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ISO: Co-Parent, not Partner

A dear friend of mine has seen relationships come and go in the past 15 years.  Always knowing she wanted to be a mother, she has taken the plunge into fertility treatments and insemination.  She is not alone in this quest.  Many women find themselves in a predicament where they are partnerless but wanting to be a parent.  Have you encountered the same?  Perhaps the outcome is single parenting by choice or perhaps finding a co-parent, though not a partner.

A recent email came in from an urbanMama-to-be:

I am currently single and interested in finding someone that wants to become a co-parent. I was in a 6 year relationship with a man I thought I would marry and have a child with. We bought a home together in July of 2011. In November that year he told me he was no longer sure if he wanted to be a dad. We went to counseling, and tried for 1 year to help him come to a decision. He couldn't, so I left. We sold our home I'm May of this year, and I have been single and living in an apartment since. I want to be a mom, I'm 38, never did I see myself in this situation.


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I was in a similar situation 8 years ago. I'd been in consecutive long-term relationships that ended because my partners did not want a family as I did. So, I considered insemination until finding someone willing to father a child without the committed relationship to myself. Although, we did agree that he'd be a part of the child's life, he walked away after her 1st birthday. That part was painful, but I have absolutely no regrets. She is now a brilliant, kind, generous, and loving child. She's happy and I'm repeatedly told that I must be doing something right. She was born about one month before my 40th birthday and making the choice to have her and become a single parent was the most empowering choice I've made in my life. My advice is that if you want it enough, do whatever you can to make it happen. No, it's not the way I imagined I'd become a parent, but I live with joy and gratitude every day because of that amazingly beautiful person who I get to share my love and knowledge with. Decide what you can't live without and chase after it.

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