New Sibling Preparation
Many of us are part of families with more than one child. What have we done to prepare our older child(ren) to make way and love for our younger ones? An urbanMama writes:
We have a 2.5 yo son, and we are expecting another baby in a few weeks. Our son is gentle and sweet and sensitive. I can see his concern with my expanding belly, and what that means for him. I would appreciate some advice on how to help our son prepare for his new little sister. Especially, we are looking for resources that will help provide reassurance.
There are Birthing Again classes that help prepare.
http://movingthrough.com/birth.php
Nicole is wonderful, insightful, a great teacher!
My son was just over 3 when we had our second and this class helped us all get ready to share our love and time with this new baby.
Congratulations!!
Posted by: carie | March 18, 2009 at 03:29 PM
My children, ages 4 and 1.5 when their sibling arrived, did best with "practicing". Baby doll, swaddling and bathing. It helped them "be gentle". They are great with their little sister, even though, little sister, is almost 2 now!!!
Posted by: collor | March 18, 2009 at 03:50 PM
There are some great children's books out there...my son's favorites were:
My New Baby (board book with illustrations only)
Baby On the Way (Dr. Sears)
What Baby Needs (Dr. Sears)
Posted by: Mychelle | March 18, 2009 at 11:36 PM
My son was 4 when I was pregnant with his baby sister. We found lots of *fabulous* books at the library, and spent a lot of time with them. It really made us able to talk about lots of different issues, pros and cons, that would come about when the new baby arrived (as well as getting him ready for the big "mommy is at the hospital" time). It opened up a lot of easy and honest questions and conversations about some of the hard things that would come along with that new baby.
Posted by: Suzanne | March 19, 2009 at 10:04 PM
I've taught a sibling preparation class before and have found that parents generally already have a sense of what to do. As others have said, reading books is a great way. Also, have a baby doll that can play the role of your infant.
Pretend play about how to hold the baby, talk about rules before playing with and holding the baby (wash hands? ask for help, etc), dealing with the baby's sleeping space (some older sibs like to join the baby), don't feed the baby cheerios, etc. Regular pretend play can help a lot!
Some children have regressive behavior after a new baby comes home. If the child has been potty trained, for example, then they may go back to using a diaper. A "well-behaved" child might throw tantrums. This take a few months to change, so it is best to roll with it unless it seems like it is really becoming a problem.
Some families have a basket of "nursing toys" for the older sibling to play with while mama is nursing the infant. Pretend play for nursing times can also help you work out kinks ahead of time. Think of jobs your child can do to help the baby out.
Explain to your child that giving birth is *a lot* of work and that mommy will probably be really tired after the baby has arrived. Dad/partner will be picking up a lot of the slack and mom will be less available, but things won't always be that way. Hiring a postpartum doula (Birthingway Midwifery School has a great referral list) might be really helpful in the early weeks for older sibling care and helping the family transition.
Last thing - try to avoid saying things like, "We can't do X because baby is Y" on a regular basis. This is has the potential to create resentment toward the baby. This can be a touchy area because on one hand, it is good to teach respect toward sleeping infants, but those lessons could probably wait until your older child has adjusted to their new sibling's presence.
Listen to yourself and go with your gut. You know your family best! Enjoy the journey!
Posted by: Kelly Schneyer | March 22, 2009 at 10:35 AM
Does anyone have any tried-and-true techniques for occupying a toddler while nursing a babe? My son will be 27 mos. when my new baby is born in July, and the nursing piece is the thing I am most nervous about. Apart from sticking on a video (which I truly hope to avoid), how do I keep my toddler happy while I nurse for 15-20 minutes?
Posted by: SJ | March 23, 2009 at 03:06 PM
SJ -
I think there were some great suggestions on occupying a toddler while nursing baby in a previous conversation here: http://www.urbanmamas.com/urbanmamas/2007/06/juggling_a_pres.html
Posted by: olivia | March 24, 2009 at 01:25 PM
There is a woman named Julie Dennis who has long specialized in sibling preparation for childbirth. Try her at juliedennis@qwest.net. 503.297.5286.
Posted by: vicky york | March 24, 2009 at 07:41 PM
We haven't had the chance to check it out yet, but there's a newly-released film called "Great Siblings: A Sibling Preparation Film for Preschoolers". More info at http://www.greatsiblings.com
Posted by: urbanMamas | April 09, 2009 at 04:15 PM