Pray tell: how do you calm the fussiest of them?
As the mama of a newborn, I have been visiting with many other mamas of newborns - some of them first time mamas, others second- or third-time mamas. Regardless of how many may have come before, a fussy babe is never easy. Even the most experienced of us can feel helpless and frustrated by our inability to calm our offspring.
One of my mama friends said she tried everything to calm her babe. Her bag of tricks included:
gripe water? CHECK
football hold? CHECK
deep lunges/squats while in the moby or ergo? CHECK
white noise machine or fan? CHECK
exercise ball? CHECK
car ride? CHECK
swaddle? CHECK
5ss? CHECK
pacifier? CHECK
cosleeping? CHECK
lame attempt at cry it out? CHECK
Well, what has worked for you and your fussy baby? Tips and tricks to soothe? Tips and tricks to keep mama sane?
Hmmm -- I think the only thing I see missing is "tag teaming". I think knowing when your stress-o-meter has reached is max is important! I figure baby knows when mama is stressed and that stresses baby out. I know it's not always the ideal case that you will have someone to pass baby off to for a few minutes, but gathering your wits for a short time can go a LONG way! Also - I think moving to a different "space". Like going outside or to a space w/ different light. Might distract them long enough to make them forget their woes. Good luck!!
Posted by: shetha | October 31, 2009 at 06:34 AM
My youngest was extremely fussy due to some medical issues. A few things that would work that I don't see on the list are baby massage, a baby swing or vibrating chair and going outside - preferably in the sling. All of those worked on more than one occasion. Of course what would work one time would be a failure the next.
I also agree with shetha that you need to be able to step away sometimes. If nothing else you feel like everything you are doing is failing so you are not able to think of options.
Good luck.
Posted by: Sarah C | October 31, 2009 at 07:49 AM
Hello - my son never wanted to sleep and really the one thing that helped was movement or rocking, so the vibrating chair, fisher price papasan swing (godsend!), also using a balance ball to sit on & bounce up & down on while holding them swaddled worked too...
hang in there!
Posted by: liz | October 31, 2009 at 07:51 AM
What worked for me was to cut out all Dairy and Wheat from my diet since I was nursing. Turns out the baby was allergic to those. She eventually outgrew those allergies around 6 months.
Posted by: Overlook Mama | October 31, 2009 at 07:53 AM
Sometimes going outside, especially if it was cold would work with my son. I think it kind of startled him into quieting when the cold air hit his lungs. But, he's just a fresh air guy, to this day at 2 y/o if he doesn't get outside time he won't nap!
Posted by: pdxmomto2 | October 31, 2009 at 08:56 AM
Long walk outside. The sling worked better than the stroller. Also, sometimes, an industrial strength swing. Also, sometimes, a very sweet neighbor and supermom who would hold her while gazing into her eyes and talk to her and talk to her until she stopped fussing and started smiling.
Posted by: catmom | October 31, 2009 at 09:26 AM
four months of colicky baby, wait it out. Do a lot of yoga, in a class far, far away from baby. Also get family and friends to come hold baby for you for awhile, baby will always be better around them and will give you a sanity break. It will come to an end.
Posted by: beth | October 31, 2009 at 09:36 AM
Excellent point on the allergies (been there) and a really good swing is necessary. Sometimes takes a couple of minutes for them to calm down in the swing but it works...definitely get a nice one. I have the Fischer Price Nature's Touch Cradle Swing and I bet you can find one used on Craig's List. Each baby really is different. My first didn't sleep through the night until he was 13 months and didn't sleep unless I was holding him for the first four months. I was dying of sleep deprivation. My new one (8 weeks) almost sleeps through the night and I'm not doing anything differently (!!!) It WILL pass. Keep in mind that babies do need to sleep and I recommend the Dr. Sears sleep book. It's always worse when they're overly tired. I remember that book saying that whether you believe it or not, your baby is tired every three hours. I followed the book to a T and, boy, did it help get my first to sleep during the day. The night was another story. He was just a light sleeper and wanted to nurse all the time. Good luck and stick with the cosleeping and I too hated the cry it out method so I didn't do it!
Posted by: V | October 31, 2009 at 09:45 AM
I'll second (or third) the food allergy/sensitivity thing. Asa would FREAK out whenever I ingested the smallest amount of dairy or soy. I had a really nice chat with a lactation specialist to figure out a healthy and least-stressful strategy for taking certain foods out.
Also, birth was really, really hard for both of us, so we saw a pediatric chiropractor. I swear, between taking foods out and regular adjustments, our lives became infinitely easier.
Posted by: Kelly S | October 31, 2009 at 10:20 AM
One thing I didn't see on the list was the tub. If mommy and baby get into a warm tub of water together... sometimes that can help.
We never did the cry it out. If they were crying.. we were trying. At least they wouldn't cry all alone.
Posted by: philomom | October 31, 2009 at 10:32 AM
We tried every trick in the book and NOTHING worked. The whole list above, everyone else's advice plus about 10 other things.
She was checked for every medical condition and still nothing. They just brushed us off with "it's colic. give it a couple months." Thanks for the help, eh Doc?
Well those couple of months turned into 6 months, and she wasn't happy until almost a year.
She still cries as much as most kids are happy, and is a horrible sleeper. But still they say nothing.
So yes, my advice? Tag team.
We have no family here and can only rely on each other. Keep your relationship strong, and take it a day at a time : )
PS -And WINE. Loads of it!
Posted by: Erin | October 31, 2009 at 11:02 AM
We had a colicky little man. What worked for me was to put him in an ergo with a pacifier and walk Portland. I figured I could at least be in better control in public and maybe get a coffee or a treat. Looking back, I think he was hot a lot of the time and I was too flustered to think about basic comfort issues.
We also did a lot of the above stuff: Dancing/swooping/lunging to calming music, bouncing, the bathroom fan, swaddling, begging, rocking, humming on top of his head seemed to sometimes distract, going into a loud, bright place like Fred Meyer, finding other children to distract him sometimes helped, bathing, nudity, a flash light, a music box, a hard cracker, tylenol, someone other than me. Sighing.
Our child is 3, still is a terrible sleeper, a terrible eater, he is very emotional, yet very verbal and sensitive. It's very hard, take a lot of breaks, take care of yourself, go out with friends and talk about something else.
Posted by: anon | October 31, 2009 at 12:12 PM
My son was an extremely busy infant from birth and was a all happy or all sad/mad temperment, total lack of medium. The only thing that would calm him was reggae music, jazz, and the blues still works today and he is almost 17 months. We also did tiny tots yoga, which worked well but he hated infant massage but liked it once he was older. Also we had to take him outside or look outside when unable to stop crying, still works now. The only baby carrier he would tolerate was facing outward at 2.5 months in the bjorn thank goodness he had great neck control. We tried all others and bought many. He hated the stroller but then I tried the In-step backpack stroller at 3 months with a blanket around him to support his core and that was a lifesaver until a few months ago because he can now climb out if it. You can find them on e-bay, they don't make them anymore.
I learned to smile when people looked at me like aren't you going to do something and I'd say, "You should hear him when he's really mad." He is starting to even out more now but still has no medium.
Posted by: Nicole | October 31, 2009 at 12:32 PM
The Mylicon gas drops were our saviour! Very benign, but tasted good to their little mouths, would distract their upset, and calm them down enough so that they could fall asleep.
The name brand can be very expensive, so we used the Target brand...worked like a charm!
Posted by: km | October 31, 2009 at 02:46 PM
You might want to talk to your Pediatrician about acid reflux. At four months our daughter was only happy (I use that word loosely) if I was holding her upright and bouncing her. She never spit up so I was skeptical when our Pediatrician suggested it was acid reflux. She's been on a generic form of Zantac for two months and has been a super happy baby ever since. Our Pediatrician said she probably only needs to be on the Zantac for another month or so now that she's on solids.
I'm not normally one to use or promote medication (especially in babies) but the difference the Zantac has made is amazing.
Posted by: J Mac | October 31, 2009 at 03:43 PM
I am a HUGE believer in "The Happiest Baby on the Block"...the 5 s's and all.
Also going into the bathroom to find the happy baby...there is almost always a happy baby in the mirror! Sometimes that is enough to calm them down.
Posted by: bee | October 31, 2009 at 05:57 PM
My baby cried every day from 7pm to 11pm non-stop for 3 months. The day I stopped dairy, she stopped crying.. And I also put her in a very-warm bath tub with dim lights half hour before her crying started..
Posted by: dbanon | October 31, 2009 at 08:50 PM
I am a big believer in pediatric chiropractic work and cranial sacral therapy. Dr Elise Hewitt at the Portland Chiropractic Group was wonderful and if you need Cranial Sacral therapy free check out Carol Gray's website, she does lots of free clinics. Both are very very gentle and my little guy always crashed out after a treatment. Also I agree with all of the previous posters... usually it is not you, get support and take breaks.
Posted by: Jen G | November 01, 2009 at 07:07 AM
Hire a postpartum doula! www.mothertreebirth.com
Posted by: Mary | November 01, 2009 at 07:26 AM
Calms forte (if all else fails)
Posted by: Christine | November 01, 2009 at 07:33 AM
I know only to well this Mama's situation. My son cried non-stop day and night for the first six months. To the point where I would cry myself and wonder "what have I gotten myself into?". Its hard especially when you have no support system and my husband works two jobs and goes to school, so I was alone 5-6 days and nights a week. And so completely sleep deprived I thought I was losing my mind. I took DS to 5 different pediatricians who all diagnosed "colic" - we tried the whole list (and then some, including cranio-sacral, meds for acid reflux, eliminating almost everything from my diet) to no avail. Nothing at that point helped. NOTHING.
So what did help, you might ask?
My friend took pity on me - she was too far away to come herself, but found and arranged for me to have a post partum doula. Now, we started with her when DS was a couple months old, but she was still available to me at 6 months when the cry fest continued. I don't know what I would have done without her. Whether it was just her coming over and holding the baby so i could rest, or talking me through a rough night over the phone she pretty much kept us from becoming a statistic. I can't thank her enough. Now baby is 16months, sleeps through the night and so giggly and sweet its amazing. I'm so glad we got through it with her help.
Posted by: anonamama | November 01, 2009 at 09:11 AM
DS#1 was very colicky as an infant, unless he was attached to someone's chest. So during the day I had him in a chest pack, and at night, DH and I took shifts sleeping with him on our chest. He was happy then! And we all got sleep...
Posted by: alpidarkomama | November 01, 2009 at 09:36 AM
A good, firm hug hold with baby's tummy pressed against your shoulder (they'll be sticking up above your shoulder- this works best with the wee ones) and a loud whispered "shh shh shh shh" at about your heart beat's rhythm right in their ear, all while swaying back and forth. Worked on my kids and a few others I've calmed.
Posted by: momazon | November 01, 2009 at 12:46 PM
My heart really goes out to you! We had such a rough ride with my daughter three years ago, and no one was able to offer much help. I think what helped the most was a change of perspective on the crying itself. I wrote a blog post about it a couple of years ago, if you'd like to read-- it would just take to long to go into it all again here. I send warm, sympathetic thoughts out there to you!
http://bloggyfamily.blogspot.com/2007/09/how-does-crying-child-make-you-feel-i.html
Posted by: Ashack | November 01, 2009 at 03:32 PM
My first baby was "colicky" for lack of a better term. She was extremely fussy and I was unable to soothe her for the first five months of her life. I tried many of the same tricks mentioned above. Gripe water did help a little, but not a lot. As a first time parent, it was so disconcerting and depressing and not at all how I envisioned the start of my journey as a mother. I remember thinking that she was just going to be a dark and moody person, but literally at around 5 months she completely changed and became the sweet, happy baby I had wished for all along. Now I have a second and she was such an easy baby in comparison and I did nothing different. I think unless you've had a "colicky" baby, there is no way to even begin to imagine how hard it can be. Hang in there! Even though it feels like an eternity, things will change and get easier.
Posted by: I've been there! | November 01, 2009 at 08:05 PM
My 8 week old usually cries from about 10pm to midnight every night. I am cutting out wheat and dairy, since those seem to be triggers.
My ND gave me some Cocyntal, which is a homeopathic medicine for colic relief. It is made by Boiron.
I gave it to him last night and he cried the whole night! I have heard that homeopathic cures can sometimes make symptoms worse before they get better, but I'm not ready to put him, and myself through that torture while he is so tiny. If the diet doesn't change things, maybe I'll have another go at the 'Cocyntal'.
Posted by: lea | November 01, 2009 at 09:41 PM
My oldest daughter cried on average 18 hours a day for the first 9 weeks of her life to the point where she wouldn't nurse and I had to pump and feed her through one of those special tubes. My midwife/naturopath realized she was a "Chamomilla" baby around this time and prescribed the homeopathic Chamomilla for it in a high dosage 200C. The next day she nursed for the first time and slept through the night. She was a completely different baby.
I would definitely recommend this is your baby is inconsolable. Good luck!
Posted by: Emily Flippin Maruna | November 02, 2009 at 12:05 AM
I'm expecting baby 2 soon. My first was happy, but not a sleeper; and needed very consistent, if not constant, holding or attention to not be fussy. I have 2 new tools that I will use if called for, that I'm very hopeful about. 1 is the Amby baby or the Arm's Reach cocoon sleeper, not sure yet which I'll get. The other is pediatric tui-na, which is Chinese bodywork for infants. It is supposed to work magic for fussy babies, had a friend who had an impossible to soothe baby and it transformed her in one session, and have also heard 3rd/4th hand accounts of it working.
I guess the third tool I will be utilizing is one for myself, which is going to my TCM doctor for recovery herbs. I guess this might have an effect on the breastmilk, but for sure it will help re-fortify me.
Posted by: Rosemary | November 02, 2009 at 08:46 AM
We had a very colicky baby for the first 4 months....it was hell. Nothing worked (we tried it all, everything mentioned above and more). We loved the book 'The Happiest Baby On The Block' because all of those things would help sometimes. Also, a few times I put her down in her bassinet (or crib) and walked out of the room because I was going insane. She would stop crying! She would get over stimulated and all of the hours of sling holding and rocking was sometimes too much for her. Yes, you heard it here attachment parents, my baby preferred to be PUT DOWN. She also preferred to sleep alone. We eliminated a lot of sensory stimulation from her environment. (For more ideas on this, please email me directly)
Also, I eliminated every possible allergen from my diet while nursing and it did not make a difference at all. Just fyi.
Know that this is temporary and it will soon be over. All you can do is wait it out, try all of the mentioned suggestions, and know that you are not alone!
Posted by: ruby tuesday | November 02, 2009 at 08:59 AM
my first little bird drove us nutty with straight crying for 4 months; things gave us hope, peace, and kept us out of divorce court was:
warm, lavender baths with low lighting
music of my voice singing & soothing on repeat throughout the night
the amby bed
high doses of chamomilla suggested by my ND
infant probiotics
the sleep sheep (on ocean mode) - we attached it to the infant car seat because our child hated the car
cranio-sacral therapy at core elements clinic in NE
tons of patience
date night every week with my husband where we enjoyed a dinner in complete peace
stay positive. remain faith that this will pass. try and keep perspective. call on your support system. always know that you are doing the best you can. take it one day at a time.
Posted by: tg | November 02, 2009 at 01:31 PM
So sorry that you're going through this. It's hard, not being able to get a moment's rest and not being able to comfort your child. We were lucky that our daughter was like this for only the first three months, then poof - she grew up and out of it. For us it was a digestive issue, lots of spitting up and gassiness. What worked for us was swaddling her tight, having her sleep in her carseat (kept her head elevated), doing lots of bicycles with her legs and the steering wheel massage on her tummy to get the gas out, and mylicon drops.
Posted by: allison | November 02, 2009 at 02:39 PM
I was just telling a friend about our adventures with colicky babies...both of our babies. My partner still has flashbacks from those days.
Others have mentioned craniosacral therapy, and Carol Gray's clinic will be at Nurture tomorrow http://nurturepdx.blogspot.com/2009/10/free-craniosacral-therapy-and-hearing.html. Call her to schedule an appointment. Also, Deb Thornton at Nurture http://www.nurturepdx.com/Debthornton.html offers craniosacral therapy.
My heart goes out to you, hang in there!
Posted by: Mychelle Moritz | November 02, 2009 at 09:37 PM
I would try food sensitivities. My first it was if I ate chocolate and the second was soy.
Both can eat those foods now with no problem. It is worth trying out. If it is effecting them then it must be effecting you in a less obvious way.
good luck.
Posted by: Shana | November 03, 2009 at 08:44 AM
Oh, my heart goes out to the mama who posted this! I have three kids - a preschool aged daughter, and twins (boy/girl) who are 2. My girl twin was colicy. She cried non stop for about 8-9 months. It was hell, especially since I had another infant and a two year old at the time to take care of. It sucked. Sucked. I honestly look back on that time and I don't know how we got through it. I tried everything already listed. Unfortunately, what ultimately worked for us was time. I will say, now that she is 2 1/2, she is delightful. She really is a true ray of sunshine, with a happy disposition. I NEVER would have expected it. I think she didn't like being a baby. LOL. I know that doesn't help you right now, but hang in there. Take lots of breaks. There is nothing wrong with putting her in a safe place (her crib), shutting the door and taking 10 minutes for yourself.
Also, get out - my baby was usually happier when we were out and about.
Posted by: mamatothree | November 03, 2009 at 08:07 PM
as others have mentioned, my daughter also had a dairy intolerance, which made our lives sheer misery, as dairy is in EVERYTHING! I ended up going to soy formula to save our family sanity.
The one item no one has mentioned yet is ear infections/fluid in the ears leading to ear drum pressure. My poor kiddo had back to back to back ear infections starting very early, up until we opted to do tube surgery. (which is an entirely different story) my highly un-trained medical opinion is the pressure from the fluid on the eardrum was quite painful.
the other thing we suspect is that she had tooth pain very early. It could be the cool teethers we used were distracting enough from the ear/belly pain, but I do think slow moving teeth were especially torturous for her too.
Posted by: katyo | November 04, 2009 at 02:29 PM
Side-to-side swing is a must, as is being able to talk to other Mamas who have been through it. Otherwise you will think you are losing your mind. I always wished for a Colic Cafe, open 10p - 6a, come in stained PJs.
And if baby gets older (2-3 years) and is still brittle & sensitive compared to other kids, think seriously about taking him/her to an OT for Sensory Processing Disorder evaluation.
Posted by: Heather P. | November 04, 2009 at 09:21 PM
We have a baby who had colic. One time he screamed 8 hours straight. The only things that worked for us were turning on the hair dryer, long walks outdoors (like over an hour) and probiotic drops which were recommended by our pediatrician. The drops cut the cry time in half within three days. There was a study about the drops written up in the journal of pediatrics.
Good luck!
Posted by: anne | November 06, 2009 at 10:56 PM
I am a Certified Professional Nanny and a Parent Coach. I have worked with infants since the last 1990's. I use 3 methods to calm a fussy infant.
1) Quietly talk to the child and keep getting softer in your tone. It really works.
2) Say "Sush sush sush" in a repeating pattern while bouncing the child and looking at them in the face. All in the clam, quiet voice.
3) If all else fails, take them outside. For some reason when you take a child outside, NOT IN A STROLLER, but in your arms or front pack, it works.
Good Luck-
Rebecca Magby
Parent Coach
Everything Baby, LLC
www.everythingbabyllc.com
Posted by: Rebecca Magby | November 07, 2009 at 12:12 AM
I can't agree more with the allergy posts. My son screamed and fussed incessantly for the first 2 months and the doctor insisted it was probably acid reflux and out him on medication. When that didn't work, the doctor suggested we up the dose and I decided to start reading about babies with colic. It turns out that LOTS of babies have allergies to whey and casein. These are both found in dairy and so that's why cutting out dairy helps quite a bit. But casein and whey are also in other foods so be careful to read labels. Also, don't mistake this for lactose intolerance... that's a different issue altogether. Once I cut out dairy and some of the other foods that contain casein and whey (I was breastfeeding at the time) his issues went away within a few days... it was magical. His allergies went away by 1 year of age and he is currently 2 1/2 and sitting next to me happily gulping his cow's milk. People really underestimate the number of babies with allergies.
Posted by: jodi | November 07, 2009 at 01:00 PM
My brother had colic until my mom cut out chocolate. It can be hard for babies to digest.
For my son, the only thing that worked was to let him be naked from 5 to 7 every night (I put him on the flannel/ruberized sheeting that you can buy at Fabric Depot or JoAnn Fabrics. It isn't cheap -- about $15 per yard -- but both stores often have 40-50% off sales. My husband worked long hours so I was usually by myself -- the naked time on the waterproof pad was a lifesaver!)
Posted by: mg | November 07, 2009 at 03:27 PM
A friend of mine had a baby with "colic." Sorry, I don't believe in "colic." She didn't either and took him to see various medical professionals. Finally, she took him to a pediatric chiropractor who did a few adjustments on the baby. Apparently it did wonders. Not sure of the name of the place, but I know it's on East Burnside. I think it's a little green building on about 20th or something like that.
Good luck!
Posted by: kim | November 10, 2009 at 10:02 PM
Colic is so hard to deal with, but I agree with the parent above. I took my son to a chiropractor and it made a huge difference. Here is a great article on colic http://backpainandpregnancy.blogspot.com/2011/10/colic-and-chiropractic.html
Posted by: Alicia | October 03, 2011 at 12:33 PM