OOPS! "Go the f**k to sleep" on the table
We received a copy of the book "Go the f**k to sleep" and I nonintentionally left it on the dining room table. Of course my 7-year old picked it up and eagerly offered to read it to her toddler brother. "Let's read this book!" in her big girl excited voice. She read "Go the ffff....", then: "Mom, what does this say?" Quickly, I grab the book and say, "Wait! That's not for kids." I put it out of reach.
Have you seen the book, read it? Will you read it to the kids, bleep out the f-bomb, or maybe read it to them, explicit word and all? (Related: "I say '$h*t', you say 'sugar'.")
I try to not to support books and media that stoops to using that kind of language.. even if its meant to be funny.
My nearly grown daughter and I got into a big debate last night because I won't support Slutwalk. I agree what their trying to do is good but I don't like the name.... you wouldn't name an event for African-Americans.. the N walk would you?
And I don't care for the f word being used in a way that I feel has connotations no longer sex related but more violence related.
Language, whether we like it or not, has power.
Posted by: jackson mom | September 14, 2011 at 12:32 PM
I think this book is a poor example, seeing as it's clearly a satire book for adults, but in general, I am emphatic with my daughter that there is no such thing as a "bad word", there are only bad uses for words. Words don't start out as "bad" or "good", it's how we use them to hurt or subjugate that imbues them with power. Instead, I tell her that there are adult words, much like there are adult beverages and when she's old enough to know how to use the words appropriately, responsibly and conscientiously, then she can use whatever language she feels is best to express her ideas. For the time being, we concentrate on whether a word is being used in a way that's inappropriate or unkind and leave it at that.
Posted by: anonagain | September 14, 2011 at 01:08 PM
Love the book, probably wouldn't read it to my little ones.
Posted by: vmom | September 14, 2011 at 01:51 PM
Heee!!!! My daughter's old enough (11) that she and her friends would probably act it out as a play. BTW, she's known the "f" word since first grade (and learned it at school, along with how to spell it). But I certainly wouldn't have read it to her or permitted her to use such language when younger.
Oh well, you'll laugh about it when she's older.
Posted by: zumpie | September 14, 2011 at 02:22 PM
jackson mom, part of the idea of using the name slutwalk is to turn the meaningless, misogynistic slur on its ear. 'She dressed like a slut' is used to excuse violence against women and so when women of all stripes come together and claim the slur and dismiss/disprove the stereotyping that accompanies it...it can lose its power not only to demean but to create a class of women somehow not entitled to basic protection. Blacks have attempted to do the very same thing with the N word and by claiming it have changed its usage and shifted its power.
Posted by: anon | September 14, 2011 at 03:06 PM
Dear anon, yes I realize that but I don't like it. I don't want any woman I love to be called a slut, whore or feel that they have to call themselves that.. not even for a "movement".
Posted by: jackson mom | September 14, 2011 at 04:33 PM
Well most women do not want any women (even those they do not love) to be called a slut and so that is why claiming the word and robbing of its power is so important. I may not like the word but I like the opression it represents and the violence it is used to excuse a whole lot less. When women buy into slut shaming other women they are perpetuating the stereotypes and complicit in its use as a word to separate women deserving of protection from those asking for abuse.
Posted by: anon | September 14, 2011 at 04:46 PM
I love the book. It expresses the frustration of being a parent at the end of the day, and validates that exhausted feeling. I own the book but my kids haven't seen it. They hear curses occasionally and understand that there are some words they simply shouldn't use until they're older and more responsible with them.
Posted by: misha | September 14, 2011 at 08:08 PM
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... NO!!
Posted by: alpidarkomama | September 14, 2011 at 08:45 PM
It's not funny unless you have kids, so what's the point in letting a kid read it?
Posted by: anon | September 14, 2011 at 09:04 PM
i think that it is an incredibly funny book...and in fact, told my kids about it (since they have heard the f-bomb from my mouth). we do not own the book however...but i have explained to the children how this word can be used when adults are angry or exasperated. i would certainly agree with the above, words shouted as expletives (not those directed at others) are certainly just words...no harm meant, just a way to release anger. i went on to tell them that others might be offended in hearing such words.
now, calling others names, i have a problem with. here in sweden, a classic daycare word is "bajskorv"..which is a poop-sausage. or, in more adult terms, "piece of shit". i have a problem with kids calling each other that....
Posted by: Rebecca in Sweden | September 14, 2011 at 09:12 PM
I wouldn't hand it to the kids and let them read it.
I have a potty mouth, and while I try my hardest to keep things tame when little ears are present, sometimes a bad word slips out (usually it's damn it...very rarely anything else). My kids have tried out the f-bomb though to see what reaction they get. Our rule - that's potty talk, and they can say the word as much as they want if they go into the bathroom by themselves and shut the door. Saying the f word over and over in a bathroom with no audience loses it's appeal quickly.
I've also told them that while I don't get offended by such words, there are many adults who do, so it's not good to say then anywhere but in private. Similar to the other poster, my daughter has on occasion said "I am so mad I want to say that word!"
Posted by: Mummytothree | September 15, 2011 at 07:20 AM
it's a tangent, i suppose. but i'm thinking about what jackson mom and anon are saying. in theory i get the impulse to take back a word that was hurtful and give it positive power, but it's so hard to ever hear the N word. while i hadn't heard of the slutwalk before, it makes me absolutely cringe. i think "no way do i want my daughters participating in a slutwalk!" so i kind of come down in line with jackson mom.
but then, i realize that i'm a 40-y-o lesbian who really likes the word queer. it hardly ever crosses my mind that it can be an insult. i have some 70-y-o gay friends who are aghast every time it comes out of my mouth. so maybe it works to take back a slur and give it your own power. maybe it takes a generation or 2.
Posted by: queer mama | September 15, 2011 at 09:34 AM
I think queer is another such word. The slutwalk came about because a police officer invited to address sexual assault on a campus commented that girls wouldn't get raped if they didn't dress like sluts. Of course all kinds of people ger raped and wearing a mini skirt doesn't make you in any way responsible for a crime being committed against you. It was a way to acknowledge that like it or not we are all either sluts or madonnas under patriarchy and so women needed to come together and point out that the word has no basis except as a way to create a class of women who are not equally protected or valued. Queer used to be a way to designate gays and lesbians "other" which invites violence and excuses actions that would be unacceptable to someone not othered. Slut is used in the same way only slut doesn't even have a meaning. Is it a girl who has had two sex partners or is she a slut at three? Who wears skirts above the knee? Who lets her bra straps show?
Posted by: anon | September 15, 2011 at 10:27 AM
It reminds me of the sleaze sisters from TIme Square who reminded people that those they sought to marginalize and victimize included their own children. " Your daughter is one!" If your daughter or mine wears a tank top or miniskirt...whatever sunjective, ridiculous standard is set today then they are viewed as a "slut" and that is ridiculous. If they are the victim of a violent crime while dressed like that; they asked for it. This type of thinking is wrong and dangerous and women (and men!) need to fight it at every juncture.
Posted by: anon | September 15, 2011 at 10:37 AM
I don't censor much when it comes to language. I told my 4 yo that I would never be offended by her vernacular, but to please not use fowl language in front of anyone who might judge me for it!
She now greets all of my expletives with, "mama, be careful what you say!"
Posted by: lea | September 16, 2011 at 02:14 AM
Of course it makes you cringe...it was created to shame women for not "behaving".
Posted by: anon | September 17, 2011 at 08:14 AM
lol, the same thing happened with my eight year old and a movie I had sitting around. :0
Posted by: markustoday | September 17, 2011 at 04:13 PM
The whole premise of the book is a tad pathetic to me. For most of us parents we "choose" to be parents... and considering for many of our peers fertility does not come easy to have and raise a healthy child is something to be grateful for. Along with that, is knowing as parents - that each child will go through phases regarding their sleeping, eating etc -and yes we are human and get tired too - but as our role as parents we realize that they are children & that need us to help them regulate their sleeping patterns. To curse at them whether it is to be funny or not is something that should be applauded or validated with making this author rich. I get it - it's showing parenting "warts and all" but the fact that the title has a parent stooping to that level & language is not something I as a hip mama identify with.
Posted by: elizabeth | September 18, 2011 at 11:52 AM
as one who tried (and tried and tried) to conceive before adopting my kids - i appreciate your sensitivity elizabeth. but i also sometimes scream in my head "go the f**k to sleep!" fortunately, those words never actually come out of my mouth... i don't think hitting the limits of patience makes any of us less deserving or grateful parents. i hope not, anyway! it helps me to know that other parents get there too and we can laugh at our exasperation sometimes.
Posted by: jojo | September 19, 2011 at 11:30 AM
I agree with jojo! No on should take that book too seriously! It's may not for everyone but I don't think anyone should be offended by it. It's nice to see something that boldly expresses what some many parents have felt in their moments of frustration with the sleep battle.
Posted by: HH | September 21, 2011 at 10:26 PM