OUCH: I think I have a biter!
Not to toot my own hooters, but I have been a successful nurser to date. I've nursed my first two for a cumulative total of five years. Now, I'm nursing my third, and we're eight months in. However. This little one -- a boy, unlike the first two, so perhaps that may make it different -- has begun to bite! OUCH! For any of you mamas who have been chomped on, whether or not your babe has teeth, you know the feeling. It is painful. It is not fun.
I know when he wants to chomp. He clamps down when he's distracted, when it happens to be noisy, when he's overtired, oversleepy. After a three-day weekend away, with many occasions when I've tried to nurse him for comfort, he's bitten me one. too. many. times. Now, I am sore. Even when he has a good latch, it hurts when he nurses. Every time his sucking slows, dangerously slow, I am ready to flinch. I am nervous now, and my heart has been beating a bit harder every time we set down to nurse.
I'm thinking: maybe we pump a bit more and nurse a bit less? Maybe we use nursing less as a comfort mechanism? The thought makes me sad, as I have had such a warm, cuddly experience with the years of nursing. Do I "discipline" him, for ever bite? Scold him? Firmly say "NO", and refuse to continue? I know I'm not the only one whose nips have been nipped!
OK, I know I'm going to sound like the worst mom of the year, but my first daughter did this a lot and the only way I was able to get her to quit was to flick her on the cheek as she was doing it. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to stun her and make her think "hey, what was that for?" After a few times she realized that any time she bit me she was going to get a little shocker. Aaaaand, commence to judging.
Posted by: Hadey | May 26, 2010 at 10:25 PM
You say "ow!" (the natural response) and pull him off for 30 seconds and say "biting hurts." The trick is, though, to pull him off while he is biting, you actually have to pull him in first. At that point, he opens mouth to breath and then you've managed to break free with the least amount of pain.
When mine went through this phase, it took less than a week of doing this every time before he learned.
Posted by: Nicole | May 26, 2010 at 10:27 PM
My son clamps down and smiles through gritted gums...and I smile back, which I know I'm going to regret once he gets teeth but his smiles are so dang cute. I have noticed that he also does it as a signal that he's done eating and ready for a change of scenery. If he bites and seems sleepy, that's when I pass him to daddy to rock. If he's looking around, I know he's bored and we play pat a cake or read a book My older son did it too, he would hang on with his teeth and look around. That was at nine months and he ended up self weaning shortly thereafter, which was sad for me...I just chalked it up to him being independent. If he's doing it when he seems genuinely hungry (which it doesn't sound as if he is), just say "no, that hurts mommy" and offer him a bottle of pumped milk till he gets the point.
Posted by: amber | May 26, 2010 at 10:56 PM
When mine bit (and boy, did he), I turned to Dr. Sears... and found a suggestion that seemed counter-intuitive - instead of trying to pull him off, push him IN, so his face is smooshed into your breast for not even a second. When he lets go, you pull him off and you make eye contact and say "no biting" and then re-latch if he needs it. I was skeptical, but with only a few repeats over the course of 3 days it worked and we kept nursing until he was almost 3 yrs old. So it's a "gentle discipline" combined with their instinct to not get smothered...for us, it was a bit less traumatic. good luck!
Posted by: Nif | May 27, 2010 at 07:56 AM
I used the same smoosh into boob and remove technique as Nicole, accompanied by a firm "no". It works. It's just annoying and uncomfortable enough for baby to send the negative consequence message. Trying to gently explain your pain to an 8 month old is a going to be wasted breath, but he'll notice the change in voice, the facial expression and the lack of boob. I wouldn't offer the bottle instead, but wait 30 seconds (as Nicole suggested) and try again, unless you want to wean him. An active, wiggly and teething little one may take the bottle as the preferred option, since he can manage it more himself, look anywhere he wants, and gnaw away to his little heart's content.
Posted by: anon | May 27, 2010 at 08:03 AM
I had this problem with my son as well. He bit me- hard enough to draw blood - for the first time the day after his first birthday. I was so shocked when it happened I nearly dropped him! And my intense reaction actually scared him so much that I was unable to get him to nurse for a week. We did end up nursing again after that week, but the biting continued. I tried the "smoosh face" technique, but because (I think) my son was older he was strong enough to resist this (my understanding of this method is it works best for young babies). At a year he was old enough for me to say "please don't bite" and "biting gives Mama an owie", but then it almost became like a game....he knew it wasn't okay for him to do, but would do it anyway to see get the reaction from me. After 4 frustrating months of trying everything in the book, calling Nursing Moms of Oregon for advice, attending "nursing your toddler" la leche meetings for advice, I finally gave up when he was 15 months old. But I wanted him to still have breast milk so I continued to pump and give him bottles/sippy instead, which actually worked out well for us. Not to mention it was much more relaxed and I felt like I could rock him to sleep again. I figuered he's still getting the benfits of breast milk,only the vessell has changed.
Posted by: anonamama | May 27, 2010 at 09:09 AM
My daughter did this around 6 months when she started to get her first teeth. I would quickly break the latch by hooking my finger around her lower gum, look her in the eye, and say, "No bite." It took several days of doing this, but she stopped and hasn't done it again.
With my son, he started biting when he has about 15 months, and that spelled the end of nursing for us. So I really encourage you to intervene now, before it gets too uncomfortable. I really like something it says in the Sear breastfeeding book about annoying baby nursing behaviors. Something like: It's best for your baby to nurse, but mom also has the right to be comfortable and happy during nursing. I remember this when my daughter yanks and pulls on my hair, clothes, etc while nursing, and I tell her "no." At 8 months, I think many babies can understand a simple "no."
Posted by: SJ | May 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM
I struggled with this for a while and it did get better, but my little one never drew blood, it just hurt.
I do want to say I was sorry to see you run to gender to explain this behavior. I am not saying their aren't differences based on gender, but think we are all often too quick to go there and thus place limitations on all our kids. It is especially concerning when the expectation is around something that might be viewed as aggression and boys. I could off-base there, but it is just something to think about....
Posted by: A. | May 27, 2010 at 10:03 PM
Both of my daughters went through a stage of biting me. Both drew blood and both were a little gamey with it at times, but both stopped after a week or so probably. A very long week. I understand the flinching and the pain and fear that can become associated with nursing during these stages.
I tried both smooshing the face and using my finger to break the hold and neither worked all the time or seemed especially helpful during their worst biting episodes. It seemed that both girls did it because of teeth and then to kind of see what would happen. Each time I would firmly say "No, ouch. No bite Mama." "That hurts Mama." After a couple days of the biting happening and just taking a short break, I then began to put them down off my lap each time. If they started to cry for more nursing I would pick them up and repeat. "No bite Mama, ouch" and then resume nursing. They eventually got it.
Posted by: Andrea | May 28, 2010 at 07:40 AM
I'm with the first poster here, it sounds terrible but I gave my son a flick in the mouth when he bit me and it only took two times for him to never do it again. I figured that brief bit of discomfort for him was worth it to be able to continue breastfeeding. There's no way I would have kept going if he would have kept biting me.
Posted by: KT | May 31, 2010 at 03:17 PM
My daughter started biting just a bit around 9 months, and we were in a near-constant biting battle by 10 months. My strategies included:
- Removing distractions before nursing as much as possible, including dimming the lights, turning of music or TV, etc., as she bit more when distracted.
- Nursing with my finger poised next to her mouth to break her off quickly in case she were to bite. I started to get gun-shy, and I was probably popping her off more than necessary out of fear of being bitten.
- Watching for signs/sensations that she was no longer nursing actively and swallowing, and preemptively ending the nursing session then.
- When she did bite, calmly but firmly telling her "No biting" and setting her down on the ground. She disliked the sudden physical distance from me.
- Trying to offer her other things to bite on often, and telling her it was ok to bite the teething ring or wet washcloth or whatever it was.
- One strategy that I think was overall NOT helpful was using bottles. Giving her a bottle instead of the breast when she bit me made her think that biting me was an acceptable way of requesting the bottle. Since I was working by this time, bottles were a big part of our lives, but if I had it to do over again, I never would have immediately followed a bite by giving her a bottle.
In the end, I just had to be patient. She took a couple of months to really respond to my discipline, and I had a couple of months of wondering if I was going to have to wean her soon. It was a very tough couple of months.
At 12 months, she had learned how to use a sippy cup, so we took away all the bottles, and we no longer had a very good substitute for nursing. So when she bit, she did not get a bottle, she just got separation from me and no more milk for a little while. She stopped biting within a few days after that, and since then (for the past year), she's been a very gentle nurser.
Posted by: mamanomnom | May 31, 2010 at 08:59 PM
I am amazed at you mamas for whom blood was drawn by the bite and you were so tough! The best advice ever given, which one would never think of on their own, is mentioned in many comments here: from the Sears book. Smush 'em in. With each of my babes, I only ever was bitten twice, and did this each time. It took each of them only those 2 times to learn to never. do. it. again. Biting=can't breathe. Even though you only do it for maybe, what, 3 seconds, total? it has a HUGE effect. Good luck!
Posted by: Mamamamama | June 01, 2010 at 03:00 PM
I am going through this same problem with my 9 month old son and appreciate all the tips. He just got in his bottom two teeth and has started biting. It is hard, and I'm glad to hear that babies can learn to stop. Ouch!
Posted by: ONH | June 02, 2010 at 04:05 PM
I am no longer a nursing mama, but my 17 month old son is a bad biter. He mainly only bites me and thinks of it as a game (he gets a mischievous grin afterward), I think. He bites my hands, arms and stomach the most (when he acts like he is going to zerbert me then bites instead). A couple times he has even bit my nipple through my shirt! I will push him off and say- OUCH! That hurts mama!- and he will then kiss the owie as an apology, but it doesn't stop him from doing it again the next time. Any suggestions for dealing with this type of biting? Time-outs have not helped to stop this behavior. Thanks for your advice, mamas!
Posted by: Lisa | June 03, 2010 at 12:29 PM
thanks, mamanomnom, for your comments. I'm really upset about my 8.5-month-old girl, who has 6 teeth and has been biting so hard that, while no blood, I'm really sore and all nursing sessions are dreadful. For my 1st child (a boy, by the by), one involuntary time of screaming OWWW did it: he was terrified. This girl? Not so much. She thinks it's funny. Smushing, de-latching, yelling, firmly stopping the nursing session, nothing is working. Like other posters, I'm sad and fearful that baby-led weaning might not be an option w/this child. Will keep trucking along, though...
Posted by: Caitlyn | June 04, 2010 at 11:17 AM
Hi mamas, somewhat off topic, but we are ISO a breast milk donor. If anyone can help or has any leads please email me at raindrops33@ymail.com and I can fill you in more on our situation
Posted by: TheSimmsFamily | June 05, 2010 at 11:57 PM
I read a suggestion that disturbed me at first because it inflicted pain on the baby until I tried it. The advice: pinch the cartilage at the top of the baby's ear immediately and correct by saying, "No" firmly. The pinch is not hard enough to make the baby cry but enough to distract and get his attention. Since I started with my son at six months, we have nursed without constant biting. He has four teeth and is teething again. The technique is working like a champ after the breast smush was unsuccessful!
Posted by: Sam | July 21, 2010 at 07:30 PM