Unwanted Christmas Gifts - What to do?
Whether or not we send out wish lists, we are certain we aren't the only ones whose kids receive gifts that we consider excessive, unwanted, inappropriate, or down-right annoying. With many of us trying to start the New Year right with an organized and purged household, how would you handle some of those Christmas gifts that you just don't want? An urbanMama emails:
My three year old daughter recieved a "computer" for Christmas. It takes batteries, beeps and talks, etc. We've worked pretty hard to keep battery operated toys our of our house. It was easy when she was younger. We'd say thanks (and mean it, of course. We're always grateful for the thought) and then we'd pass it on to Goodwill. She never knew the difference But she's three now. She opened the package and knows what she got. She's "playing" with it every day. To make matters worse it was, in my opinion, mislabeled as appropriate for a 3 year old. Primarily because all of its games rest on the theory that she can recognize the numbers and letters on the keypad-- which she can't and results in added frustration for her (although she continues to play with it -- a lot.) Do I snatch it? Take the batteries out? Relax and let her have it? Anyone? Anyone?
Oh, let her have it. She's having fun with it. Then, in a few weeks, after she's forgotten about it, it can magically disappear (or have it's batteries removed).
Posted by: egl | January 12, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Let her have it. My daughter is 3 1/2 and has had her computer for a few years now. I play with her and she knows all of her letters both uppercase and lowercase. Its a great teaching tool. Just my two cents.
Posted by: suz | January 12, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Let her have it. Don't make a big deal of it; even at three they feel the attraction of something that mama or papa has made a taboo. When the newness wears off (and it will), to egl's point, it can just magically disappear.
Posted by: Sheryl | January 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM
I agree; she'll probably forget all about it after a while. Or, maybe she'll actually learn to use it -- always a possibility.
Posted by: Kathleen McDade | January 12, 2009 at 12:15 PM
Maybe instead of just taking it away, you could find a good exchange for it. Like finding some computer games that are age appropriate and putting them on your computer. Then you can do "computer time" with her and help her to learn, or talk about whats happening in the games. It'll also be nice for her b/c she will love the mommyNme time. She will also love the responsibility and confidence that you will instill in her.
Posted by: Becky | January 12, 2009 at 12:22 PM
We're also a battery-toy-free house. :) We also got a little computer as a gift a few months ago. We just took the batteries out, and our 5- and 3-year-old just shrugged and that was that. There are just so many better ways to play and we have so much we LIKE to do, that we just don't want to spend our time that way. There's also nothing she will learn on a computer that she can't learn from a human being.
Posted by: alpidarkomama | January 12, 2009 at 12:25 PM
our daughter received one when she was three, she is now five and still loves it although she has outgrown the games. we were reluctant for her to play with it at first, for most of the reasons already mentioned, but she learned quite a bit from it and it turned out to be one of the best modern learning toys she has. I'd say give her a few months to see what she can do with it before you give it away.
Posted by: meg | January 12, 2009 at 12:36 PM
I say let her have it. My son received something similar for his birthday last year from relatives and at first I cringed but he loved it and couldn’t leave it alone. After a while the newness faded away and from time to time he’ll take it out and discover it all over again. And I actually think he’s learned some of his letters and numbers as a result – in addition to puzzles, books, singing songs and all the other ways kids learn things. I don’t see the harm in it and as she grows she’ll figure it out and her frustration will subside. Hope that helps.
Posted by: Amy | January 12, 2009 at 12:53 PM
Last year, my daughter got one of those Furreal Ponies from a very well-intentioned auntie. It was excessive, huge, and somewhat creepy, but how do you hide a 3 foot tall robot pony? So, we shrugged and let it be. After about six months, she decided it was taking up too much space in her room and we put it into the garage. When she didn't mention it for the three months following that, it got sold on craigslist. Problem solved.
This year, my daughter got a huge amount of make-up from other well-intentioned aunties (she's five). When the box of gifts that we shipped back from my in-laws arrived, we simply removed them before she saw the box and hid them. There was so much other exciting stuff in there, that she forgot all about the make-up.
I'd say let her keep it, but set limits like she can only use it in her room and for a set amount of time, like for fifteen minutes after dinner, if she eats well. Take the fifteen minutes as an opportunity to work on her letter and number recognition with her and she'll be using it on her own without help in no time.
Posted by: e. | January 12, 2009 at 01:09 PM
Maybe it doesn't have to be a choice between "keep it" and "give it away." If it's something that really attracts her interest (and things that beep usually do for awhile), you could try packing it away in a box of toys to save for when Mom/Dad is sick. That way she wouldn't be dependent on electronics for everyday entertainment, and you wouldn't be bothered by the constant noise, but it wouldn't be forbidden, either.
Posted by: Janice | January 12, 2009 at 01:11 PM
I just wanted to throw out another suggestion...if it's a gift that you really know you don't want your kid to have, or maybe it's even a duplicate of something that you already have, there are places that are always looking for new toys. I work at OHSU, and I believe that Doernbecker's children's hospital has a year round toy drive. The social workers the figure out which toy is appropriate for which kid who's hospitalized and then distribute them. So, it would be a great place to hand off cast away toys. I don't know much more about the program other than you can drop the items off at the admitting desk , and due to infection control issues, the toys should be new, not used. Just a thought.
Posted by: SS | January 12, 2009 at 02:57 PM
My 3 year old received something similar this year. She likes it. She does recognize all of her letters and numbers, so for her, it's a useful play thing when I need a few minutes to myself (i.e.: shower, make dinner, etc). I practice moderation on pretty much everything, including things with batteries. We try to have mostly wooden hand made toys, books, artsy stuff, puzzles and instruments in the house, but the kids also have some obnoxious toys, too. I don't think it's a big deal.
Posted by: mamatothree | January 12, 2009 at 08:18 PM
We had the same issue with a Princess cell phone. (Bleck!) She was into it for a couple of days, then lost interest. It's now in my closet. If she doesn't wonder where it is for a month or so, I'm Goodwilling it!
Posted by: Jessica Y | January 13, 2009 at 11:32 AM
in response to alpidarkomama . . . i'm no fan of battery toys either, but the one thing that playing with a computer for sure teaches you to do is use a computer. given that all state-wide assessments are administered on a computer and what computers mean to the world today, there is probably some validity to computer play just for the sake of exposure.
Posted by: anon | January 13, 2009 at 04:41 PM
We have several battery powered toys in our house and the main thing we've done is put clear packing tape over the speaker so the thing is not so loud. Then we all feel much better....
Posted by: Kristi | January 13, 2009 at 08:19 PM
I think you have to ask why you don't like it. Is it just the batteries? IMO we live in a world in which you need to know how to use electronics. It might be a good opportunity to teach your child about moderation in play. You could have a specific time in which she plays with it. My 2.5 year old loves to type on the computer and he knows the names of all the letters and can recognize them on the keypad. I think it's good for him to think about these things and it develops fine motor skills. If she is having lots of frustration because it isn't age appropriate for her then it might be better to "make it go away" until she's able to enjoy it without frustration.
Posted by: Meg | January 13, 2009 at 11:20 PM
I am relieved to see that I am not the only mom who feels rather repelled by the computers and princess garbage. I have generous grandmas who buy mechanical kitties and princess ballerina videos & dressup outfits (blech!) and they do influence my 3 year old. I try to influence her toward other things but know that if I "forbid" something its appeal will only grow stronger.
Unwanted/useless gifts are a trick, I have boxes full of them. I keep anything that is handmade.
Posted by: HB | January 14, 2009 at 12:56 AM
I'm inline with most of the posters here who said to let her play with it. I think the timed use suggestion is a good one if you fear she will use it too much (although IMO most kids tend to spread out their toy play among many toys). But the one that floors me is the poster who wrote that someone sent their 5 y.o. make up for a gift. That just seems crazy to me! They were smart to hide it before she saw it. :)
Posted by: Siobhan | January 18, 2009 at 08:06 PM