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It's a boy/girl: Does gender really matter?

When my mother pushed me out into this world, my father was immediately disappointed.  He wanted a boy.  He was so sad that he left the hospital even before my mother made it to her room from the labor and delivery ward.  He wouldn't come back for another day, leaving his own wife - and mother to his firstborn - alone in her first moments of motherhood.

When my first child was born, we didn't "find out" beforehand.  She was born a lovely girl.  All were thrilled.  When we had our mid-term ultrasound with our second child, we asked to find the gender. We were told, "it's a girl!" and the announcement was met with the question, "are you sure?" from my husband.  And, when our third child was born (and we opted again not to "find out" gender), the words from our moms (who were both in the delivery room for each of our births!) "it's a boy!" brought sheer joy and utter bliss to my husband.

A friend expecting her second child is having another boy.  She confessed to me, "I really wanted a girl."  Another mama with all boys has said, "I'd have another if I was sure it was a girl."  Or, when we recently found out good friends were carrying a baby boy after having had two older girls, we were thrilled.

To be sure, we git what we git and we don't have a fit.  We are happy our children are, for so many of us, born healthy without complications.  And, even with complications, we love our children dearly.

But, whether it's a boy or a girl: does it really matter?  How did you feel when you found out "it's a boy/girl!"?

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I wanted a girl sooo bad and never really thought it was a boy...and on my birthday (my birthday gift to myself was my anatomy ultrasound) I found out I WAS having a girl! It mattered a lot to me...maybe because I wanted to raise another strong woman (my parents had 3 girls!). My partner wanted a boy, but after having a girl...he totally knows why girls are the best! hehehehe. Turns out, my sister gave birth 5 days after me to a boy! So our family was blessed with both anyway! :o)

You asked if it matters. No, I don't think it does (to me) and I will go further in saying it should not matter. Regardless of gender, baby is a great gift. My personal opinion is that only people who are able to be truly happy with either sex baby should be thinking about becoming parents. The rest should probably wait until they mature. Sorry to be so harsh, but c'mon, how can anybody trying to conceive if they are not excited about a baby/any baby?

My only disappointment in having a boy was that I had a lot more hand-me-down girl's clothes. Other than that minute detail, we were totally thrilled! I didn't find out beforehand, and the midwives didn't announce it before bringing baby to my chest, but while I was holding him for the first time, they asked "Is it a boy, or a girl?" Not wanting to lift the precious baby from my skin, I reached down and copped a quick feel-- "It's a boy!" everyone was thrilled!

For me, not is does not. This is our first child, we are completely thrilled. A few family members and friends wish we were finding out beforehand so they could buy gender-specific gifts. But I like it better this way. I rather not have a little boy all decked out in sports gear or a little girl covered in pink princess bows. This way, who baby is- is more about them, not their gender. (Plus neutral clothing can easily be used for any future children, regardless of gender)

I was upset when I found out my first was a boy. It meant his chances of having Asperger's were increased greatly, especially when his father is an Aspie. I had hoped + hoped that we'd have a girl and most of that stress would melt away. My tears at my 3D ultrasound weren't all happy :(
Yes, I absolutely love him to bits, I wouldn't have it any other way now... but still, I didn't want that extra risk :(
We did, however, go back again, we wanted to add to our family. We have a little girl now as well, and again, 3D scan tears, because my baby girl doesn't have as much of a risk.

My son has a language delay, which isn't a good sign so far :( But he is socially aware which is a fantastic sign for us <3

As we are expecting our 3rd baby girl anyday now I would say gender has never mattered to either of us. A part of us is sad that this will mean the end of my husbands name (his parents have been blessed with 5 grand-daughters). Everything my husband wanted to do with a son he has done with our girls and loved it! They change his ideas of what a shop can look like now that there is pink graffitti on his wall saying "WE LOVE DADDY!" He has been to many a tea party and included them in late night engine repair.

Does it matter, ultimately? No. But I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference beforehand. We're human, how could we not?

I wanted a girl so much I knew the universe would give me boys, just to show me. Sure enough, my first was a boy., While I was pregnant with my second (and last) I felt guilty about wanting a girl so badly, and wondered how the inevitable feeling of disappointment would affect my first moments with the baby.

My midwife, a very wise woman, told me that it's natural to dream, and to feel regret if the dream doesn't come true. She told me to go right on hoping, not a thing wrong with it.

"But if this baby's a boy, your regret about not having a daughter isn't going to have anything to do with him," she told me. "She'll always be a dream. But he'll be the reality, and the reality is what you love."

She was right, of course. I couldn't be happier with my boys. But I'd be lying if I said I'm not hoping for a granddaughter. Some day.

Before we conceived our first, I prayed for a girl, a healthy one. We were blessed with a girl, a healthy, beautiful girl. She turned out to be a picky eater, but I am glad my most difficult one was first.
Then a few years later we prayed for a boy. My husband's parents prayed for a boy. We were blessed with a boy!
Then about a year and a half later we found out we were growing another baby. Everyone was suprised. We had a miscarriage between our first two and I was afraid that since this child was not 'planned' by us that he / she would not survive. I prayed for a healthy baby and another easy birth. My daughter prayed for a sister. Our daughter was obviously dissapointed when she found out she got another brother, but I believe the rest of us were happy. He is a wonderful addition to our family.
I still long to be able to give my daughter a sister, but not yet.

Before having kids, I thought I'd really be bothered if we didn't end up with one boy and one girl (we planned to have two).
When we found out our first was a girl, we were elated. When we became pregnant the second time, I honestly didn't care either way. Still, most people thought we were having another girl, including my husband, so when we saw on the ultrasound that it was clearly a boy, we were pleasantly surprised. I got my wish after all, even though I no longer really cared.

As a feminist, it is really important to me to raise my child as androgynously as possible. He is a person, above all else, and he deserves the right to "be" however he likes.
I had a boy, when I always thought I would have a girl first. And I'll admit it -- I was disappointed. There was so much I wanted to share with a girl. How could I reconcile this with my beliefs that all genders are equal? Him being a boy was part of the continuing lesson for me that your children aren't what you want -- they're what they want. I love being the mother of a wonderful boy. Do I hope the next one will be a girl? Of course. My sister is due anyday now with her second child, her first girl, and the petty part of me is jealous that she got one of each. But if I decide to have another child, and it turns out to be a boy, I will be thrilled. And disappointed. That's just how it goes.

AJ I think the question is not whether you can be excited about a baby, but having the courage and honesty to accept a preference for one or the other gender of child. I would suggest that for most parents there is an underpinning acceptance of gratitude and blessing for the gift of a child regardless of gender - however I commend parents that are brave enough to acknowledge a 'bias' and find that if you can work through those feelings adequately and accept them it will benefit your family once your baby arrives.

Whoops! I guess I got so carried away with talking about my amazing daughter, I didn't answer the question...thanks aj! Of course the health and well being of a child is ALWAYS #1and I guarantee that most of us worried about it throughout our pregnancy, but there are lots of us, myself included, that have an idea about what it would be like raising one sex or the other. I guess like I said before, I was in a family with all girls, and I just wanted to hand some traditions down and make a lot of my own; correct some wrongs, and makes lots of new rights. Lots of men want a boy, and that's pretty standard knowledge, but why is it wrong if a mother wants a girl? My best friend is Albanian and she became pregnant when my daughter was about 5 months. She told me that secretly she wanted a girl, but that her husband and her family because of her culture wanted otherwise. I felt horrible...I wanted a girl, got a girl, and no one would have cared either way as long as my child was healthy. So it does matter a lot to some, for so many reasons. I don't think it makes us immature, or mean, or less of a parent, it just makes us human. I LOVE my nephews and LOVE to see how different boys and girls are, and what they can learn from each other, and who knows...maybe next time around we'll have a boy!

Amy...Very true! We shop in the boys section to get neutrals! It's the only way to stay away from pepto bismol princesses! lol My daughter has lots of boys items in her wardrobe!

When we found out about our first I kind of knew that it was a girl already.... and when we were pregnant again, I again had a 6th sense it was a boy and I was again right. This time around I was for sure it was a girl (not sure if that was wishful thinking or an actual feeling), but we found out Friday, yes 3 days ago, it is a boy. I asked her to look again and said its okay..... I feel like the worst mom ever. The reason I was so sad is because our boy was hard from the moment he was born... 15 months after our first unexpected baby. He had colic for almost 8 months (not sure if part of this was me feeding him my stress or just a tummy thing). During the first two years of his life he would not let anyone touch or hold him, only me.... even his dad or my mother in law who was around often. Still when I think back to it, it is still hard to think about. Going into having another child I very well knew this could happen, but was hoping for a different outcome. Now that I have had a few days to process it and talk to my husband more it has sunk in and feels a bit better... lots of my friends have recently had boys and they are nothing like that. A constant reminder from my hubby that all babies are different helps too (you think that would not be rocket science for me as I am just about to graduate from a nursing program. I have told many mom's the exact same thing in so many words).
As the Ultrasound went on, she found he was perfect in every way; no cleft lip, no club feet, no neural tube defects, all four chambers in the heart, rhythmic diaphram movements, perfect brain development..... etc, etc how could I be so stupid to have overlooked all this?
We picked out a name and have been referring to him by his name and it is setting in more. The other two are excited and now I am getting more excited.

i have a boy, but it has been nothing like i expected. i guess you never really know.....
http://binabrakken.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/somedayportland/

My husbands family has a LOT of boys in it. I always knew I'd have boys and doubted I'd ever have a girl. I love love love my boys but when I was pregnant with my first, I was hoping for a girl. But I'm thankful for my boys, they've shown me how much fun and affectionate little boys can be and had I had a girl first, I'm sure I would've kept thinking girls were best. I think my reasoning in wanting a girl was to share a little piece of me with them. Men want sons for the same reason I think, to pass on a piece of themselves.
However, we always wanted 3 kids no matter what the gender, I agree with the poster early on in this thread that says if you have a preference and only want to have a certain gender, you should wait to have kids or not have any...all babies are awesome blessings and have their own personalities that meld with your life and complete it in their own way.
Gender shouldn't matter, neither is superior at all...just totally different.
Our family is complete after our 3 beautiful kids....2 fantastically wonderful and handsome boys, and now a beautiful little girl. :D

I think most people have a "preference" before they find out. This does not mean one means more than the other though. My "preference" with our first was a girl because I had grown up with three sisters and no brothers so I felt like I would know what I was dealing with. We had a boy. I love him and didn't have a moments regret when we found out he was a boy... There was a moment of "Oh.. a boy... hmmm this will be new and interesting...!" We are pregnant again and this time I truly did not have any preference. It would be nice to have one of each but I love my first soo much it would be great to give him a brother and enjoy the boy rukus too! Turns out its a girl and we are thrilled and so is big brother...

Well said M! Thank you!

After infertility, I just feel so incredibly lucky to have two healthy children. My first is a boy. All boy. A growling, stick-toting, determined, curious boy. He is a joyful wonder to me. When I found out my second was a girl, I was more happy about it than I thought I would be, mainly because of the relationship I see my brother and husband have with their mothers now. I thought of my daughter as a the child who would stay close to me for the rest of my life.

Because I hoped my 1st would be a girl, I opted to find out gender ahead of time so that if it were a boy I could get used to the idea; I didn't want to feel one iota of disappointment in the delivery room. I knew gender wouldn't matter in the long run, that I would adore the child either way, just wanted to get used to the idea of a boy. Turns out it was a girl. For the second I didn't have much of a preference although I was a little surprised when I found out it was a boy (via ultrasound): boys seemed more difficult, and I'd hoped my daughter would have a sister. But he's the cutest, sweetest little boy and my kids have such different personalities that they balance things out well. I think it's completely normal to have a preference as long as it's fleeting once reality arrives. While we may secretly hope for a boy or a girl, I think all most parents truly want are happy, healthy children.

I have two boys, but they are so incredibly different (one is far more into playing with girls, is very sensitive, etc. and the other is more rough and tumble) that I don't feel at all that the house is full of boy energy.

They are who they are -- their gender is the last thing I think about -- and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I could have written something very similar to what Emily said. I was so happy when I found out my firstborn was a girl, and then when I found out my second was a boy at the ultrasound I was surprised at how disappointed I felt. I had this dream of having two little girls, sisters who would be so close, etc. I was glad I found out his gender then and not at the birth, so I had time to get used to it, which I of course did. I would say I was mostly adjusted to the idea by the time he was born, but it really took about six months to a year after he was born for me to be truly happy and appreciative that I got a little boy. And now I couldn't be happier and I am glad that I got one of each, though I am sure I would have loved two brothers or two sisters just as much.
And with that said I do agree with some of the previous posters, that this focus on gender, though natural and human nature, is somewhat to completely meaningless, your kids just are who they are.

Timely question; I'm finding out about baby number 2 tomorrow. Number 1 is a boy. Husband really wanted a son (his parents divorced when he was young & I think he wanted to have the father / son relationship he missed out on when he was a kid). When we found out it was a boy I was really happy for him, but more disappointed for myself than I thought I would be. I have a sister and didn't really grow up around many boys so the boy thing seemed really foreign. I was also worried about all the stupid life threatening things boys are prone to do in teen years - I still am, but not as much as he isn't a huge risk taker now, Number 1 has been calling number 2 his sister so he has kind of got it in my head that it is a girl. But, my husband & I both grew up with siblings of the same gender so two of the same seems natural. It seems brothers might have more fun together, but maybe be more competitive too. It would be nice to have a girl though. Of course, healthy is the biggest concern. And if it could sleep well too that would be great :).

Admittedly this was a big thing for me. I was always sure I'd have all girls like my sister, and have always been around girls growing up (sisters, cousins). When I found out I was having a boy (which I already had a strong feeling of), I felt pretty flat. What I didn't realize at the time, is that once the baby was born, I really couldn't have cared less, I just loved that little thing absolutely fiercely. I read an article called something like The Secret Shame about this topic. They pointed out that often our ideas of what kind of parent we will be is entwined with the gender that we picture our future child to be, and that's why we can get so invested in hoping for a boy or girl. It seems healthy to me to let go of that.

What did rub me the wrong way is my mother wanting me to have girls. So, my son, who couldn't help his gender, should expect someone to be less happy to have him in the world, should be somehow less loveable, less desired, than if he were a girl? The thought turns my stomach, and is a good reality check for me.

I would never have imagined how much I love my son and being his mama. He's so wonderful, delightful, and sweet. I wouldn't dream of denying that girls and boys are different. But I'm glad I can enjoy either/both. I do worry a bit as he gets older, there are many things about boy culture that I just can't connect with or turn me off. But I'm trusting that we'll have a close relationship if I continue to work on it.

I love love love having two boys. Wouldn't change it for anything. People ask all the time 'dont you want to try for a girl?' But why would i? What is so magical about having a girl? I'd rather not have to deal with mean girl drama and hormone crap she'll end up going thru. My only beef about boys is that there isn't enough variety in the stores. There are always racks and racks of girl clothes and then a couple of small rounders for boys. But yeah,if i could be guaranteed another boy,i'd probably try again.

For me it was important to find out before the births so I/we could get used to the idea. I wanted a girl so badly the first time that I needed the months to adjust to the reality of having a boy. Really, I just didn't have much experience with boys but of course when he was born (and ever since) he was perfect to us and just what our family was meant to have. When I got pregnant again I was really okay with the idea of either. I knew how great a boy could be and really didn't care. I did get my girl and feel closer to her than anyone on the planet. I feel very happy to have one of each though I think we would have been thrilled no matter what. I do wonder if we would be talking more seriously about a third if we had two of one gender. I suspect we would.

I didn't have any preference beforehand with either child. We waited to be surprised in both cases which was probably easier for us since we weren't carrying any particular desires into it.

That said...I'm glad my elder child was a girl It allowed me to focus on parenting without the potentially heavy baggage of exorcising the influence of my own relationship with my old man (who I love, but...).

By time the boy came along, I probably still (er... will always) have things I need to be mindful of but at least I could manage that with some confidence in my overall parenting ability.

Each time I found out what sex baby we were having, I felt disappointment right alongside the joy. Because each time, it was a loss of possibility.

That first girl meant my dreams of what to do with a boy were gone...the next girl meant my dreams of having one of each were gone...and the third, a boy, meant my dreams of having an all-girl sister rock band were gone.

I think it's completely normal to have a preference and completely normal to mourn what will not come to pass. But really matter? Can't imagine why it would.

We found out what we were having each time. I'll admit that with my first, I wanted a girl sooo bad. and when we found out we were expecting a girl I was very happy. With out second, I secretly wanted another girl - I did not have a sister and always wanted that type of relationship - but I know I would have been happy either way. No. 2 was another girl, and the sister relationship she and my firstborn share is wonderful to watch. With no. 3, we just expected another girl - but ultimately we prayed for a healthy baby and I secretly wanted a boy... no. 3, born in February is another girl, and I couldn't imagine our family any differently - though I was a bit sad knowing that we will never have little boy to love in our home (we are definitely done!). What is strange is that people look at our family and the first thing they say (rather than "wow, what an opportunity to raise 3 strong girls!) is "oh, are you going to try for a boy" - as if having 3 healthy, spunky girls is not fulfilling enough. I also get the looks down the nose with a "your poor husband" a lot - crazy! My husband loves all his kids, regardless of gender. Deep down, I think we all mourn the loss of what could be - just like RM posted - but at the end of the day, we are happy to have healthy kids.

Interesting to see that some chose to find out the gender early to avoid disappointment at the birth...I spun it the other way. When I was pregnant with my first, I knew deep down (though I'd never cop to it in public) that I so wanted a girl, being the oldest of 3 and having such a close relationship with my mother. As such, I decided NOT to find out, my reasoning being that I'd stave off disappointment (b/c really, who could be disappointed at the moment of birth? I thought). When our girl came along I was elated.

Second time around, we did decide to find out, because we wanted our daughter to know what to expect, and heck, our curiosity just got the better of us. Only when I heard the ultrasound tech say "it's a girl," showing those telltale 3 lines, did I realize how much I had expected a boy. I guess I wanted a boy too, but mostly it was just expectation. I had brothers; my husband had a sister, so we'd also have a boy to go with our girl. I was bummed for a while--knowing this was our last, and we'd never get "our boy," my sweet husband would never get to raise a boy as unique as he is, etc. But like everyone else, this passed and now I love, love, love having sisters. They are intensely close and I just get tickled to think of how they'll relate when they get older.

For me, what has been most instructive and even exciting about raising two girls (now 6 and 3) is to realize (perhaps this is obvious to some) how radically DIFFERENT two of the same gender can be. I think some of the sadness I felt in finding out #2 was a girl was that sense of getting two of the same thing. Our girls are utterly distinct from each other--almost polar opposites. It's so neat to discover how different two girls can be

I think its ok to admit that it feels good to get what you want. I wanted boys, I got boys. I'm sure I'd have been happy with girls but I'm pretty happy the way it is!!

Interesting topic. It's taboo in the same way that it's taboo to have a favorite. Sure we all love our kids all the same, but we also know that feeling of being "closer" or more "in tune" with one of our kids.

Anyway, on the gender issue - we left it a surprise the first time around. I convinced myself it was a boy, I believe because I knew that if I prepared for a boy and it was a girl, I'd be thrilled, but I knew deep down that if I prepared for a girl and it was a boy, I'd have a fleeting moment of sadness. It was a girl. I was thrilled.

The second time around, our surprise came when we found out it was twins. At that point I had to know because I still couldn't imagine what it would be like to raise a boy, and the thought of two babies, let alone two boys frankly scared me. We found out - one of each. I won the lottery!

My son, who I was most nervous about, is the sweetest of the bunch. He is also the most mellow and easy going of the three. When people say boys are harder, I laugh. Not in this house. It just goes to show that all kids are different. I adore him to pieces - way more than I ever thought possible. I love my girls to pieces too, also way more than I ever thought possible.

It's a mom's love. And you all know - they could be born green and with extra digits, and it wouldn't matter one bit. BUT - you don't know that until after they come and you realize that no matter what they are, they are truly a gift that changes your life and shows you the meaning of unconditional love.

Looking at our family of two girls and a boy, I feel like I wouldn't want it any other way. And I am sure I'd feel that with any other gender/number combo. Because bottom line, I love them all. They all add so very much to our family, and it's fascinating to watch their relationships develop with each other.

But all this is stuff you find out after the fact. You can't know what it's going to be like, and it's only natural to have hopes and ideas of what being a parent and what your family will be like. When you have those hopes and dreams it's also only natural to be disappointed if they don't turn out as planned. It doesn't mean that you aren't or won't be thrilled in the end, but for that fleeting moment of disappointment, that's OK.

We have two beautiful boys. And I love them both to the moon and back. But I will admit that when I found out the 2nd was going to be a boy, I cried with disappointment. I was sooo hoping for a girl. It took me awhile to even convince my husband to have number 2. So, I knew that I might only ever have 2 boys. I would love to have 3 kids... and would desperately hope the third would be a girl. But the other day DH told me that if I got pregnant with a third he "would be devastated". :( So, will I only ever have 2 boys? The thought makes my heart ache. Could I handle 3 boys? I honestly don't know. The whole topic still makes me emotional.

I love my too boys and while boys and girls have inherent differences, my boys are as different as night and day. However, when I was pregnant with my second, I was hoping for a girl but only because that is how I grew up! I was also a little bit afraid of having a boy and a girl because my brother had died 3 years before and I was afraid that having an older boy and younger girl (just like my family!) would be a constant reminder of my childhood and my brother, which could be difficult. Even though I have 2 boys, it still brings up these emotions because the older one has a personality more like my brother and the younger is a bit more like me. I don't plan on having any more, so two boys it is! This is great for me, as I grew up with lots and lots boy cousins and was a tom boy who generally had as many boy friends as girl friends!

We have a boy and a girl. I was hoping for a girl the first time but of course I was happy with a boy! The second time I assumed I'd have another boy but we had a girl! I was very very happy both because I'd always wanted a girl, but more so because my son has autism and I knew the risks would be a lot higher for my second child to as well if it was a boy. I love my son with autism and it's not that I wouldn't love a second child with autism too, it's just that I didn't know if I could do right by two kids with autism in terms of therapies, etc. So far, I'm discovering girls are VERY different from boys, even accounting for autism so it's been fun to see how very different girl vs. boy is.

It does not matter - to be able to first conceive, then carry a baby - deliver and then have a baby is an amazing miracle that none of us should take advantage of. Not saying any of the posters are - but this to me makes all of us Mamas that were able to have a child very,very lucky.
Getting the gender that we prefer is a bonus.

Nope, doesn't matter. I always thought I'd have a girl...I have two boys. I wondered if I could connect with boys the way that I envisioned connecting with a girl. This has been the single most pleasant surprise around motherhood so far for me, I think: these boys are so much sweeter than I ever could have imagined. They are both very much the rough and tumble types, but also so sweet, kind and loving, and to my delight, mama's boys. We're on the fence about a 3rd...We love the idea of 3, especially when they are grown. We'd love a girl, but also love the idea of 3 boys. We'll see.

For some it doesn't matter and other it does. Any baby is a blessing but its totally legit to have a preference and its okay to be disappointed. The great thing @ kids is no matter what you get they have their own identities.

Everyone secretly wants what they "are" but we are always happy with whatever beautiful boy or girl we get :)

I felt from the get go that we were going to have a boy. Can't really explain why I just knew. When the ultra sound tech fought like mad to figure out his gender I said "its a boy." She gave me a look and asked what if he was a girl. I replied "if its a girl I would be shocked because I already picked his name and we bought some boy clothes." A few minutes later she announced he was in fact a boy. I was happy not because I was right but because I loved this little guy already and planned on naming him after my Grandpa. If he would of been a girl well she would have been named after my Grandma. I love this child no matter what already and I have not even held him in my arms yet. He is due very soon!

I remember always thinking I would have a girl. Then, one day, while I was thinking about having kids someday, I thought "What if I have a boy?!" At that moment I KNEW I would have two boys. I sure did and I couldn't be happier. Their health, not their gender, is the only thing I care about. I also look at it as my opportunity to put two good men into the world!

I conceived in "the clinic" by myself and always wanted a girl. I totally convinced myself I was having a boy and didn't find out ahead. When I delivered, I asked the doctor what it was and she told me to look for myself. I looked and saw boy parts. She told me to look again. In those two seconds I thought I had a boy, I was validated, but when I looked again and there were no boy parts, I was surprised! And happy. Being a single mom by choice, I assumed it would be easier for a girl to grow up without a father in the home. I don't know why I thought that, but it was my comfort zone. I knew it was completely not my choice, but I was relieved. As time went by and I realized I would probably not have a second, I have to say I have mourned the loss of the possibility of having a boy.

I'd had two different psychics tell me that I would have two boys, in my younger years. So I guess I always visualized myself with boys.

When I found out our first was a girl, I was so overjoyed. I had been surrounded by women my whole life, had lived w/ a roommates daughter for 5 years, had a bunch of nieces and two goddaughters. I understood female, and felt so much more confident about parenting a girl.

Now we have a son as well, and although having a same sex sibling was really great for me, I feel very blessed to have the opportunity to raise one of each.

Wanted an oldest girl because that's what I was, and I pictured having a little mini-me. Our next was a boy who died in utero at 20 weeks. When we got pregnant again, everyone said they thought it would be another boy. I vehemently did not want another boy because I felt like they were trying to replace the one I'd lost... If I could just have a boy then all would be right in the universe. But I did not want him "replaced".

I did end up having a boy, and when I found out at the ultrasound I had to pretend to be happy, and continued the pretense up until the day he was delivered. The moment I met him I knew there had been a little boy-sized hole in our family that was now filled. Oddly enough, as they have grown we've realized that our daughter is a carbon copy of her dad, and my son is actually my mini-me.

I'm now pregnant with another boy, and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have preferred another girl. But I know as soon as we meet I'll be reassured again that we don't always get exactly what we want, but we DO get exactly what we need.

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