive service that could do a short-term placement.  any help is greatly appreciated, thanks!

- Carolyn

Montessori of Alameda

Several parents have floated to our site looking for info on Montessori of Alameda.  Does anyone have thoughts about the school?  Please share!  Programs range from infant-age through 3rd grade.  I understand there is even a bus pick-up/drop-off program, as well as summer camps.

Here's perspective from Shannon, whose son was enrolled in the infant program for three months before she decided to stay home:

It's a wonderful school and I really, really, really like the teachers.  The biggest thing that I noticed that was different about the infant/toddler community (vs. other 'daycares') - is that they have real grass to play in; and everything was so much cleaner than others that I had visited.  If you're thinking of going the private school route (instead of the public school system), it's really nice that the Montessori goes through the third grade.  I also noticed that the older toddlers had some really fun & varied learning activities.  They also learn manners - yah!  If you want to 'tour' - I think all you have to do is call & make an appointment.  (Call Maya, the infant / toddler director -- 503-335-3321 )

They're located on NE 42nd & Going - where the old Wells Fargo bank used to be.  When my son is pre-school aged - we'll be going back to the Montessori!

Toddler Swap

Leah writes:

I'm interested in knowing if there's another mom in the area (N/NE) who might be interested in a "toddler swap" one or two days a week with me. You could drop your little one off at my house for a few hours one morning while you go run errands or do whatever, and then we'd swap either another day that same week or the next week. I've got to make some appointments for doctors, dentists, hair, etc. that I cant always do on the weekends, and my husband's days of working from home are limited this Spring.