Face Painting Anyone?

It's party time, but who's providing the entertainment?  urbanMama Anjani writes:

My son's third birthday is approaching, and while I think he's still young enough that we can get away with a play date-style party without too many frills, I was thinking it'd be fun to have someone come for a while to do face painting for the kids (and I don't know, maybe
balloons in cool shapes).  Does anyone have any good recommendations for this?  Our budget is limited (heck, I'd do it myself, if I had any artistic skill.) so I'd also be willing to consider someone who does this recreationally; we don't need someone to put on a big show.

Building the Dress-Up Wardrobe

I need your help, Mamas.  I've somehow avoided dress-up play for this long but I can't avoid it any longer!  I am hoping to build a dress-up wardrobe for the kids by shopping at thrift shops.  But where to begin?

I figure I'll get some pieces, mostly tops, that represent different professions (the uniform section) and some accessories (sunglasses, hats, scarves, ties, etc) but what else should I look for.  Have your kids picked a favorite dress up item?  Things that I should consider when selecting the clothes for dress up (fabric care, etc)?  Let's hear what's in YOUR dress-up bin!

Suggestions for a 7yo bedwetter?

Mamas, any suggestions?

I have a seven year old who is still wetting the bed every night. I’m interested in knowing if there are other parents out there who have found particular books or bedwetting alarms helpful with their child.  I am considering using a bedwetting alarm and am looking at two in particular, one called the Potty Pager and the other made by Malem, but have no idea how to choose one.  The book Dry All Night: The Picture Book Technique that Stops Bedwetting also intrigues me.  Any advice would be appreciated.

Childhood Milestones: The Solo Playdate

As our kids branch off and make new friends at school, did you have apprehensions about that first playdate at his / her friend's house without your presence?  You know, the one where you just introduced yourself to the child's parent, and then left on an errand for an hour or two?  Tracy has a probing question for you.  She writes:

My son is 3.5 years old. Until he started preschool last fall his "friendships" were with playgroup friends and a couple of children of my friends, basically people I've known for a long time and trust with my child. But now, he's making friends in his school and I'm not sure how to support that while still providing the supervision and protection I think he needs. I would be happy to invite another child over to the house to play, but I am not really ready to have him go somewhere else to play until I get to know the other parents very well. If I feel this way, do other parents? I don't have a problem inviting someone over with the invitation for the parent to come as well should that be what they want. But how can I do this without offending the other parent if/when they reciprocate? Obviously if they invited me to their house I would have no problem, but what if they just invite my son? At what age have people just allowed their child to go to someone's home for a play date without them? Are other parents offended if I ask the questions like does anyone smoke at your house, are there weapons there, etc? I'm willing to admit to being considered overprotective in the eyes of some, but I can't help it. Any guidance from been-there-moms would be very helpful.

Is this only the beginning?

Seven years ago, when my first daughter was a baby, I spent moments of each day wondering: "Am I doing it all wrong?"  Now that our girl is seven-and-a-half approaching thirteen (it seems), I am still wondering the same thing: "Am I doing it all wrong?"

Yesterday was the Monday of all Mondays.  I tell ya.  It was a completely ridiculous workday for me when I felt like I did. not. have. enough. seconds. in the day to finish every report, call, analysis, whatever before fetching the girls.  Then, when I picked up my girl and her girlfriend from school, it was nothing. but. rant and whine. rant and whine. about. every. single. thing.  "Why didn't you pack me peanut butter sandwich for lunch?" ("Because you packed your own lunch this morning.")  "I'm so thirsty! Why isn't there any milk?" ("Because you drank it all this morning and brought the rest for your lunch.")  "I'm bored.  Why can't we go biking?" ("Because your friend doesn't want to, why don't you ask her to go biking?")  "Why don't we ever get to do what I want?" ("Well what do you want to do?")

She says, "Mama, I want to bake cupcakes."  So, I put away what I was doing, and we start sifting flour and mixing up confectioner's sugar for icing.  The beaters haven't even stopped beating before I hear it (the whining) start, "I never get to do it first" or "Why don't you ever let me lick the bowl" or "This is so boring".  I swear to the heavens, I was just not getting anything right.  At all.  And, what was painful was that it was all my fault.

As I recount this story, I realize that it makes it sound like my 7.5 year old is nothing but I royal brat.  But, I swear she isn't.  She is mellow and sweet and respectful.  Really she is.  Usually.  But, sometimes, something just sets her off and everything is all wrong.  Not only is it all wrong, but it is also always all my fault, in those instances.

All of this to say: is this some pre-pre-pubescent condition?  Have other mamas and papas gone through this with their 7-10 year old girls or boys?  This almost-irrational, uncharacteristic, passionate, uncontrollable emotion?  Is this just the beginning?  Or is it me?

..."If you don't, I won't be your friend"....

I am generally from the mama-standpoint that the kids will work it all out, no matter what the issue.  But, when I hear my oldest child, a second grader, come home to tell me that she had to share her lunch with some other children because they were saying "if you don't share some, I won't be you friend"....  I feel like I showing up at their lunchroom the next day to tell those kids: "bug off!  Don't eat her lunch!"

When we have playdates here at our house, and I hear through the baby monitor friends tell our girl(which still stationed in the kids room and - let me tell you - we hear the darndest bedtime chatter!): "you'd better let me be the mommy/borrow this shirt/use the sparkly pen/borrow this book or else I won't be your friend"..., and I have admit, I get a bit riled up and feel like I want to quickly jump to her defense.

I wonder to myself, "how many times does this happen?"  We know our girl is not the most assertive gal; she's really quite shy.

My husband and I, when we pick up snipets of these experiences, talk about using our words ("I'm not comfortable sharing my lunch"), about how our friends will always be our friends even if we choose to do not what they say, about how we can engage an adult if we have tried using our words.  She's run into the "I won't be your friend" threat many times already and has admitted to us that she's given in, even if she hasn't wanted to.

I would love your thoughts: what words of encouragement would you offer your child?  what tips or advice would you give?  when, if ever, would you get involved and have words with the other child?  when, if ever, may you bring it up with the other child's parent?

Let's talk about sex... with the kids???

Do you remember the very first time you learned about sex?  Do you remember learning about the body and its sexual parts?  How old were you?  How do you think you'll approach it with your kids?  Will you approach it differently depending on their age?  Holly emailed the other day:

I recently read your post “Let’s talk about sex” and loved all the information and honesty.  I then realized I had a great opportunity to ask other parents about how and at what age they spoke to their children about sex.  We have a 5.5 year old daughter and a 2.5 year old son.  I have been given mixed information about when and what to tell them.  Does anyone have any advice?

Your child and mature media

As our children get older and older, we start to wonder whether certain topics or scenes are appropriate for their ability to understand.  Do you censor the media that your child is exposed to?  Are you inclined to let your child self-censor?  Emily recently emailed her question, wondering if she and her spouse were the "squarest parents ever":

Our almost eight year old son thinks we are the squarest parents ever. Maybe we are, but we feel pretty strongly about limiting television, not owning any sort of video game system, and carefully screening movies for appropriateness, etc. I do feel somewhat hypocritical, however, as both my husband and myself were not raised by such picky parents. My husband has his old comic book collection in the basement, and is knows minute details of most science fiction and martial arts movies. WE both saw Star Wars when it came out in 1977, and WE were only 8 and 9 years old. We have planned on letting our son watch SW when he turns 8 in a couple of months, but he seems to be the last kid on the planet that hasn't seen it. Many kids in his class have seen ALL the Star Wars movies. And all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Transformers, all the Spiderman movies, Fantastic Four, and other mostly PG 13 movies. I don't get it, these are seven year old children. And younger. Many of these kids (including younger cousins) even have several different game systems and play fighting games that are rated for teens. II often refer to http://www.kids-in-mind.com/ to check out the scenes that might be violent or too mature and am curious about whether other parents do the same. We have bent on a few things: we'll allow supervised computer games on my laptop-even on controversial websites (to us, anyway) like bionicles.com lego.com, or even some cartoonnetwork.com games. We let him watch Saturday cartoons till nine-thirty or so. He's allowed to read some comic books.

My son really thinks he's ready to see more mature films, but I know he is not. We recently watched Black Beauty together and he covered his eyes and cried when one of the human characters got stabbed. He would probably react the same to the violent imagery in PG-13 movies, and once those images are in his head they are not going anywhere. But he's feeling left out and too sheltered, and maybe he his.  Are we surrounded by inattentive parents, or are we too paranoid?  Anyone else in a similar situation?

How learn how to lose gracefully?

I'll be the first to admit, I like to win.  But, many-a-time, I'm a loser.  While many activities for our children are much less competitive than activities from our generation (very generally speaking),  we still value lessons learned from winning and losing.  Consider this:

I'm looking for some advice from other parents or relevant books I can read to help deal with some win/lose competition issues my sensitive 4-year-old son is having.  I know he's at an age that starts getting into kids' games where winning and losing is part of the game, so hopefully this is just a stage he's going through.  He takes games very seriously, gets very excited when things do go his way and work out the way he wants, and if they don't, he bursts into tears and is inconsolable for a while.  This is happening in the kids soccer class my son is taking now, which he loves, looks forward to each week, but typically he comes crying to me on the sidelines at least once every session.  Maybe they'll be playing a game of freeze tag and he's not able to tag someone when he's one of the "taggers", and he'll come crying to me all upset that he wasn't successful. Conversely, in a previous class he was able to tag a kid and freeze him and he talked about it excitedly for the rest of the day.  Another game they play is where the kids all try to catch the coach, who's kicking a soccer ball around and trying to escape the kids.  If my son isn't the one kid who catches the coach, he comes crying to me.  The coaches are great and downplay the concept of "winning" and "losing" and emphasize that they're all a team, and if one kid
succeeds they all do, they're all trying their best, etc.  So I don't fault the class or the coaches at
all, in fact they're great and always try to help my son get over his sadness quickly and move on. He really enjoys the majority of the class and says he doesn't want to stop going, and I don't think pulling him out of the class is going to help him.  I'd just like to help him develop some solutions to dealing with his feelings and emotions.

Acting out after sibling's birth: I miss the old sweet child!

I think every mama of more than one child has had some angst over the resulting complex relationships; and it's the rare eldest kid who doesn't act out at least a little in the weeks and months following the transition from "only child" to "sibling." Mama G is having some family growing pains of her own:

I am a mama to a four year old girl and a new baby girl (born Sept. 2nd). Since baby #2 has arrived, things have been pretty crazy. My 4 y/o is totally in love with her and wants to do everything to help with her, "new baby sister" but she is giving me and sometimes her father a really hard time. She has begun to talk back, cover her ears when I talk to her, yell at me, refuse to nap, refuse to eat, refuse to do most of anything I ask of her.  Yesterday she actually raised her hand to hit me while I was helping her to take a nap. 

I've tried spending special alone time with her, I've tried talking to her about her behavior, I've even tried taking away privileges and I feel like nothing is working. This behavior is totally atypical of her. I know it will pass (or at least that is what I keep telling myself) but I feel like I need to do more to help her through this period. Does anyone out there have any specific parenting books they have read and would recommend? Are there any parenting classes in Portland that you have attended and found worthwhile (we are in the NW but can also travel if it's worth the effort). Has anyone else been through a similar experience?  Help! I miss my daughter and know she is hurting... would love some urbanMama advice. Thanks!

What has helped you through these tough parenting straits? We've talked a bit about preparing for a new sibling, but it would be great to hear more advice.

Under pressure: How many extracurriculars do you have?

In August, we signed Everett up for two after-school activities: ballet, which he'd been doing for several months, and Do Jump, which I knew he'd love. So the first week of school he went to ballet on Saturday morning and acrobatics on Tuesday afternoon. The following weekend, we went to his grandma's house and read a new-to-us Berenstain Bears book called Too Much Pressure. Brother and Sister discover they're doing too many activities, and at the end they agree to only do two each. Brother picks computer club and soccer.

Simultaneously, we began having trouble with Everett's behavior, and called in some heavy -- and expensive -- hitters to help us figure out how to fix it. Ballet went out the window immediately, at least for the next few months: the balance of the year's substantial tuition just couldn't fit in the budget along with therapy. Then yesterday, we had a blow-up in Do Jump and I began to question the intelligence of doing that (we've already paid through November). I told Everett I was thinking about cutting it out of his schedule.

"That's ok," he said. "I want to do computer club!"

*Sigh* That wasn't exactly my point (but at least his reading comprehension is good!). Now I'm wondering, how many activities are right for children once they start preschool or kindergarten? Especially when you're having trouble acclimating? Is "zero" the right number for a five-year-old? What works for you -- and if your children are older, when did the time seem right?

Scout Dilemma

The other day at the Kite Festival, I noticed that the local cub scouts were the ones selling snacks and the like.  My two younger brothers were cub scouts, and I felt like a den big sister or den second mother.  We hosted a few den meetings at our house, and I can still clearly recall the oath we would recent at the start of every meeting:  "On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country...."

This email comes from a mama who would love your insight:

My 7 year old son really wants to join Cub Scouts. We went to the initial orientation meeting, and even wrote a check for his membership, but I still can't shake that feeling that I just don't want to be a part of that particular organization. Though my husband was a scout for a short time, and my own brothers were scouts, we don't practice any religion and feel uncomfortable with the amount of "God-speak" involved in the scouts. We'd want to be a part of the den, but feel hypocritical pretending to lead a prayer. Though I was raised Catholic, I haven't wanted to be a part of organized religion since I was about twelve. I can't shake that paranoid feeling about sending my own son off to strangers that hold so many conservative beliefs! Isn't there an alternative scouting-type organization? A more liberal, more focused on camping and less soldier-like, less preachy alternative? Am I being uptight and ridiculous?

When friends go bad, and other troubles of childhood

Everett came home from school yesterday wanting to quit kindergarten. In his folder, next to the little "SUPER!" sticker from Monday, was a note: "Everett had a really rough day today." The teacher wanted to talk with us about it, later. It seemed likely that she'd never dealt with a child as difficult as him.

It was almost 9 p.m. (after official bedtime) before I got Everett to explain to me exactly what had happened. The little boy who'd declared himself Everett's "buddy" on Monday had decided to bestow that honor on a different little boy. He'd gone on to change his mind several times that day. Everett, never great at dealing with emotional blows, had ended up in a full-on freak-out by the end of lunchtime, screaming and kicking and asking for everyone to leave him alone (exactly the thing he needed, I explained to his teacher today at drop-off: alone time to calm down).

This morning I scanned the room with narrowed eyes looking for the child who was torturing my baby. I found him, and saw immediately that he was a beautiful boy, tall, confident, and possessed with just the sort of power that will allow him to continue his emotional warfare well into adulthood. (I quake at the thought of girlfriends played against one another in college. Yes, I am that dramatic.) The "great idea" I'd given Everett the night before -- how 'bout all three of you be buddies together? -- was never communicated, despite Everett's hard work to get it across. ("I need to tell the two of you something!" he said three times, poking them gently in their chests to get their attention. "No!" C. kept saying happily while I ground my teeth in anger.)

I've done the obvious stuff: explaining to Everett that really good friends won't take away their friendship, and that he should try to spend time with other kids who obviously wanted to be his friend; reminding him about all the great friends who will always be his friend; telling him we love him. I can see that will be hard to negotiate in the face of C.'s charm. Geez, the Queen Bee stuff is starting already and he's only five (so much for that "boys are easier than girls" theory). Does anyone have any ideas? Or can you distract the teacher at recess so I can take C. behind the dumpsters and rough him up a bit? (Kidding! Kidding! Sort of...)

Tessy & Tab: How did you know?

About a week before one of our first summer trips to the beach this year, some mail arrived for Tati, our 3-1/2 year old.  It was her first issue of Tessy & Tab (yay for this locally produced tot-mag!), "Tessy & Tab have fun at the beach".  Toward the end of the summer, as we were packing up for a week with the kids' grandparents in New York, more mail came for Tati.  In that issue of Tessy & Tab, "Tessy & Tab went on a trip", and I must say that their examples probably provided impetus for Tati to be particularly independent on this trip; it was our first trip without a stroller or any other carrying device.

Back from our end of summer trip and preparing for Tati's first few days at her new school (today being her first longer day), we were met by psychic mail again.  This time, "Tessy & Tab go back to school."

Tati gets excited when she sees her preschool magazine in the mail pile waiting for her.  More than that, she loves when the Tessy & Tab adventures are stories that she can completely relate to, at that moment, in her life.  She lights up and gets so excited to be able to connect with Tessy & Tab.  When I think about it, who wouldn't light up and get excited?

Another wonderful thing about Tessy & Tab for our family is that our older girl, Philly (aged almost-7) loves to read issues to her little sis and she loves to help her little sis start to recognize letters.  We know other Tessy & Tab subscribers who love the tot mag for the big-kid-helps-little-kid experience too.

We'd love to hear about Tessy & Tab experiences, as well as feedback on any other preschool periodicals.  We've heard of Ladybug Magazine?  What about periodicals for the older set?  I myself am an old Highlights fan...   

Kindergarten: Raise your hand if you're scared!

If you haven't noticed my eldest son, Everett, is starting kindergarten in 10 days, well, you probably have noticed. I'm terrified and excited and nervous and thrilled all at once. A friend a few neighborhoods over emailed, hoping to get together with some other prospective kindergarteners at Abernethy to quell her son's fears -- but Everett's going to Grout! I'd love to meet some to-be-newbies in my own neck of the woods. I wonder how many other mamas are equally nerve-wracked.

Is your oldest child starting kindergarten this fall? Or are you a recent transplant with a child entering a new school where you know next to no one? Or are you the parent of a transfer student? Please pipe up if you'd like to meet other like-minded fellow mamas and kiddos; where is your little one starting school this year?

Get to sleep! How do you change a child's bedtime?

My husband and I are confirmed night owls, always have been, always will struggle with it! I've read studies that a predisposition to early rising or staying up to all hours is hereditary, so you can imagine that our kids are just like us. Unfortunately, we're all night dwellers in a world designed for the early bird. And (what with Everett starting school at 8 a.m. in 11 days) I'm trying to change our ways.

Let's take yesterday as a case study: I woke the boys at 8 a.m., only 45 minutes past my goal time of 7:15. Truman (28 mos) took a nap, nearly three hours in the late afternoon. I tried to wake him up starting at around 90 minutes, but it didn't 'take' until 5:30 or so. All day I did admirably on what I call Project: Schedule; we ate meals at regular times, went largely without TV, tried to have a post-lunch settle down. Around 8:00, I started my recently-established routine: bath, maybe a glass of milk, brush teeth, books, good night! A few minutes before 11, I checked on them and they were quietly playing. 10 minutes later, Truman trundles down the stairs, and we do the carry-back-upstairs three or four times before finally, it's nighty-night.

Zoinks! What should I do? I just can't seem to get them to go to sleep at a "normal" time (I'd hope for something in the 9 p.m. range). I've been working on this for a couple of months now, some days assiduously, some days (I'll admit) a bit lackadaisical. I've tried some tricks that didn't work, like spiking the milk with Benadryl (I gave up after a week feeling guilty), aromatherapy bubble bath, even reading books that all have a bedtime theme. How can a mama get a couple of energetic boys to sleep already?

Tantrums & Meltdowns

Other urbanMamas have discussed before, could it be that three is more terrible that two?  It very well could be the case.  How has the number 3 fared for you?  Mary emails:

My son turned 3 this past week, and while I know that it is completely normal for kids this age to throw tantrums when they don't get their way (we here 'I want', 'I want' a LOT), my husband and I are having much frustration with the complete crying screaming meltdowns that have been happening lately.  I have been diligent about getting him snacks and meals at the appropriate times to ward off low blood sugar, but the tantrums continue to happen.  We have made the rule that he cannot have his milk until after he eats his meal (whatever time of day, breakfast, lunch, or dinner) because he fills up on milk and then refuses to eat anything.  Today before his normal lunch time, about 11am, he started in on the whining and crying asking for his milk (he had just had a snack of cheese at 10:15) so I fixed him his lunch early and told him that I would be happy to give him his milk after he ate his lunch.  Complete sobbing meltdown.  He wouldn't even sit on my lap and take a bite at all.  Finally he asked for a nap, so I took he and his sippy of water up to bed.  I feel awful about putting him down hungry, but I don't want to back down from our milk-after-eating rule because I know that is a slippery slope with the rules.  He cried for a bit after I put him down but did go to sleep (his usual nap time is 12:30, give or take a bit).  My typical mantra is 'this too shall pass' but I am quite frustrated!!  Any advice??

Just a few weeks left - counting down to school

Portland Public Schools kicks off the 2007-2008 school year in just three short weeks.  Will your child be going to school for the first time?  What sorts of things have you been doing to get ready for school?  Stocking up on the back-to-school suppply list that the school sent you?

We caught wind of a new product by Portland-company Blue Lake Children's Publishing.  It's called the Kindergarten Countdown Toolkit, and it comes with a DVD, a stack of Tessy & Tab magazines, and a kindergarten checklist.  The checklist has great tips for building up to the first day and week of school: visit the school, prepare for riding the bus or commuting to school, routinize the sleeping schedule, make a list for things to bring to school, and -- my personal favorite tip -- plan a special "first day" family dinner.

Another great idea is to start to get to know new families at your new school.  We've already been invited to our daughter's new school's end-of-summer picnic, and we already have our older daughter's back-to-school picnic on our calendars.  Sarah C recently posted that she belongs to a google group for her daughter's school, Beach Elementary.  We are figuring that there are many school  yahoo/google groups out there -- like Alameda Elementary, Creston School, Arthur Academy -- are there more?

Kindergarten is truly one of those first milestones you will definitely not forget.  Megan's daughter will be starting this fall, she asks:

Stella is starting Kindergarten (too soon!) at Vernon, and I'd love to find some other families to have some playdates so she might have a familiar face or two on her first day of school.  Do you guys know of anyone?

Are you in the same situation as Megan and would like to meet others from your school?  Start posting in the comments and let's see if we can help any of you connect! Any other ideas on how to prepare for the next school year, especially for those who are just starting their first days?  Three weeks will be gone before we know it!

Sewing with kids: when do you start?

When I was visiting my sister a few days ago, her 13-year-old step-daughter was busy working on her first sewing project (after a lesson from her grandma). Even though she's clearly old enough, I was surprised at how well her little bib had turned out. The next day Everett and I were busy choosing projects from Amy Karol's fabulous beginner's book, Bend-the-Rules Sewing and the number of projects he demanded was, well, impossible. I started thinking about teaching him to sew...

When we were kids, we always begged to use the sewing machine, but mom made a rule: you had to be eight years old to use it. I'm pretty sure, though, we started in with hand-sewing before that (and you can bet our great-grandmas were sewing before they knew the alphabet). I'd love to hear your experiences (or plans) -- if you're into the textile arts as I am, when did you learn to sew? When did you, or do you plan to, teach your own children?

Oh yes: and if you're looking for that perfect gift for a teenager (or adult) who's taking up sewing, Amy Karol's book would be a nice place to start.

Riding the Rails

urbanMama Heather is looking for more rails to ride for her three year old kiddo:

My three year old LOVES trains, streetcars and the like.  I am always looking for different train-type themed activities for us to do?  Anyone have any suggestions for train rides they loved, train themed parks, trains museums, etc. that might be more unknown or usual?  We have made our fair share of Amtrak, Max and Portland Streetcar rides.

There are several other events that come to mind.  First, after visiting the zoo this weekend, we should not forget the zoo train.  Occasionally the Oregon Heritage Rail Foundation has special events with our very cool steam and diesel engines.  Their ultimate goal in their events is to have a rail museum here in Portland sooner than later.  If you don't mind heading north across the Columbia River, then you could try the SP&S Railway Museum.  If you think he'd like to observe some miniature trains in action there are sometimes shows at the Columbia Gorge Model Railroad Club.  If you drive east you could catch a ride on the Mt Hood Rail Road.  Any moms have additional train-related event/activity suggestions for a three year old? 

What would you do - let her keep the binky?

Let's just say that one day, you were walking around the Division-Clinton Street Fair, moseying about with some other urbanFamilies.  Let's just say that you happened upon another urbanFamily's home, where they were having a mongo garage sale.  Now, let's just say that lots of the urbanKidlets got a hold of some pacifiers (all clean ones, some new) at said garage sale and your 3-1/2 year old urbanKiddo insists on going home with the binky in her mouth.  Let's just say that we catch her sucking on said binky almost every single moment in the past 24 hours since she's found the novel little thing, never ever having had taken to the binky as a baby in the past.  Let's just say that she goes to sleep with it in her mouth and she also took her nap with it.

What would you do?  Yank the damn thing outta her mouth and chuck it in the trash?  Or, just let her suck on the thing and decide herself when enough is enough?

We're going to grandma's!

I remember when I was a kid, I'd beg my parents to let me stay at my cousin's house for the weekend.  The first night was so fun - we'd stay up all night, set up sleeping bags in the living room, watch movies.  By the second night, though, I'd miss my bed, my own pajamas, my room, and my parents.  I'd get homesick, even on just the second night.

When I was ten, my parents decided it would be a wonderful life experience for me and my brothers to spend the summer - three months - in the Philippines.  We rotated houses, staying with my grandmother and a myriad of aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I definitely thought it was novel, since I convinced my aunt that I was allowed to have ice cream sundaes every day.  But, after the first week, I was homesick.  And, I had several, several weeks to go.  My two brothers were 6 years old and 4 years old that summer.

When we came home, finally, my mother gave us each the hug of all hugs.  She clung to us like she'd never let us go.  She told us, "We will never, ever, ever leave you for that long again.  Ever."

Our girls are lucky enough for have four grandparents - my parents and my husband's parents.  For a long while now, they have been trying to finagle a way to get the girls to spend a week in San Francisco (with my parents) or in New York (with my husband's parents).  The girls and I have spent only a few instances apart.  Just a handful, really.  I didn't spend a night away from either of them until they were each three years old, at least.

Maybe it I am the one who is having a hard time being OK with the time apart.  But, I do think that the time apart may be more challenging than they may think.  Have you had your child(ren) go away and spend time at the grandparents' or with other family?  How has it been?  Have you loved the time apart or hated it?

What Website to use for Pictures??

All of must have byte upon byte of photos of our darlingest little bon-bons.  We have memorialized everything from the first bath to the day she lost her first tooth.  What to do with all of these pictures?  How to best share them with family and friends across lands and oceans?  Something like an urbanMamas flickr pool?  Sarah emails:

I have just under 15 bazillion pictures of my 1 1/2-year-old daughter trapped on my computer and on memory cards. I would like her to actually SEE some of these pictures one day but just can't seem to get myself down to the drug store, with toddler in tow, to scroll through all of them on a touch screen and print them out while someone taps their foot impatiently behind me. Plus, I've been disappointed with the quality at those do-it-yourself photo kiosks.

I am ready to enter the world of online photo uploading and processing but don't know where to start.  Snapfish?  Shutterfly? I have no idea.  Are they all about the same? Are there some Web sites that have definite advantages or disadvantages?  Where have other mamas been particularly happy with photo quality, security concerns, and price? Or is there a local digital photo processing place that is even better? More organized mamas, please show me the way...

Relocating with a preschooler

Many of us can relate to moving to Portland with child in tow. Perhaps you can share so first-hand experiences with Gina?

We are relocating to NW PDX this August with our 4 year old daughter. With a big move, and a new baby coming the same month, I'm worried her world is going to really beturned upside down and I'm desperate to find a nurturing school where the teachers will make her feel welcome, engaged and excited about the big changes in her life. I've heard some good things about the Tigard Playschool Co-op and am planning to make a visit soon. Does anyone have any thoughts/comments on this school or suggestions of other schools to consider? Have any of the UrbanMamas out there moved with a preschooler? What did you do to make their transition easier? I sure appreciate your advice and look forward to getting to Portland!

Pirates Pirates Everywhere: Must I, Too, Walk the Plank?

A pirate-learly mama opines about the craze, surely she's not alone.  Care to offer your 2 cents?

It's a fact: young children are into pirates. Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing? I know what I think, but really, really want to know what you think. I am genuinely confused and wonder if I am the only parent who has pirate issues. In short: pirates thieved for a living. The skull and cross bones is scary. Sword fighting is a aggressive. Appropriate for young children (mine is 4)? Are your kids into pirates? If so, are you OK with it? If so, how do you see it? If not, how do you avoid it?

Birthmark / Mole Removal

Virginia needs some advice on other mama's who've opted to have skin imperfections taken care of on their child.  She writes:

I know this is a long shot but I figured I’d see if anyone out there has been through anything similar.  My 21 month old son has a mole on the side of his face between his cheek and eye.  It looks like a birthmark (and that’s what every doctor told me it was) but my gut told me it was something more.  Thus, I took him to a pediatric dermatologist and I was right.  It’s a large flat mole and very noticeable (over 1 cm in diameter).  I’m his mama so I don’t care but there is no doubt that we will have it removed, probably around his third birthday.  The risk of skin cancer with this type of mole is 1 in 3 plus I don’t want him to have to deal with any teasing/bullying because of it.  Have any of the other urbanMamas ever dealt with a similar issue?  I’m most concerned with the anesthesia involved with the surgery, plus it’s plastic surgery.  I could really use some support and would love any info from someone who’s been through something similar.

School Preferences: Public vs Private

Just a couple days ago, OPB was airing a story about how students seem to be disappearing from public schools and moving to private education.  I've always liked to think that no matter what, I would send my children to public school, unless it was detrimental to their health or well-being.  Of course my eldest is still a pre-schooler so I don't know for sure until the time comes what will be the right choice for our family.  One local mama, Laura, asks this question:

We have a year to decide where our child will go to school. We are debating on whether to send him to Portland Public Schools (we're not impressed), private school (expensive) or move (flee) to the burbs. Any thoughts?

For us, our neighborhood is non-negotiable.  We love where we live and it is our community.  So for now, we are planning on sending our child to PPS.  How about you?  Have you thought this through, and what decision works best for your family?

More kid rock: The Sippy Cups

Portland's a hip-and-hoppin' place to hear kid's music! Another popular kiddie rock band is coming to town -- The Sippy Cups.

Calling kids of all ages… The Sippy Cups are coming - a high energy rock show for families whipping up imaginative original tunes and rock favorites into a whirlwind circus of humor, audience participation, and a magic party atmosphere!

Combining skilled musicianship, a love of classic rock and for children; this San Francisco group plays music under the motto “Milk, Music & Mischief.” Definitely not your average acoustic singer-songwriter type of kids music, great pains have been taken to make sure this music appeals to parents as much as their children. We’re pleased to present this magical blend of music & mirth making to Portland’s Aladdin Theater!

Showtime: Saturday, May 5, 1pm (doors open at noon)
Where: The Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Avenue
Tickets: $15 (all ages), available at Ticketmaster and the Aladdin Theater box office

Thoughts on Arthur Academy?

An urbanMama and an urbanPapa would love to hear from you.  They are considering a PPS charter school, of which there are now five (for lower elementary grades) in the Portland Public School district.  In specific, they are looking at Arthur Academy:

We're hoping to hear from people whose children have attended one of the Arthur Academy charter schools.  We know they use Direct Instruction, which we've read up on extensively. We're still trying to decide what we think about it. But more importantly, we're interested in the experiences - positive, negative, neutral, anything, that parents whose children have attended can offer.  Did your child enjoy school and learn?  What concerns did you have?  Was the lack of usual school amenities like libraries, cafeterias, auditoriums, a problem?

So many people (perschool teachers, parent friends who have experience in teaching who are considering it for kindergarten, etc) tell me it is a wonderful program but I have yet to hear from any actual parents with kids who have attended or do attend. Any feedback at all would be much appreciated!

I Don't Want to Go to School!

Every time we tell my son "it's time to get ready for school" his inevitable reply is "but I don't want to go to school!"  This started over a year ago, and even though I kept telling myself it's just a phase, it hasn't stopped yet.  Late last winter I was just starting the pregnancy with son #2 and despite my best efforts to contact pre-schools and get my elder son enrolled, the strong urge to procrastinate won out and I didn't lift a finger until November that year.  This means we MAY be able to get him in to another pre-school by next fall (2007).  That's a big MAY.

Currently he's only going to his care center 2 days a week at most.  Sometimes if he's sick or there's a weather day, we haven't taken him in.  Add to that the two and a half months he was home with me for my maternity leave, and maybe he thinks just whining about it will mean he can stay home instead (or better yet, go to Granny's house!).  When he starts his denial I try to engage him in a conversation about what it is he doesn't like about school, so we can address what his issues are rather than just dismissing them.  Usually he says he doesn't like when his "friends" at school hurt him (which doesn't necessarily mean physical hurt, but also emotional hurt).  The scenarios he describes are not unusual interactions for 3 year olds, as far as I can tell, so I offer him some solutions for dealing with the situations that arise.  I've discussed his concerns with the teachers and tried to probe them for solutions, but they have their own issues in trying to deal with the gaggle of kids in the classroom, so my little guy's needs just get lost in the mix.  In my heart of hearts, though, I know that this is not the place for him to do his best growing and learning.  But, until our number is up at any of our other choices, this place will have to do.

Am I the ONLY mama who totally missed the preschool boat?  I mean I heard it was difficult but I think needing full time preschool 2-3 days a week and needing to get enrolled more than a year in advance really threw me for a loop.  I think I really mucked this one up and I hope my little guy doesn't suffer for my mistake.  Hopefully, I'll get a call that our dream situation has arrived, and then things will get better.  I also can't help wondering if we actually make the change, he'll still not want to go to school because ultimately, he just wants to be with his family instead.

Kid rock: The Grease Ball!

From Portland's own Belinda and Tova, hosts of Greasy Kid Stuff:

Greasy Kid Stuff, the hip, hit radio show for alternakids and their parents, presents the Grease Ball!

Captain Bogg & Salty, The Jellydots, A mini-squadron from The Sprockettes, DIY silkscreening from Orbitbug, designs by Jessica Wolk-Stanley. Make your own $2 Greasy Kid Stuff bandana! Plus flip books, thumatropes, and fun filmy stuff from Indiekid Films.

A $5 complete and yummy kid menu, and great food for adults too!

It's all happening Sunday, March 18, 2:30 p.m. at the Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. in Portland. Doors open at 2 p.m. Admission is $10 for adults and $5 for kids 12 and under (ages 2 and under free). Tickets are available in advance through Ticketmaster and may also be purchased (cash only) at the Wonder Ballroom box office (open Monday through Friday, noon–6 p.m.) and Café Wonder (Tuesday through Saturday plus show nights, 5 p.m.–close).

Ballgowns and tiaras optional!

Ski Bunny: Her First Time

We've had several great romps up on Mt. Hood, playing in the snow tubing at Ski Bowl or snowshoeing all around.  We've finally come to the time that our six year-old is ready to hit the slopes for the first time.  We bought her skis (super-discounted at Copeland's Grand Closing!), but - now - how to begin?  Should we do a lesson?  Should we just head up the tug-rope at Meadows and take it from there?  Last year, Shetha mentioned renting skis for $5 at Meadows and using the tug-rope for free.  Is that still accurate?  The Meadows rental page seems to show that Jr. rentals are $20?  Should we head to Ski Bowl because it's smaller (and closer)?

Internet Safety

It feels like one of the hottest news topics are uncovering online predators who victimize youth who are naive in their use of the internet. Web-use is a reality, for all of us, and it will also probably be a reality for our children. Does anyone have any experience with parental controls on the internet? Any guidelines for internet use for the younger ones? Murphy writes:

Hello! I have my little sister living with me, she's 9 yrs old (soon to be 10). Of course she is very interested in using the internet to chat with her friends. I'm ok with emailing, not a big fan of the chats. We wanted to know if anyone loves or hates the different parental software out there. The computer is in the family room and we have the computer password protected so you can't even log in. We know that won't work forever. I would love any help in the world of internet safety software.

Birthday Party for a 3-year old

Can we help out Kim with planning a kid- and adult-friendly birthday party? C'mon! We only turn 3 once:

I was hoping to get some advice/suggestions about a three-year-old birthday party. I am trying to do something that would be enjoyed by both the kids and the adults. Any thoughts?

Be sure to check out our Birthday Party section for previous posts and ideas.

Mama and Me Knitting

The folks over at Sydney's Cafe have an idea. How about a mama-'n'-me knitting group every week? Are you interested? Of course, all mamas are welcome, regardless of whether their kiddies are knitting!What time would work best (considering the cafe closes at 6pm in the evenings)? Would 4 or 5 o'clock work one evening each week? A weekend time?

Friday Knights is TONIGHT!

Join the Sydney's family for a night of games, pizza, music and art projects.  It's a perfect time for mamas and papas of older kids to steel away for a few moments, a bite to eat or a drink on the town.

Friday Knights
Friday, January 19, 2007
7 to 9 PM
Kids 6 and up, $15 per child
Sydney's Cafe
1800 NW 16th Avenue, at Thurman
sydneyscommunity@gmail.com
503 241 4313

"I'm scared of the dark!"

Normally, our six-year old daughter is our champion sleeper. She limits last-minute negotiating for water, snacks, more dinner, or trips to the bathroom. She quickly settles into bed, flips through a book, then turns off her light when she's ready for shut-eye.

Recently, though, she has been fighting her sleep, fighting her routine. She cries when her little sister isn't allowed (or doesn't want) to sleep in her upper bunk with her. She protests when we turn of the room lights. She complains if we don't leave both the room light and hallway light on. When I ask her, "What's wrong?" She tells me that her friends at school told her they saw "ghosts". We had a long talk about ghosts the other day: how ghosts can be good or bad, how her friends may not have even really seen ghosts, that she may want to ask her friends about the ghosts tomorrow. For all we know, these ghosts may be the happiest and friendliest Caspers around.

Still, my daughter cries that she's scared of the dark, which is when - apparently - the ghosts come out. Any thoughts on how to help my little sleeper get through this? I may not even be the best help when it comes to the dark: I'm pretty scared of the dark myself.

Love & Logic Workshop

The workshop last September experienced a great response, and it's back again.  The session will include a brief overview of Love and Logic (focusing on the 0-5 age group) with lots of time to walk through specific scenarios.  The session hopes to help take the ideas from the Love and Logic books and learning how to really put them into practice in day-to-day situations with kids.  Here are details:

Love & Logic Workshop
Thursday, January 18
6:30 to 8:00 PM
held at Growing Seeds North, 6501 NE MLK

Presenter: Tracey Johnson, LCSW

Cost: $15 person or $20 a couple

No child care will be provided/a parents only event

Please RSVP to Amy at Growing Seeds at amy@growingseeds.net by Friday Jan 12th

Music Classes for Preschoolers

Thank you, Susan, for sending in your question:

I’m wondering if you could post a question about music classes for preschoolers.  I enjoyed taking my older son to music classes at the Community Music Center, but now with my three year old, I’m wondering about the other options out there.  The Music Together classes especially intrigue me, however they cost twice as much as the classes at the Community Music Center.  Are they that much better?  Anyone have experience with other places?

Snowshoeing Away the Winter Blues

The best Portland winter getaway is to head up to  the mountains. Even on a dreary winter day, the mountain can provide the much needed respite to get rid of the winter blahs.  We aren't much of a skiing family, but we do enjoy a nice tromp in the woods a la snow shoes.  Before kids, we really enjoyed the beauty and ruggedness of the North side of the mountain where the Tilly Jane and Cooper Spur trails allowed you to trek in the woods without barely encountering many other beings of the two-legged variety. Realistically, it's not the type of trail that would endear a nearly four-year old to the joys of snowshoeing.  After much debate, and to-ing and fro-ing about where to go on the mountain, we settled on our stand by - Trillium Lake.   Trillium Lake is much more on the child-friendly side with open meadows for the entire to family to make tracks in without fear of messing up the ski trails.

Even with the little ones, you can enjoy the winter outdoors.  Here are some tips to make sure everyone (especially those that are along for the ride) stays warm and the outing more pleasurable:

• Dress children warmly using boots, hats and mittens.  I've found that winter boots that zip up in front are the easiest to get on.  We like Kamik.
• Layer clothing.  For the little guys,put them in a pair of warm tights to prevent skin exposure when sitting in the pack.
• Dress children in water repellent outer clothing.
• Make sure clothing is dry and stays dry.  The second part may be hard to do so pack extra dry mittens, socks, and hat because inevitably the first pair will get wet.  Leave an extra change of clothing in the car.
• Limit the length of exposure.
• Bring a thermos of hot cocoa on your outing.  Miniature marshmallows add a nice touch and an extra treat.

Any tips from the mama community on favorite winter trails?  Any additional tips you can add to ensure a safe and fun outing?

Baby Loves Disco coming to Portland

I recently got this email due to my Parent Hacks gig, but it's ideal to share here:

once a month beginning in january, portland's legendary crystal ballroom will be transformed into a child proof disco as toddlers, pre-schoolers and parents looking for a break from the routine playground circuit let loose for some post nap-time, pre-dinner fun. make no mistake, this NOT the mickey mouse club, and barney is banned. baby loves disco is an afternoon dance party featuring real music spun and mixed by real DJs blending classic disco tunes from the 70s and 80s guaranteed to get those little booties moving and grooving. the fun spills out from all corners of the club: bubble machines, baskets of instruments, a chill-out room (with tents, books and puzzles), diaper changing stations, a full spread of healthy snacks provided by Wild Oats and dancing, LOTS of dancing (and yes, the bar will be open for mommy and daddy!).

at its core, baby loves disco is a community event that brings kids together with kids and parents and parents together with parents, guaranteed to be the best time you've had at a kids event.....

venue: crystal ballroom - 1332 w. burnside street. 503.225. 0047
tickets: $12 tickets per walking human. buy tickets online at www.ticketmaster.com
time: 2-5pm (feel free to come early or late - 1 hour of baby loves disco is a lot!)
dates: sundays, january 14, february 18th, march 11th.

for more info and to learn all about baby loves disco check out:
http://www.babylovesdisco.com

Planning for Kindergarten

Sometimes it seems like the Kindergarten cut-off is a bit arbitrary.  September is a common month, with a least 20 states using a day in September as the cut-off.  We found a partial list different states' cut-off dates here.  There are reasons to wait, and there are reasons to try to see if your child should enter kindergarten with the rest of his/her friends.  Jessica wonders:

My son is a September baby and so misses the public school kindergarten cut-off date. That means that all his pre-school friends will be going on to kindergarten without him. It’s not that I think he’s some kind of crazy genius, but I do think he’s ready to go on to kindergarten – he’s got great social skills, which is probably the most important thing. On the other hand I don’t want to push him, but I also don’t relish the thought of another year of the same class.

It seems crazy to have to think about this so far in advance, but I guess the testing would need to get done soon. So.  Anybody got suggestions?  Anybody gone through the testing the school district requires for early admission?

Her First Slumber Party

Our biggest girl was invited to her very first slumber party. Her very first! Overnighter! Sleepover party! It was a big enough step for us to drop off our daughter at birthday parties and not stay at said party watching over her. Now, a whole night away from us?

We've met the host parent maybe a couple of times. We've noticed the celebrant during class visits; she and our daughter seem to get along grea