Scary news of lost child grips us all
How could we not but hold our collective breath? All of those of us who have children in Portland Public Schools got the auto-call sometime Friday evening; a second-grader from Skyline Elementary in Southwest Portland, Kyron Horman, was lost to his family and the school sometime between a science fair before school opened, and his arrival at class. His stepmother visited the science fair with him; classmates saw him headed towards his room; when she met the bus at 3:45, he wasn't there at all. Police, FBI, and other agencies have no idea. There is no evidence of foul play.
I had wondered why the automated call I always get around 10:30 a.m. if my child is absent, hadn't triggered concern -- but the latest news from today's press conference with PPS superintendent Carole Smith is that it was such a small school, teachers usually know students and parents and the reasons for absences, and didn't have a dialer. All schools will now be getting automatic dialers (although the timeline for that change wasn't announced). It was just a slip, through a crack no one even thought to concern themselves with. And why? A safe neighborhood, a small school, a sweet child. What could go wrong?
The unthinkable. I've been thinking a lot about such typically unthinkable happenstances over the past few weeks, as I came across the news of writer and prolific mommy blogger Kate Granju's oldest son, Henry. He died several weeks after overdosing on the drugs to which he'd become addicted, and being beaten badly. And earlier today, I came across another mother searching for her 16-year-old daughter, last seen in Seattle. These things happen in lovely, loving families just like ours, and they chill to the bone and have me looking around instinctively every few minutes to make sure my boys are safe.
They are, and according to the FBI, violent crimes were down 5.5% last year and have been falling for several years. Free Range Kids creator Lenore Skenazy points this out in her blog, with great little tidbits like this one from a pediatric ICU nurse: "the real dangers are overlooked. Lock your second story windows, make sure your kids understand car and bike safety. Model safe behavior. Don’t talk and text while driving... I can tell you that I have NEVER once taken care of a kid who was assaulted by a stranger."
What is there to be done? Who is to blame? I don't see failings in security or parental care; I think the best answer is to be vigilant, to pray for these other family's awful predicament and the continued safety of our own, and to hug our children tight as much as we can and thank heavens for them.
It's just too much. My mind keeps racing to what I can do. Nothing right now, just holding the that little boy and his family in my heart.
Posted by: Laurel | June 06, 2010 at 08:17 PM
I've been thinking a lot about Henry Granju, and now I'm so worried about poor Kyron too. It's just hard to fathom such scariness. Keeping those families in my thoughts and paying extra attention to my boys.
Posted by: AnEmily | June 06, 2010 at 08:21 PM
I'm just heartbroken about this story. I think of my precious little four year old son and I just can't fathom the agony his family must be going through right now. He, and they, are very much on my mind and I hope with all my might they find him safe and sound very soon.
Posted by: SWMom | June 06, 2010 at 10:28 PM
I just wanted to add that, in response to "what can we do," one small thing I'm doing is that I shared the article on my Facebook page and asked/reminded all my friends to study his picture and information and be vigilant in helping keep their eyes out for this little guy. I know I plan to do that myself wherever I am until they find him. You never know...
Posted by: SWMom | June 06, 2010 at 10:33 PM
SWMom: thanks, I considered adding a photo of Kyron, and decided after your comment that we should go ahead with it! I've updated the post. There's also this Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/pages/Missing-Kyron-Horman/125336750831264?v=wall, for which the "like" button seems a terrible misuse of that word.
Posted by: sarah gilbert | June 06, 2010 at 11:42 PM
"what can we do?" While incidents like these are extremely rare they stay with us as mothers and heighten our vigilance. For Kyron and his family we can send out our thoughts and prayers. And for our own children there are some real, practical skills we can teach them to help them stay safe. There is an amazing class called 'No Go YELL TELL' at One With Heart in SE Portland. They teach kids some very practical skills to increase their confidence and their awareness (without scaring them!).
You can learn more at: http://www.onewithheart.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2&Itemid=3
Posted by: Aren | June 07, 2010 at 08:33 AM
I'm having a tough time understanding how a second grade child can be absent from school for an entire day without his parents being notified. This is beyond tragic. I too have posted links and his photo to my Facebook page. In addition, I recently had a creepy experience at a neighborhood park and called the police. They were extremely receptive to my "spider sense" and told me to tell everyone I know that if you EVER think anything is even a little "off" with someone and children are the vicinity, immediately call 911 and say that you "suspect that someone may be stalking a child." There is no judgement - a police officer will be dispatched immediately to scope out the area and you can be anonymous. I am a firm believer in instincts. We're animals after all and if I ever feel like something is even remotely weird, I assume that it is. Prayers to this family.
Posted by: Virginia | June 07, 2010 at 09:53 AM
My children go to a school with no "dialer." (It is also a K-8 school, like Skyline.) I always wondered what was up with the lack of notification (although, really, I was thinking the system made it too easy for kids to skip school).
The lack of notification is the main reason I don't let my children walk TO school alone. (The oldest is allowed to walk home FROM school.) With no notification, I would worry all day if he actually made it to school. (I know when to expect him home, though, and would know in less than 6 hours if he was missing.)
What we have done is introduced ourselves to some neighbors we frequently see on the way to school (raking lawns, walking dogs, whatever). While I don't actually *know* these people, they are a touchstone for my boys. Not only do these neighbors say "hi" and recognize my kids, they also look out for them. One elderly woman chatted up my bike-riding son until I (walking) caught up to him--she told me she was worried he was too far ahead of me.
My older children also know my husband's cell phone number by heart, as well as our address. I occasionally remind them that they can only leave school with me, Dad, Aunt Lil or Grandma. They are only to leave with someone else (a friend's parent, maybe) if Mom or Dad told them about it before school.
We also practice what to do if the boys get lost. Namely, they need to find either someone who is with children, or someone in a uniform and tell them that they are lost. (Store uniforms count, and most big-name stores have Code*Adam procedures for dealing with lost/missing children.)
If someone is trying to take them, we have practiced yelling, "Help! This is not my mommy! Help! Fire!" (Yeah, the "fire" part seems weird, but apparently--and I don't remember where I heard this--more people will come help when they hear the word "fire" over any other word--even "help").
I never know what to tell them, though, if they are actually taken to a second location. Should they try to escape (and risk angering the abductor)? Should they cooperate?
Posted by: egl | June 07, 2010 at 09:58 AM
It's horrible to think that children go missing every day, but having this happen here in our hometown just makes it ten times more heartbreaking. I've posted Kyron's info on my facebook and have talked about his disappearance a number of times with my colleagues and friends. Heaven forbid that if it were my child that were missing, I'd want to know that other people in the community were doing everything they could to look out for her, too.
Posted by: allison | June 07, 2010 at 06:18 PM
FREE KIDS SELF DEFENSE CLASS THIS WEEKEND @ ONE WITH HEART.
I posted earlier on the great work this organization does to bring self defense to children throughout Portland. In response to numerous families looking to respond in a positive way to this tragedy, One With Heart in SE Portland is offering a free 2 hour NO!, GO, YELL, TELL children's self defense workshop for families and children age 6 - 11. Saturday June 12th 9-11am. Free, but pre-registration recommended. Call 503-231-1999.
Posted by: Aren | June 07, 2010 at 09:35 PM
Egl, thanks for your post. My 7 year old and I had a long chat this weekend about who to trust if you get lost and can't find mom or dad or anyone you know. We talked about going into a store or asking another mom. We talked about how most people are good but some people are not.
Where on earth could this little boy be? So, so scary.
Posted by: daisy | June 07, 2010 at 10:09 PM
We have a sweet, loving 6 YO boy much like Kyron and I cried when I heard the report on the news that night. I couldn't help thinking about how terrified my little boy would be - whether lost in the woods or with strangers, not knowing when he'd be in the comfort of my arms again. Although I was cozied up in pj's in bed, I wanted to get dressed and head out there to help look for this poor boy.
This is a tragedy. I've never heard of a system that doesn't alert parents when their child doesn't show up for school without notice so this was news to me. And while our school phones have & will be down for the last two weeks of school, I've confirmed that our small school has a process in place to call parents with a notice.
I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and sadness that this family is dealing with right now. All I can do is continue to keep them in my prayers, and do what I can to help like post his story and picture on FB.
And believe that he will come home.
Posted by: Gina | June 08, 2010 at 09:43 AM
"or someone in a uniform and tell them that they are lost. (Store uniforms count, and most big-name stores have Code*Adam procedures for dealing with lost/missing children.)"
I have two small kids, but I have told them that if they are lost, or someone they don't know approaches them and they're not next to me, find a Mom. Find a Mom with kids.
Having read Protecting the Gift (a fabulous and reassuring read) I would not instruct my kids to find someone "in a uniform". Store and mall security guards are recruited, trained, and paid by the stores they watch. It's safer to find a Mom first!
My heart aches for Kyron and his family. I can't imagine what they are going through and my heart and prayers are with them.
Posted by: momazon | June 12, 2010 at 11:01 PM