What's it to you: 'mama', 'mom', 'mommy', or 'mother'?

The other day, someone said to me, "Oh, I saw your website!  The MOMMY one."  I cringed and may have rubbed my ear.  "Mommy", I thought?  Every since I became a mama, I've always been called "mama".  My little ones have always called me "mama."  Always.  Letters to me say, "Dear Mama."  Even my own mom will tell the girls, "Go ask your mama."  I am not sure why the preference.  Could it be that "mommy" (or "mommeeeeee") harkens thoughts of minivans and soccer practices and big houses with three car garages?  Could it be that "mama" is a better-fitting suffix to "yoga-", "bikey-", "urban-"?

A long while ago, Sarah made mention of prefering the moniker " mama" over "mom".  I know we are all urbanMamas here, but we're also "mamas", "moms", "mommies" and "mothers" at home.  I was wondering if you have a preference: do you care?  Does it make a difference?

Comments

[Mama]

I'm definitely a "mama". I like it much better. I don't know why.

[Kate]

My almost-2-year-old just started calling me "mom" all on her own. I'm not sure if I like it! Mama has had a good ring to it, and yes, as you point out, it has kind of a alterna-mama feel to it, that I like. But hey, as long as she doesn't call me Lady ("call me Mom!") I'm fine with it.

[Anjani]

I DID (still do) have a preference for "mama" and that's what my kid called me until around age 2, whereupon he suddenly switched to "mommy" and I have no idea why. At around that time, he stopped using his baby names for his grandparents as well ("maga" and "daga") and switched to the more correct (but less cute) "grandma" and "granddad." In the end, we may have preferences but what can you do if the shift occurs organically? I just don't want to be "mom" too soon though - don't want the baby years to fly that fast!

[Anjani]

I DID (still do) have a preference for "mama" and that's what my kid called me until around age 2, whereupon he suddenly switched to "mommy" and I have no idea why. At around that time, he stopped using his baby names for his grandparents as well ("maga" and "daga") and switched to the more correct (but less cute) "grandma" and "granddad." In the end, we may have preferences but what can you do if the shift occurs organically? I just don't want to be "mom" too soon though - don't want the baby years to fly that fast!

[Zinemama]

I called my mother "mommy" but I never liked the idea of it for myself. We're mama and papa to our kids.

[Nat West]

My wife wanted to be "mama", so naturally I had to be "papa". Makes sense, no?

[Aarin]

mine also call me whatever strikes them in the moment: mom, mommy, mama, aarin, with the occasional "babe" thrown in (thanks to my husband).

[Sheryl]

My now almost 11 y/old has always called me "mama" when addressing me verbally, with the occassional "mommy" thrown in. When she addresses me in writing, it's Mom. If she is referring to me in writing or while speaking, it's Mom as well.

Middle school is next year, so I'm assuming that "mama" will go underground for use "in private". I suspect that pretty soon I'll become Mom.

Mama is also very, very Southern--I'd sort of thought that's where my kid's use of mama came from, since we lived in the deep South for the first 4 3/4 years of her life. There it is not uncommon for people to refer to their parents as "mama and daddy" for their entire lives--and it sounds totally normal!

[Amy]

I also prefer mama, which is what all the matriarchs in our family have always been called. However, my daughter calls me mom, ma, and mommy in addition to mama.

And, even though I prefer "mama" and live in southeast and do yoga ... I do want to say that this post smacks a little bit of the elitism that folks have complained about here before. Just a wee bit of urban, hipper-than-thou, down-on-soccer-moms going on here. Let's be careful. There are people who chose to live in suburban areas who also bike, do yoga, drink lattes, and buy organic food. And there are people who live in our urban area who drive their kids to soccer in a minivan. I'm uncomfortable with this kind of categorization - the suggestion of "ew!" at the thought of a "mommy" who lives in a suburb as somehow less-than.

[Jan]

I was always a "Mama" until my son turned about 6 and started calling me "Mom." That was about the time my daughter started talking and she calls me "Mommy." So I get all three! I still refer to myself as "Mama" and that's how my husband refers to me. My son calls me "Mom." And my daughter, who tacks the "y" sound onto everybody's name, calls me "Mommy." But if I had my druthers, I'd still be a Mama.

[*ducks tomatoes*]

I would just like to say thank you to Amy for voicing exactly what I first thought when reading this post. I live in NE, buy organic, vote democratic, compost and recycle, and I wouldn't choose to live in the suburbs, but making fun of them is petty. It's easy to rip on the 'burbs, but when reading this stuff it just proves my conservative friends point that city-dwelling liberals are more judgmental than conservatives (and I hate it when they are right).

And I have to say, is there really a whole lot of difference between a expensively remodeled five bedroom colonial in Irvington, and a mini mansion in Beaverton? Both people have a lot of money to burn...

[Debby]

I am mostly mommy but there are a few mamas thrown in and I have no idea where they came from. My own mother loves it when my nearly 3 year old calls me "mom" but like someone else stated, I am not crazy about it. It means she is growing up, and while that's ok in some areas, I want to stay mommy as long as I can! I remember when my mommy became mom. It was a long time before my daddy became dad, but I don't know why mommy sounds more baby-ish than daddy to a girl; maybe because it's more important for us for our mothers to see us as peers, or maybe it's just one of those random things. For some it may be a "daddy's little girl" thing, but it was not that way for me and my dad, and he was daddy until junior high for me. My dad and aunt called their mother "mummy" until the day she died.

[Leah]

I dont think I gave it too much thought, but I always assumed I'd be mommy to my kids, but I'm not--it's definitely mama. Mommy does sound very foreign to me, and I dont think it has anything to do with being urban or not, I'm just definitely not a mommy even though I drive an SUV and expect to spend plenty of Saturday mornings on the soccer field in the next several years.

My husband is Norwegian, and in Norway, it's mama or papa and he was quite certain he wanted to be papa, not dad or daddy. Maybe that's how mama caught on for me. Or maybe its because I love biking, yoga and shopping at farmers' markets...or not! :)

[Sadie Rose]

And surely there must be some kind of deep resonance with "mama" for all of us, as it really is the first word our babies utter.

[e.]

My four-going-on-forty-year-old daughter mostly calls me "mom" these days, except for when she occasionally calls me be my first name... In theory, I love the sound of "mama", but since my daughter only uses it when she wants something and is laying it on really thick, it's not the name I prefer to hear!

[Becky]

My almost 2 year old calls me "mama". I'm not really a huge fan of mom or mommy, so I'm hoping he'll use mama for awhile. He calls my husband "daddy" and grandpa is "papa."

[KT]

I COMPLETELY agree with Amy and *ducks tomoatoes* about your extremely rude, offensive, hurtful and down right nasty comment about "Mommy" harkening thoughts of mini-vans, soccer practices, etc. I happen to be "mama" who lives in the 'burbs and drives my very athletic, extremely talented son to soccer practice (although not in a min-van but who gives a crap if that's what I decide to drive???) and I don't appreciate it when snotty, urban, "hipper than thou" mamas resort to making fun of me or other mothers who choose to live similar lives. My life and parenting is just as important as yours - please do not make fun or belittle my existence, especially since we mamas are supposed to be in this together.

P.S. I am a daily reader of this blog and although there have often been rude jabs at conservative, suburbian mothers, this one hurts the most.

[Gator]

I'm Mommy and my partner is Mama--my sweetie got dibs on Mama long before I got pregnant. She really, really wanted it, and I didn't have a preference. I thought I'd be "Mom," but once the babe was born (5 months ago) I decided mom/mama sound too similar and switched to Mommy in hopes of preventing some household confusion. (Do I hear y'all laughing at the thought of preventing confusion in a new-baby household? Or is it just hallucinations from the sleep deprivation?)

By the way, this mommy is the yoga- and bikey- one in our family. Once upon a time I did own and operate a minivan, but I've been told the statute of limitations has expired, as has any hipster cred I may have once possessed.

[another one who agrees]

Sometimes this blog drives me nuts. Last week it was "Portland Style" wipes, this week judgemental "Mama talk". Uggg. Thank you KT and Ducks Tomatoes--I agree 100 percent.
FYI--My daughter called me mama when she was a baby now she is 3 and she calls me Mommy and sometimes Mom. What difference does it make?

[Kelly]

Not to be judgmental in the other direction, but "mama" has always sounded very hippie to me. Mama must be a west coast thing, I don't know any mamas back in the midwest where I grew up. I'm mommy and I love it.

[out in hillsboro and unapolegetic]

umm ... i live in the burbs and my daughter calls me mama. sorry to burst your theoretical urbanite hipster bubble.

thanks bunches, amy and ducks tomatoes, for articulating something that bugs the daylights out of me about an otherwise helpful and insightful blog. not all of us who live outside the trendy acceptable quadrants of inner NE and SE are stereotypical suburbanites. heck, some of us don't even have cars.

[Rhonda]

I JUST had this conversation yesterday with my four-year old, who suddenly started calling me MOM. Ugh. I'll be MOM when she's a teenager, and not a moment before.
I admit, though, that it's not nearly as bad as what my seven-year-old has been doing for the past four months, which is to ALWAYS call me by my first name! Which I don't like to begin with! I desperately just want to be MAMA.

[Tia]

Although I never used to like "mommy" much, it has become my preferred term now -- as long as you spell it Mami. Arguably a silly, snobby Spanish major thing, but so it goes. ;)

The more time my kids spend in day care, the more often we hear other variations. Also, my own mother has always been Mom, and her mother (a native southerner) was always Mama.

[kate]

sorry if I helped add fuel to the fire, above. FWIW, I live in NE, but drive my car a lot, vaccinate my kid on schedule (horrors!) and throw my plastic bags away. ;)

[holden]

You people need to get over yourselves. Living in SE or NE is no longer cool anyway. It's trendy.....which is the opposite of cool.

[Jan]

What's in a name? Shakespeare would have us believe there's nothing to it. But names conjure up connotations for us, and when those connotations don't match our personal images of who we are, it can make us cringe. I hated it when my high-school boyfriend called me "babe." I'm just not a "babe" kind of person--it made me cringe. But I couldn't care less if other people use it. It fits them just fine.

Ditto on the Mom/Mama/Mommy deal. Only for me, it would be if my kids started calling me "Mother." I associate that with old-time and uptight Midwesterners. Yeah, I guess it's a prejudice or a stereotype, but we're talking about a name for ME. A very personal and special name that encapsulates the biggest part of my life. So of course I want to reflect how I see myself.

Yes, the initial post could have been more respectful of mothers who live in suburbs and drive mini-vans to soccer practices and all that. But if you're a mother who is stylish, polished, professional, etc, and you associated "Mama" with hippies, wouldn't you cringe if that's what people called you? It doesn't have to be that you look down on those people--it's just that they are SO NOT YOU.

[olivia]

I don't live in "trendy" NE/SE, I have a minivan, and I am called "mama". Lately, my older daughter has started to call me "mom", followed by extraoccular movement (eyes to the sky). I just asked my other daughter, "What am I? 'Mom', 'Mommy', 'Mother', or 'Mama'?" Without hestiation, she said, "Mama."

Then she said, "Mommy. Can I have more milk please?"

[Emily]

well, i live in se portland, don't consider myself a hipster or a hippie, am from eastern ky, and am totally a mama. that's what my mom always called herself and now that i'm an adult it is also how i refer to her. i think mommy gets a bad rap because of the movie mommy dearest and i know whenever my 2 1/2 year old uses it, all the vowels are over emphasized because she's whining. and mother is what i called my mom when i was a teenager and was being a brat.

let's take some deep breaths everyone. no matter where you live or what you drive, we're all moms. we're also all different. and that's okay.

[mommy-turned-mama]

"And surely there must be some kind of deep resonance with "mama" for all of us, as it really is the first word our babies utter."

This is what happened to me. I'd been referring to myself as "Mommy" - mostly because that's what I called my mother - until I heard my daughter babble "mamamama." And I decided that she must be calling to me, and have referred to myself as "mama" ever since.

[catmom]

Jan nailed it. Yay Jan.