Mamahood: the sacrifice & the indulgence of it all
You may be able to tell that many of the urbanMamas are a running bunch (connect with them now on the run Mama run page). Many of my friendships in Portland have blossomed due to regular running. Our time pounding the pavement/trails is time when we share about our children, their stages of life, our careers, our partners, and more.
Last fall, I started a new running relationship that has really grown. My running buddy started training for a marathon to celebrate her 50th year of life, and I followed along with her training routine. For those of you who know me, you know that I am non-committal when it comes to registering for a run. I don't know what it is. Part of it is that I hate to spend "all that money" on myself for a run I could easily do on my own. Who wants that t-shirt anyway? Part of it is because I hate to put it on the family calendar, eating into precious weekend family time. It seems so indulgent.
Before I knew it, I was running 20 miles on a Friday morning with my running buddy. I would rearrange drop-off schedules so that I could leave at the crack of dawn and still be back for work meetings on a Friday. It was indulgent: how many full-time working mamas could carve out time for a 3-4 hour run? On the other hand, it was a choice and a sacrifice: I stayed up late many Thursday nights to work so I could get away with 3-4 hours away from the office the following morning. AND, it really interfered very little with my family rhythm.
Last week, in my heart, I committed to committing. I opened up the webpage for registration for a marathon in June. I had worked so hard this spring to increase my speed and distance. I almost owe it to myself to let it pay off. Before I hit "register now", I spoke with my husband about the idea. And, due to other major life-changing transitions upcoming, he urged me to reconsider. So, I did. I decided not to run a marathon this June.
I am sad. I feel that I have worked hard, unintentionally in the beginning, to train. I didn't know what I was training for, but I realized that I am in great shape to run a marathon (NOW!). But, as fate would have it, other life commitments will get in the way. I am sure I am not the only mama who will let the family comes first, even if it means it will superceed my hopes, dreams, and aspirations (what a drama queen). You know what I mean. You've had that feeling before, haven't you?