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Have you made the choice to adopt?

For some of us mamas and papas, there are reasons why adopting a child was the only option to expand our families.  For others of us, we have had the opportunity to make the choice: to try to bear a child naturally or to adopt.  An urbanMama recently emailed with her dilemma:

I'm hoping to find some other mamas out there who may have had a similar decision to make.  My husband and I have a child of toddler age and are in the discussion phase of more children.  We both have a calling to adopt a child - not sure why...neither of us were adopted - but have different ideas about it.  As a woman who had a great pregnancy and very much enjoyed the birth/baby process (even though it was difficult) I always thought I'd have another child naturally so was thinking we could adopt a third child.  My husband is pretty adamant that he only wants 2 children and is happy with either adopting the 2nd child or having another on our own.  Basically this decision falls to me and I'm really struggling with it.  (We would adopt from India as my husband is of Indian heritage and we obviously have a strong family connection there.)  I would love to hear from anyone who may have this same situation - if there is anyone else out there.

Have you had to decide between adopting or natural childbirth?


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I adopted from India last year as a single mom, after considering other options. I'm so happy I chose to build a family this way. While my situation is a little different, I've got plenty of thoughts about adoption and India, and would be happy to talk with the original poster directly.

I think it is great you are putting so much energy into such a big decision. As both ad adult adoptee (my sister and i were adopted when we were 4 and 5 years old) and educator to parents who adopt, I know adoption is a so much more than a one time event. There are several local resources you may want look into that may help you decide if adoption is right for you and your family...NAFA (Northwest Adoptive Families Association) www.nafaonline.org, Adoption Mosaic www.adoptionmosaic.org

Hi Monica,
This is the original poster. I would love to speak with you about your experience with adoption. Please let me know how I can reach you.

Also, thanks Astrid for your comment and for the website resources. I'll be sure to visit them.


We adopted our second son after having a biological child. My husband and I had planned on adopting even before we got married. We have had many ups and down in the past two years since we brought our son home. It was very difficult the first year but now I could not imagine my life without him. We adopted from the foster care system. There are definitely times when I wish I was my son's bithmother. We did not adopt him until he was two so we missed out on his first steps, words, etc. Both of my sons are unique and amazing in different ways and in no way to I feel different about my adopted son. The best advice I can give anyone who is thinking about adopting is making sure you use a great agency that has a lot of pre-adoption class requirements and make sure that both you and your partner are both 100% committed.

like Astrid (above), I second getting in contact with some of those groups and discussing adoption, esp. toddler adoption since you are looking at India. Go into it with eyes wide open. You will most likely be dealing with attachment issues (read up on that and get references to attachment therapists), go into it WITHOUT a feeling of "saving" a child, and know that is is a long and grueling process. Adoption is great, but know what you are getting into ;)

Correction: "major" life decision.

An additional resource is my good friend Nina Yates - see here website at www.portlandadoptioncounseling.com.

I'm one of a small minority who chose to adopt rather than giving birth. To me it felt like a very natural way to form a family and was my preferred choice. We adopted from China and it was a very smooth process. The information we received about our daughter was accurate and complete. We worked with a great agency and also consulted with an international adoption medical clinic before adopting. OHSU has such a clinic although we used the one at the University of Washington.

By adopting, our lives have been enriched in unique ways. Being a transracial family has been a welcome journey. I wish you much happiness!

This is Monica, the first commenter again - I feel a bit nervous about publishing my home email on this site (call me paranoid!) so here's a thought: There is a great online group of Northwest-area (mostly Seattle & Portland) parents of kids adopted from India at www.nwichild.org. If you join that group, I can email you directly. Look forward to talking with you!

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