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I oughta record that!

Nothing new in the fact that kids say some amazingly funny stuff.  It's also nothing new that I have yet to record any of it, despite the fact that people remind me to with amazing regularity.  So today, when a few greats were uttered in the backyard, I wondered: if I post them on uM, does that count as recording them?  Can my children use a blog as their mother's scrapbook (since I so ain't creating my own)?  Time will tell, I guess.   Regardless of how history (and my kids!) treats all this blogging stuff, I am compelled to share these two from my 2-YO daughter (sadly my 5-YO doesn't generate nearly as many):

  • While watering the garden with a hose: 'Mama, it sounds like pee-pee.'  'Yeah,' I said, 'like when Daddy and your brother pee-pee.'  'No,' she replied, 'like the plants are pee-peeing.'  Never even crossed my mind.
  • While eating watermelon outside with my 2-YO after my husband and son had both fallen asleep inside the house: 'Shhh, Mama, we have to be quiet with our teeth because Daddy and brother are sleeping.'  Those noisy teeth, waking everyone up again.

Can you share a LOL kid saying from this summer, and give us all a chuckle this Monday morning?  Plus, do tell if you've got a tricky system for actually recording or remembering them.  I'm open to it even if I know deep down it just ain't gonna happen - the recording and the remembering, that is.  But the best part is the joy I get in chuckling to myself when they say such great stuff so very earnestly.   Truly a joy of parenting.


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5yo to 8yo brother brother: Would you rather be a blackberry or a raspberry?

8yo (considers deeply): A blackberry. Because I might be one of the ones in the very middle of the bush that no one can reach, and then I'd never get picked.

My little Oregonians.

On Saturday I left my husband and 2 boys for the morning...when I came home a few hours later my 4 year old gave me the report on how things REALLY went while I was gone! "Henrik hasn't taken his nap yet, and everyone's a little stressed out..."!

And a few weeks ago my mom picked us up from the airport and in the car on the way to her house Anders said "Grandma, I really like your prickly hair"!

They do really say the funniest things. I love it (and sometimes hate it!) when you hear your words coming out of their mouths...And they are just so honest too! I really should write it all down, but I only occasionally get the chance to get it down on paper.

We were sleeping at a friend's house a few months back and my then 2 1/2 year old was in the pack and play. In the middle of the night, she suddenly shreiked, "Mommy!" I got up and walked over to the pack and play. She said, "Mommy, I need to grow up." I was about to say, "No, sweetie, you have lots of time, enjoy being small while you can" when all of the sudden, she hurled and barfed all over the pack and play, herself, me, and the floor. I have told that story to people at work and they think it's the funniest thing they ever heard. BTW: when she is sick or wanting sympathy, my now 3 year old will tell me in no uncertain terms that she needs to grow up. I love it.

My other favorite, which I think is going away now, is when I pick her up at day care, and before even saying hello, she will say, "Where's our going?"

When riding in the car, my 3 y/o will look behind us and say, "Look at all those suckers eatin' our dust."

Walking past a sock monkey in a store window, my mom pointed it out to my 5 y/o. In the next window was a sock bunny, at which point my son said, "Hey a sock bunny! You don't see one of those every day!"

Grandpa: "How's your dog?" [family dog is 14 yrs old, arthritic & slow]

precious almost 3-yo: "She's old and tired."


my oldest went through a phase in which she ate yogurt for breakfast .every. single. day. we even got to the point where we'd just leave a spoon out and she'd help herself while we stole a few extra minutes of sleep.

then one day it was all over. i asked if she had had her yogurt yet. she said, very frankly, "you know mom, i hate to tell you this, but yogurt...it makes me nervous."

... her best friend also moved to "new hamster"

Yesterday my 4-year old and I were biking home from an afternoon swim at the local pool--she was on the tag-a-long bike behind me. It was a gorgeous late afternoon, and she suddenly piped up, "Mommy...I just LOVE being a kid."

It made me wish I could be a kid again...even though at that point I also really loved being a mother!

I have no hilarious kiddisms because my daughter is still too little, but I do have a suggestion for recording such things. I created an email account for her and I have been periodically emailing her when something strikes me as worth remembering. I'm just not into scrapbooking, and I don't have time anyway, so this is a quick way to just record little things. I'm planning to give her the password when she's old enough to be interested and then she can read all about the first time she went to the beach and the hilarious thing she said to Grandma.

My husband and three year old were walking to the park.

My three year old asks, "How do you spell penis?"

My husband says, "P-E-N-I-S. Why?"

Thinking. Quiet. Thinking. Quiet. Thinking.

My three year old asks, "Is the Y (the "why") silent?"

So my 8 year old daughter was watching Enchanted yesterday and my just turned 3 year old boy (Henry) and I were playing in the living room and sort of watching the movie. There was a part where the handsome price comes for the girl and she is partly in love with this guy with a little girl who was helping her find her way.

So when the Prince finds her and barges in singing about his true love Henry looks at me and says:

"That guy (the prince) is a bad guy, he wants that girl but she is already married to that guy. (the dad)

I was totally astonished that he knew what married was and that he was picking up on all these inferences, I asked:

"What does married mean?"

"That lady with that Daddy" (pointing)

I ask: "Is mama married to someone?"


"Who is mama married to?"


yep. pretty much.
My husband says it's time for him to sleep in his own bed. :)

When my daughter was 5 we took her to a reenactment at Fort Vancouver where people were wearing clothes and doing jobs from the old days. When visitors got there we were to sign our names on a scroll with a big quill pen and discuss with the costumed man what job we each would like to have in the fort. My daughter chose to be a weaver for a term of one year. After that we toured the fort for an hour or so then got in the car. When we were driving off my daughter sighs and says looking at the scroll: "well I guess I won't be seeing you guys for a while..) She totally thought we were going to bring her back and leave her there to work for a year!

as far as recording them I have a small blank notebook with a photo pasted to the front for each kid. I keep them in the kitchen and make sure to write things down right away.

4 year old daughter is watching television and a kid is doing something against the rules. She points it out to dad, who asks, "Do you think that was okay?" She thinks a moment and replies, "Did anyone see?"

Ahhh, how quickly they learn.

The first time my 2yr son sat on the potty chair he pushed his penis down and said, "momma, it not working!?"

Says a 2-year old while putting on her swimming suit, "Papa wears swimming trunks because he's an elephant".

Kristin, I'm dying laughing over the "silent why"--hysterical!


Thanks -- I myself laugh every time I think of it.

We also have a list of items on our fridge that are words we never thought would come out of OUR mouths. On the list are:

Don't use Monkey to wipe yourself!

You can throw your cockroach one more time, and then it's time for a shower.

Don't chew on Nana's socks!

From my 5 yo: "It's hard to know what monkeys are saying."

"Do insects know we are human beings?"
Now that's one for under the black light in a college dorm room...

Oh and then there are the embarassing ones, like when my hub took my son to the bathroom at a coffee shop and on the way out my son said (very loudly) "Daddy, why is your penis so big?" I'm sure my hub was embarassed only as much as he was secretly proud.

I also love the way my kids pronounce certain things: be-noc-cle-ers (binoculars), brefkist and the like. It's so sweet.

I like the email account idea! I usually scribble things down in my calendar/day planner, problem is, I have gotten rid of day planners forgetting that sort of thing is in there. So sad!

I remember when my son was maybe 4 and we were driving in the car. He was making busy little noises. I asked him what he was doing (I think I was ready to be slightly annoyed) and he responded "I am making music with my mouth, mama". Well, ok who is going to be annoyed with that?

The other day my three-year-old looked up at the sky and said "I'm not cold. The sun is my blanket."

I loved that.

And we just started reading Winnie-the-Pooh, but my daughter thinks his name is "We-need-to-poo!"

She's also fascinated by what animals do when they get mad, so she's always asking things like, "What do ducks do when they get really, really, really, really, really mad?"

I keep track of it all on my blog, for the amusement of the grandparents.

When I was on the way to take my 2 year old daughter to the store and I told her that we were going to buy her some new sneakers. She replied: "So, I can sneak up on you?"

She asked me the other day when her 3 month old baby sister was going to go back into my tummy. I told her that she wasn't because she is too big now and won't fit. She said "yes, she will, your tummy is big enough. It's this [arms stretched out wide] big mommy."

I also record these on my blog for the family and for our record.

Kristin, I love your idea of Mommy LOLs. I've said some things too that I never thought would come out of my mouth prekids. Thanks for the idea!

*i haven't been reading uM long, i don't know if there are rules about swear words. the f word is critical for this story.

my 4-yr-old goddaughter was watching a football game on TV with her dad. he leans toward stoic. he's so even-keel, a deep, quiet voice, he's a scientist and you'd guess that about him. he's REALLY into this team, though.

the ref makes a call he doesn't like, he leaps from the couch and shouts at the TV, "STUPID FUCKERS!" his daughter looks gravely at him and chides, "daddy, don't say 'stupid'."

jojo made me spit water out of my mouth, I laughed so hard. I could TOTALLY believe that could happen at our house.

My two year old: "Actually mama, I should have the bigger piece of cookie because I'm still growing and you're big enough already."

*yes, my two year old says 'actually'"

A couple of weeks ago I was driving with my 3 yr old daughter. She asked why we weren't going home the way we usually did and I told her there were too many cars and all that traffic "makes me go crazy." She said so earnestly "Well, we don't want that to happen AGAIN, do we mama?"

I have my favorites from teaching preschool...

A two year old was crying, so I asked, "What's wrong?" She sorrowfully replied, "I'm sharing!"

A 3 year old, when asked his weight, grabbed the front of his shirt and dramatically exclaimed, "I'm so heavy, I can't even lift myself!"

Brainstorming parts of the body, children came up with eyes, feet, fingers, hair, etc. so I asked, "What do you have on the inside?" A four year old piped up, "Courage!"

Shortly after my second child was born, I was in the bathroom with my 3-year-old daughter. She said, "Mama, I have a tiny bottom, and you have a big bottom."

I replied, "Yes, my bottom is bigger than yours, but most ladies don't like to be told that they have a big bottom."

My daughter thought for a second and quickly said, "OK then, you have a big vagina."

I couldn't help but burst out laughing at that comment - which unfortunately was too true at the time!

These are hilarious! I love the idea of creating an email account for my son -- I am definitely going to do that, because I haven't been writing any of these done. My favorite recent funny:

3YO and Daddy are restringing and rehanging a poster that 3YO pulled off the wall during his nap. 3YO turns to Daddy and says, "We need a hooker." To which Daddy replies, "Don't tell Mommy that." It's nice to know that the men in my house are already keeping secrets from me...

For recording the funny things that my DS says, I keep a word document on the laptop so I always have it handy to jot down the hilarious things that come out of his mouth. Every 6 months or so, I print out the latest additions and then slip the paper into the back of his baby book. It's so fun to go back and read what he has said over the years. One of my favorites -

When he was two, we were outside watching a thunderstorm and a rainbow appeared. Right after he saw the rainbow there was a huge clap of thunder and he gasped and said, "The rainbow tooted!!" Hahaha! So funny!

Sarah: your bathroom story had my crying with laughter!

My three-year-old daughter walked in to the bathroom when I was taking a pee. She asked me what I was holding, and I replied, "This is my penis" (we've discussed the "differences" between boys and girls). She thought about it for a second and then said, "When I grow up, I'm going to have a penis!"

Although it's a bit disorganized, I keep 5x7 notecards handy to jot down her comments. They're quick and easy. I figure I can organize them later.

Okay, I'm DYING laughing here! My coworkers are starting to get suspicious.

My 4.5 yo son said to dad (while holding a toy forklift in his hand), "Dad, I'm going to fork you up!" well...his "r's" sound more like "w's", so it sounded like, well...fohk...Marc said, "excuse me? what was that?" and Wyatt said again, "I'm going to FOHK you up!" to which I had to intercede and translate since earlier that day we had been talking about Fohk Lifts and the like. Marc and I had to curb the laughter.

I keep a notebook by my bed as a last chance stop for recording the verbal nuggets. I usually take a few minutes right before bed (if I remember) and write them down.

another one: after our daughter was born...maybe 8 months after, Wyatt said, "mom, we need another baby" and I asked why, since we had just had his sister, to which he replied, "I just need another baby, and then I'll be rich"

'nuff said.

I love the ideas about keeping a record of this stuff... I've really slacked on that. But this one might be too embarassing for my son when he's older...
He's two, and loves his book about vehicles and machines, especially when my husband reads the book and gives a unique sound to every one. The rocket ship is a favorite. So... the other night in the bath, after playing with his penis a bit, our 2YO took a look down, held onto it, and said "five, four, three, two, one: BLAST OFF! Zzzzhhhhhhrrrrooooooooooommm!!"

Also, when I taught Kindergarten, I had a 5YO tell me that pandas eat "boo-bam."

Somehow my 2 1/2 year daughter thinks breasts are called shoulders, so it's funny when she says things like, "I'm going to have shoulders when I grow up". I also overheard a very funny conversation between her and her 6 year older brother. They were talking about what they wanted to be when they grow up and my daughter said she wanted to be a pirate to which her brother said it was not a real job. Then she said she wanted to be a "princess and work at a castle". I think she's gotten "grown up" and Halloween confused.

I had to post another since this just happened on the way to swimming today.

Our neighbors are on vacation in Turkey. My 3 year old hasn't seem them in a couple of days.

Her: "Where are J and L?"

Me: "Do you remember where they went?"

Her: Thinks for a moment. "Chicken!"

Very funny posts... My personal favorites from my son (when he was about 3 1/2)

In response to a salmon and pasta dish... "Mommy, this dinner tastes like penguin. It's not bad, it just tastes like penguin."

And, when talking to his babysitter. "Kate, what planet are you from?" And after Kate responds "Earth" he says "Me too!!"

My niece was very verbal from a young age and cracked us up all the time. Once, when my sister was potty-training, we were all three in a public bathroom. I was in the next stall and hear,

sister: Good girl, Maria! You did pee pee in the toilet! Now, do you want to wear your big girl panties or your diapers like a baby?

(Clearly a "right" answer was expected.)

Maria: My diapers.

Sister: Why? You did such a big girl thing just now.

Maria: It's just too much responsibility!

My poor mother...

My 5-yr old son loves to proclaim his knowledge in a very loud voice. I'm assuming he thinks everyone will hear it and admire his conclusion. This only works some of the time.

[Setting] At the Zoo, watching the otters underwater surrounded by many others. An otter ascends to the top and floats.

Andrew: What's the otter doing, Granny?
Granny: He's cleaning himself, Andrew.

Andrew: What's he cleaning, Granny?
Granny (quietly): Thats his ******, Andrew.
Andrew: Oh.

[Walking away from the window]
Andrew (very loudly): I sure am glad I dont have to clean my ***** with MY mouth!

Imagine my poor, polite, English mother.

My son is really into Peter Pan.
The other day he found my bread hook and was running around the house saying he was captain hook.
Me: It's time to go to the store.
Son: Escuse me I'm Captain Hook
Me: Captain Hook we need to go to the store to buy dinner
Son: Can we also go to the hook store to pick up hookers?
ME: Well, umm, honey, no,
Son: Maybe tomorrow then

I couldn't respond, I just started crying with laughter. Later when we went to pick up his father from work, my son told him "Mommy said we can go to the hook store later and pick up hookers."

One of my lovely school kids (3.5) asked me today, "How does that feel on your skin?". "How does what feel on my skin?", I asked. And he answered, "Those two little eyes".

When my daughter was about 3, she really wanted a baby sister and was on a daily campaign to have me instantly produce a baby. On several occasions, she demanded that I "put a baby in my belly" and during one extremely amusing conversation, she asked me, "can you ask the neighbors if they will buy us a baby?"

Just one more -- when my goddaughter was 4 she announced to her father, my cousin, from the backseat:

Dad, 4 out of 5 pediatricians say that watching TV is BAD for kids. So WHAT are you DOING to me with this teletubbies thing!!

Who knows where she got the stat....

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