Video Games: Friend or Foe?
It seemed innocent enough when my husband first announced to the kids, “let’s look at Nick Jr. on the computer.” But the ensuing addiction to the video games (albeit Blues Clues and Dora) has reached fever pitch for my 4 and almost 6 year old sons and has turned me into mean ol’ mama for having to say no to their requests, every. single. hour.
It probably doesn’t help that our computer armoire is just 5 feet from the dining room table and they see me checking email constantly throughout the day. While logically I equate both computer and television as screen time to be limited, I’ve realized that I’m more leery of video games because I’m projecting 10 years down the road when I imagine the games of steeling cars and shooting bad guys. Maybe I think I can prevent that by pretending that video games don't even exist! Do you let your kids play video games? What parameters do you put around them? How do you ensure they are age appropriate?
I am not a fan of the video game, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I am OLD and am not good at them, because foosball and air hockey were all the rage the last time I was inclined to spend much time playing an arcade-type game. I also equate them with my ex-husband, who would spend HOURS in front of the computer playing what I thought were really stupid games for an almost-40 y/old man to play (oh, and the $$ he would spend on games and accessories--ugh). It is SO not sexy to me to see a grown man play a video game! And his social skills--more ugh--which I think deteriorated even more with the time spent in from of the box. So, yes--I am coming to this discussion with some baggage!
I don't forbid my daughter (now 11) to play with video games. I just don't spend ANY money bringing them into our house. My B-I-L, who has every game system known to man (and is not a parent, natch), is very concerned with how I am raising her. Books? No cable? No x-box? Limited TV/PC screen-time? Sports? Board games? Family time? The horror! How will she EVER GET A JOB when she reaches adulthood!? (ahem) Anyway, he was so appalled that he bought her a handheld system Christmas before last. And has subsequently purchased games for her. And she's spent a few bucks of her own on games. But, except when she hangs out with certain friends, the thing stays in a shoebox in her room most of the time. And the game she plays most frequently? BrainAge, an educational-type game. Or, she and her friends "chat" using their handhelds.
So she might be a little behind-the-curve pop-culture-savvy-wise, but other than that, I see no ill effects. And it hasn't been a fight in our house. I maintain a sort of "meh" attitude about video games, and she chooses to use the majority of her (limited) screen time watching American Idol, rather than playing with the handheld system. And I don't sweat it if she goes to a friend's house and plays their games. Mainly because most of her friends would rather do something else as well.
I can tell you though, if her dad and I were still together? Our differences regarding screen-time and video games would kill the marriage. He doesn't see any problems with limitless access to either.
Posted by: Sheryl | January 21, 2009 at 05:33 PM
We let them play games on the web (Nick Jr., Poptropica, etc.), but limited to 1/2 hour per day, not necessarily every day.
But then it looks kind of hypocritical when I spend a lot of time on the computer. Dilemma!
We don't own any game system besides our regular computers, and generally spend no money on games. We did buy a copy of Bookworm Adventures, because the whole family enjoys it. We made it a family project to save up the $20 required to buy it.
Posted by: Kathleen McDade | January 21, 2009 at 05:50 PM
FOE! You won't find them at our house, and you won't find television on either. We do watch dvds, but that's it. Our kids just shrug their shoulders at other people's houses and don't have any interest. There are so many great things to do for recreation that video games isn't on our radar. Complete utter waste of time. We teach our kids from day 1 to use their time and money wisely and judiciously.
Posted by: alpidarkomama | January 21, 2009 at 07:24 PM
There are a couple of games my 4 year old likes to play on the computer, some memory games, reading things, that kind of thing. He's hit or miss on asking for it, but I'm more than happy to suggest it when I need a quiet 15 minutes. I don't think I'm all that interested in introducing more than that to him, but I imagine my husband will dust off the playstation someday.
Posted by: mom22 | January 21, 2009 at 07:29 PM
We're certainly a family that believes in moderation. However, when it comes to video games, it's a slippery slope and for now, we are avoiding it altogether. I am sure it's unavoidable at a certain age, but I personally don't want to be the one to introduce it to them. The kids don't even play computer games, but admittedly that's only because the adults are always vying for time on the computer.
Posted by: Hau | January 21, 2009 at 08:37 PM
We have a Wii that we got for Christmas from family. My 5yo would probably play it 24/7 if allowed (and maybe I would too, since I know I have a somewhat addictive personality hiding in there somewhere). So we simply explained to him that he has 3 30 minute blocks of Wii time per week to use. He carefully budgets them so he has one left to use on Saturday while his sis naps. We set the kitchen timer and when time is up its up. He has fun, he's good at it, enjoys seeing his own progress, and is learning to use his time carefully. There hasn't been a week yet when he's blown through all three of his blocks and had none left for the weekend.
He has also done some things on pbskids... not video games per say but computer "games" learning letters and mouse clicking. I like that he sort of knows his way around a keyboard and mouse and has some idea how the computer works. They are such a part of our lives today. Don't need to take over our lives, but depending on our jobs/schools/etc computers are integrated into our daily activities.
Posted by: LizardMama | January 21, 2009 at 08:38 PM
We have a Wii and we let the kids play it more than we would other games. I do let them play on the computer...starfall, redfishsoup, pbskids, They learn so much. SO MUCH. I consider it a boon to their lives and I don't worry that they'll be stunted or grow addicted or fail to make friends. I think they have gained a lot of valuable skills from all the electronics we have put in their lives. I do, however, think that I have been judicious about the KINDS of games I've shown them online, and there is one Wii game I dislike having them play very often. (MarioKart). It affects their behavior. I think it's too frenetic and not active enough. But I try not to ban it or make it bad, I just explain to them how I feel, and what I see happening with them when they play it and try to let them decide. TRY is the operative word. Sometimes I'll admit, it does get banned.
Posted by: Jill | January 21, 2009 at 08:57 PM
Hee hee. MarioKart is the one I get hooked on if I play when the kids go to bed. I can't stop. :) It probably affects my behavior too!
Posted by: LizardMama | January 21, 2009 at 09:36 PM
We have no video games in our house (neither of us have ever been interested...except that during a dark period in grad school I once got so addicted to computer hearts that I had to delete all games from my computer). Still, I continue to be surprised by our almost 5 year old's utter lack of interest in the computer. I am on it often, as I tend to work from home in the evenings, and she comes and crawls onto my lap, but I think she thinks the only thing for her on my computer is Chicken football--a goofy youtube video featuring yes, chickens playing soccer! We watch that every couple of weeks. But as for the rest, my husband and I were recently pondering why she hasn't been interested. (I keep being surprised, for ex., that when we go to the local public library she doesn't even seem to notice the kids plugged in to those computers and playing Dr. Seuss games or some such thing...) While we haven't quite figured out why, we admit to being pleased with her obliviousness to all things computer. As someone who too often feels tied to the computer, for pleasure/social connecting as often as for work, I like the idea of keeping her free of those ties for as long as possible. I do realize, though, that at a certain point, she'll need that basic media literacy. Seriously, I'm not even sure she knows how to use a mouse!
Posted by: MollyH | January 21, 2009 at 09:39 PM
video games are the devil in my house. my 1 1/2 year old is already figuring out daddy's
game controller. they grow up quick enough without having to be subjected to all things electronic and media related. personally, i just don't think its something for kids when theres things like board games, art, fresh air and books. call me old school.
Posted by: jen | January 21, 2009 at 10:48 PM
I don't think anyone's going to have a problem learning mouse clicking or typing or letters a bit later on in life. Why start in preschool? They're asking you for this every single hour? Yikes. I'd be projecting forward ten years too - because we've all met those teens, and some of them have made the transition from harmless hobby to life-replacing addiction.
Posted by: catmom | January 21, 2009 at 11:46 PM
I'm just going to toss out an anecdote for conversation's sake... When I was a kid, I was a serious bookworm. It got to a point during middle school, when I was pulling out books during lunch with my friends, staying up until four or five in the morning to read, and generally skipping life in favor of fiction (I did have both a television and a video game system in my room at the time). To this day, I have a tendency to do what I've dubbed, "binge-reading". My point here is that the focus on "screen time" and kids confuses me. I understand the issue of limiting content, but I also think it's interesting that we group activities in shades of "good" and "bad" as thought there's a black and white solution for setting limits. Or as though if we just cut out the right "bad" activities, we would guarantee our kids would grow up well adjusted, intelligent and productive members of society. It seems to me that the real issue here is that it's easier for us, as parents, to take a hardline yes or no stance on something than it is to constantly set and maintain appropriate limits.
On a side note, something I find interesting about content issues: I rarely see anyone showing concern for age-appropriate content in literature, despite often hearing that people are concerned about the content in movies, television and video games. There was nothing particularly questionable in Super Mario Bros and Legend of Zelda when I was eleven, but at the same time I was reading Clan of the Cave Bear and A Handmaid's Tail, both which contain rape scenes, in addition to various Steven King novels and apocalyptic fiction (1984, Fahrenheit 451, Andromeda Strain, etc) which all contain some pretty heavy concepts and loads of violence.
Posted by: e. | January 22, 2009 at 08:14 AM
well said e.!
Posted by: b. | January 22, 2009 at 09:04 AM
Everything in moderation at our house... we've got a Wii and let our daughter play for set amounts of time (after dinner and homework are finished.) To be honest, most times she loses interest before her Wii time is up, and she's on to other things. Don't get me started on how much my husband plays, though..!
Posted by: hayley | January 22, 2009 at 09:08 AM
For us, Sunday is computer game day. The rest of the week it's off limits. We don't own any games; the kids (6 and 9) play mild stuff we downloaded: Marble Madness, primarily, and an incredibly bizarre thing with a ski-racing penguin (I'm convinced its creators were on an acid trip).
We started this routine about a year ago. Having it on one day of the week completely eliminates the whining.
Posted by: Zinemama | January 22, 2009 at 09:12 AM
Yes - but the poster is talking about ages four and six. I was a passionate reader, too - I bet most umamas were - but not in preschool.
Posted by: catmom | January 22, 2009 at 09:16 AM
We have managed to avoid video games with our four year old son, and we don't watch TV at all, but we've had some issues with DVDs. Our child LOVES to watch movies and children's programs on DVD. When he was three, he was nagging us for them all the time. Then a friend tipped us off to the weekend-only rule. That worked like a dream. He knew he could watch one DVD on the weekend and that was it. He totally stopped asking about it the rest of the time and it seemed to help him relax and enjoy real life. And then we very gradually drifted into one movie per day on the weekend and then we hit the snow days and the holidays recently. He was watching one or two DVDs a day and we noticed that he was distinctly irritable and dissatisfied with almost anything else. He didn't enjoy playing with toys as much and he couldn't entertain himself for more than 10 minutes. Finally, we realized that he was acting like an addict going through withdrawals. We cut him off cold turkey. Once he realized he wasn't going to be able to watch movies "for a long time," he relaxed and started to really enjoy real life. He became much sweeter, happier, and easier. Now we're back to the one movie per weekend rule, and it's a special privilege that can be revoked if we need leverage. When we go to the library, I almost always say no to the computer games they have available, because we're there for the books. On screen media is extremely compelling and therefore addictive. It teaches children (and adults!) to be entertained passively. If it weren't such a great babysitter, I'm sure we would be a lot more cautious about it. The good news is that once you break the habit, kids rebound fast. My son and I have been doing more cooking together (and other chores and projects) and although it takes a little more work to include him, I see him gathering skills that will eventually make him really, truly helpful. I also find that now that he's calmer, I enjoy his company more. It makes it worth losing the down time that we got from letting him watch DVDs.
Posted by: clarkie | January 22, 2009 at 10:43 AM
Like another poster, we have neither video games or TV in the house. We do occasionally watch a DVD on computer.
It IS a slippery slope. When baby #2 came along, kid #1 started spending more time watching DVD's while I nursed the baby down for naps. Then the begging started. He wanted more and more and MORE. Finally I said enough and cut him off (or back, to special occasions).
I was dismayed to see a computer in his preschool classroom, but thankfully it is only used for language learning games for the non-English speakers. When at other people's houses, he has no interest in TV or video games. If there is one on, he usually asks for someone to turn it off and come PLAY!
Posted by: nancy | January 22, 2009 at 01:19 PM
We have some video games. My 5 y/o daughter has a leapster (handheld game) which she is allowed to play whenever she would like, all the games are educational and I have found she is pretty self limiting on use sometimes she will play all day long and then will go for weeks without picking it up. The Wii is only played by her as a family activity, and computer time is limited to visits at the library ( for a limited time) or at home if we are looking up somehing specific she has a question about like why are hot dogs called hot dogs.
As she gets older I plan to limit all video game activity to weekends or school holidays, with computer time for schoolwork as needed.
Posted by: Mary | January 22, 2009 at 01:21 PM
There is a difference between screen media and printed media in terms of the effect they have on a developing brain and the skills that they impede/develop, especially in preschoolers. In my house we have limits and as other posters have mentioned I have found that when the limits are clear & I stick to them my children are happier & less whiny. I think this kind of applies to most of those things that we find tempting (such as candy) but aren't necessarily healthy.
Posted by: capella | January 22, 2009 at 02:01 PM
Too much of any one thing can be detrimental. Making something taboo can be detrimental. Walk a middle line of moderation, and things will probably be just fine.
I am not trying to be critical here, as I do find lots of great information on this website, but it do think that people tend to overanalyze and possibly overreact on anything that could be remotely considered "bad".
Screen time definitely falls in this category. Interesting though that at age 3, my child can type her name and many other words on the computer. By using the keyboard she has mastered lower and upper case letters. Sure, we also use puzzles, flash cards and crayons/paper but it's another medium that has helped her to learn. Nothing wrong with that!
I think we all can use our best judgement with our children and what they can handle. As long as it's age appropriate, has some level of parental engagement, and they aren't sitting in front of the screen all day, it's fine.
Posted by: mamatothree | January 22, 2009 at 03:21 PM
We don't have a video game system, but we are really tempted to get a Wii just so we can play Guitar Hero or Rock Band. into the night. We love us some Rock Band.
My 8 year old asked Santa for a Nintendo DS (in pink) this year. She didn't get one. I am nervous about a handheld that she can carry around and play all the time. We let our kids play little games like chess or bubble breaker or some brick games on our phones, every now and then, so they have some access to games on the go.
I am sure we can moderate it fine - if we ever got a video game system and if we set limits. I am just not sure of what the value of a video game system would add to the household. We already have the computers and there are all sorts of games they play. We are in need of setting new limits on the computers, which we are now inspired to do. On the computer, the younger plays on PBS kids, the older plays with webkins & emails, and we help them find youtube videos to learn new dance moves.
As for the overanalyzing what correct "bad" activities to elminate - I understood any of the posts or comments to be authority. I am a mama who appreciates hearing the perspective of other mamas, and that perspective sometimes helps me form my own approach to my mamaness. These are questions we all ponder, and I love to hear the breadth of views. Sometimes, I learn a thing or two to incorporate into my family. What may appear like overanalyzing to one may just be talking through with other peers. I'm just saying that I appreciate the conversation.
Thanks.
Posted by: olivia | January 23, 2009 at 07:14 AM
Honestly, the allure of video games escapes me.
My daughter swims competitively. The swim meet atmosphere is often this: 200+ swimmers, ranging from 7-12 years old, all crammed into an indoor aquatic facility. Add a bunch of parents, coaches, officals, etc. You're there 4-5 hours, waiting and waiting and waiting; you hop up periodically, go swim 50, 100, maybe 200 yard, then you go sit some more. It's noisy and not a good atmosphere to read to pass the time.
Lots of kids bring their handheld DS games to meets to pass the time. What is fascinating to me is that one child is playing this game, with an itty-bitty screen, and there will be a half-dozen or more kids crowded around JUST WATCHING. No one is asking for a turn--such is the allure that some of these kids find it more compelling to watch someone play a video game than they do cheering on their teammates or visiting with friends. UGH
Posted by: Sheryl | January 23, 2009 at 08:23 AM
I agree with the posters that have discussed moderation. I have an 8 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn. The eight year old gets one hour of screen time a day. That includes computer, tv, or wii. He LOVES video games, but he also LOVES sports and books. I honestly don't understand what the problem is with using TV or computer or video games as a learning tool. He is consistently at the top of his class and is a very vocal, expressive kid.
My husband and I chose to only buy Nintendo systems (we are now on the wii) as we felt that they had family friendly games, and we play as a family. Just as we play card games and board games...
I also let my two year old watch Dora and Diego and princess movies. Not every day, but some days more than others. I don't think this makes my kiddos less intelligent or slow. Fact is, sometimes, they need the down time too.
:) I also choose my sons books and music with him, so that we both like what he is filling his head with whether it is from screen time, his ipod or book time!
Posted by: S. | January 23, 2009 at 03:18 PM
mine is only one so not an issue yet. but I'm worried about the example his dad is going to set.
Posted by: cg | January 23, 2009 at 03:47 PM