What do you expect: dining out with kids
Our recent post about kid-friendly cafes brought up thoughts about how our littles "should" behave when dining out. I think the cafe experience is very formal, but - with holiday season upon us - there are plenty of reunions with family and friends, and plans of dining out as the activity of choice. Since becoming a parent, I notice that we are dining out less and less often. It's just easier. It's easier when the kids can excuse themselves when they are done, and adults can continue to graze and converse without them. It's cheaper (!) to stay home, now that the kids are older and often prefer to order from the regular entree menu and not the kids menu.
We have gone through an evolution dining out with the kids. We used to bring a DVD player of some sort to movies could hold the littles captive while adults ate leisurely (WOW!). We used to haul crayons, books, blocks, and a few other things to keep them occupied. Now (like I said, we eat out pretty rarely as a family), it really is a special occasion, a treat of an outing. We like to have "civilized" conversation, talk like grown ups, maybe sip beverages out of cocktail glasses (virgin shirley temples are making a come back).
What is dining out like for you and your kids? Do you have a toddler, and perhaps one adult is always out roaming with the little one? Do you have older kids who are the center of conversation? Do you have voracious readers who try to read at the table? Or perhaps that is unacceptable (to read at the table)?
We go out quite often, probably 2-3 times every weekend. From the beginning we have always set the expectation that the kids need to behave themselves, meaning no running around, no screaming and no whining. We have only had to take our two year old out of a restaurant once for a time out in the car. But he was tired and cranky. Other than that he will sit and wait patiently for the food to arrive. We include him in our conversation.
Last weekend we had to wait for an hour before we were seated for breakfast and my son did great. Just looked around and talked about stuff.
I have no hesitations about taking him anywhere. I would take him to any restaurant, even those rated not kid friendly.
I honestly don't think DVD players are the answer. The only thing they teach the kids is that they can just ignore the world around them.
Posted by: pdxmom | November 22, 2010 at 09:02 PM
We bring our 1 year-old out for lunch or brunch about weekly. I usually order a side dish for him, rarely from the kids' menu (he only has three teeth, so that dictates what he can eat more his palate). He eats enthusiastically, though quite neatly for a baby, and smiles and waves at waitstaff. We bring a fabric mat to put under the highchair so messes are minimal. It's a thoroughly enjoyable experience.
Posted by: Heather | November 22, 2010 at 09:32 PM
I think its important to teach a child from an early age how to behave in restaurants. Sure, there are casual times where the kids can let loose a little. But it's important (in my opinion) to get out there, not stay home ALL THE TIME, just for the sake of teaching kids how to behave when dining out; having a dining out" lesson" every once in a while. They'll never learn how to act (as a child) in a restaurant if they are never taken out.
Posted by: jln | November 23, 2010 at 12:23 AM
I would highly annoyed if the kids sitting behind me had a DVD player. Stick to crayons and coloring books. And for Pete's sake.. take them out when they start to crank up.
Posted by: sw mom | November 23, 2010 at 08:42 AM
We take our not quite 2 year old out to eat at least weekly. Some outings are more successful than others for sure, but we try very hard to teach him what is acceptable behavior. We move the stuff on the table such as silverware and salt and pepper shakers and water glasses from his reach...I replace this with toddler friendly stuff like his sippy cup, crayons and paper, and sometimes a pre-meal snack. If the wait is long and he is starting to melt down I will give him my i-phone on airplane mode, though I do try to limit his screen time. We avoid restaurants that seem less family friendly, although we do take him to a sushi restaurant that is pretty nice, but we have been going there regularly since he was very little and the staff know us well and never make us feel bad if he acts up, and we always clean up his mess so the wait staff doesn't have to.
We went on vacation last summer and had to eat in restaurants daily, at the end of the trip it was no longer fun for any of us! He started to really act out, throwing things and food, dumping water, screaming...we had to take him out of the restaurant frequently. I know that it was due to too much time stuck in a car and when we were out of the car it was an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, not good conditions for toddler happiness. I occasionally will get some of that behavior again now and it is usually because he is overtired, bored, or too hungry.
Being the mother of a toddler has completely changed what I think when I see a child acting out in a public place, restaurant or other. Less judgment and more empathy for sure!
Posted by: Mamma2B | November 23, 2010 at 08:50 AM
I think that it's important for kids to understand that the other people in the restaurant are there to enjoy their meal and pay money to do so, and don't want their meal to include yelling, whining or disruptions ( i usually remind my 3 year old of this upon entering a restaurant) so we need to use quiet voices and good behavior. With that being said, I also think it's my responsibility to have something for her to do to keep her occupied for the time we are there. I usually have a coloring book, crayons and maybe another small project for her to do. If I don't, I'll ask the waiter for a pen and paper/napkin for drawing. We include her in most conversations and let her tell stories to us as well. And I try hard to keep an eye on her status- if she's getting fidgity I might eat a little quicker or talk with her more, take a walk around the restaurant or to the ladies room with her. Last night we went to a fancy restaurant with her and our visiting family and she did great fully armed with a magnadoodle and coloring books. By the end of the meal she said " lets get out of here please". And that's just what we did.
Posted by: momamma | November 23, 2010 at 10:47 AM
In theory, we also think it's a great idea to take our kids out frequently enough so that they know how to behave in a restaurant... We also believe that it should be a fair expectation for children to be able to sit with their families, eat a meal, and not be a nuisance to others. But getting there has been easier said than done. My boys are now 3 and 6, and eating out with them has generally been more stressful than it's worth. Neither boy has been willing to sit for long periods of time, nor have they been big eaters. We've tried all the strategies out there, some outings more successful than others, but none have been without a fair amount of stress. So naturally, we eat out much less frequently than we did pre-kids. Last week we went out with them, and for the first time ever, both of them sat at the table the entire time and actually ate most of their meals...and for once, I actually finished my meal as well! It was lovely, I hope it happens again soon.
Posted by: Leah | November 23, 2010 at 11:09 AM
I have 3 kids, between 2 and 8 y/o. We take them out semi-regularly, but never anywhere *too nice*.
Not to be disparaging to the following wonderful dining establishments, but we do well at places like Cup and Saucer, Vita Cafe, anything with pizza or a buffet...basically, if I notice the place has either table cloths,cloth napkins, or a hostess, it's probably not the place for us.
The kids need practice being out, and places like the ones I mentioned lets them practice eating in a restaurant.
We don't normally bring things for the kids--again, though, most of the places we go provide paper placemats and crayons. We also try to go out during the "off" hours--ie., dinner around 5, not 7; no breakfast out on the weekends (hello, 20+ minute wait for a table). I do tend to give the kids a snack before we leave, just so they're not starving when we get there.
Posted by: egl | November 23, 2010 at 12:16 PM
My two are still very young (1&2) and we're trying to build social skills by eating out occasionally. I do have to say that I am grateful that Portland does have several family friendly choices when it comes to restaurants. Like most of the other posters, I bring crayons, little toys, crackers, the usual but we also take turns wondering outside with our 2-year-old while waiting for the food to hit the table.
Despite how family friendly many eateries are, I have realized that with the exception of a plastic cup w/lid, they don't provide plastic plates, spoons, etc. If I bring those, my kids at least have some chance of getting food in their mouths and we don't have to worry about shattering plates.
Posted by: Amanda | November 23, 2010 at 02:16 PM
We have a 3 year old and 1 year old and we eat out quite often, sometimes kid friendly places and sometimes not. We expect good behavior at home during meals, so the kids know how to behave when we go out. We also give the kids dishes that can break at home and they've learned that things break and they need to be careful. We bring a kid's backpack with sticker books, coloring books and crayons, and snacks for the less kid-friendly places to keep them entertained if the meal takes awhile. But usually we try to engage the kids and share the experience.
Posted by: se mama | November 23, 2010 at 08:59 PM
Books, notepad and drawing supplies, cereal (makes waiting for the meal more bearable), small figurines...these things have all helped our dining experiences go smoothly. People often commented on how well our toddler daughter behaved and now at age nine, she grabs a book or magazine to take along on most outings. She did go through a phase of not wanting to sit still at restaurants, so we just didn't dine out for awhile.
Last week, we dined next to a couple who brought a portable DVD player for their two children to watch. I thought once dinner came they would turn it off, but I was mistaken. The children alternated between misbehaving and staring at the screen and the noise from the DVD player was beyond obnoxious. Children don't need to be electronically entertained when out in the world. They should be learning how to live in the world.
Posted by: Jen | November 23, 2010 at 10:37 PM
Thank you for this post. The comments have been helpful to me. I will arm myself with books and coloring books. I do not know why I have never thought about that. We are going through a phase of not wanting to eat anything, and not wanting to sit still. We get very embarrassed with he misbehaves and do not eat out often right now. Mostly due to budget cut backs though. We usually pack a luchbox for him. No one has ever given us a hassle about that either. I figure he isn't going to eat what I order, and I will not pay 6 or 7 bucks for a kids item he wont eat when he would be just as happy with a PBJ sandwich, fruit ect. Now I will add coloring books and books to the bag. My son just turned three and also as a last resort we pull out the iphone. How do you keep them from crawling under the table? It seems to be what he wants to do when he is done.
Posted by: mamaceri | November 24, 2010 at 03:54 PM
I think the clue is picking restaurants of whatever type that will serve you quickly and that you can get out of quickly. Kids have limited attention spans, and I find mine (almost 2 and 4) have about a 30 (okay, sometimes 20) minute limit and then the crawling under the table, etc. kicks in. My current favorite is sushiland, you can get food as soon as you sit down, the conveyor belt provides entertainment, I can feed the kids for a few dollars, and you have control over when you leave. And the both kids love the fingerfood aspect.
Posted by: joltbklyn | November 25, 2010 at 11:34 AM