What can the city do for families?

What can the city do for families?  Do you know? This mama is still sort of in the dark about how the city can embrace and work on the family-friendly agenda.  As I sat mostly absorbing and trying to process the information from the informal chats with a couple of city councilor candidates, it dawned on me that obviously the issues close and dear to me, don’t necessarily resonate with local politics.  Yes, politicians grapple with many special interest groups, but I wonder if any of them understand (or want to understand) the issues from the perspective of families?  As I sat listening, I did formulate a few gripes in my head:

• Why does the city support this wonderful and vast network of recreation facilities, but at the same time offers “junk food” (candy bars, sodas, ice cream sandwiches) as the only snack options at these facilities?  After swimming class at 11:30 am last Saturday, I found myself in the predicament of having two hungry kids (their snacks left on our kitchen table) and the less than desirable options in front of me.  I settled on getting them a Power Bar. 
• And while Portland is looking to install new restrooms in the Downtown area (fantastic idea), I wonder why they are considering NW Glisan between NW 5th and 6th Avenues? I bet if they asked parents where they think a new restroom should be installed how many of us would say “Jamison Square”? 
• “Safe routes” to schools is a great start, but is school the only place kids walk to these days?  Why not safe routes to parks, libraries, and church?
• Yes, affordable childcare, a huge issue working parents grapple with, but does it even make a dent in citywide agendas? Probably not. Some would maybe argue that it's not a role for the city. At the same time, I do wonder how many of the current or future councilors even know what that cost is, and its financial impact on families? Would they be shocked to learn that the average cost of full-time daycare downtown is tens of thousands of dollars annually (that is if you can even get your child in)?

Now I know that families make up only a small percentage of the voting public, but I also know that retaining families and keeping them in the city is healthy for ensuring vibrant and livable communities in the future. This is only one mama’s four point rant, but I’m curious if you have others?  We matter, right?

Considering adoption?

Growing one's family can come in so many different forms, which includes considering adoption.  Have other parents strongly considered and gone through with adoption?  What about some of the "issues" that may go along with adoption?

About a year ago I posted a comment about whether or not to have a second baby. A year later we are still dealing with this issue. Our little girl is two-and-a-half, and lovely and funny and almost perfect (though sometimes tantrums get in the way of a "perfect score" :-) So here we are...watching our friends have their second kids.  Do we want more--yes, I'm almost sure we've decided that--but do we need to make them ourselves?  While I long to have another baby growing in my tummy, am I being selfish when there are kids needing homes?  Am I selfish for only wanting an infant and not an older child who really needs a loving home.  Do I want to adopt internationally, or go domestically?  Can I bring home a multi-racial baby and guarantee him or her a happy home free of the injustices in the world.  Will having a white family be a detriment to their well-being?  My husband would rather have our own baby, but I'm torn about making the correct "social" choice.  Have any of the other urbanMamas felt this way?

Soaking night-time diapers

We are positive that there are tons of mamas out there that have grappled with this very situation.  Share some advice, would ya?  Liz emails:

My question relates to diapers and soaking through... We have a very big 2.5 year old who has not shown any interest in the potty yet- but is huge and frequently soaks through his 6 diaper at night. We have tried to cut back on drinking at night but it doesnt' seem to help all that much- it is just not enough oomph for a 11-12 hour night of sleep. Any suggestions? It often wakes him up in the middle of the night-

Weekend Warriors: February 29-March 2

March is here mamas, spring is right around the corner and there's an abundance of family fun to entice you outdoors this weekend. 

FRIDAY

Story and a Stroll: Trees Enjoy a short guided walk that involves education about trees. Targets kids 3-6, rain or shine. Pre-registration required. Tryon Creek State Park, 1:00-2:00 pm.

Lady Bug Walk A guided 60 minute walk around Mt. Tabor for preschoolers, no registration necessary, $2 per child. 10:00-11:30 am

Mocha Moms This weekly support group meeting (aka chat and plays) allows moms to discuss important parenting (and personal) issues while the children play. Mocha Moms is a support group for mothers of color. Anyone who supports the mission of Mocha Moms is welcome. Milagros, 11:00 am-1:00 pm.

WEEpost at the Waypost This week's reading is "Dance", and the activity is dancing, of course! 3210 N. Williams, 11:00 am.

SATURDAY

Wild in the City: Ross Island Blue Heron Colony Watch Walk the East Bank Esplanade with naturalist Mike Houck to view the great blue herons rebuilding their nest, going through courtship, and preparing to lay eggs.  Registration is required for this 3.5 mile out and back walk (stroller accessible). 9:00 am-noon.

REI Summer Camp Fair Get your kids outside this summer! The Audubon Society, Community Cycling Center, TrackersNW and more will be on-hand at REI Portland showcasing their summer camps. Hourly hands-on activities in nature awareness and education.  During the event, kids can also climb free on REI's climbing pinnacle. 10:00 am-3:00 pm.

Portland Saturday Market The weekend craft market kicks off its 2008 season with lots of live entertainment and kids activities, including making instruments out of recycled materials for the 11:00 am parade through the market. 10:00 am-5:00 pm.

5th Annual SE Area ARTWalk  Get some exercise, see some art! Take a free, self-guided tour of galleries, studios, home workspaces and host homes to see some beautiful art by local artists. Saturday and Sunday, 10:00 am-5:00 pm.

Compost City Puppet Show Edworm and friends travel deep into a compost pile to see how bugs and bacteria break it down.  Kids will learn how compost can help plants grow and how composting reduces the amount of waste sent to landfills.  Belmont Library, 2:00 pm.

Delectable Designs with Cupcake Jones Learn about the origins of vanilla and chocolate in this year's Everybody Reads book "Yum! ¡Mmmm! ¡Qué Rico!" by Pat Mora. Then, create a mouthwatering masterpiece of your own by frosting and garnishing your own cupcake! Recommended for ages 5 and up. Rockwood Library, 2:00-3:00 pm.

Professor Banjo's Old-time Play Party Join Professor Banjo at Mississippi Pizza for some old timey music and kid-style dancing ala "I'm a Little Tea Pot" and "freeze frame".  4:00 pm.

P.B. and Jammie's Dinner Concert Shake your bootie with your cutie! Pajamas encouraged but not required, $2 cover charge. P.B. and Ellie's, music starts at 6:30.

SUNDAY

Free Cake and Ice Cream Happy Birthday New Seasons! Help them celebrate with cake and ice cream. All stores, 11:00 am-5:00 pm.

5th Annual SE Area ARTWalk See above, 10:00 am -5:00 pm.

Tubes for a Happy Babe?

We're perplexed...Our Pediatrician and now a local ENT Specialist are recommending putting tubes into our nearly 7 month old Henrik's ears because of ongoing fluid that he evidently is having a hard time draining... He was diagnosed with his first ear infection at his 4 month check up back in November and we treated it with antibiotics, but his ears never fully cleared. Then just after the holidays while on vacation he had a night of the typical crying associated with ear infections so the hotel called the doctor for us and we started another round of antibiotics. That was nearly 8 weeks ago, and he still evidently has fluid and redness in his ears. Why are we not rushing to the operating room? Because Henrik might possibly be the happiest baby in Portland and he shows absolutely no signs of discomfort or pain at all, despite making 6 flights in the last 2 months and cutting his first tooth last week with hardly a fuss.

I've heard plenty of stories from parents who've gone through the nightmares of recurring ear infections and once they finally get the tubes they wish they'd done it sooner so I do believe they are helpful. My problem is that we're not exactly miserable here--Henrik wakes up with a smile on his face everyday--or does he just have an incredibly high pain threshold? The docs tell me there is virtually no way to clear the fluid without just putting the tubes in...with our situation it feels a little to me like killing a fly with a sledgehammer. I'm interested in a less invasive approach. Have any mamas out there experienced something similar? I've heard a lot about chiropractic solutions, especially craniosacral therapy, has anyone tried it for this reason with their infants? Any other ideas for clearing the fluid without having to do tubes? Or should we just back down and put the tubes in while we're "ahead"?

Babies @ work: Would You? Could You? Did You?

Just this weekend the kids and I were dawdling in my favorite kids bookstore.  The very friendly and knowledgeable woman who rang us up had her two young kids with her at work (and curiously, her husband, too!).  Sure didn't bother me (in fact it was refreshing), but then it seemed to fit the type of business - kids in a kids' bookstore, why not?  But what about the law firm?  The government office?  The bank??? 

So how come we don't have our babies at work?  Or do we?  Have you brought your baby to work?  Been annoyed/pleased when your office mate does?  Is this just a backwards way of dealing with the paltry family leave policies we have in the U.S.?  Bring 'em to work 'cause we won't let you stay home?  Read more & share your baby @ work stories and opinions over on Activistas.  We're really curious about the dads out there - call me crazy but I imagine that remains a tougher row to hoe.

Suggestions for a 7yo bedwetter?

Mamas, any suggestions?

I have a seven year old who is still wetting the bed every night. I’m interested in knowing if there are other parents out there who have found particular books or bedwetting alarms helpful with their child.  I am considering using a bedwetting alarm and am looking at two in particular, one called the Potty Pager and the other made by Malem, but have no idea how to choose one.  The book Dry All Night: The Picture Book Technique that Stops Bedwetting also intrigues me.  Any advice would be appreciated.

How far is too far?

When it comes to distance from your house, how far is too far?  Where is your school in relation to your home?  How big of a factor is it in deciding the best school for your child(ren)?  How far is too far?

I have a question for you and your readers.  We just moved here (a week ago!) and we're in the midst of a search for a Montessori preschool for my three year old son to start in the fall. We're also house hunting for a place close-in. So in other words, we have no idea where we'll be living in the fall, but we need to pick a preschool now since it seems most schools' deadlines are this or next week.  My question is, how far have other parents travelled to make the daily preschool trek?  Is it insane to choose a preschool in SE and end up living in NW? Or vice versa? I'm kind of anxious about all this (hence this 3am email), so any advice would be much appreciated!

What to expect at a coop preschool?

The cooperative school format is one that allows each member family to contribute to the school on an ongoing basis.  There are about 40 coop preschools here in Portland that are members of the Parent Child Preschools of Oregon, and there are likely many more that are not on that list.  For those of us who may not know what to expect in terms of commitments and obligations to our cooperative preschools, can some of you share your experiences?  Carole emails:

I am enrolling my child in a co-op preschool next fall.  I'm excited about the preschool, and pleased to be able to participate with my daughter (and see what she gets up to during the day), but admit that I'm a little nervous about the amount of time that everyone warns me that coop preschools end up demanding of the parent. On our registration form, I am already being asked to choose which Board position or classroom duties I would like to sign up for, even though I don't have a good idea how much time each entails. I'd like to ask experienced moms who've been through the coop preschool experience what would be an interesting yet LEAST TIME INTENSIVE "job" I can pick as my coop duty.  (Before it sounds like I am a lazy shirker, I should mention that I'm newly pregnant and will have a new baby in the fall, and really want to minimize time away from the baby.)

Getting a teenager to recycle

Undoubtedly, it is difficult to get a teenager to do anything, recycling included.  Hear Shannon's plight:

I have a question regarding teens and recycling. My 17yo stepdaughter throws everything away.  when I catch her, I make her separate her garbage from recyclables.  Sometimes I try to go through it, but she's thrown something gross in there and it's "contaminated."  When I try talking to her about it, she blows me off and says not everyone recycles, what does it matter?  I show her how I take up to two paper sacks a week of recyclable plastic to the recycling center that won't go in our bin (hard plastic packaging for toys and electronics, the plastic measuring scoops in formula, film canisters, etc).  I'm lucky in that the recycling center is a mile from my house and on the way to practically everywhere. 

She hasn't always lived with us, so she wasn't "brought up" that way.  She takes everything for granted. Throwing away a notebook that still has good, usable paper in it because she's finished with it, eating half her dinner and throwing it away because she doesn't like leftovers (not even giving it to the dog), letting her grandmother buy her something and throws it away when she determines she really doesn't like it.

Here in Portland, many households are trying to do their part - recycle whatever we can.  How do you get your kids involved in recycling?  Are they aware of the effort?  Are they a part of the process?  How do you get children (teenagers, in this case) to understand the concept of wastefulness, to curb needless dumping, to encourage reducing, reusing, and recycling?

Could it be PMS?

This morning, I woke up on the wrong. side. of. the. bed.  Absolutely and completely.  It was all wrong from the moment the day started.  It continued to be wrong throughout the morning and into the the afternoon.  My husband took note of it, first by snapping back at me, then by asking if there was anything he could do.  The last time I felt this irrationally awful was ....  just about four weeks ago.

In the fall and in the depth of the winter, I would think, "could it be the weather?"  Now that blue skies and sunshine is on our horizon, I know better.  Could it be PMS?  Do other mamas out there experience the moodiness and discomfort that can accompany PMS?  How do you limit the ickiness?  How do you fare in limiting exposure of the negativity to the rest of the families?

Activities for Grandparents & Grandkids

Aside from an effort way back to unite grandbaby-grandparent pairs with other like pairs, does anyone have suggestions for helping a grandma and her grandchild make some meaningful connections? Julie emails:

I have an amazing mother-in-law who takes care of my 14-month old full-time. My in-laws are relatively new to the area, having moved to Portland my son was born and are still getting settled in. Does anyone have any recommendations for play groups or activities that would be fun for my son and also provide a social outlet for grandma?

Nursing Working Mama's Conundrum: Part III

Check out our previous discussions on this topic: Mama Pump-A-Lot 1, Mama Pump-A-Lot 2, Nursing Working Mama's Conundrum 1, and Nursing Working Mama's Conundrum 2.

Here writes Arabee, who is having challenges stockpiling milk for the one full day per week that she is away from babe:

HELP! I am a working mother of a 4 month old little girl. I have the luxury of working a part time/flex time job and I get to breastfeed her exclusively everyday except for Saturday when I am gone all day at work. I need to pump a milk supply to give to her Daddy when I am gone, but I am having an awful time with this whole pumping thing. I try to do it daily, an hour or two after her morning nursing, and an hour before her next nursing before we head off to work. I am getting no milk lately, like really a teaspoon in a half hour. She is healthy and about 16 lbs, so it appears my milk supply is more than adequate. Are there any tips y'all may have about pumping to create a stockpile for the one day a week I cannot breastfeed? Thank you!!!

Weekend Warriors: February 21-24

Once again, there are loads of kid-friendly activities happenin' around town this weekend - many of them free or close to it!  If none of the events below suit your fancy or fit your schedule, be sure to check our full calendar for other ideas.  And don't forget, you can submit events, too!  Our calendar is your calendar - help us fill it up! And if you haven't tried it, the Multnomah County library has an excellent online search function - super handy way to see what they're offering anytime.  A few ideas to get you planning:

Friday

Story and Stroll: Diary of a Worm Enjoy a short, guided trail walk that involved education about worms and their habitats. Targeted to kids 3-6, rain or shine. Tryon Creek State Park, 1 - 2 PM

Lady Bug Walk. A guided 60 minute walk around Hoyt Arboretum for preschoolers, no registration necessary, $2 per child. Hoyt Arboretum, 10 -11:30 AM

Mocha Moms. This weekly support group meeting (aka chat and plays) allows moms to discuss important parenting (and personal) issues while the children play! Mocha Moms is a support group for mothers of color. Anyone who supports the mission of Mocha Moms is welcome! Milagros, 11 AM-1 PM

WEEpost at The Waypost. This week’s reading includes Children's books on JAZZ by Chris Raschka with a live jazz demonstration from Hammer of Hathor! 3210 N Williams, 1 PM

Saturday

Table Theater Craft Project. Construct your own tabletop theatre by creating a colorful backdrop, scenery and the characters for the show. Preschoolers and older, North Portland Library, 11 AM-Noon.

Children's Story Time. Celebrating African Picture books. Stories, African mask making and in-store mask parade, plus treats. Preschoolers and older. Barnes and Noble, Vancouver Plaza, 11 AM-2 PM

Symphony Story Time. The Oregon Symphony is on the road for interactive, musical story times. This series focuses on storybooks, music, instruments, sound and fun musical crafts. Each week features a visit from an Oregon Symphony musician who will play and provide an introduction to his or her instrument and orchestral music. Enjoy music, hands-on crafts and fun for all ages! Central Library, 2-3 PM.

Stories with Baba Wague Diakite. John Wague, an award-winning author and illustrator, as he reads from his books: "The Hunterman and the Crocodile" and "The Magic Gourd" and shares stories from his childhood. St. Johns Library, 3 - 4 PM.

Milagros Birthday Celebration. Celebrate Milagros 4th birthday with a craft bazaar, balloon art, face painting, a kids climbing wall and more. 11 AM - 3 PM

Baby Loves Disco. Feel like dancing? Get your groove on with your kiddo at Baby Loves Disco. 12-3 at the Wonder Ball Room, $12 per walking person (non-walkers are free). 

Sunday

Anansi the Spider. Oregon Shadow Theater presents an original shadow play based on African folktales with marimba, Ghanaian hand drum and thumb piano sound effects. Midland Library from 2-2:45 PM.

Family Discovery Sunday: Ready, Set, Design Stop by the Museum of Contemporary Craft for an interactive afternoon for the whole family, anytime between 1 and 4 to enjoy hands-on art making activities lead by local artists. Free, materials provided.

Disney, gender stereotypes: Avoidable?

Over on Twitter, several of the parents I follow have been talking about gender stereotypes. We were amazed to find that two of our children (Everett, who's five, and a little girl who's four) had recently made the oddly-worded identical statements: "Pretty stuff is for girls, and cool stuff is for boys, right mama?" It's not the worst gender stereotype in the world, of course, but Everett's always enjoyed "pretty stuff" (I have the box of much-loved gaudy buttons and beads to prove it) and, speaking as a girl here, I hate to have us all banned from "cool stuff." (Is an iPhone cool or pretty? But I digress...)

We darkly attributed the identical statements to Dragon Tales, which we find that both of our children watch, and several other parents chimed in about the gender stereotypes promoted by most (if not all) of the children's programming, especially Disney with its princess gestalt. Whether they come across it at home, at school, or on a trip down the grocery store aisle, it's highly difficult to protect children from Disney, and out-and-out impossible to eliminate gender stereotypes from a child's world.

Protectionism definitely isn't the answer, and thus far I've just countered Everett's many cultural influences by working on projecting a couple of good role models and pointing out where stereotypes aren't borne out. And, as I said on Twitter, I spend a lot of time digging in the dirt (lately, I get the feeling that a connection to earth heals all wounds). Where have gender stereotypes surprised you -- and what have you done to counteract them? Want to come dig in my backyard, too?

Kids and Strangers

We encounter many folks we don't know in any given day. Back when I was a child, I was ingrained with concepts that strangers were bad: never talk to strangers and definitely never go with someone you don't know. Nowadays, we have a feeling that the stranger talk is a bit different, but definitely still important. How do you approach the topic with the children? What are core concepts and messages that you have given your children?

Julia emails:

Along the lines of people knocking at your door and safety, I am wanting to know how to bring all of this up to my 4 year old twins. They now know how to unlock and open our front door. I have had the conversation of not opening the door to ANYONE, to come and get mom or dad, and I will keep this conversation going. My question is, at this young age, how do I really start the stranger/safety conversation without making them scared of everyone who walks by?

Sharing Your Mamagenda ~ 01.28.08

I know, I know, we're all wrapped up in national politics these days. Hard not to be what with all the excitement - even if we've been benched by our May 20th primary (boohoo).  So why not dive in to some elections that we CAN participate in, mamas?  There are loads of local and state elections this Spring, including three important races in the city of Portland: one for mayor and two for city council.  And the good news, mamas, is that council candidate John Branam (current development director for PPS) invited us (yeah, you!) to tell him what we think the city of Portland should be doing for families. Read more and share your list with us  - and John - over on Activistas.

Childhood Milestones: The Solo Playdate

As our kids branch off and make new friends at school, did you have apprehensions about that first playdate at his / her friend's house without your presence?  You know, the one where you just introduced yourself to the child's parent, and then left on an errand for an hour or two?  Tracy has a probing question for you.  She writes:

My son is 3.5 years old. Until he started preschool last fall his "friendships" were with playgroup friends and a couple of children of my friends, basically people I've known for a long time and trust with my child. But now, he's making friends in his school and I'm not sure how to support that while still providing the supervision and protection I think he needs. I would be happy to invite another child over to the house to play, but I am not really ready to have him go somewhere else to play until I get to know the other parents very well. If I feel this way, do other parents? I don't have a problem inviting someone over with the invitation for the parent to come as well should that be what they want. But how can I do this without offending the other parent if/when they reciprocate? Obviously if they invited me to their house I would have no problem, but what if they just invite my son? At what age have people just allowed their child to go to someone's home for a play date without them? Are other parents offended if I ask the questions like does anyone smoke at your house, are there weapons there, etc? I'm willing to admit to being considered overprotective in the eyes of some, but I can't help it. Any guidance from been-there-moms would be very helpful.

Parent Volunteers in the School

When I grew up, parent volunteers primarily helped out with school lunches and booster clubs for sports and after school activities.  Are parent volunteers in the classroom the norm these days?  Melia thought it would be interesting question to pose the urbanMamas.  She emails:

I have a question that I'm hoping people in the parenting community might have some insight on.  Our son is in the Beaverton School District but I'm sure it's the same in Portland, I have noticed that there is an enormous amount of parents volunteering in the schools.  A lot of programs only happen if parents are willing to run them. Before we moved here the school my son attended wouldn't even allow us in the building (and it was a montessori).  And thinking back on it I don't recall a parent ever being in any of my classes to help out beyond preschool.  So, my question is this:  Why is so much help needed in the classroom now?  Is it that teachers are expected to do more with their day?  Budget cuts?  Is this a regional phenomena?

Feedback on Portland and Beaverton School Districts

Ava's considering a move, and schools is one consideration.  Any thoughts parents with school aged children in SW and the Beaverton area can share with her?

I was hoping to get some feedback from some moms in both Beaverton and Portland School Districts.   My husband and I live in Tigard and are in the process of looking for a new place since, with the addition of my 16-month old, we have outgrown our current house.  If we were to move to Portland, we'd probably live in SW and wanted to know what parents in that area thought of their schools as well as any experiences that parents have had with the Richmond Japanese program.  However, Beaverton seems like it might be more stable and a friend who subs there loves it (and houses are more affordable), so I was curious what experiences parents may have had there.  Most of the school posts seem to be from moms in SE and NE and while I would love to live in those neighborhoods, they are too far from my husband's job in Newberg. Thanks for any feedback!

The challenges for Mom & Stepmom

We have seen it go both ways.  Some remarried parents have beautiful relationships with their ex's and their ex's new partners.  We have known some families of ex-husbands and ex-wives who even vacation together with their new families.   We have seen the other side as well: ex's unable to speak civilly to the other or, when they speak, it's all out warfare.

Crystal is looking for your thoughts and advice on how to best deal with her stepson's mother:

Being part of a blended family can be challenging, but the relationships it brings with ex's can be down right miserable. I have been both the stepmother and the mom of a child with a stepmother ... In other words I've been on both sides.

I've been married to my wonderful husband for almost a year. I brought two children into the marriage and he brought one.  I have been respectful to my stepson's mother from the beginning.  She is remarried and has another child with her current husband, yet she continues to be a royal pain in the *** everytime we are in close proximity.  She won't talk to me or even look at me and goes out of her way to be rude, disrespectful, controlling, difficult, etc.

What can I do? I know the boundaries being a stepmom entails and am careful not to overstep my place. I also know what a relationship CAN be with a mom/stepmom.  It doesn't have to be hell.  How do I change it though?  The hostility from her is affecting all of us  - primarily my stepson and I am tired of it.

Have you experience or suggestions to share?

Summer Camp Anxiety, 2008

We recently received an annoucnement about or two about summer camp schedules being released soon.  In the past, we have done round-ups of summer camps around town.  (See the CAMP index)  It's a bit too early to do a complete round-up of summer camps 2008, but it's never too early to start talking about your favorite camps.  Our daughter is her 3rd year of being of summer camp age, and there are a few camps she is most definitely looking forward to.  Her summer won't be complete without it.

Staci recently emailed:

The time is drawing near to start figuring out where to send my son during the day in the summer. He is 10 this year, and YMCA is no longer offered as a summer program at his school, so I thought this would be a good year to start him in camps that follow specific interests. He has talked about going to animation camps and outdoor camps, and I would love love love to put him in a drama or acting camp - he has such natural talent.

I don't know where to look for all these camps! OMSI isn't posting anything specific yet, so I am asking for some urbanMama help!

What is your tactic for tackling the 10 weeks of summer this year?  Any MUST-DO summer camps for your child?  Are there alternatives to camps for school-aged kids?  What about a real full-time summer camp offering?  What are working parents to do when some summer camps only run from 9am to 3pm or from Monday to Thursday?  What do you do if your children go to a public school and you pay zero tuition all year, but are then expected to pay $X amount per week over the summer?  What programs are more affordable?

Happy Heart Day, Mamas!

Back in the day, I think I hated Valentine's Day.  A day for Hallmark to capitalize on all of America!  A day for overpriced chocolate and roses!  A day that had been bastardized as time had gone by, symbolized by this completely symmetrical figure that had little resemblance to a real human heart.  Did anyone tell Hallmark that a human heart wasn't symmetrical?

That was then, this is now.  My husband and I now have two little people who symbolize our love for one another.  We love to celebrate this holiday of love.

We know that not all of us will be celebrating anything special today.  But, if you are -- We urbanMamas want to know how you are hearting all those loved ones around you.  What does your day entail today?

Weekend Warriors: February 14-18

In case you haven't looked lately, the urbanMamas calendar has listings and information on many parenting classes and support groups at community or health centers around town.  Check out "Who's Feeding Mama, A Wellness Teleseries" or "Visions of Tomorrow: for caregivers of children with brain disorders" or "Collaborative Problem Solving" and TONS more.  Be sure to check back and check often!

Now, to the weekend fun.... It's a three-day weekend for most, and Valentine's Day to boot.  What's going on out and about around town? 

Open Arms Play Group  A playgroup supporting and empowering families and individuals who have been touched by Down syndrome. We will work to increase local family networking, provide current resources, offer useful personal experience, and encourage individuals to open their arms, hearts and minds to children with Down. Please contact Jamie Burch, Open Arms Chair for the NWDSA, for more information 503.704.3883 ▪ jburch@nwdsa.org Friday, 10 to 11:30AM, Bethlehem Lutheran Church, 1244 NE 39th Avenue.  Open Arms meets every third Friday of the month.

Free Admission to Chinese Classical Garden.  New Year celebrations ensue!  Saturday from 8:00 - 12:00 is Free Admission for Plant Sale.

Friends of Trees Plantings, N/NE Portland.  Saturday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. and ending with a community potluck lunch. If you want to help plant trees, please arrive before 9 a.m. to register and be assigned to your team before the planting begins. This weekend's planting: Overlook, Boise, Humboldt, Eliot, Piedmont and King; Meet at Friends of Trees, 3117 NE ML King Jr Blvd.

How to buy a solar hot water system. Solar hot water systems are among the most cost-effective home energy improvements available. At this informative workshop you will learn about site analysis, solar hot water technology, system sizing, performance, incentives and case studies. For more information contact: Solar Oregon 205 SE Grand Ave, Suite 205 503.231.5662 info@solaroregon.org.  Saturday 9-11:30AM at the EcoTrust Building.

Pollinator Planting Work Party.  The Community Garden program has provided gardening opportunities for the physical and social benefit of the people and neighborhoods of Portland since 1975. There are 30 community gardens located throughout the city, developed and operated by volunteers and Portland Parks & Recreation staff, offering a variety of activities.  Come volunteer time!  Gabriel Community Orchard, 9AM to 11:30AM.

Kid's Clothing Swap.  Clean out your little lovey's closet(s) and gather up unwanted, clean children's clothing and accessories they've outgrown or are no longer using and bring them to the swap! WHAT: Free children's clothing swap WHEN: Saturday February 16th, 11:00am The swap will last 30 to 45 minutes, be sure to arrive a little early.  Milagros Boutique

I Heart Cupcakes.  The cupcake series is drawing to an end.  Don't miss!  Make your own mini masterpiece in cake and frosting. Learn about the ingredients and what it's like to be a pastry chef, then try your hand at creating a cupcake of your own design.  Saturday, 2PM to 4PM, NW Library.

Symphony Storytime.  The Oregon Symphony is on the road for interactive, musical storytimes. This series focuses on storybooks, music, instruments, sound and fun musical crafts. Each week features a visit from an Oregon Symphony musician who will play and provide an introduction to his or her instrument and orchestral music. Enjoy music, hands-on crafts and fun for all ages!  Saturday, 2PM to 3PM, Central Library.

Portland Baby Wearing group.   These baby wearing gatherings are a casual forum for getting your questions on babywearing answered by other mamas and/or to share your own babywearing stories.  This group meets every third Sunday from 11AM to 1PM at Milagros Boutique.

And, for those of you with no school / work on Monday: perhaps check out....

School's Out / Art's In.  A daylong workshop on jewelry making.
Breastfeeding Support Group.  At Zenana Spa, first visit is free. 10AM to 11:30AM
Playgroup at Green Frog.  Did you know it meets every Monday?  10:30AM to 11:30AM
Mommy Matinees at Kennedy School.  Again!  Every Monday!  1PM to 3PM
NW Indoor Play Area.  Who knew?  Indoor space, balls, and fun friends?  Mondays 3:30PM to 5:30PM.

Do you get a lot of knocks on your door?

The other night, at 8:37pm, there was an unexpected knock on the door.  Though it is not unusual for us to have visitors come in and out of our front door, it is a bit unusual for someone to come by completely unannounced.  I got a bit nervous and asked my husband to get the door.  Turns out, it was someone campaigning for global warming.  My husband had to question a few times to make sure that she was against global warming and not "for" it.

In our three years at this house, we have been solicited 3 times.  Once, someone came to our yard while we were playing, he made small talk, asked about the kids, then eventually sat us down and tried to sell us this whole "educational reading kit", to which I kindly declined.  When he was frustrated that he couldn't make a sale, he said, "Are you telling me that you don't care about your children's educational advancement?"  I said, "No.  I am telling you that I would like you to leave now."

Once, on a very cold evening, I had a visit from an OSPIRG representative.  While I can recongize that it takes a committed person to canvass neighborhoods door-to-door and make connections person-to-person, we don't usually respond well to soliciations at the door.  I said I'd look up OSPIRG and take a look at supporting.  I think I may have signed a petition of theirs.

The third time, there was a neighborhood fellow who came to the door, asking us if we needed the lawn mowed or any other housework done.  We had just done a lot of housework that weekend, so I was not lying when I said that we weren't needing help at that time.  Before I was able to close the door, the neighborhood fellow started saying, "I just wanted to let you know that there are a lot of crazy people out there...."  And, I thanked him for his time and thoughts and said, "Good day."

Just moments ago, I received an email from our neighborhood association, indicating that there was some fraudulent fundraising afoot.  People have been soliciting funds, door-to-door, in a nearby neighborhood, raising money for the local high school or community center.  The email also indicated that these groups were not fundraising door-to-door, and that these people were probably looking to prey on the homes where they were soliciting.

So, we are wondering: Do you receive a lot of unexpected knocks on your door?  Are they friends or neighbors?  Do you often encounter door-to-door solicitors in your neighborhood?  Have you encountered fraudulent fundraising in your neighborhood?

You Did It! We Raised $662 for the NMC

Thanks to all you urbanMamas who watched The Business of Being Born at Zenana Spa or Milagros in the past few weeks!  Your $5 donations added up to a good chunk of change for the Nursing Mothers Counsel of Oregon: $662 all told!!  Give yourselves a hand, mamas.  How great that we all came together, watched an inspiring documentary, discussed it online and in-person, and contributed to a local non-profit that helps local mamas. 

And a big thanks to the movie's makers for creating an opportunity to come togehter as a community around this issue and raise funds for a worthy cause.  If the film inspired you to rise up and make some changes in the business of being born in this country, check out the action resources on the movie site.  Might just be a good fit for you!  And if you're itchin' to share your birth story with other uMs, start typing!

As for the tumbnail photo above, this was one of very favorite moments in the film.  The sheer joy of it all.  it makes me smile, and remember, every time I see it.

Is this only the beginning?

Seven years ago, when my first daughter was a baby, I spent moments of each day wondering: "Am I doing it all wrong?"  Now that our girl is seven-and-a-half approaching thirteen (it seems), I am still wondering the same thing: "Am I doing it all wrong?"

Yesterday was the Monday of all Mondays.  I tell ya.  It was a completely ridiculous workday for me when I felt like I did. not. have. enough. seconds. in the day to finish every report, call, analysis, whatever before fetching the girls.  Then, when I picked up my girl and her girlfriend from school, it was nothing. but. rant and whine. rant and whine. about. every. single. thing.  "Why didn't you pack me peanut butter sandwich for lunch?" ("Because you packed your own lunch this morning.")  "I'm so thirsty! Why isn't there any milk?" ("Because you drank it all this morning and brought the rest for your lunch.")  "I'm bored.  Why can't we go biking?" ("Because your friend doesn't want to, why don't you ask her to go biking?")  "Why don't we ever get to do what I want?" ("Well what do you want to do?")

She says, "Mama, I want to bake cupcakes."  So, I put away what I was doing, and we start sifting flour and mixing up confectioner's sugar for icing.  The beaters haven't even stopped beating before I hear it (the whining) start, "I never get to do it first" or "Why don't you ever let me lick the bowl" or "This is so boring".  I swear to the heavens, I was just not getting anything right.  At all.  And, what was painful was that it was all my fault.

As I recount this story, I realize that it makes it sound like my 7.5 year old is nothing but I royal brat.  But, I swear she isn't.  She is mellow and sweet and respectful.  Really she is.  Usually.  But, sometimes, something just sets her off and everything is all wrong.  Not only is it all wrong, but it is also always all my fault, in those instances.

All of this to say: is this some pre-pre-pubescent condition?  Have other mamas and papas gone through this with their 7-10 year old girls or boys?  This almost-irrational, uncharacteristic, passionate, uncontrollable emotion?  Is this just the beginning?  Or is it me?

What's Your Baby Carrier of Choice?

I don't think I would have survived the early years had it not been for my New Native Baby sling, Kelty Backpack, and Ergo.  My boys were never fond of strollers and if I were to survive an outing or a trip to the grocery store, I would have to saddle them up.  Vaish is interested in hearing about your favorite child carrier, especially those that can travel for the long haul.  She emails:

I would love some opinions on the carriers and slings that people like and find comfortable for long walks. I have a 7 month old. I currently use Infantino's EuroRider, which baby doesn't find very comfortable.

Helping the Papa make Papa friends

It's so fun when we get to meet you in person!  Last night, we met Kelly and Ethan, mama and papa to a 5 month old Jackson.  Ethan stays home 3 days a week with baby Jackson.  When we got to talking about daddy groups and possible papa meet-ups, it occurred to us that it'd been a while since we'd talked about support for the papas. 

Beyond "Support for the SAHDs" or "Surfing urbanPapas", do you have more suggestions for the stay-at-home daddy set?  Know of a great papa group?  Have you helped your babe's papa connect with other papas?  What are foolproof ways to get the daddies in on the playdate circuit?

Shave, NAIR, wax, or nothing?

Spring is in the air, I tell you.  Once the temps went over the 50-degree mark over the weekend, I was ready to don a pair of shorts or capris or guachos.  Then, I looked down on my shins at my hairy, hairy legs.  I couldn't bare those things in public.  It's not in me.

It's another manic Monday, and I need a little brain candy.  How do you mamas handle your body hair -- on legs, in underarm areas, in other areas?  Do you shave?  Wax?  At home or somewhere else?  Just let it be?  Pluck?  I'm curious.

Is there a tooth fairy in your house?

Just as there were some of us who played Santa and some of us who didn't, we're sure some families are visited by the tooth fairy and some are not.

Our daughter has lost three teeth to date.  The first tooth, she lost at school.  She brought it home in a plastic bag.  Apparently she put it under her pillow that night, without our knowing.  The next day, we overheard her saying to a friend, "I think the tooth fairy is my mom or dad because I put my tooth under my pillow last night and I didn't tell them and I didn't get anything under my pillow. 

The second tooth, she lost in a marshmallow she was roasting by the fire when we were camping last summer.  She wasn't surprised when she didn't find any treats under her pillow.  "The tooth fairy probably doesn't know where I am," she explained to her friends.

Yesterday, she lost her third tooth.  And, in habitual form, she transferred mid-night into our bed (yes!  she is 7 years old and still comes to our bed every night).   In the morning, she rubbed her eyes and said, "I wonder if the tooth fairy left me anything under my pillow."  Her daddy noncholantly got out of bed to "pee" and crawled back in shortly after.  Wouldn't you know -- "Mama!  I got two dollars from the tooth fairy!"

So, this whole tooth fairy fiasco --- do you do it?  or not?  If your kids' teeth haven't fallen out yet: will you or won't you?

PPS Food: Good, Bad, Getting Better?

Hey!  We're chatting about PPS food over on Activistas.  Got opinions?  Experience to share?  Involved in improving it?  Join the conversation, we're learning a lot.  Like how little money there is to spend on food (when was the last time you ate lunch for $1??). Plus, there's a bill before the legislature this month that you might want to support.  Read on, weigh in, and call your legislator in Salem.  All over on Activistas.

Sharing our birthing stories

With all this business about The Business of Being Born, we get to thinking, we'd love to hear more stories of our births! Some of us birthed at home, at hospitals, at birthing centers.  Some of us birthed alone, with partners, with friends, with family.

So, it's ON!  Let's share our birth stories here (and read Monica's story for inspriation) or here (when we talked about the culture of induction).

Vancouver Mamas?

We recently received an email from Abby, who's looking for other Vancouver mamas in da house.  How about meeting up at an accessible spot in Vancouver for a weekend playdate?  Who's in?  Please suggest a time & place!

Mama needs dipes too!

A mama recently emailed us about her situation, seeking your thoughts and experiences:

Ready for the whole diaper story in our house?  The babies and toddlers aren't the only ones wearing 'em.  There is also a stack of what the kids and I call "run dipes," which I must wear when I go running if I don't want urine soaking my pants, trickling down my legs and into my shoes.  And even when I dutifully wear my dipe, sometimes I need two!  And yes, I pee RIGHT before I leave the house.  I will NEVER know where it is hiding, why it waits until I've just left the driveway to come out.

I've always someone who wet my pants laughing, jumping rope, sneezing - aerobics was totally out.  But after two kids, my, my....  My sister-in-law (3 kids) just had surgery as it was so bad for her (and she's not the type to take that lightly), and another friend made the very fortunate, accidental discovery recently that those menstrual cups (diva?) seem to serve a double purpose and stop the urine, too.  Does anyone else share this predicament?  Whta do you do?  Mamas, I need ideas, tips, tricks, to keep the urine right where it belongs.  I'd rather it were just the kids in this house who wear the diapers.

Weekend Warriors: February 7-10

As always, the urbanMamas calendar has way more ideas for fun than we are able to feature here.  Where do we get word of the events, you may ask?  Most of the events we post are FREE o' CHARGE, and we collect 'em from all of our favorite sources: Multnomah County Library, PortlandOnline (which includes all the city websites like Portland Parks & Rec, the Gardening Program, etc), local community centers and health care facilities, and other public resources.  We also get word from readers like you, who have a great event to share with the rest of the mamas and papas among us.  So, please, hit us up with your favorite suggestions for free family fun in the our fair Rose City.  Email  us at urbanmamas@gmail.com.  And, of course, feel free to offer up your suggestions for this weekend's fun in the comments.

Without further ado:

Generations: 3rd Annual Black Heritage Art Show.  Join the 3rd Annual City Hall Black Heritage Art Show-featuring great local art, free food & refreshments and energized performances.  City Hall, 1221 SW 4th Ave, Thursday, 5PM to 7PM.

Sunday Parkways: Open House.  Portland is planning its very first Sunday Parkway, scheduled for June 22, 2008.  There will be a six-mile route in North Portland closed off to motor traffic, for the strict use of cyclists, pedestrians, roller-bladers, strollers.  Learn more and contribute at the Open House.  Thursday, 5:30PM  to 8PM at Chief Joseph Elementary School, 2409 N Saratoga.

Portland Mocha Moms Chat & Playgroup.  Weekly gathering, every Friday at 11AM at Milagros Boutique.  Mocha Moms, is a support group for mothers of color. Anyone who supports the mission of Mocha Moms is welcome!

WEEPOST at the Waypost.  This week's reading: "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus".  This week's activity: Whining Contest! (with prizes).  Friday, at 1PM at the Waypost 3120 N Williams.

Master Recycler Plastic Roundup.  Can't be recycled at curbside?  Head to the Plastic Roundup -- this weekend's are in Lake Oswego and Rock Creek.  Saturday, 9AM to 2PM.

Free Valentine's Day Party  Brought to you by Portland Early Learning Project and hosted at Urban Grind NE, enjoy card-making, music, chair massages and great fun.  Saturday, 10AM to 12N, Urban Grind NE 2214 NE Oregon.

Free Pruning Workshop.  Head out to Zenger Farms for a work-party and lesson on winter pruning.  Saturday, 9AM to 1PM.

Safety Saturday at the Historic Belmont Firehouse.  Did you know that every second Saturday of the month, Historic Belmont Firehouse hosts a Safety Open House?  Well, they do!  It's been on the calendar for a while, so hope some of you have gone!  Saturday, 10AM to 3PM, 900 SE 35th Avenue.

Chocolate Tasting.  Speaking of "did you know"s....  Did you know that New Seasons hosts free seasonal tastings at all their locations throughout the year?  This weekend, Chocolate.  At your nearest new seasons market from 11AM to 5PM, Saturday and Sunday.

Symphony Storytime.  This month, every Saturday brings out the Oregon Symphony and a presentation of an interactive musical storytime.  Central Library, Saturday, 2-3PM.

The Business of Being Born.  Thank you to everyone who has come out to see the film already.  urbanMamas, Activistas, and Mother Tree Birth are sponsoring a screening of The Business of Being Born. After the film, there'll be a moderated discussion on the film's topics.  This weekend's screening is at Milagros, Saturday, at 3PM.

Chinese New Year Celebration at the Garden.   The Chinese Classical Garden will celebrate the New Year all weekend, giving out hong boa (lucky red envelopes) to the first 100 visitors each day.  A great kid-friendly activity is Lantern Making from 1-4PM on Sunday at the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association (315 NW Davis), followed by a procession and parade in the garden at 5PM (Free admission to children and their parents who attended lantern making).

When Mama ain't happy...

I don't think anyone here will disagree with me when I say that parenting is an incredible joy.  We love these little people so much and they do so many things that make us proud.  But there is another side to that coin.  A neighbor of mine once shared this wisdom about parenting:  "They will make you feel all of your emotions stronger than you ever knew you could."  Among those emotions?  Anger.

It's a very visceral emotion, and it arises without much warning or forethought.  And it's really, really difficult for me to process these emotions, especially in confrontation with my child.  Things can go many ways but the end is never very pretty.  And neither one of us feels good about it.  I know this is difficult to talk about, but I also know I am not alone.  Another mother wrote to us:

I feel like I am in kind of a dark place in terms of parenting. I have caught myself in behaviors where I am yelling, really yelling, at my child. This might include throwing things (coats/cereal bowls etc) this might be spurned on by me asking my child to clear the cereal bowl or to brush his teeth. And when it doesn't happen my hot point is right there. Although I have not hit my child I can imagine how parents do it. I don't think I would hit my child. But I am not ok with where I am finding myself in terms of my temper and lack of patience.

I have several stress points in my life that are not negotiable; I am raising my son alone and don't have lots of support. My son has recently been on/off medication that amps him up- and in turn really stresses me out with his behavior. So I need to find some solutions within those constraints. To me this is not a conversation about being single. I am looking to other moms who also find themselves short-fused, short-tempered, and parenting in a way that that they are not happy with.

What do you do- how do you manage the anger & stress and get to a better place with your kids?

I think that, for me, it was very important for me to step back and realize that I had these feelings and frustrations, not only with the situation but with myself.  I wasn't happy with my own behavior... so I had to ask how I could change it.

Now, I'm not a single mother, but I am currently the single caregiver to my two kids (with much support from two grannies until daddy comes home).  I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be without their support.  Add to that some behavioral issues my 4.5 year old is having at school, and life is not getting any easier day to day.  After some looking around and reading up, I have turned to the Love and Logic approach.  Today is day 5 and I'm trying not to let myself relax back into my old ways (and this morning - it was really, really tough!).  But reading the philosophies helped me realize that there was a power struggle going on, and that my son needed to have control over SOME things in his life, or he'd be constantly trying to control everything.  That cycle had to stop.  That's where Love and Logic came in for us.

Have any of you Mamas or Papas had some wild success breaking the power struggle?  I, for one, felt very freed, and much happier with my child when we weren't angry at each other all the time.  How is a mama to get past the anger and become a happy Mama again.  What other techniques have worked besides just a parenting philosophy?  Sleep, diet, exercise?  I'd love to hear what other parents are doing to manage stress and anger.

It's Fat Tuesday! Are you (and your family) giving something up for Lent?

I suddenly realized yesterday that Wednesday -- that's tomorrow!! -- is the beginning of Lent. I'm an Episcopalian by marriage, and my favorite part of the faith that's different from my Baptist roots is Lent. The concept of sacrificing something in concert with millions of others is a ritual that feels right in my bones.

Since I've recently joined the 'eat local' movement, I've been eliminating processed, industrial foods from my family's diet. One exception (of several) I've made up until now has been sugar -- though I've sworn off packaged cookies and candies and the like, I've been buying pound after pound of organic sugar and baking it into all kinds of high-glycemic goodies. I think that I'm giving up sugar (but not honey, as it's local and thoroughly part of nature) for Lent.

The problem with me giving up sugar is that, as chief baker for a houseful I've dragged along on mission: eat local, I'm forcing the rest of my family to give it up, too. Forced religion or good mojo? I can't decide. Are you giving up anything