Breastfeeding: it is not easy.
With today the start of World Breastfeeding Week, I reflect on my first moments breastfeeding almost 11 years ago (hard to believe that I am again breastfeeding at this moment!).
Breastfeeding was not easy. Finding the right latch, unlatching properly, wating for the milk, then the pain of the milk finally coming in.... it was all. so. hard. There was one singular factor that really carried me through those challenges of the first few weeks of breastfeeding: my own mother.
My mother probably views herself to be a failed breastfeeder. A pediatrician who had her children at the height of the infant formula marketing campaings, and as a full-time working mother who resumed work within weeks of delivery, my mother lacked the time and support to fully realize her breastfeeding potential. And, she is sad about that. Now, in her professional life, she touts "breast is best" to her hundreds (maybe thousands) of patients. She will often recount with them stories of her by my side, massaging my breasts to manually express milk when it first came in, helping to relieve the engorgement. She will tell them: breastfeeding is not easy.
Days 1, 2, 3: waiting for the milk, learning to latch. My mom kept saying, "just keep trying, just keep nursing." Whenever Philly would wake up, we would practice the latching. My mom would fluff my pillows, put out a boppy or other lap pillow, and do the C-cup thing to cup the breast. She'd help me teach the baby to open the mouth nice and big for the best latch. She'd help me shove the entire breast in the mouth. Get the best latch! I think that was the one and only goal in those first few days: focus on the best latch.
Day 4: the milk comes in. OUCH. The first time the milk came in, I was in absolute tears, the pain was so bad. My mom, whose hands are always ice frigid, warmed her hands in water and started to massage as I cried and held a cup out. We massaged and massaged. My mama milked me! We collected quite a bit of extra milk - nice, rich, high fat milk.
Day 5 and beyond: mastering the basics, nursing in public. In ensuing days, my mom was by my side, quick to fetch me a pillow, rag, or glass of water, helping me to get the babe top open WIDE, always watching to provide support and suggestions. When out in public, at a restaurant or what not, my mom helped to provide non-suffocating coverage, just a little barrier so the little one and I could concentrate on the task at hand, nursing.
There are so many aspects to nursing that are hard: production, latching on, waiting for milk to come in, nursing in the middle of the night. For me, it was my mother that really provided that support I desperately needed to get me through the toughest time. There are resources out there to help us get through that tougest time. What/who was it for you?
Natural, yes. Easy? No. Very challenging on many levels, although some mamas don't have any challenges at all, I hear (is it true?). I love(d) breastfeeding my babe(s) and I just want to add to your lovely story. First, a friend of mine who I'd lost touch with until Facebook brought us back together, breastfed triplets. She wrote a brief bit about it here http://survivingtriplets.blogspot.com/2011/07/breastfeeding-triplets.html. Second, I've got a feeling more and more mamas are getting the support they need up front, but I find support later on to be a little hard to come by? A strange bout of thrush and cracked nipples actually ended one of my breastfeeding relationships early (well, right at 1 year). No one knew what to do! Hopefully as more people keep up the breastfeeding for longer we can regain knowledge that I'm sure our humankind had before - and exceed it. For now -- happy boobs, to you!
Posted by: shetha | August 01, 2011 at 07:17 AM
My first couldn't nurse which made me sad and also allowed me to develop a lot of empathy for women in my situation. So I was extra determined with my second and that helped me over the hump and we nursed for two years. They are both equally smart, heathy and happy now but looking back the experience was very important to me.
Posted by: Anon | August 01, 2011 at 08:23 AM
I tell my patients (I am a family practice PA) that it is NOT easy to breast feed, like everything good it takes a lot of work and some tears to do it, but it is SO worth it.
I thought that the first 2 weeks were the worst, then everything suddenly got easy. I will never forget the toe curling pain of the first 2 weeks, and I will never forgive the lactation specialist telling me that if I am doing it right it won't hurt. The only thing that got me through was my stubbornness and my knowledge about what was best for my son. My husband was my hero, bringing me water and herbal tea and fresh fruit. Rushing out to buy me a hand pump when my breasts were so engorged I thought they were going to explode. Bringing me "soothies" little nipple protectors that helped so much for the chapping. Helping me with positioning and allowing me to sleep as much as possible. It is all such a blur, but I know that he did so much to help me and he was frustrated that he couldn't do more.
Going through that helps me support new Moms when I see them at the first "new baby appointment" If they are having trouble I talk about what helped me and reassure them that it gets easier and less painful if they just stick it out. If they are struggling I see them frequently for weight checks and more reassurance or get them to a lactation specialist (just not the one that I went to). If they decide that breast feeding is just not working for them (or in the rare case of an infant who is not gaining ) I reassure them that a change in plan is OK too, and give them recommendations for formula. It is very important to me that the mother not feel like a failure if she is not successful with breast feeding, everyone's limits are different and I do not judge them.
Posted by: harmagost | August 01, 2011 at 08:35 AM
My mom, (who is a labor and delivery nurse at St. Vincent's) was a great help to me to when I was struggling to establish nursing with my first. She just offered constant encouragement and never suggested giving up or switching to formula even when it seemed that my supply was not sufficient (I did supplement with formula for a short time around one month post-partum when my daughter wasn't gaining weight properly). I expected nursing to be difficult at first and it was, but I think really, I was my own best support person through the first difficult weeks. I was very determined to nurse and this determination gave me the strength to stick with until it became easier. I always knew it would get easier, once we got the hang of it and my body got used to the whole process.
And then when my second was born, we established nursing with no problems whatsoever, which I attribute to myself being more experienced with the whole process, and to my second being a bigger, stronger baby who took to nursing much more easily.
Posted by: jessi | August 01, 2011 at 08:50 AM
It is sweet to read about this. I breast fed my girls. My husband was a great support. He would bring me water (lots of it), a pillow, or a book and was patient when I wasn't. I still remember when I quit breast feeding my second. After two years and four months I was done. She, however, was not and sucked the ears and nose off of her favorite stuffed bunny. Over six years later I still feel fortunate to have had that time with them.
Posted by: lynn | August 01, 2011 at 09:31 AM
Love your mom! What a fantastic story!
Posted by: anon | August 01, 2011 at 01:57 PM
It was damn hard the first time around. And because my mother had easily breastfed three kids (including me in 1965 in Nebraska), she had no concept of problems with nursing - and indeed, growing up on her accounts of early motherhood, I had never considered such a thing, either.
Thank goodness for Dixie Whetsell and the entire staff of lactation consultants at Beyond Birth! She came to to my house, they talked to me on the phone, helped me with weighing, pumping and not going crazy. After 4 months, I threw in the towel on sustaining that kid with my low supply. But because of the BB folks, I knew that just because he thrived on formula didn't mean I had to stop nursing - and I kept right on for two years.
After that experience, I was very apprehensive about how things would work with a second baby. Again, the Beyond Birth folks were there to help me get started, assure me that just because nursing didn't work the first time didn't mean it couldn't now. And they were absolutely right.
Eleven years later, I still consider the $$ I spent on Beyond Birth's services to be the best kid-related money I've ever spent.
Posted by: zinemama | August 01, 2011 at 02:48 PM
I am curious....what is it about lactation "specialists" telling all of these women that it shouldn't hurt if you are doing it correctly. With my first the nurses were helpful to teach how to get the latch on correct but then there was the shaking of their heads in dismay at my blond hair and light skin saying that I must just have sensitive skin and that is probably why it hurts so much. The latch on was fine but no one ever told me that you have to move through a wall to get to the comfortable part.
Luckily, I had a neighbor working on her second child and breastfeeding experience and she said "yeah, even with my second I just had to white knuckle it to get through". These are the words that were the most helpful to me...to know that yes it is painful to learn but just like labor one of the most gratifying, intense and amazing bonding experiences I have ever had. Learning the dance of breastfeeding with my children was worth every tear. I am really eternally grateful to my neighbor for her comment as it helped me move through the wall of my second as well and who I am still happily breastfeeding.
But I wonder why this is not something that is discussed. It seems the majority of women whom I speak with have a painful time and don't just take to breastfeeding as if they had watched an infomercial and now they just repeat the nice relaxed woman in the rocker helping her baby latch on her newborn without a wince of pain across their face. What kind of false advertising is that? Maybe if breastfeeding were discussed/taught to women in a more realistic manner more would be willing to stick with it and move through it and be successful breastfeeding mamas?
Posted by: anne | August 01, 2011 at 02:54 PM
I was shocked by how hard it was to get my daughter to latch on. She ended up losing 10% of her birth weight and the hospital's lactaction specialist put me on a pump every 2 hours and supplement regular breastfeeding with feeding breast milk through a tube regimen since I refused to use formula. It turns out my nipples were a bit too flat, especially after engorgement, which was something I had not anticipated or been forewarned about from my OB. I also had to use a nipple shiel to draw the nipple out.
After about a month, I quit using the nipple shield. We had a wonderful breastfeeding relationship for 25 months. I will always remember it fondly! In the end, I give myself credit for being stubbrn and determined.
Posted by: Pauline | August 01, 2011 at 03:48 PM
Here Here! After my daughter and I finally established a positive nursing relationship (where the crying stopped - for both of us!) I started to realize it wasn't just because I was inept as a mother. For something that's natural it's not easy. I somehow believed it would be.
My best resource, Beyond Birth Lactation Services http://www.zenana-spa.com/services/wellness/beyondbirthwhoweare.php. I would not have nursed my daughter for 16 months without them. The new moms group saved my sanity on many an occasion and I had not one, but two last minute frantically scheduled appointments where my daughter and I showed up in tears. I'm pregnant again and SO LOOKING FORWARD to it being easier this time around. How do I know it will be easier? I'll know where to turn for help sooner and have realistic expectations this time around.
Posted by: h | August 01, 2011 at 07:57 PM
I breastfed both boys for a year or more, and it was really tough with the first child and a bit bumpy with the second. Although this was only 4 and 7 years ago, no one in my circle either nursed or nursed for more than a couple of months. After my maternity leave, I pumped daily at work; and when I traveled (and I did a lot of that during my older child's first year), I lugged that electric pump on all my trips. I suffered through painful bleeding nipples with my first, and painful recurring lumpy/clogged duct episodes with both kids. What kept me going was the desire to serve my kids the best food and the online breastfeeding mom community. I went online to find information and support; I found articles about suggested ways to treat whatever painful episode I was dealing way -- ways that my hospital's "lactation specialist" didn't mention. (And it was ridiculous that my ob/gyn couldn't figure out how to deal with clogged ducts -- she would refer me to the lactation specialist nurse.) I also went through periods of low milk production but kept going with various home remedies (and had to ignore comments about why it may be time to give up because sometimes a mom just can't produce enough milk). I remember with my first child I felt really resentful about hearing/reading all the comments like "breastfeeding doesn't hurt if you do it right" because it was so painful at times and I was doing it right! And I was irritated by the push from hospital staff of all the formula samples they'd give out. If you supplement so your baby doesn't nurse as frequently, your body won't know to make more milk. So it becomes a vicious cycle -- I supplemented (with the encouragement of nurses in the early days) when it seemed like I couldn't keep up, but that meant it took even longer for my body go make more milk; so my baby couldn't get enough from me, and the cycle would start all over again. When the second child came along, I refused all suggestions to supplement with formula and got rid of all formula we were given.
Anyway, I am grateful I lived during a time with active online mom communities/bulletin boards/self-help guides. Otherwise, I don't know that I could have stuck through with breastfeeding as long as I did. And during the 70-80% of time with the first child (and 90% of time with the second) where breastfeeding was trouble free, I so loved the closeness I shared with my babies, not to mention the convenience of having food readily available where-ever we may be.
I tell new breastfeeding moms that having realistic expectations from the beginning is very important, as I know many people who quit after a few weeks because of the unexpected pain, problems, periods where milk productions couldn't seem to keep up with the child (it will come -- your body just needs to catch up to increased demand), etc., mainly because they expected breastfeeding to be "natural" and "easy." Some moms have no problems, and I envied them. But I think for many others it takes a lot of hard work and determination. (And by saying this I mean no disrespect to moms who truly cannot breastfeed or who decided to quit due to problems. I just want new moms to have a heads up that problems can be normal, things can get better, and if your family/friends can't help, look for active online communities with experienced breastfeeding moms who can offer additional support and who may have additional helpful information.)
Posted by: Amy | August 02, 2011 at 11:39 AM
My experience was very similar to Pauline's - I had to pump, use the nipple shiel, had a child underweight and unhappy, a yeast infection in one breast which eventually stopped producing milk altogether, gentian violet on my baby's mouth, lactaction consultant - oh I could go on. Somehow, we worked through everything and my daughter was able to nurse on one side. It was exhausting and I too felt inept! I really really understand how hard it is and why some women just stop, especially if the child is underweight. I wish I had known that it was not easy for everyone and appreciate all the love and support I received from my doctor, friends and family.
Posted by: Lori | August 02, 2011 at 01:13 PM
For me, those first two or three weeks both times were about making myself the most comfortable I could. Let the baby wait for just a minute while you go to the bathroom and get yourself a magazine and a hot or cold drink, depending on the season. A footstool nearby seemed to help, too. Taking care of my needs first help me then to work through the discomfort of latching on and letting down until it became old hat. I nursed both kids until they were 20 months old. We love nursing!
Posted by: trillium mum | August 02, 2011 at 01:14 PM
Anne, I agree with you! I nursed each of my three for the first year, and the first month or so was painful and rough every time. After my third was born, one of the nurses in the hospital said, you know, sometimes you can be doing everything right and it just still hurts, and you just have to see it through. It was the first time in about 6 years that anyone had said that to me.
Most of the problems associated with nursing are really only solved by continuing to nurse. So there's not much you can say except, keep at it. Which is of course the hardest thing to do when you're hurting, tired, and emotional.
Posted by: Misha | August 03, 2011 at 11:19 AM
OK, i gotta say that with my FIRST and only child, breastfeeding WAS easy. I'm not saying it will be for everyone, or there aren't some challenges, but I did spend a lot of my pregnancy (and even before) romanticizing breastfeeding. All i could think of was holding my sweet baby and providing him or her with nourishment. and when the time came, it was perfect. He latched on immediately after my home water birth, milk came in 3 days later, and it all worked out perfectly. I nursed him until just after 3 yrs old...co-sleeping.
the support system was essential, though. having someone to bring me water when i was already sitting with the baby was so necessary - i didnt realize HOW thirsty i would be! and of course - get me my tea, hot water bag for the afterbirth pains, etc etc.
i'm not here to brag, but i think when the general consensus is "breastfeeding is really hard", then people begin to believe that. its like, if you believe in yourself, you will succeed! if you believe in failure, prepare to fail! of course be open to the possibilities of the universe, but here's a firsthand account that its not always difficult!!
Posted by: yemango | August 04, 2011 at 01:31 PM
Got a nipple shield from an older Latino nurse on my 2nd night at the hospital after birth... no pain after that... my little one used it for about 2 months or so.. and one day latched on before I put on the nipple shield.. and from then on, she insisted on direct feeding... co-sleeping was a blessing... however, I was a big drama queen for the first few months fretting about not-enough-milk, wrong latch, posture, footbal hold, blah blah blah.. emrgency home visits from lactation consultants - I was a wreck.. I downed mother's milk, more milk, milk plus more milk plus, more more milk plus :-) you get the idea...
And I had thought nursing would be as natural and easy as eating.. ahem...
Posted by: debie | August 04, 2011 at 10:19 PM
"having someone to bring me water when i was already sitting with the baby was so necessary - i didnt realize HOW thirsty i would be! and of course - get me my tea, hot water bag for the afterbirth pains, etc etc."
And
"breastfeeding WAS easy"
These two statements contradict each other and demonstrate that it is not 'easy' How many women have this kind of support especially if they have additional children running around?
Posted by: AnonMom | August 05, 2011 at 09:28 AM
I am 6 weeks into breastfeeding with baby #2 - it was definitely not easy either time for the first few weeks! I had pain - repeated scabbing, tear-inducing, do-not-touch-me pain - for three weeks with both my girls. With my older daughter, things went well after that until we stopped at almost 9 months (my supply dropped after returning to work and, despite trying a myriad of methods to increase it, I reluctantly decided to wean her). We'll see how it goes with my younger daughter. I am hopeful we can keep nursing for longer than that.
I found it especially frustrating that absolutely everything will tell you how important it is to get a correct latch from the first, yet, there isn't immediate support for getting that latch (even in a Baby Friendly hospital!). In the birthing center where I've had both my girls, the lactation consultant on staff doesn't visit you until the next day. By this point, you've had several nursing sessions with your newborn with a potentially improper latch (thinking, the pain will get better, I just want my poor baby to be content!). The lactation consultants, the lactation nurses, the online resources - everything says pain means you don't have a proper latch. For me, I am convinced pain is just part of my body's adjustment to breastfeeding. When I talk to other moms, they echo the reality of pain for the first 2-3 weeks. No wonder so many women choose not to breastfeed!
Once you get past the pain, you then have to figure out how to manage nursing with the rest of your life - will you pump after returning to work? Where? Some women have only a bathroom stall or their car as an option and bosses/co-workers who don't understand the need to pump. Will you get endless stares if you breastfeed in public in a city where breastfeeding is not common? Is your partner supportive? I feel SO fortunate to live in a community where there is so much social support for breastfeeding - I almost think the social support is more important than medical support!
Sorry to be so wordy - I am very passionate about the duality of breastfeeding these days (breast is best yet support is hard to find)! This time around, we had a lactation consultant come to our home and she showed me a different way of achieving that elusive proper latch. So grateful to her!
Posted by: Jennifer in CA | August 19, 2011 at 11:33 AM
My first couldn't nurse. He kept losing weight. Although I really wanted to do it, it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now we are more educated on breatfeeding. This helps alot.
Posted by: Debbie | August 30, 2011 at 11:46 AM