urbanMamas Portland

I don't know about you, but I've been angry about bisphenol-A (BPA) for years (literally). It's in our bodies, in food and beverage containers (among other things, like retail receipts), and it ain't good for us.  Especially babies (and pregnant women).  The U.S. FDA *finally* acknowledged some concern about this toxic chemical a few weeks back, but plans to study it for a few more years before doing anything more than studying it - some more.  Well I for one don't have time to wait.

Which is why I'm so thrilled about Oregon Senate Bill 1032, which would phase the toxic chemical out of all reusable food and beverage containers (think: baby bottles and sippy cups) and formula cans and baby food jars (single use) intended for children under 3.  'Bout time.

You can help pass this bill - it's easy!

If we don't tell our state legislators that we're tired of BPA and support this bill, how will they know how important it is to us?  Simple: they won't.  So here's what you can do:

1. Email your state representative and senator NOW (just need your zip code).
2. Better yet, call 'em.  All you have to say is, "Hi my name is ________ and I urge the representative/senator to vote YES on SB 1032 to ban BPA.  Thank you."  It's that simple. And that quick.  Get the phone numbers here.
3. Join us this Thursday in Salem to show our legislators how much we want this.  Activistas will be there from 1 to 3 PM to "pack the hearing room."  Thanks to the Oregon Environmental Council (OEC) for bringing this bill so far and spearheading this grassroots effort.
4. Join OEC's Healthy Kids Network to stay current on action opportunities  - and their excellent eco-healthy home tips.

Industry lobbyists want this bill to fail.  Do you?

As Truman is heading to kindergarten next year, he's going to be ending his preschool journey in June. He's in an MESD program at Grout, meant to provide an opportunity for children qualifying for early intervention to learn alongside "peers," kids who don't qualify but love the $5-per-session (and less for those on low incomes) rates. It's lovely: close to home, with caring teachers, FREE. But it's on a two-hours-and-twenty-five minutes timetable, three days a week. Just barely enough to give him a chance to learn a little bit about letters and numbers and seasons and how important it is to follow rules about cleanup and sharing: not enough to give me a chance to actually get anything done in the meantime.

Typically, I treasure the days, like today, that he's off school; in order to get him in the door at 11:50, I'm feeding him a snack at 11 and doing the get-ready dance for him and Monroe for the next 20 or 30 minutes. By 1:45 I'm looking at my watch every two minutes, interrupting any train of thought I'd been able to establish what with Monroe, longing for the human interaction he craves, holding his hands on either side of my face asking me to look at something -- his nose, a Pokemon card, a Hot Wheels race car.

As Monroe will be three this summer, when his big brother is heading for kindergarten I'll be left to decide whether to put him in preschool. I definitely don't have room in my budget for any longer, less public school-y preschool program; it's the MESD seven or eight hours a week, or nothing. Today, loving the flexibility of my time and the space I have to let my trains of thought play all the way out before I interrupt them for snacks and bike rides, I'm leaning toward foregoing preschool altogether for my third kid.

But... Truman's definitely benefited; he really needed the "discipline," if you can call it that, preschool provides; the structure is something he craves and I'm not great at affording; the social opportunities are hard to live without. Life without preschool for my youngest would require at least a little investment in playdates and a mama who could promise herself to dedicate a little time each day to crafts and books. (I love them. I just don't always manage to fit them into writing-housework-bills-errands-bread baking-chicken feeding-etc.)

What do you all think: how much preschool is too little? Have any of you let preschool be when faced with such a decision (and only one child still at home)? How much "curriculum" (hah) do you do? Crafts and books and seasons, oh my? Do you paint with your young child? Schedule many playdates? I'd love to hear how you've organized your life around preschool, if you too have decided "that much is not enough."

There are times when the logistics of finances catch up with the rest of us.  In an ideal situation, 3 minus 2 would equal 1, where our income exceeds our expenses, and we are left with a little extra.  In a decent situation, 2 minus 2 would equal zero, where we would make just enough to make ends meet.  However, in many situations, 2 minus 3 would equal negative one, where we can't even manage to make enough to keep up with life's daily expenses - food, shelter, medical care, and clothing.  The situation may worsen with years in the negative, where the number could just keep growing and growing.  Perhaps even it may seem that all cards fall in the wrong place, where what little income we may take in, suddenly makes us unqualified for other benefits like food stamps.

An urbanMama recently shared with me a little bit about her situation, where the ends just don't meet.  Feeling underwater and deep in debt is never a good feeling.  Bankruptcy may or may not be an option.  Do you have some resources to share, where she can consider her options, whether it be filing for Chaper 7 or 13, or perhaps negotiating payment plans with creditors?

An urbanPapa friend and I engaged in a lively philosophical debate via chat yesterday evening while I should have been cooking dinner. At issue, the looming opening of school choice transfer applications for kindergarteners -- this Friday, January 29, at 8 a.m. schools throughout the district will begin accepting them, as well as registration forms for neighborhood kindergarteners. Should he apply for transfer, or just accept the fate his home purchase a decade or more ago had set for him?

I told him I thought Atkinson, his neighborhood choice, was a good one; he wondered about the test scores there, which were not what you'd call a "home run." Atkinson got a grade of "satisfactory" in the District's report cards [pdf link] (you can find other Oregon district report cards, with data on individual schools, here.) He asked what was partly a rhetorical question: "do test scores matter?" 

My perspective was this: test scores are a snapshot that tells you how well third, fourth and fifth graders in your district take tests. It has much to do with demographics; students who are minorities typically do worse, as do those for whom English is a second language. Yes, we know this, he said, but white students in Atkinson weren't doing great, either. This, I said, was again a snapshot of demographics; poorer students do worse, on average. This tells you nothing more than "the majority students in my school are not, on average, students with the high level of parent involvement that guarantees better results on standardized tests." It is not a reflection, I said, on teacher competence or whether or not your child will thrive there. It's just a demographic snapshot. Unless your neighborhood school is a war zone (I'm not saying we don't have any of those in Portland, just unless), your risk of a bad educational experience is equally great at a great neighborhood school, a poor neighborhood school, a charter school, or a private school.

Sidebar: Kindergarten roundups [pdf link] actually started last week: you've missed the dates for Arleta and Ainsworth -- sorry! Atkinson was this morning at 9:30 a.m., but has another at 6 p.m. Feb 4. Astor is tonight at 6:30 p.m. Forest Park and Rieke are tomorrow at 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., respectively. The rest start next week. If you decide you love a school other than your neighborhood school, you must list it as first choice to have a chance in the lottery. Also: if there is choice between half-day and full-day kindergarten in your school, you will want to turn your application in right at 8 a.m. if you want the full-day option; they fill up fast. We have a growing resource in our schools forum, which provides at least a little information and a chance to connect with parents for each school in the PPS, many private schools, and those from some surrounding suburbs and towns. Last year, we talked about kindergarten roundups and school choice, although most of the comments there do pertain strictly to 2009.

He countered, saying, "there is no question that educational reputation affects people's lives. I can't say it affects whether they are happy, but it does affect what kind of jobs they get. For example, top competitive positions at corps and in government are filled predominantly by people from about 5 or 10 universities. Ivy League plus a few others. Shouldn't I give him that opportunity if it's there for me?" He acknowledged that stating this was a departure for him; he'd just as soon give a screed on how owning land should be illegal.

Yes, I said, but there are so many unknowns for a kindergartener, and the test results of kids who are now in fourth grade -- who won't interact with your son at all -- are hardly likely to influence this much.

Some of us are partnered mamas, and some of us are unpartnered mamas.  Some of us are partnered with men, some of us are partnered with women.  One topic we have yet to talk about specifically is to share resources for the queer mamas among us.  An urbanMama recently emailed:

I've noticed that I'm not the first to bring it up diversity because I found the old posting - "Recognizing the Diversity of urbanMamas."  I'm a queer mama (who also happens to be of mixed ethnicity) and it seems like there's a lack of representation and inclusion of queer/gay/lesbian, etc. mamas on your site.  This is so unfortunate given the "recent U.S. Census data show Oregon now has the third-highest proportion of same-sex couples in the nation, behind only Maine and Massachusetts."  (Portland Tribune, 1/7/10).  It seems like such a shame that there's no category for queer mamas, given that there's categories for lots of other types of mamas and families --- Papa Style, Working Mamas, Single Parenting, Love and Marriage, etc."  uM would be such a great resource for queer/lesbian mamas, who seek to find supportive communities and other like-minded mamas in PDX.  As I already mentioned, I adore uMs and would love the opportunity to have a sense of inclusion within the uM community. 

To this end, do you have resources to share for queer mamas?

Economic data determined that women were no longer benefiting economically from marriage (as had been the case up until now), and everyone's opining. Not least, the New York Times, which rounded up a variety of responses to the so-called "Alpha Wives" issue. I appreciate the perspective of Andrew J. Cherlin, who points out that most women don't earn more than men, and this isn't really a revolution so much as an anomaly that's now returning to its baseline, writing: "The idea of a “housewife” who exclusively cared for the children and the home only emerged in the 20th century as Americans migrated to cities and as factories replaced farms. What’s happening today is that we are returning to the more typical kind of family in which women’s work of all sorts — which now includes earning money — is crucial. That kind of family was fully accepted until the mid-20th century, and there is no reason to think it will be rejected now." In my family, I think this is the direction we're headed.

Perhaps we didn't need this research as inspiration to encourage our teenagers to avoid alcohol and drugs. But news that alcohol abuse does permanent damage to a teen's developing brain is, at least, one more piece of ammunition we can use in our well-reasoned, rational arguments for our kids to avoid the stuff.

Don’t forget our working mama lunch is on Thursday, January 28 @ 12:30. LOCATION CHANGE: Red Star Tavern located @ 503 SW Alder (www.redstartavern.com). Mother’s could not accommodate our large (21+) party at 12:30. With a party this size, Red Star will automatically add 18% to the bill and requires one check. Reply in comments only if you are unable to attend or would like to attend but have yet to RSVP. Can make changes to the reservation until noon on Wednesday, January 27. Reservation under Courtney/urbanMamas. See you Thursday.

The new runners group has started! Our first group run is Saturday, January 23^rd @ 8:00 AM at Salmon Street Springs. That is the large water fountain/feature at the end of SW Salmon and in Tom McCall Waterfront Park. If you did not receive the email, but wanted to or want to be added, email me (again maybe) at umamrunners@gmail.com and I will add you to the list.

Never one to shy away from an opportunity to hyperbolize food, I was enthralled with my neighbor Camellia's email today, asking me to try a recipe for raw, vegan "brownies," and write about them here in the context of life-changing food. What, she asked, are the simple, healthy, delicious recipes we couldn't feed our families without? 

Immediately, I thought of my favorite shortbread cookies, made with measures of brown rice flour, whole wheat flour, and white flour; honey; and plenty of butter. They put me at peace despite the fat content; it's all whole "real" foods and it's giving us the sweet cookie fix we all crave with a hefty dose of whole grains and none of the processed sugar I've come to fear. I also love the "recipe" Truman and I devised; stir together plain hazelnut or sunflower butter, honey, and a few drops of vanilla, eat with a spoon (that was breakfast today). And of course, there are zinemama's zucchini carrot muffins, shared with us just yesterday (great way to use up frozen grated zucchini!).

As soon as I have 20 minutes to shell the walnuts (gathered, appropriately, from the enormous tree behind her house), I plan to try these out; she, like me, had been treating herself regular with pieces of chocolate bar and these -- with only the whole-foods sugar of the dates -- are a far less compromising luxury. And if you like these, also try the homemade "Lara Bar" recipes here and here. Please, share your recipes that delight both kid and parent alike with their delicious wholesomeness! Camellia's and my recipes are in the "more" portion of the post.

Many of us have in-laws, step-parents or aunts and uncles with whom we never wish to speak again. A lot of this never needs to be discussed with our children until they are much older. But sometimes, the relationship is so close and seems that it should be such a normal part of your children's life story that it continues to surface -- even though your children are too young and the subject still too raw for you to address it evenly. What do you do? A. asks:

I have been estranged from my father for just over 10 years. He sexually abused me when I was a child, and needless to say I don't want to have him in my or my children's lives. What I really could use, is some advice on how to approach the subject of my father with my children. Tonight my daughter (who is 4 1/2) asked my who my daddy is.

That sent me into a panic. I stammered, he was a daddy, and promptly changed the subject. I don't want to say something like "he wasn't very nice to me so I don't talk to him anymore" because I worry that my daughter will make a connection that if she's ever not very nice to me than I may not talk to her anymore.

Any thoughts you wise mamas have would be very much appreciated, for both short term (what do I say now about my dad in my past/present, and why there's only grandma on Mommy's side and no grandpa) and long term ideas (like should I actually tell my kids the details one day? How old should they be? when they are young adults themselves??)

Food writer Amanda Hesser said 'Bravo!' to Jennifer Steinhaeur for her essay in today's New York Times on snack food, and more pointedly, our parental addiction to the practice. "Of the many horrors that lurk in the e-mail in-box of a working parent ... nothing quite rivals the snack request," she writes. "Not a month goes by without someone somewhere asking me to serve up some snack for an event that one of my children will attend and that, generally speaking, will not last more than 90 minutes." Perhaps that opening line is a bit maudlin (umm, I can think of plenty of horrors worse), but she gets around to pointing out that kids eat too many snacks, they expect to eat too many snacks, and we organize around it! "Rarely do I see a parent show up on the soccer field with a homemade snack, or even a bag of carrots. Oreos are the post-game snack of choice, even in sports leagues dominated by upper-income parents." She suggests we could have kids bring their own snacks... or maybe no snacks? That last bit sounds right to me! I'm always amazed at the capacity of my children to eat awfully healthy food, when they haven't just filled up on fruit leather and cookies. No snacks it is.

On NPR, we learn that Army wives worry (a lot) (no, a LOT) while their husbands are at war. I've written about this and my husband hasn't even left for war (still, no orders). The study learns that military wives whose husbands have been deployed have a lot of anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders: but the support system for these problems isn't in place. I've noticed a distinct difference recently in the Army's approach to mental health; I think I have high hopes.

Wednesday, Jan. 20 (A quick reminder and follow up to Leah's post) 

• The Big Red Container, until 6 p.m., parking lot of Portland Foursquare Church at SE 13th and Ankeny. It’s the last day for Portlander Jeff Lorton’s 40-foot shipping container, to be filled with relief goods for Haiti. http://www.facebook.com/Portland.Haiti.Relief.Container or 503-852-1635. Needs: Plastic Sheeting/Tarps/Duct Tape; Baby Formula;Peanut Butter; Bandaids and First Aid materials; Bandages and Over the Counter Medications like Tylenol, Aleve, Excedrin, Eye drops, Anti fungal-Anti Bacterial Cream Etc.; Dental Hygene; Light weight clothing (new or gently used); Sport sandals; Hygiene items; Sanitary Wipes.
• Rose City Classic Dog Show, 7:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Friday and Sunday, 7:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. or later on Saturday, Expo Center, Portland. Nearly 4,000 purebred dogs will compete in areas such as agility, obedience and breed standards. Saturday includes tryouts for a team that competes at the World Agility Championships. $10 person, $20 max for a family of five.

Thursday, Jan. 21

•  The Big Red Container Part II: until 6 p.m., parking lot of Portland Foursquare Church at SE 13th and Ankeny.  The first container for Haiti is full, so they've started a second, according to this morning's facebook update.  It says " VOLUNTEERS NEEDED! 10AM to 6PM Thursday to pack items for relief container #2. Come work alongside the folks that filled Container #1!" It says priority items for the second container are baby formula and peanut butter. Lorton also says he has raised about a third of the $6,000 shipping cost to send the first container.

Friday, Jan. 22

• Story and a Stroll, 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., Tryon Creek State Park. Learn about the creek with a park naturalist. Targeted to ages 3-6. Free but limited space; call or email to register. No drop ins. (503) 636-9886 ext. 225 or christal.florin@state.or.us
• Oregon Children's Theatre presents Small Steps, 2 p.m., Madison High School Library, 2735 NE 82nd Ave.The 10-day Fertile Ground arts festival lists several family friendly and free offerings among its new works. This story, about a teen trying to change his life, was adapted from the book by Louis Sachar. Reserve seats at 503-228-9571 or online at www.octc.org
• Movie Night: Hercules, 5 p.m., Cafe Sip-n-Play 3000 SE 164th Ave., suite 107 Vancouver. Free. 360-896-4446.
• Family Night, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., Matt Dishman Community Center, 77 NE Knott St.. Monthly family drop-in night with crafts, board games, movies. Tonight: Winter Wonderland. $3/family. 503-823-3673.
• Family Night at the Movies, 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., St. Johns Community Center, 8427 N. Central, Portland. A monthly drop in night with crafts, concessions, a play area and free popcorn. Tonight’s movie: Up! 503-823-3192. $3/Family.
• Prowling for Owls, 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., Tualatin River National Wildlife Refuge. A Backyard Birdshop naturalist leads a night hike for a maximum of six people to learn about owl habitat and adaptations. Free but registration required: send e-mail with name, number of participants in group and contact phone number to saran_dunham@fws.gov.
• Battle of the Bands, 8 p.m. Backspace, 115 NW Fifth Ave. Five bands, composed mostly of Portland Public Schools high school students, battle it out for 20 hours of free recording time while raising money for PPS music education. Free, but sponsors suggest a $2 donation. www.pdxmusicintheschools.org Note: this is not marching band music.

Saturday Jan. 23

• Volunteer at the Native Plant Center, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.,. Metro's Native Plant Center, 2661 SW Borland Road, Tualatin. Organized as a family-friendly volunteer event. Activities change throughout the winter, from harvesting native bulbs to repotting plants grown from seed collected from Metro natural areas. They provide water, tools, gloves and a snack. 797-1653 or nativeplantcenter.volunteers@oregonmetro.gov.
• Sunnyside Swap Shop Open House, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., 3420 SE Yamhill, inside the Sunnyside United Methodist Church building. One of a growing number of cooperatively run play spaces in Portland, designed for families with kids 10 and under. Nonmembers can try out the swap’s areas including indoor and outdoor play spaces and areas for arts and crafts, performances and books.
• Fort Vancouver Blacksmith and Kitchen, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Fort Vancouver National Historic Site, Vancouver. The fort was once a hub of the Hudson Bay Company’s fur trade and a bulwark of British interest in the Pacific Northwest. Volunteers in period costume show the crucial role of the blacksmith in the time before hardware stores and use the baking of sea biscuits to demonstrate the company's power. $3 for adults, $5 for families, children 15 and under are free. Maps and directions at http://www.nps.gov/fova/index.htm. Call the Fort Vancouver Visitor Center at 360-816-6230.
• Photo Display: Haiti Before and After, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Central Northeast Neighbors Community Room, 4415 NE 87th (at Sandy Boulevard). A fundraiser by the Society for Haitian Arts and Culture. Society members are traveling to Haiti to deliver medical supplies, temporary emergency shelters, food and clothing. For information call Judith Gelin at (503) 257-1014.
• Preschool Fair, 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., University Park Community Center, 9009 N. Foss. Preschools from North, Northeast and Southeast attend the fair, sponsored by the MOMS club of North/Northeast Portland. Children are welcome. For infomation call Leigh Ann at 971-404-8833.
• Guided Nature Walk, 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., Tryon Creek State Park. Join a guided nature hike, this week on fish migration. Free, suitable for all ages, parents must accompany children. http://events.tryonfriends.org/guided-nature-walks/
• Yoga for Kids, 10:30 a.m. to 11:15 a.m., Sellwood-Moreland Library,7860 SE 13th Ave. Props, music, dance and stories to teach kids ages 3-5. Parent participation encouraged. Free, but space limited. Tickets will be available 30 minutes before the program starts. (503) 988-5398.
• Cloth Diapering 101, 11 a.m. to noon, Milagros Boutique, 5433 NE 30th Avenue. The source of many fascinating umama discussions (click diapers under the "categories" heading on the left), cloth diapering gets easier with a few tips.
• Forcing Paperwhites, 11 a.m., Al’s Garden Center in Gresham, 7505 SE Hogan Rd, Gresham. $5. Registration required at 503-491-0771.
• 11th Annual Winter WACIPI Powwow, noon, PCC Sylvania Campus HT Gymnasium, 12000 S.W. 49th Ave. Grand entries at 1 p.m. and 7 p.m., arts and crafts vendors, college fair, fry bread and tacos, community dinner at 5:30 p.m. Free, but non-perishable donations welcome for Oregon Food Bank.
• Puppet show "Under the Sea," 1 p.m., Rockwood Library, 17917 SE Stark. Penny’s Puppet Productions. Targeted to preschool and K-5. Free but registration required. Register by phone at 503-988-5396.
• Movie Night: Hercules, 5 p.m., Cafe Sip-n-Play 3000 SE 164th Ave., suite 107 Vancouver. Free. 360-896-4446.
• Portland Folk Festival Presents Akron/Family, 6:30 p.m., Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. Free, all ages show presented by a group organizing a new folk festival at Overlook Park in August. See www.holocene.org for more information.

Sunday, Jan 24

• Hillsdale Winter Market, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., behind the Hillsdale Shopping Center off SW Capitol Hwy. at Sunset Boulevard., adjacent to the Wilson High School track. (503) 475-6555.
• Sundays for Families, 12:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., Portland Art Museum, Visitors create art inspired by artists such as Robert Rauschenberg, who questioned the distinction between art objects and everyday objects. Family tours 12:30 p.m. Storytime 2:30 p.m. Art making 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Free with museum admission; children 17 and younger are free. www.portlandartmuseum.org.
• Winter Family Fun Fest, 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., Mittleman Jewish Community Center, 6651 SW Capitol Highway. Indoor playground, stories, singing, art projects for families with kids 0-5 years. $5 per family. Register online or walk ins welcome. 503-244-0111 or www.oregonjcc.org.
• Rock, Paper, Scissors, 1:30 to 2:30 p.m., Tigard Public Library, 13500 SW Hall Blvd,. Tigard. Kids five and up transform rocks and paper bags into something to love. 503-684-6537.
• Service of Music and Prayer/Labyrinth Walk, 5 p.m. Grace Memorial Episcopal Church, 1535 NE 17th Ave. A time of prayer for people in Haiti. A classical guitarist will perform. Any donations will be split between Mercy Corps and the Episcopal Relief and Development Fund. http://www.grace-memorial.org/news
• Oregon Children's Theatre presents Texting the Sun, 7:30 p.m., Coho Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh. Another Fertile Ground production, this one looking at the multi-media world of adolescence. Free. www.fertilegroundpdx.org

Coming up:

Thursday, Jan. 28

• Dance Theater of Harlem Ensemble lecture and demonstration, noon, Kaul Auditorium, Reed College. A professional group of young dancers trained at Dance Theatre of Harlem School is touring the U.S. to expand awareness of classical ballet. The ensemble will give an informal demonstration and discuss the process of becoming a dancer. Free and open to the public.
• Dance Theater of Harlem Ensemble performance, 7 p.m., Kaul Auditorium, Reed College. The ensemble performs. For tickets, e-mail bhm@reed.edu or call 503/517-7935 with name, e-mail address, phone and number of seats requested. Arrive 15 minutes early; any unclaimed seats will be released at the door. Free and open to the public.

Disclaimer: Sometimes I make mistakes or things change. Please use the web links or phone numbers to doublecheck times, dates and other information before heading out.

The setting:  the dining room table.  The activity:  Finishing homework the night before it's due.  The result:  A battle of wills like you've never witnessed before.  There will be many broken pencils, gray hairs, and with a little luck (because effort is not even part of this equation) there will be a finished assignment.  Things always come up, like a more interesting speck of dust, or the need to pee (5 times in 20 minutes).  Eventually, most of it will get done.  And this is just First Grade!  Boy, are we in for it!  So please, mamas, do you have any tricks?  Tips?  How do you get homework done without getting into a brawl? 

I thought I'd try something new and newsy: a bit of a.m. storylinking to get your mind whirring comfortably, so when you sit down to your 'net access and coffee before the kids awake, or when they're busily engaged in Lego wars, or after you've gotten to work and need to take a breath, you'll have something light and accessible. Let me know if you like it!

urbanMama Margaret Foley shared a new survey from Britain, that country always ready to share a completely unscientific but nonethless fascinating poll with the world: 8:25 a.m. has been named the most stressful time in the day. Greatly adding to this stressful time: the fact that many mothers are driving to work, which compounds the stress (another bonus to biking and public transporting: not perfect zen, but for me, less stressful).

Many green-leaning mamas were linking to this item in the New York Times about therapists reporting many "green disputes" among couples. I was not surprised that most of the interviewees were from Portland. In fact, I'm fairly certain this makes up 56% of all couples counselling sessions. Including my own, where tussles over food were chief amongst the topics of discussion one recent summer; and now we've moved on to my exaggerated sighs when he borrows a car to do (in my opinion) bike-able errands. Again?

As with everything, I launched into it without much thought. "You see," I told the boys one night last week, "many people in this country used to think people who looked different than them -- with darker skin or different hair or different-shaped noses -- weren't as good as them. They even sometimes thought they weren't fully human, like animals or something! Isn't that awful?"

"That sounds pretty stupid to me," said Everett. He's the oldest, seven-and-a-half. Emboldened, I marched on, describing how people who needed to make decisions they weren't totally comfortable with -- like owning people, treating them horribly as slaves, making them do the worst work and endure terrible living conditions -- used this ethical trap to convince themselves it was o.k. "If they believed it, then they wouldn't think of themselves as so mean and awful," I said. "And it made them feel good, to think of themselves as better than these other people."

Lately, I've been referring to Hitler in a few different contexts, telling Everett the story of the man who put the heads on Pez (I had discovered he'd ended up working for the same Nazis who had sent his entire family to their deaths in concentration camps, after the war, and been stunned by this) and another story about the man who first put jigsaw puzzles on cardboard, making them available to the masses (his family, too, had needed escape from Nazis; we don't know if they made it).

It's context that I feel the kids need to understand why Martin Luther King, Jr's speech is so important -- why it is I still cry when I hear it, for the umpteenth time -- how our generous minds let us take cruel shortcuts, sometimes, without owning up to the cost. How we build up a whole infrastructure around this cruelty, laws and societal norms and unkind jokes, to protect our fragile consciences from the truth.

It's so easy to open up our pocketbooks in this time of crisis for the victims of the Haiti earthquake, but as a friend recently mentioned "so totally preoccupied by the news from Haiti, and the people I know who have personal connections there. After you donate, then what to do?" 

Do you have any suggestions on what we can do? For one, we can frequent the many awesome local businesses that are organizing to donate more money.  Thanks, Milagros, for putting the list together. 

Have you SMSed a donation? The following organizations are accepting SMS donations in the US only:

• Text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
• Text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts
• Text "GIVE10" to 20222 to donate $10 to Direct Relief

We'd love to hear of other ways you are helping in this relief effort!

In case you're inside this weekend, watching the rain, here's a few recent Activistas posts to wile the time away. They range from donating breastmilk (there's a shortage in Denver!) to supporting Measures 66/67 to the economics of motherhood discussion series, and back.  So grab some tea and start reading....

• It's not sexism, it's motherhood, sister.  The Economist recently ran an article titled, "The rich world’s quiet revolution: women are gradually taking over the workplace" (definitely worth a read).  They point out that women now comprise exactly half of the American workforce, and yes, I agree, that's some serious progress.  But.
• Sustainababy: Born 2 Be Green [Great Local Blog Series].   Ever heard of Sightline Daily?  It's a solid source of regional sustainability news and commentary, based in Seattle.  The reason I bring them up here is the great blog series called "Sustainababy" they've been running by staffer and mama-to-be Anna Fahey.
• Creating Change with Family Forward Oregon.  Over the next several months I will be posting about my experiences with Family Forward Oregon's "The Economics of Motherhood" discussion/action group.  First Entry: Why join?
• Got Milk?  Donate Today. Are you a nursing mama with milk to spare? The Mothers Milk Bank of Colorado needs your milk today!
  
• Vote YES on Measures 66 & 67. We've written before about why we think passing Measures 66 & 67 is so important to our state.  It's kind of a no-brainer, if you ask us.  Protect public services that help families, check.  Protect funding for schools, check.  Develop a tax structure that doesn't over-rely on taxes paid by low and middle-income families, check. Join us to canvass this Monday.
• Connect with local parents & teachers working to green our schools.  There are loads of parents & teachers working hard to make their schools a little (or a lot) greener (think: no antibacterial soap/hand sanitizer, reusable trays and silverware).  In fact, just last month I shared some excellent tools for parents and schools to green their cleaning. 

Anything you'd like to hear more about?  Less?  Got a burning issue you want to write about?  Post a comment on the Activistas Facebook page and we'll be in touch.

  

I’ve been thinking a lot about emergency preparedness lately, but the tragic earthquake in Haiti really drove home how unprepared my family is for an emergency of any kind.  No cache of water, no extra stores of food.  No plan about who is going to pick up which kid and meet where.  In having these conversations with my husband, he wants to stash some cash and a gun somewhere in the house.  And while that may (or may not!) seem extreme, it certainly seems easy enough to make sure we have some working flashlights and candles in the house.  I can't imagine going even a couple days without using my cell phone, internet, or debit card, but I guess in a true crisis that is what we might be looking at. There are some great local resources for creating emergency kits and developing plans for locating and reconnecting with family members.  Does your family have these things and what do they look like?  Have you communicated to your kids, close friends, and family members what your plan is?

 

Two of us now have immersed ourselves head-first into a practice that's more liberation than environmental imperative (though it's that, too): we've left the shampoo behind. A practice that's known by the stinky moniker "no 'poo" -- or "what everybody did until the 1970s" -- living without shampoo can be as simple as just rinsing your hair with hot water when you shower. Even at its most complex, the shampoo-free routine consists of a few rinses each week with a solution of apple cider vinegar (about a tablespoon) and water (about a cup) and the occasional baking soda solution (a teaspoon of baking soda in a cup of water).

The important thing about giving up shampoo is recognizing that our miraculous bodies were not manufactured for the profitability of beauty-products companies. In fact: human hair restores its natural balance and loses that greasy, unwashed feeling after as little as a week or two. Shetha's hair, here, is without shampoo for only a few weeks; I haven't used anything but the occasional cursory rub of Dr. Bronner's bar soap for months, and removed the shampoo from my grocery list a year ago (at first, I used a vinegar solution once a week or so). A piece on NPR last spring noted that washing hair every day removes the sebum oil our sebaceous glands produce to keep our hair healthy (and, straight out of that Pantene commercial, shiny!). Our sebaceous glands react and produce more oil, more often. Take away the detergents? And you get sebaceous glands that behave the way God intended, prettier hair and a more healthy scalp.

No one used shampoo, or washed their hair at all, until the late 1800s. For the next century, women used shampoos once or twice a month. In the 1970s, shampoo companies went on a campaign to "educate" us on the need to shampoo daily. Thanks guys! This hasn't been good for anybody; not only have we become dependent on harsh chemicals that strip our hair of the natural healthy sebum, but we've greatly harmed our watersheds and wildlife by washing that stuff right out of our hair... and down the drain. Here's the effect of phosphorus; surfactants are terrifically harmful for fish. Even the "green" ones can be problematic.

These two heads of hair are proof: going without shampoo isn't a hardship. Have any of you gone shampoo-free? How is it going? Do you have questions? Tips? Let us know!

There is nothing like a mama singing a tune to soothe the littlest of babes.  When any of the babies would fuss, my favorite go-to song would be "Hush little baby, don't say a word...." except I didn't know all the words.  Then, suddenly, after I bought baby a "looking glass" and said glass got "broke", I'd buy baby a "billy goat".  And after said billly goat wasn't "fine", I was somehow buying baby a "porcupine" or "turpentine".  It was all downhill from there.  The goal was to keep the song going for as long as possible for the best soothing results.

Now, instead of making up strange-but-rhyming lyrics for baby tunes, I am sticking with the "ABC Song" as my go to baby lullaby.  But, it gets a little boring.  And, I have to say that my two older kids are getting tired of the ABCs too.  Help a mama out: What is your favorite baby lullaby to sing?  And, are the lyrics easy to remember?!

Hey!  It's a long weekend for many, so maybe you're heading out of town or up to the snow.  But if not, there's plenty going on right here in town (as always).  And more than a few ways to celebrate and honor Dr. Martin Luther King, including Hands On Portland's annual Weekend of Service.

Thursday, Jan. 14

• Skatepark with slow skate hours, Main City Park, 219 S. Main Ave., Gresham. This may be the weekend to try Gresham’s brand new skatepark, which will offer “slow skate” hours for kids 10 and under from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. on weekend and holiday mornings. Find park rules and hours at www.greshamoregon.gov.
• 11th Annual Portland Old Time Music Gathering, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., Friendship Masonic Center, 5626 NE Alameda St. Free all-age square dancing on this (day two) of the annual festival. No dancing experience needed.http://www.bubbaguitar.com/festival/schedule.html.
• Benefit Concert for Skip von Kuske with The Portland Cello Project, Sneakin’ Out and The Stolen Sweets, 7 p.m., Kennedy School, All ages. Free, but donations are welcomed to help pay medical bills for the well-known Portland cellist. www.mcmenamins.com.

Friday, Jan. 15

• Martin Luther King Weekend of Service, all weekend, various locations. For the third year, Hands-On Greater Portland and United Way are coordinating volunteer opportunities in four counties to honor King’s legacy. A few projects are suitable for kids of varying ages, including planting neighborhood trees, rebagging donated pet food to distribute to needy pet owners and sorting donations at the food bank. Check them out at http://www.unitedway-pdx.org/MLK/
• Glade Trail Snowshoe Walk, 10 a.m., meet outside the Mt. Hood Cultural Center and Museum, 88900 E. Hwy. 26, Government Camp. Three-mile snowshoe trip guided by the U.S. Forest Service covers local history and ecology. Free, but bring snowshoes. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. Repeats Sunday. (503) 622-3191.
• Musical Sing-a-Long and Storytime, 12:30 p.m., Mississippi Treehouse, 3742 N Mississippi Ave In the courtyard of Tupelo Alley. The two-month old new/used kids store targets this ongoing event to families with kids ages 0-8. Free. 503-928-5987.
• Story and a Stroll, 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., Tryon Creek State Park. Learn about hibernation with a park naturalist. Targeted to ages 3-6. Free but limited space; call or email to register. No drop ins. (503) 636-9886 ext. 225 or christal.florin@state.or.us
•  Trillium Lake Guided Snowshoe Walk, 1 p.m., meet at Trillium Lake Sno-Park, 2.5 miles east of Timberline Road off Hwy. 26. U.S. Forest Service ranger will discuss local ecology, history and geography. Free, but bring snowshoes and a Sno-Park permit for parking. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. Repeats Sunday. (503) 622-3191.
• Movie Night: Tale of Desperaux, 5 p.m., Cafe Sip-n-Play 3000 SE 164th Ave., suite 107 Vancouver. Free. 360-896-4446. www.cafesipnplay.com .
• Andean Folk Music, 7 p.m. to 8 p.m., Tigard Public Library, 13500 SW Hall Blvd., Tigard. 503-684-6537.
• Oregon Symphony Brass Quintet, 7:15 p.m., Community Music Center. One of a series of family-friendly concerts that raises money for the CMC scholarships. $5, or maximum $15 for a family. Call 503-823-3177 or visit www.communitymusiccenter.org .

Saturday, Jan. 16

• Birding Field Trip, 8 a.m. to 11 a.m., meet at the Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden parking lot across the street from Reed College on SE 28th St. Learn how to identify Portland waterfowl with leader Ron Escano. Dress for the weather; beginners welcome. http://www.audubonportland.org/.
• Local Love, all day, the new Hollywood Whole Foods Market, 4301 NE Sandy Blvd. Whole Foods opened the new east side store Jan. 12. It will mark its first open Saturday with live music from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. and samples and demonstrations by more than two dozen local vendors, including chef Vitaly Paley. The food sampling and demonstrations continue Sunday. The new store debuts in a tough economy while contending with dozens of outfits focused on local and whole foods, including the existing Whole Foods locations, food cooperatives, farmers markets, CSAs and locally owned enterprises such as Zupans and New Seasons. New Seasons is planning its own soup and cracker tasting from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday at all seven locations.
• Neighborhood Tree Planting Day for Lents and Powellhurst-Gilbert Neighborhoods, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., meet at staging site at Zenger Farm, 11741 SE Foster Rd, Portland. This Friends of Trees planting is part of Hands On Greater Portland/United Way’s 2010 MLK Weekend of Service. Call Andy Meeks at 503-282-8846 x24.
• Read to the Dogs, various times, various libraries. If your reader has ever wanted a patient listener, this weekend DoveLewis therapy dogs are spread throughout the library system. Registration required; call the number provided.10 a.m. to noon at Capitol Hill Library, 503.988.5385. 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. at Belmont Library, 503.988.5382. 1:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. at Hollywood Library, 503.988.5391.
• Guided Nature Walk, 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., Tryon Creek State Park. Join a guided nature hike, this week on moss and lichen. Free, suitable for all ages, parents must accompany children. http://events.tryonfriends.org/guided-nature-walks/
•  Yoga for Kids, 10:30-11:15 a.m. Capitol Hill Library, 10723 S.W. Capitol Hwy. Rosie from Sellwood Yoga uses props, music, dance and stories to teach kids ages 3-5. Parent participation encouraged. Free, but space limited. Tickets will be available 30 minutes before the program starts.
• J.R. Tolkien Birthday Celebration, 11 a.m. to close, Kennedy School. Music, jugglers, costume competition (to compete, come dressed as hobbits, elves, wizards, characters, etc). Free, but admission to the Lord of the Rings movie screenings is either $3 or free with a donation to the Oregon Food Bank. Fellowship of the Ring at 11 a.m., The Two Towers at 3 p.m., costume contest at 3:30 p.m., Return of the Ring at 7 p.m. www.mcmenamins.com .
•  Oregon Historical Society Family Day, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., 1200 SW Park Avenue. Explore the history of the 17 world’s fairs that have taken place in the U.S. and see the model train navigating Steven’s Pass in “The West the Railroads Made.” Make a souvenir at the crafts table and hear a gallery talk at noon. On family day, adults pay regular $11 admission but each adult can bring two children age 18 and under for free.. www.ohs.org or (503) 222-1741.
• The Secret Circus, 11:15 a.m., Belmont Library, 1038 S.E. 39th Ave. Author and illustrator Johanna Wright reads her picture book about a Parisian circus so small and secret that only the mice know how to find it. Free, but space limited. 503.988.5382
• Tons O’ Square Dancing at the 11th Annual Portland Old-Time Music Gathering, noon to 5 p.m., Norse Hall, 111 NE 11th Ave (11th & Couch). A free and especially kid-friendly day of this celebration takes place throughout six rooms of the Norse Hall. Events include a kid’s talent showcase from 2:30 to 4 p.m. and a family dance at 4 p.m. 503-236-3401 or www.bubbaville.org
• Rock, Paper, Scissors, 1:30 to 2:30 p.m., Tigard Public Library, 13500 SW Hall Blvd,. Tigard. Kids five and up transform rocks and paper bags into something to love. 503-684-6537.
• The Art of Anime & Manga: Japanese style animation and cartoon drawings, 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m., Woodstock Library, 6008 SE 49th Ave., Portland. Artist Yuki Martin shows how to draw Japanese-style cartoon characters such as Pikachu and Totoro. Sixth grade and up. Free, but registration required. (503) 988-5399.
• Movie Night: Tale of Desperaux, 5 p.m., Cafe Sip-n-Play 3000 SE 164th Ave., suite 107 Vancouver. Free. 360-896-4446. www.cafesipnplay.com

Sunday, Jan. 17

• Glade Trail Snowshoe Walk, 10 a.m., meet outside the Mt. Hood Cultural Center and Museum, 88900 E. Hwy. 26, Government Camp. Three-mile snowshoe trip guided by the U.S. Forest Service covers local history and ecology. Free, but bring snowshoes. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. (503) 622-3191
• Sundays for Families, 12:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., Portland Art Museum, Visitors create art inspired by artists such as Robert Rauschenberg, who questioned the distinction between art objects and everyday objects. Family tours 12:30 p.m. Storytime 2:30 p.m. Art making 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Free with museum admission; children 17 and younger are free. www.portlandartmuseum.org .
• Under the Sea, 3 p.m. Midland Library, 805 SE 122d Ave. 503-988-5392. Puppet show for kids under 12 starring Wanda the Whale. Free.
• Trillium Lake Guided Snowshoe Walk, 1 p.m., meet at Trillium Lake Sno-Park, 2.5 miles east of Timberline Road off Hwy. 26. U.S. Forest Service ranger will discuss local ecology, history and geography. Free, but bring snowshoes and a Sno-Park permit for parking. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. (503) 622-3191

Monday, Jan. 18

• Keep Alive the Dream, 11 a.m.- 6:30 p.m., Highland Christian Center, 7600 N.E. Glisan St. Students from eight Portland Public Schools and additional choirs, singers and dance teams will perform at a daylong community tribute to Martin Luther King. Admission is $5 or four nonperishable items for the food bank. http://www.wafinc.org/NewsRelease120909.pdf
• Oregon Food Bank West Open House, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., 1870 N.W. 173rd Ave., Beaverton. Along with speeches and tours of the still-incomplete food bank, hosts promise art projects for kids. Free, but donations encouraged. The food bank will also be open from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at its North Portland location, in hopes that people will create their own personal MLK Day food drives and bring in what they gather. Requests for emergency food have reached an all-time high in Oregon and Clark County, with emergency food boxes feeding roughly 240,000 people each month. www.oregonfoodbank.org .
• Join Activistas to work for Measures 66 & 67 - with the kids!  Meet at Urban Grind Coffeehouse (NE 22nd & Oregon St) for a quick meet-and-greet, then we'll walk a few blocks to the Yes on 66/67 campaign headquarters (at 19th & Sandy).  Once there, we'll get a quick training (along with their other volunteers) on the nuts and bolts of canvassing, then we'll head out for 60-90 minutes of get-out-the-vote activities.

I read Babble's 'Top 50 Mommy Bloggers' with mixed feelings. First, I was pleased that a local blogger or two and many mamas (and one dad) I consider longtime friends -- people who really deserve approbation for years of hard work and amazing content -- were getting recognition. There was ParentHacks, who won the category 'Most Useful'; I really think of Asha as an original urbanMama (in spirit if not in fact), she's been inspiring us for as long as I can remember. Dutch and Wood from Sweet Juniper are so warm, inspirational and creative -- and both eloquent and moving writers -- that I can't imagine any 'best of blog' list without them. (And yes, Dutch's popscycle is on my fave family bikes list.) Citymama used to be a Portlander (she'll always carry our city in her heart, yes Stefania?); Alphamom is generous and sweet and oh yes, stylish!; Mom 101 is so smart and connected; thanks to the fact that my job as a professional blogger started in parenting blogs, I've had the pleasure of meeting, chatting with or working with many of the other top 50 (but no, I can't say that I know Dooce, famous mommy blogger numero uno).

But hey: it's the in-iest of in crowds and the whirlpool of popularity, I feel, misses a lot of the true gems, the sorts of parenting writers who work their craft for no other reason than because they must, who forge beautiful writing in a "build it and they'll come" mindset to which I, too, have come to subscribe. No matter how many come, the castles of words and images keep slowly forming, each at their own pace. In my opinion, Sweet Juniper is the only true, sparkling treasure on Babble's roster; the other mamas I consider gorgeous, pearls of great price were receiving, at best, a few dozen "likes" from the open-for-nominations list Babble began after its editorially-selected rankings were published. Perhaps the soul-startling bloggers aren't great places for Mattel and H&R Block to advertise, but they're quiet and sweet and real.

If I were making a "best of all possible mama blogs in the best of all possible internets" list, it would include these:

• Sweet | Salty. I discovered Kate only in the past year and we were well-met. Her journey to a mama's joy despite the loss of one of her sons as a newborn has me gasping.
• Notes to Self. Kyran weaves stories with such mastery that my face is hot with emotion just peeking into one of her blog posts.
• Secret Agent Josephine. Unfailingly charming and creative, Brenda always makes me smile.
• Slouching Past 40. Sarah's poetry makes me weep and her parenting writing is so full of stunning sight and insight -- it's to what I aspire.
• Oleoptene. Well-met in Portland, Mara's eloquent, cerebral musings are worth the time it takes to unpeel their layers.
• Irene Nam. A Parisienne who writes in English just for us, each post a small gift, a poem. Her photographs sing to me in whispers.

Some of these are nominated on Babble's list; others aren't (you can vote for urbanMamas and me, too, if you're so inclined). It's proof that popularity is not always key to greatness, nor does greatness lead to popularity; it's proof that sometimes the quietest music reaches deepest into your heart.

As we enter a new year and a new decade, we enter yet another year of urbanMamas.com.  Started in 2004, a handful of mamas decided to throw this resource together to help mamas connect, share experiences, lend feedback, and more.  There has been SO much we have tackled here on uM: from our varied searches for the right pediatrician, OB/Gyn, midwives or doulas, to finding the right childcare or schools.  We also talk about diversity, papahood, cereal, neighborhoods, and - of course - biking.  We have shared our stories; we're family now.

We are just a handful of mamas trying to grow our little community of sharing.  We are not alone in our quests as [vegan, single, carless, adoptive, lesbian, partnered, (sub)urban] mamas. 

So, we'd like to know: Has urbanMamas served you well?  How can it serve you better?  Different conversations?  Different features?  Different format?  What can we do better?  Do you tweet with us?  Are we friends on facebook?  Do you come out to w(h)ine nights or coffee playdates or clothing/toy/post holiday swaps or working mama lunches?  Should we do more in-person urbanMama gatherings?  Which particular get-togethers are most appealing for you?

Well, we can't promise we can deliver, but we can sure try!  And, please be gentle with your constructive criticism.  I, for one, am a bit sensitive and groggy in my postpartum state.  As always, if you think there is something you can help us with, feel free to volunteer to take on a job or two to help keep our community going and growing.

It's hard enough for just one person to control the clutter of the shoe, but add to that a kid or two and a partner, then there could be heaps of shoes, sandals, flip-flops, and slippers strewn everywhere.  Time after time, we *think* we've found the perfect solution to tame the shoes, but it always ends up in one big indiscernable heap, even after good, consistent purging and maintaining the stock to just the bare minimum number of shoes.  As a no-shoe household, we always end up with this heap in our entryway, and people constantly trip over the heap o' shoes.  We'd like to know: do you have the same issue?  How have you managed to control the clutter of the shoes?  Help us in our quest to organize in this new year!

When we see that our child needs more specialized attention, we want to offer that access.  An urbanMama recently emailed, seeking suggestions for child psychologist:

I have a child who suffers from extreme shyness and overall anxiety about numerous things from thinking about death to stressing over doing the right thing to making an out in baseball to being afraid to ask a friend to play for fear of being told "no." He starts kindergarten next fall and was looking for advice from a recommended psychologist on ways in which I can help him succeed before he enters the public school system. Would love to see if anyone else has met someone they respect who has helped out their child.

There are mamas and papas among us who have chosen to have just one child.  On the other hand, there are mamas and papas among us who have just one child, and not by choice.  Have you shared this experience?

I'm hoping you can help me connect with local mamas who are mamas to only children but not by choice.  I am very blessed & grateful to have a healthy son - but my husband does not want any more children. It took us awhile to conceive our son and I am so THANKFUL to have a healthy child - but I am in difficult place when it comes to not being able to even try to conceive another child. I don't want to be resentful - would like to connect with others who are or have experienced this.

I don't know about your house, but in ours there's a bit of a post-holiday, not-quite-in-the-routine let down.  Plus it's gray and rainy.  The good news is there's *plenty* going on to keep everyone busy - inside and out.  Here's a sampling:

Thursday, Jan. 7

• Art Adventures Art Safari, 9:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. , Multnomah Arts Center. The center is offering a one-time free demonstration class for new families considering its parent-toddler Arts Adventures program for kids ages 1 ½ to 4. Registration is limited, call (503) 823-2787.

Friday, Jan 8

• iPod testing and free earplugs, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., (both Friday and Saturday) Pioneer Courthouse Square. The American Tinnitus Association will check the loudness of your iPod or other digital music players, distribute earplugs, and talk about the importance of protecting your ears from too much noise. Part of Health Week at the Square. www.pioneercourthousesquare.org
• Portland Classical Chinese Garden turns 10, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day until Jan. 11, 239 NW Everett St. Free admission for 10 days at the beginning of the year long celebration. Each day has an activity, such as narcissus bulb carving or bookmark making. Check schedule at 503-228-8131 or http://www.portlandchinesegarden.org .
• Glade Trail Snowshoe Walk, 10 a.m., meet outside the Mt. Hood Cultural Center and Museum, 88900 E. Hwy. 26, Government Camp. Three-mile snowshoe trip guided by the U.S. Forest Service covers local history and ecology. Free, but bring snowshoes. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. Repeats Sunday. (503) 622-3191
• Musical Sing-a-Long and Storytime, 12:30 p.m., Mississippi Treehouse, 3742 N Mississippi Ave In the courtyard of Tupelo Alley. The two-month old new/used kids store targets this ongoing event to families with kids ages 0-8. Free. 503-928-5987.
• Story and a Stroll, 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., Tryon Creek State Park. Learn about wind with a park naturalist. Targeted to ages 3-6. Free but limited space; call or email to register. (503) 636-9886 ext. 225 or christal.florin@state.or.us
• Trillium Lake Guided Snowshoe Walk, 1 p.m., meet at Trillium Lake Sno-Park, 2.5 miles east of Timberline Road off Hwy. 26. U.S. Forest Service ranger will discuss local ecology, history and geography. Free, but bring snowshoes and a Sno-Park permit for parking. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. Repeats Sunday. (503) 622-3191.
• Movie Night: Snow Buddies, 5 p.m., Cafe Sip-n-Play 3000 SE 164th Ave., suite 107 Vancouver. Free. 360-896-4446. www.cafesipnplay.com
• Family Game Night, 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., University Park Community Center, 9009 N. Foss. Planned activities include group challenges, arts and crafts, family computer time and more. $3 per family. 503.823.3631
• Clarinet & Flute Recital, 7:30 p.m., Community Music Center, 3350 SE Francis Street. Performer Jennifer Woodall. Free, but donations accepted. 503- 823-3177.

Saturday, Jan 9

• Post-holiday swap @ Milagros, 10 am to 1 pm. Got a holiday decoration that always goes back in the bin, but never on the mantle?  Unloved holiday toys? Recovering from the candle phase? Us, too.  So let's swap - and then donate!    Milagros Boutique (Community Room) 5429 Northeast 30th Avenue @ Killingsworth .
  
• Built bat houses at Cooper Mountain, 9 a.m. to noon, Cooper Mountain Nature Park, 18892 SW Kemmer Road, Beaverton, Includes a presentation about bats. Metro’s Cooper Mountain park has been open to the public for about six months. Free, registration required, minimum age 8 years. (503) 629-6350.
• Volunteer at the Native Plant Center, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.,. Metro's Native Plant Center, 2661 SW Borland Road, Tualatin. Organized as a family-friendly volunteer event. Activities change throughout the winter, from harvesting native bulbs to repotting plants grown from seed collected from Metro natural areas. 797-1653 or nativeplantcenter.volunteers@oregonmetro.gov.
• Winter Birds at Smith and Bybee Wetlands, 9:30 a.m. to noon, meet Metro naturalist James Davis in the natural area parking lot at 5300 North Marine Drive. It’s easier to see the birds when all the leaves are down. Targeted to ages 10 and older; bring binoculars if possible. Free but advance registration required at 503-797-1650, option 2.
• Winter Trails, 9:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., White River Snow Park, four miles east of Government Camp on Highway 35 (make sure to bring ID AND have an Oregon/Washington Sno-Park permit for your car windshield). Winter Trails is a 15-year-old program that takes place in many states to introduce both beginners of all ages to snow sports. At this site, REI will host a snowshoe-only event, loaning demonstration shoes from several manufacturers. Adventures Without Limits will guide tours. 503-617-6072 or www.wintertrails.org Free. Wear appropriate clothing, including waterproof boots. Note: You can fill out the required 2010 registration and waiver ahead of time at the Winter Trails website. Another note: As strange as it can seem to pay for parking outside a city, the authorities are really serious about that snow park permit. The Oregon State Police said that on Dec. 18 it cited 250 cars on Mount Hood for not having one. The fine is $30, but the cost for a daily pass is just $3. You can get them at most sports stores.
• Oregon Trickster Tales from Many Lands, 11 a.m. – 11:45 a.m., Albina Library, 3605 NE 15th Ave. “Tricky frogs, wily coyotes and hot-tempered mules” in a program of world stories and songs. Targeted to ages 5 and up. Free. Seating is limited; first come, first served. 503.988.5362.
• Winter Luminarias, 11 a.m. – 1 p.m., North Portland Library, 512 N. Killingsworth St. Create decorative paper lanterns. Free. Seating is limited; first come, first served. 503.988.5394.
• Slavic New Year Celebration, noon-3 p.m., Midland Library, 805 S.E. 122nd Ave. Games, dancing, crafts and a short performance based on Russian fairy tales. Targeted to children 5-12 years with adult. 503.988.5392
• January is For the Birds, 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., City of Vancouver Water Resources Education Center, 4600 SE Columbia Way. Vancouver. Games, stories and building a bird feeder while learning about birds that spend the winter. 360- 487- 7111.
• Puppet show “Under the Sea,” 1:30 – 2:15 p.m., and repeats at 3 p.m. to 3:45 p.m., Woodstock Library, 6008 S.E. 49th Ave. Penny’s Puppet Productions. Targeted to preschool and K-5. Free but registration required – you can register by phone at 503.988.5234.
• Portland Country Dance Community Family Dance, 5 p.m. – 7 p.m., Fulton Community Center, 68 SW Miles St. Portland. There’s a country dance at FCC every Saturday, but once a month the group meets early for a bedtime-friendly dance, following it with a potluck supper. All Ages. Cost: $6/adult; $5/child; babies free; $20 family maximum. 503-981-2179 or www.portlandcountrydance.org .

Sunday, Jan 10

• Glade Trail Snowshoe Walk, 10 a.m., meet outside the Mt. Hood Cultural Center and Museum, 88900 E. Hwy. 26, Government Camp. Three-mile snowshoe trip guided by the U.S. Forest Service covers local history and ecology. Free, but bring snowshoes. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. (503) 622-3191
• Hillsdale Winter Market, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., behind the Hillsdale Shopping Center off SW Capitol Hwy. at Sunset Boulevard., adjacent to the Wilson High School track. (503) 475-6555 or www.hillsdalefarmersmarket.com .
• O-Shogatsu (New Year’s) Celebration, noon to 3 p.m., Portland Japanese Garden, 611 S.W. Kingston Ave. To celebrate the Year of the Tiger, Japanese interns at Richmond Elementary School will guide kids in traditional New Year calligraphy, writing the first characters of the new year for good luck with their studies. Kids can also try ink painting or making greeting cards with the image of a tiger. www.japanesegarden.com
• Trillium Lake Guided Snowshoe Walk, 1 p.m., meet at Trillium Lake Sno-Park, 2.5 miles east of Timberline Road off Hwy. 26. U.S. Forest Service ranger will discuss local ecology, history and geography. Free, but bring snowshoes and a Sno-Park Permit. For those with experience snowshoeing and capable of 2-3 miles. Repeats Sunday. (503) 622-3191.
• Eighth Annual Epiphany Choir Fest, 3 p.m., Gethsemane Lutheran Church, 11560 SE Market, Portland. Hear the sounds of Christmas one final time as several local choirs unite to raise money for the Daybreak Shelter Network in east Portland. Human Solutions and 30 local churches formed the network to shelter homeless families and move them to safe, stable housing. Free, but donations are suggested. www.humansolutions.org or 503.256.2280.
• Movie Matinee: Snow Dogs. 1:30 to 3:30 p.m., Tigard Public Library. Free. www.tigard-or.gov/library/ or 503-684-6537or (503) 223-1321. Adults $8, 6-17 $5.25, 5 and under is free.

Disclaimer: Sometimes I make mistakes or things change. Please use the web links or phone numbers to doublecheck times, dates and other information before heading out.

We recently received this query from our Facebook mail which we rarely check.  This urbanPapa writes:

A nut we have been trying to crack for weeks at our house is how to reestablish some equilibrium in the way our son responds to mom and dad. It has been very frustrating for mom to be ignored (selectively) or at least not taken as seriously. Asking that things not be done/touched, staying down for naps . . . often create long drawn out dramas. When I say exactly the same thing or channel my grandpa and count to 3, he responds, which in itself is pretty frustrating for mom. I should have prefaced everything by saying we are fortunate to have a very even-tempered and thoughtful kid . . . as two-year-olds go we have nothing to complain about.

That said, I suspect something profound is at work here. When I am home alone with him on weekday mornings (mom has already left for work), he comes in and will climb into bed and nap beside me quietly (I sometimes remind him that it is still quiet time). On the weekends when mom is in bed too, this becomes impossible as he is constantly talking and squirming about. I think there's some payoff in the push-pull of these interactions with mom that reinforces the behavior . . . I just don't get what is so different between the two of us other than my deep voice.

I've never been much for resolutions, but something about this whole new decade, coming as it does in the middle of some new opportunities for my family (my husband just received his security clearance for the Army Reserves and may soon be deployed, for one) and in this administration of Change-with-a-capital-C, has me feeling hopeful and new. What are you resolving this year? Here are some ideas from our own resolutions, now and in the past, to get you going:

Snuggle time with babies is worth everything. New babies, like new years, are a chance to start anew: for this life, give all the love we can muster, and then some.

Enjoy these moments, and see as many of them as we can. Through the craziness of life, open our eyes, see the beauty of the sweet small things.

Write letters. Handwritten notes may be fading away; I vow to help reverse that trend. Hand-delivery is good, too.

Start a conversation. Stop and say hello; knock on a door; set a special time just to chat; get mamas together for a salon. Talk, listen, converse.

Eat mindfully, cook more. Local, sustainable, humane, organic, from scratch. Clear out the pantry. Add one vegetable seed to your garden. Switch to whole grains. Reduce sugar. Whatever your decision, vow to eat with your eyes wide open.

Share a meal; show your love with food. For a special occasion, a new baby, a holiday, or just a week that's not quite so busy: invite friends over, or bring food to them. Ask someone to dinner, or lunch, or for zucchini bread. Bring a jar of jam to a neighbor. Make soup.

Run as fast as we can. Whatever our pace, in races or just out with some friends, strive to run more, run faster.

Organize something. Put toys in bins, clean out the fridge, file my old photos, finally clean my office. An ordered home helps bring order to my brain and peace to my heart.