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I'm gonna be a mama! Yay? The surprise of mamahood

A friend recently found out that she's going to be a mama!  Yay?  Or nay?  She had to admit she was feeling a little lukewarm about it, it being unplanned and all.  But, when I thought about it, can we really plan these things?

We found out about our first baby when my then-boyfriend and I were in graduate school.  We were poor, working full-time, going to school at night.  We were eating a little and drinking a lot.  We will ill-prepared to start a family, but we did.  It turned our worlds upside down, but we now couldn't imagine a life any different.  A couple of years after we had our first child, we decided to have another.  We were lucky to find out we were pregnant, after just a couple of fun months of "trying".

It made me wonder: how many of us planned when we would first become mamas?  How many of us took on the surprise?  Or, how many of us woke up to the surprise, but found that we really could not make good mamas at that particular point in time?  If you were able to plan, what made *that* time more ideal than others?

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Planned..although I wanted to be a mama before the age of 34, life threw us some curves early in our relationship...critical head injury, medical retirement from coast guard, short-term memory loss, and retraining for my husband. Now that he's in a permanent job that is stable it was time to become a mama. We now have a happy little 5 month old boy.

Teen moma, definitely not planned. Second not planned either. Felt it would be irresponsible to not parent a child I had conceived, so I struggled through my 20s trying to finish growing up and raise my girls. Third was just not prevented; new hubby and I were ready to give it a go. Thirty hit just before we married, the girls were in middle school and we figured if at all, why not now?

Planned. My husband & I had been together for almost 10 years and had always planned to have kids 'in the future.' When we turned 30 & it seemed like 'the future' had arrived. I had achieved what I wanted to in my career and was ready for a change (now working part time), my husband, who had taken time of from college had gone back & finished his degree. We were running out of reasons to wait & feeling old, with our 20's behind us. I wasn't really a kid person before becoming a mama so I was lucky to get to wait until I wanted to make that change in my life. Having planned it has probably made the adjustment easier.

My first was planned, but it still took me over 3 months to adjust to the idea. I have always thought the word "planned" seemed weird when applied to babies. You can plan a trip and know exactly when the airplane leaves, but babies?? They have their own schedule from the get go.

Some of us planned and then life threw a curveball in the form of infertility. So after a LOT of not-fun-at-all months trying, we made a very planned visit to the fertility doctor for expensive and invasive fertility treatments that eventually resulted in a pregnancy.

Both of my children were planned and I would like to say that meant that the timing, mood, and level of awareness was pitch perfect, but by no means, once my children were born, did I ever feel prepared.

I have friends who had unplanned pregnancies and were much more calm with parenthood once it actually happened...

Hmm, this has been the topic in my head today.

My first was planned. My husband and I married in our late thirties, so we decided to hurry up and get on the ball, thinking it might take forever to get pregnant (we were together 5 years already without any uhoh's or false alarms). But, he got me on the first try!
We were overjoyed. And have been with the pregnancy, birth and raising of her.

So..my mom took our daughter for a weekend, and we had this amorous time ALONE and said, 'maybe we should do this again!'
Then, we looked at each other the next day and said, "Nah! Let's just get a dog instead."


So I guess they were both planned.

My husband and I planned the birth of our son. In fact it took us a long time to decide we would invite a child to join us in our lives. For us parenting is an expression of our spiritual life. We wanted to do a conscious conception and found the book "Parenting Begins before Conception: A guide to preparing body, mind, and spirit for you future child" extremely helpful. We found the process very opening and spiritually life changing. We made the act of conception a very sacred one and have truly felt that our lives have been blessed.

My first pregnancy with my husband was unplanned - and really took as by surprise as I was using (yes, correctly) birth control. After lots and lots of discussion (we were both grad students and poor) we decided to proceed with the pregnancy. And then - I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. We wanted something so badly we didn't even know we wanted until it happened! So after some down time to recover and "plan" we decided to go for it. It took three months for us to conceive and our beautiful son was born last June. We are very blessed.

My first pregnancy was unplanned and really a huge surprise because I was using (correctly) birth control. After lots & lots & lots of discussion we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. It was a tough choice because we are students, bartending at night and don't have any family around to help us. But we both felt it was the right decision and just felt excited about the baby. And then-I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. We wanted something so badly we didn't even know we wanted until it was happening! So after some down time to heal and "plan" we decided to try again. It took 3 months to conceive and last June our beautiful son was born. We are very blessed.

oops I guess I pressed post when I meant to press preview to fix fix spelling, etc...sorry for 2ble post!

Very planned. My husband and I were together for about 18 years (since high school) before conception, went to a preconception doctor's appointment, got shots updated, etc. waited, then conceived about 6 months out. We waited until we felt ready, which took a long time. We had assumed we might have fertility issues due to the lack of any "oopses."

Planned but I agree that that is a misnomer who really plans to have a child or for that matter is "ready" for parenthood. I still have 3 months before I'm officially a parent but my husband and I are very excited about meeting our son. I was pregnant before at the age of 18 (33 now) and I terminated that pregnancy, honestly not once did I consider having that child, I was young, the guy was not a good person and I wasn't "ready" nor wanting to be a parent. Now is a very different story.

Planned and better planned. For our first child, my husband and I planned to get pregnant, but we didn't plan very well for parenting. The second time around, we planned for parenting and left the pregnancy bit unplanned. Much better.

My first pregnancy mirrors cg's (above) almost exactly. We had finished our 20's, had a good time, and we were ready for children. I was ready for more meaning in my life than working full time, partying, and shopping. Our second was planned too. This time around, however, not so much. Eight months after having #2 we were completely surprised by #3, who will be here in June. I have to admit that I cried for a long time when I found out, but have come to see the many silver linings of our situation.

Planned as a single mom. Did it through insemination at the clinic at age 36. I was out of a serious relationship for 2 years and just not over him enough to meet someone for a whirlwind, let's get married quick and have kids thing, so I decided to do it backward. It took 2 tries. I was blessed. My daughter is a joy. I would love to "plan" another one, but it would be too hard financially with just one parent. Maybe I will meet someone at some point and have some sort of "happy accident!" but only if it was the right thing to do, as I am pushing 41, and would need to have someone very special in my life that would love my daughter and love us both enough to want to be part of, and help grow our family.

My son was not planned (we say "surprise", not "accident"), but as I always tell him, I never knew I wanted a little boy so much until he was in my tummy. We were very young when he was conceived (18 and 19) and so pressured to marry from both sides that we did, this ultimately resulting in divorce 2.5 years later. I have been a single parent for the last 8.5 years and have a lanky 11-year-old on my hands now. There have been a few times I have wished I could freeze my son and wait to have him when I could afford to give him all the things I think he should have in life, but ultimately I have done well and we have each other to thank for what awesome people we are. :) I love this child and am so proud to have such a thoughtful, caring, mature boy to call my offspring.

Staci - stuff is not important. Only love and being wanted.. People in other countries (like me) have grown up with not much stuff - just food/clothes - and have turned out just fine..
You must be very proud of yourself and your boy
-debbie

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