Weaning baby before First Birthday
The American Academy of Pediatrics is not the absolute authority in all things baby, but we do give weight to their recommendations. The FAQ "How long should I breastfeed my baby?" offers:
The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby. Breastfeeding should be supported by your physician for as long as it is the right choice for you and your baby.
An urbanMama and our current Weekend Warrior Ali writes about stopping breastfeeding before the end of the baby's first year:
After two straight weeks of biting at every feeding, calls to the breastfeeding support group, solicitations of opinions from two parent/baby groups I'm in, and trying everything from saying no, to saying nothing but looking away, to putting my baby on his mat and turning my back on him - I finally threw in the towel today on breastfeeding. He basically seems to prefer the bottle, where he can get more faster. My son is 7 and a half months. I feel like this is a time of mourning for me. I am sad to see my baby moving past this stage, and I also feel a bit like a failure. There is a lot of pressure, for better or for worse, to breastfeed in Portland, and the message I have been getting these past two weeks is basically to just keep doing it. It finally dawned on me at 4 this morning as my son was lying on his mat crying hysterically that this was not working for anyone. I am planning to continue to pump at least 2 times a day so that he will at least be getting some milk, but he will no longer be getting milk from the breast and he will no longer be getting the majority of his food from breast milk. I'd be interested in hearing how other moms who stopped breastfeeding before the year was up dealt with the sadness, guilt, or other emotions that came up for them.
My two girls loved to bf, and I did until they were two. they bf for comfort and all through the night. but my boy is a completely different story: he only bf when he was hungry, then started biting and clenching (OUCH!), so he was done at 14 months. Although I wanted to bf because I felt it was best for my children, I will agree with you that there is A LOT of pressure, guilt and judgement in Portland. Try your best not to let it get to you. You absolutely MUST do what's best for you, your child and your family.
Posted by: westside mama | November 29, 2010 at 09:47 PM
First off, I want to congratulate Ali for 7 months of breastfeeding. While there is a lot of bf support (and a little pressure) in Portland that is not the national average. Exclusive breastfeeding for over 7 months (including two weeks of biting!) is a hue accomplishment and ABSOLUTELY NOT a failure of any kind.
That said, weaning is emotional. I don't have any advice except to remind you to be easy on yourself. Give your little guy extra cuddles and kisses to keep that physical connection and give yourself a pat on the back for accomplishing what you did.
Posted by: h | November 29, 2010 at 10:03 PM
I have an almost 10 month old who has been biting since he got his first tooth at 5 months, so I empathize. It hurts SO bad. My oldest weaned shy of a year and my biggest regret was not being able to go through the terrible twos nursing. Two and three were really hard for us. He was/is quick to get frustrated, as am I and I know that nursing could have been a huge source of comfort and connection for us during those hard times. I regret it to this day. My youngest guy, Bitey McBiterson, gets a stern "No biting", a second chance on the other side and if he does it again, another "No biting and no more nee-nee" and I put it away. I did notice that he sometimes bites when there are too many distractions or as an indication that he wants to switch sides. It makes sense, as there is a difference in the fat content in hind milk and fore milk. I have noticed this in older nurslings who say prompts such as "side" (as in "other side please") when they are taking in a quick drink for the thirst quenching quality versus nursing for hunger satiety (as is more common as more solids are consumed). I guess I'm saying all this to say, there _may_ be a reason to hang in there that perhaps hadn't occurred to you... (soothing the toddler-beast) it certainly didn't to me. Anywho, we all have different levels of tolerance and if you have reached your absolute limit with all things considered you should be able to find peace in that. Like h said above, be gentle on yourself.
Posted by: APS | November 29, 2010 at 11:20 PM
You are right, it doesn't seem to be working for either of you. Nursing my firstborn was torture. I nursed him for 13 months, but I have to say that only about 2 months of that time I wasn't in pain. He was regularly drawing blood (bloody nipples in the beginning, raw wounds from teeth rubbing (not necessarily biting) later on). I stuck with because I felt it was good for him, but I swear, I resented him more and more because it hurt so bad. I should have thrown in the towel a lot earlier.
The silver lining was that nursing my second kid was much, much better! I nursed her for about a year, until she gave it up. Ultimately, you've got to do what is right for you and your son
Posted by: Becky | November 30, 2010 at 06:41 AM
I nursed my son for only 7 weeks. I reluctantly stopped because I opted to take certain medications for my post-partum depression that would have leached into the breast milk, rendering it dangerous for my son. I felt a little guilty at first. But you know what? I have seen none of the bad effects from lack of breast feeding in my now 4-year-old. He and I have a very close bond. He easily makes friends at school and in the neighborhood. He learned to ride a bike at age 2, and now at age 4 he is beginning to read. His teacher says he has already met every benchmark for the whole year. He is a patient, gentle and happy boy. So has not breastfeeding been damaging to him or me? Apparently not.
Posted by: MaryJo | November 30, 2010 at 07:06 AM
When my 2nd son was about 5 months, I got influenza and was told I could only hold him while wearing a surgical mask and a bunch of other restrictions were placed on our physical closeness for his safety. Needless to say, my milk dried up in a matter of days. I felt awful, especially since I had nursed my 1st until 15 months and it had been a big challenge at first that we overcame together. But, the truth is, he was then and is now totally healthy. He is actually in the 75th percentile now while his breastfed brother is struggling to hold on to the 8th. It's just one of those things that you only have a certain amount of control over and there's not any reason to feel guilt over it. You tried. You tried really hard and you don't have to suffer physical pain or mental anguish over it. Making it to 7 months is something that you should see as a great accomplishment and leave it at that. If pumping works going forward, thats wonderful, if it doesn't, then that doesn't mean anything about your dedication or love for your child as a mother.
Posted by: Sarah | November 30, 2010 at 08:34 AM
My little boy was done nursing at 8 months, he was just suddenly done...I still pumped for a while so that he would have breast milk in his bottle but little by little my supply went away. I really loved nursing and I was kinda sad that he moved on, but it has been fine. My mother-in-law who nursed all her kids (my mom didn't BF) said that one of her boys self weaned at 7 or 8 months too, so maybe it is a boy thing I don't know. I suppose that the BF experience will be different with our second child and if he/she wants to nurse longer we will, but if it becomes a battle or there is no interest we won't. I feel guilty at the drop of a hat, but somehow I don't feel guilty about this (happily) and I haven't had any judgment from anyone either, in fact many times when talking to other moms I find out that they BF for less time than me! (yeah, here in Portland!)
Posted by: woolymama | November 30, 2010 at 08:43 AM
I am older and my kids are practically grown and when I read your post my heart went out to you. I had one baby that loved to nurse and nursed for two years and another that for a variety of reasons it never worked for and I ended up going to the bottle with at about 7 months as well. I felt so guilty and beat myself up over it and this was made worse by the fact that I was often judged/shamed by other mothers. I really worried that I had given one child some 'advantage' that I had denied the other. And you know what? They are both equally smart, secure, happy, healthy etc. If you met them now I swear you'd have absolutely no idea which was which and in the big scheme of things I truly wish I'd let it go sooner and been kinder to myself. I also wish women would be kinder to each other. We are all doing the best we can, so give yourself and your baby a big hug and let it go.
Posted by: Anon | November 30, 2010 at 08:49 AM
Do other mothers really obsess so much about things that don't really matter much in the course of a child's life? I hear disturbing amounts of guilt in the posts and comments on this site. I say do what works for you, and don't worry about what our society pressures us to be or do. In the long run it will not matter anyway. I lead a busy life (much of which does not revolve around my children), and don't really have the time or emotional energy to worry about whether my kids have been breastfed for the perfect amount of time, whether their teachers are understanding enough with them, etc. Sometimes I think this approach might be healthier for parents and children than dealing with all the guilt moms put on themselves. But again, people have to do what works for them.
Posted by: Genevieve | November 30, 2010 at 09:11 AM
You've done a great job! yes, breastfeeding is best, when it's possible and working well for all involved. You've made it past a critical time for your baby and now you are moving on to focus on what makes you BOTH happy and healthy. You'll probably both enjoy feeding times more when you are comfortable and relaxed and not tensed up in anticipation of a painful bite. Strong loving bonds are formed while holding your baby during any kind of feeding, breast or bottle. Many mothers don't have the option of breastfeeding at all due to medical/medication issues, mastectomy, or adoption and those children are fine.
Ultimately you are in control of this situation and you should do what's best for you and your family. All the best to you!
Posted by: Toots | November 30, 2010 at 09:21 AM
While I have no doubt that those judgmental mothers are out there, I'm happy to say that I have only encountered them on a certain "natural parenting" website. I feel for anyone who has dealt with those attitudes in person. Personally, I got nothing but help and support from other breastfeeding mothers in Portland when I was having so many problems nursing, and when I finally threw in the towel at 4 months with my first son. He continued to nurse till 2 on whatever milk I had, but he was formula fed that first year. I never felt judged or shamed by anyone.
But I do understand that personal feeling of failure. Hang in there, OP. You are making the decision that's best for you. It was when I finally realized how much the struggle to breastfeed successfully was taking a toll on my feelings about motherhood and even my child - and how much better I felt about both those things once that anxiety was gone - that my decision really began to seem like a positive, instead of a failing.
Posted by: zinemama | November 30, 2010 at 09:54 AM
I understand at least a bit of what you feel. As an adoptive mom, I still find myself practically vomiting a long explanation of my life on anyone who mentions breastfeeding. Yes, there is pressure to breastfeed in Portland, and sometimes it feels like a spoonful of judgment along with that. But I know the guilt that I felt was partly self inflicted, and I wish I could have controlled that better. Maybe that helps?
Posted by: anon | November 30, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Kids are different. My first son nursed a lot, didn't like the bottle much, and was slow to take to solids. My second boy loves the bottle, went after solid food with great enthusiam really before I was ready, and drank so much pumped milk we went to formula supplements 5 months earlier than with his brother (5 v. 10 months). He nurses at 7 months when I'm home, but I suspect mostly for comfort. I have to give him formula myself sometimes, which is something I never did for my first son (he nursed whenever I was around up to age 2+). It was hard for me to do that at first, but he's a happy guy now.
Posted by: sara | November 30, 2010 at 10:48 AM
7 months is a great result whether or not you have a biter. The judgment referred to in this thread reminds me of comments I heard when I was pregnant regarding my planned use of the epidural. I then promised myself I would not "try to be a hero" when it comes to motherhood and be judgmental towards women who made other choices. (be it a birth, breastfeeding or other issues)
Posted by: aj | November 30, 2010 at 11:17 AM
I breastfed for about 2 months, and ultimately decided to stop because of all of the resentment I was feeling towards my partner and my child, and basically overall felt that it wasn't working for me. What was good for me mentally was good for my child, and she is now 20 months and doing wonderful. Happy, healthy, attached to both me and daddy, and I honestly can't imagine doing anything different. Will I try longer with my second? Maybe...it depends on how I feel, how it goes, etc. I agree with everything everyone has said. Every child is different and you have to do what is best for you, your child and your family. I was quite taken aback with the amount of pressure to breastfeed...from the first day in the hospital (a very judgmental nurse), to random people in the grocery store asking me if I am breastfeeding! For a while, when the answer was yes, the look of admiration was obvious. But when the answer was no, it was amazing to me to see how often people assumed that it was a medical problem or something. It wasn't. I chose to do it, and I was happy with my choice. You have to be strong with your decisions, and remember - YOU are the mommy to your child; no one else. I admire people who breastfeed for over a year, and people who choose to formula feed from day one for whatever reason....no choices are easy and perfect, and just being a mom who cares is something to celebrate!
Posted by: Marie | November 30, 2010 at 11:39 AM
It's interesting to read the various comments mentioning the judgment in Portland of people who don't breastfeed or don't for very long. I would have assumed that would be the case, too. However, I am a stay-at-home mom who is still nursing my 2.5 year old, and I feel almost across the board in my socializing with other mothers that I am the one having to defend my position (which I usually fail miserably at, just meekly saying, "I know, I know" so as not to make anyone uncomfortable). I know only two other women who breastfed their children this long--ALL of the rest stopped sometime before one year (and I am including both friends and just casual conversations in parks and coffee shops). In fact, the whole so-called "attachment parenting" thing--that I for the most part practice out of just intuition rather than any kind of dedication to a particular dogma--seems to annoy 90% of the mothers I meet (and pediatricians). Maybe just the demographic of the neighborhood I live in? Honestly, it would be really nice to get some kudos once in a while for all my sacrifice instead of the usual rolled eyes and "Are you kidding? you're still nursing. you know you don't HAVE to do that." (And we keep dirty little secrets like still nursing to sleep and no crying it out to ourselves as much as possible.)
Anyway, despite this I still support the original poster in her stopping breastfeeding if it's gotten too difficult. I firmly believe you must do what is best for you. And, of course, your child will be fine! Just thought it worthwhile to let people know that the judging goes both ways, and in some areas, much more so against us kookie breastfeeders.
Posted by: anon | November 30, 2010 at 11:54 AM
Wow. All the Anon posts. Guess I'll add mine. I was hospicing my mother with late stage cancer when my baby was born. The stress made it so that I could not nurse; no milk. I had arranged for a respite volunteer to come and sit with my mom so that I could take the baby to the park for an hour on a beautiful spring day. I was sitting on a bench in the dappled sunshine watching some kids play and feeding my daughter a bottle when the mother of the kids playing actually came over and started lecturing me...I kid you not....I completely crumbled. You never know what another is suffering or enduring so please do not judge. As for the OP it'll pass, keep these things in perspective and be grateful for all the good things.
Posted by: anon | November 30, 2010 at 12:21 PM
I absolutely understand! I was only able to nurse my daughter for four months. I was devastated, but you know what? My time with her immediately became more joyful and SO MUCH LESS stressful. To answer your actual question -- what I did to deal with the grief/stress was to focus on how much more joyful our time together became when I let go of a process that was clearly not working for either of us. Frankly, I now look back and kick myself for prolonging for experience and essentially starving my baby (that's how it feels in hindsight, anyway) to try to force breastfeeding to work for a longer amount of time. In short -- focus on what you're doing *right* by adjusting to what you both need. That's the very best any mama can do!
Posted by: KT | November 30, 2010 at 03:50 PM
It is wonderful to see people so supportive on this website. I do wish it were "the norm" in good ole' portland. This town judges so much I can hardly stand it! Breastfeeding, the c-section police.... uggg...
You gotta just do what you need to do.
Posted by: anon | November 30, 2010 at 05:13 PM
Oh, give yourself a pat on the back, be proud that you did BF for so long, and focus on what's going right today. There is no guilt in doing what's best for your family, whether that means stopping to nurse, crying it out, or whatever.
Long story short on my end - BFing turned out to not be best for my kids. My first got very very sick drinking my milk. I chose to formula feed and avoid that road with my others.
I found that the guilt from not BFing came from myself and what my own "ideal" was, and not so much from those around me. So, I would say do some self reflection - are you and your son happiest when BFing is not on the table? Then, that's the right choice. Because the bottom line is that a happy mama, and happy baby will do a LOT more to affect his long term development than a few more months of BFing. Big hugs to you.
Posted by: mamatothree | December 01, 2010 at 09:05 AM
I agree with the above posts - do what's best for you - that's different for everyone and each child. I breast fed my 1st child until he was 14 months. I wanted very badly to continue, but wasn't able to - he was biting me every time, enough to draw blood and leave a scar. I finally just couldn't do it anymore, the nursing made me feel anxious. So instead I pumped and gave it to him that way - mostly because he was in daycare and got sick a lot and I wanted him to benefit from the immunities. He was still nursing to nap and bed time, so instead of nursing I just gave him a bottle (talk about judgement, btw - ahem!) I was able to still rock my baby to sleep, but this time without the bloodshed. It was much nicer for us both. When I found out I was pregnant a few months later I weaned him to cows milk - completely by the time he was 20 months. I wanted to give myself a "nursing holiday" between babies and it was painful to pump at that point in my pregnancy. Number two is here and we are nursing successfully - but how long will it last? Who knows. Again, for me, I hope to go for a long time - but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't. You can't beat yourself up over these things - being a loving and compassionate mother is so much more important than whether you are breast or bottle feeding.
Posted by: anonamama | December 01, 2010 at 09:27 AM
Folks, you have the control over guilt. People don't make you feel guilty unless you allow them. Guilt happens when you doubt your decisions.
I BF my little one until he was 18 months. Even though I BF beyond the first year, I still felt sadness and guilt when we stopped because the little one still wanted it. Life goes on. There will be plenty of tough decisions to make throughout parenthood and there will be plenty of people offering their opinion and judgments. Find your backbone and stand by your decisions. Only you know what is right for you and your family.
Posted by: g. | December 01, 2010 at 10:09 AM
If you really feel you did your best, don't look back, Guilt is a waste of energy and mind.
My kids were 17 and 19 months when they weaned. Which apparently is still not enough nursing on a popular mom website. While I personally have no objection to nursing three and four year olds, it didn't happen for us. The toddlers get busy, they eat and drink lots of other foods and there was no drama in weaning them. None. In each case we had a busy few days like a big family event and a vacation. They didn't ask to nurse and I "forgot" to offer. Worked for us.
Posted by: sw mom | December 01, 2010 at 10:29 AM
anon | November 30, 2010 at 11:54 AM:
"Just thought it worthwhile to let people know that the judging goes both ways, and in some areas, much more so against us kookie breastfeeders."
That is a surprising statement that you feel there is more judgment against breastfeeding. Perhaps it is a matter of perspective and our own personal experiences, which makes it troublesome to apply in a general way.
Whether we choose to or can breastfeed is not a matter of 'deserving kudos' for ' all of our sacrifices.'
Posted by: anonymous | December 01, 2010 at 11:21 AM
I breastfed my daughter until she was about 8 months old. My milk supply dropped after returning to work and despite my efforts to increase it, I think the stress of working full-time won out. My goal had been one year. I felt horribly guilty - self-inflicted, certainly - and hope I can BF longer with #2. My daughter is now 3 years old and is very healthy all around. To quell some of my guilt, I remind myself that though those close to me (in my community) may be huge advocates, women in many parts of the country don't even consider it as an option let alone keep with it for many months.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 01, 2010 at 12:09 PM
Get over it - of my 2 kids one never got the knack of latching on, the other lasted 6 weeks before he was demanding more than my supply and we switched to the bottle. I have never regretted bottle-feeding, it worked for us as my husband could fully participate in the process.
Posted by: AngelaG | December 01, 2010 at 04:26 PM
thanks, anon, at11:21. my sentiments exactly. if it's such a sacrifice, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Posted by: anotheranona | December 01, 2010 at 06:04 PM
To the OP - I think an important thing to remember, and prepare for, especially if you are already feeling bad, is the huge hormone shift that will come with ending breastfeeding. I understand that you can end up with PPD-like symptoms from the change in hormones. I was not nursing too much by the time I quit so I didn't notice, but I know others who have. I hope things begin looking up for you and your babe.
Posted by: KateC | December 01, 2010 at 06:43 PM
I just stopped breastfeeding my 9 month old a month ago. Like some of the earlier commenters, I too suffered from too much stress, not enough time for pumping, not enough sleep from doing all the night feedings, and it was taking a toll on my relationship with my husband from all my resentment over the whole situation. Breastfeeding is best for baby's health, but I am still not convinced it is always best for mom's mental health. When we switched to bottles, I was constantly on edge waiting for the judgment from all corners but none came. People have been understanding and friendly, and I've gradually become comfortable feeding him in public. I wish I could have breastfeed longer, but c'est la vie. Now I just can't wait to wean him from formula to milk because the cost of formula is unbelievable.
Posted by: cathy | December 01, 2010 at 07:08 PM
Breastfeeding should continue for as long as it is mutually - thats both parties - desirable. That being said, if you'd like to keep breastfeeding, but are done with the biting, here is a thought:
If your baby is biting, the instinct is to pull him/her away from the breast. A lot of mamas have resolved the biting issue by actually pushing the baby into the breast, momentarily cutting off air supply. They baby will automatically open their mouth for air, thus letting go of the nipple. After a few times, they associate the two and will often stop biting.
Posted by: lea | December 02, 2010 at 02:10 AM
I stopped at 10 months with my first son. I have a small frame and my already large breasts grew to size G-H when I was nursing. At 10 months, my son began getting less interested in nursing and I just decided I was done dealing with the discomfort. At first I felt a little guilty since I was hoping to make it to a year. But when I stopped, my son was just fine . I was fine. My doctor said 10 months was great. I think if we do what's best for our families (including ourselves) our kids are going to be happiest.
Posted by: Anne | December 02, 2010 at 01:32 PM
I Breastfed my daughter for 15 months. At times it was exhausting, and difficult ( As I had two breast infections and, difficulty pumping enough for the 20 hours I worked). However, overall It was a mutually enjoyable experience for baby and I .
The weaning process was gradual. When she turned a year, I had enough with pumping and introduced milk to her diet. At 15 months she only really seemed to need it once at night to settle her back to sleep.
I am proud that I exceeded my original goal of breastfeeding for atleast 6 months. Every familys situation is different, and we should all strive to honor each individual family's choices and what works best for them.
Posted by: Shelley | December 03, 2010 at 02:10 PM
I presented Alis' situation to Nursing Mothers Counsel. Here are some thoughts from a lactation consultant...
"I hear the mother's sadness, and I empathize with her feelings of loss, guilt, and failure. For good or bad, we (the community at large) send some unintentional pressure with breastfeeding messages. She is providing her milk for her baby even through this difficult time, she is listening to her baby loud and clear, "Mom, I still want your milk. Thanks for providing it for me. I may drink it from a bottle, but it is still yours!" This deserves great praise.
I think this is a valuable lesson for all of us to hear when it comes to the language we use--is the message to feed at the breast or to provide mother's milk? If this mother continues to pump and offer her milk to baby, she has not stopped. If her child now gets more nutrition from solid foods, that's what we'd expect to start happening at this age if that's the signal her baby is giving her. It can be difficult if all she sees around her are babies of a similar age nursing differently.
This dyad may be at a stage when they will start to explore new, different, and other ways to bond, while still maintaining some aspects of physical closeness experienced by feeding at the breast. The mother recognized herself, "this is not working for anyone." Not knowing this dyad's routine, maybe baby is ready for more solids, and he may be able to settle back at the breast if there's an adjustment to the feeding routine.
Maybe a visit to a consultant would allow this dyad with some structured and focus time evaluating and addressing needs specific to their situation."
Posted by: lea | December 03, 2010 at 06:42 PM
And here is a thought from a peer counselor...
"My mom stopped breastfeeding me around the same time, for the same reason. Turns out it was because I had a tongue tie, and it wasn't a latch issue til I had teeth and my tongue then wasn't covering them like it normally would."
Posted by: lea | December 03, 2010 at 06:45 PM
Everyone - thanks so much for your comments. Since I posed this question a few weeks ago, I have adjusted my thinking somewhat.
First, I am able to breastfeed from the breast when my son first wakes up in the morning. He's still sleepy and so not as distractable, my breasts are full, and he has not been biting.
I am pumping for his other feedings - right now, it's enough to give him a diet exclusively of milk and solids except for one bottle of formula.
I also want to say that leading up to my decision to stop, I did receive pressure - although I believe it was good-intentioned. It was all along the lines of "you should try this" where I was at the point where I felt I had tried everything and needed support to feel like it was okay to stop.
That said, since I've made the decision to stop (for the most part), I have pretty much exclusively received support for my decision.
So - thank you all for your many comments. It has been very helpful for me to hear others' experiences and it made me feel good to feel your support.
-Ali
Posted by: Ali | December 03, 2010 at 07:16 PM
I found that one of my greatest challenges as a new mom was to have the confidence in myself to make decisions for my family and my baby that were right for us. I disagree with the poster who suggested that we are spending too much energy thinking about parenting choices. I've found parenting to be the most challenging and most rewarding responsibilities I've ever had. I know my choices as a parent matter for my child and I want to make good ones. That said, sometimes I've found what is the right choice for me, my child or my family is not what the books, my friends or even my doctor say. In the beginning, this was really hard for me. As my daughter approaches 3, I've found myself less anxious about these kinds of decisions. Becoming a mom is a developmental process like any other, in the beginning we are novices...and hopefully we'll be experts (at least on our own kids) in the end!!
I used to live in the rural south. There, pressure was the opposite of what people are describing in Portland. I can't tell you how many conversations I had about it being 'weird' or 'gross' I've had with husbands or grandmothers (I'm an OB nurse). I've also worked with tons of women who decided never to start breast feeding or only do so for a few weeks because their workplace made it impossible. I hate to hear that Portland moms find pressure on this issue too. I really love living in a city were nobody ever looked askance when I nursed in public and my employer had to (and did so happily I'll add) accommodate my pumping milk at work.
Posted by: MamaJoy | December 04, 2010 at 08:52 PM
Honey - DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!
Easier said than done, I know. My daughter stopped when she was around 9 months because I got pregnant and I also had to stop early with the second baby. When talking to my ped about formula, she told me that they used to start kids on regular milk at 9 months. I had problems with formula and my second bb, but ended up making a 'homemade' type formula when he got closer to a year. It is hard emotionally, I know, but try not to beat yourself up. There are so many other ways to use your energy! Best of luck!
Posted by: b | December 06, 2010 at 01:08 PM
I feel your pain. I had a serious melt down tonight when my 11 month old did not want to nurse. She was on a nursing strike for 2 weeks and we JUST got back on track about a week ago...or so I thought. She is now rejecting again and my supply is nearly gone. I still pump twice a day at work and am taking herbals to try to increase my supply but no luck :( I have never felt nor did I expect to feel guilt like this. I am so sad. Deep down I know I did what was best for my angel for 11 months. This is a very long time but it is still hard to accept that this amazing experience may be ending. It is especially hard because my husband stays at home with her while I work and this was our special time. This was the one thing I held on to that I felt only I could give her. Sounds silly I am sure and I am also a hormonal wreck right now...all of your advice has really helped me tonight. Ali - I wish you the best and I know your pain :( kudos and hats off to all of us for trying and giving our babies such an amazing gift!
Posted by: angela | December 15, 2010 at 07:42 PM
i stopped giving both my kids formula around 11 months and just did milk. i started them on juice in a sippy cup first until they got used to the cup and just did bottles at night. i took the stopper out of the cups at first because they couldnt suck hard enough on the cup for the juice to come out. it took a couple days for them to get used to the change. i also gave them hot dogs cut in chunks about the size of my fingernail. i just let them try whatever was on my plate and if it seemed they were having a hard time chewing then i took it out of their mouth and tried something else.
Posted by: rejuv by caci | December 21, 2010 at 08:58 PM
Umm no kid ever died or became retarded from having formula. It is ridiculous that women feel like bad mothers in this area for not bf fornat least a year. Get over it. I can't stand those moms who think they are holier than other moms because they bf longer. Is this some kind of competition? Just lijenthe sahm mom vs the working mom? We all love our babies regardless of how long we bf or not. It doesn't make you a better woman or a better mother if you bf for 1 week, 1 year, or 3 years.
Posted by: Anon | December 21, 2010 at 09:14 PM
Mommy guilt is such a terrible thing and probably more hurtful to all of us and our kids than anything we may or may not do that we feel is "Right" according to society. Like another anon poster, I too was caring for a dying mother when my first son was born. I put a ton of pressure on myself to nurse him even though it was incredibly hard and emotionally draining. I made it to 9 months but all along I beat myself up and thought of myself as a failure. When I became pregnant for the second time, my biggest fear was the pressure I knew I felt around breastfeeding. So much so, I even went to counseling about it. I came to terms with the fact that I did not NEED to breastfeed to be a good mother nor to do right by my child. I gave myself permission to do it for as long as I wanted and then stop. I still felt guilty when I stopped when my baby was 6 months old but not nearly as much as the first time. I knew that it was the right thing for both of us and it is much more realistic for our current lifestyle ( I am a full time working mom-- I know a whole other thing to be guilty about!). I realized that being resentful, or emotionally drained is way worse for my ability to care for my children than formula feeding them. I think it is really sad and unfortunate that there are people (especially other moms!) who give people a hard time about this or think they have the right to make another mother feel bad about her choices. If anything I think that teaching your kids to be judgmental and closed minded, is way worse than formula feeding a baby- any day and if you feel bfing is not working for you, then you are the only one who can know that.
Posted by: anon | December 21, 2010 at 10:52 PM