Nannies behind the wheel?
We have only once had a babysitter drive our girls. Some mamas are wondering, however, how do you handle whether your kids are driven around by the babysitter or nanny? Amy emails:
I need help! We are currently in a debate with our nanny over whether or not she should have a carseat in her car for our not-yet-walking child. Her driving record isn't great (a few fender benders in the last few years, some her fault, some not), and her eyesight isn't either (she's older). Our neighborhood has LOTS of stuff within walking distance - shops, cafes, groceries, library, banks, you name it. We are three blocks from a major busline that could take her directly to a pretty park in about 10 minutes, with no connections.
She, however, wants to be able to take our child on outings to places like the art museum or music classes, where Trimet would be more of a juggle, both time - and gear-wise. She feels it would be much easier to secure our child in the carseat, and go ... and be able to get home quickly if needed. She also wants to be able to run the occasional errand, since she doesn't get a break during the day. We like the idea of some special outings, but can't get past our nerves.
What have other families done about nannies driving the kids around? What about breaks for the nanny during the day?
I have struggled with this, too. There was just something about having another person drive my child around that made me worried all day.
The conclusion I came to is that being a nanny is a job just like any other. When we employed a nanny, I ended up saying that she didn't need to worry about special outings -- we could take care of those on the weekends. As for getting her own errands done, when I was working full-time, I didn't have much of a break all day to be able to get my personal business done, either. Working is working. If she is in need of a carton of milk or something, it sounds like she could easily walk to the store.
Basically, I think it's fine to nix the driving issue without guilt. Hopefully for you, it will also be without struggle.
Posted by: Kristin | September 20, 2007 at 01:52 PM
We got our nanny a car seat for her car. I was thrilled that she wanted to take our kid to omsi, library, indoor playground, etc. I think it is hard in the rainy season (ie; fall, winter, spring) to be indoors all day or go by foot.
I put the car seat in the middle of the backseat (not the side) and this alleviated some worry.
Posted by: Lori | September 20, 2007 at 02:19 PM
I hate to be chicken little on this but one thing to keep in mind beyond concerns about your child's safety is that if your nanny is at fault for an accident while conducting a work-related task (e.g. driving your child to OMSI) you could be potentially liable.
This would be especially a concern if the nanny has inadequate insurance to cover the level of liability. It is an unlikely scenario but it would support a decision by you to not have her driving "on the clock".
On a related note, there is a tendency to treat nannies as "casual" employees but it is important to remember that the definition of what is "casual employment" is very limited. If you define work time and they report to work at your home more than 8 hours a week, they likely fall into the category of "domestic worker" under federal law.
In this case, it is important to follow state and federal requirements on issues such as wages, breaks and the like. If you don't, it could come back to haunt you later even if you have some kind of tacit understanding with your nanny.
Posted by: Tony | September 20, 2007 at 03:02 PM
I have no qualms telling you to say "no." Unless you feel 110% right about it, trust your instincts. We have a "dream" babysitter with a perfect record, etc. but the only time we have allowed her to drive my son was when I was in the hospital having my second. And we had her use our Honda Odyssey, not her car, which is much safer.
Posted by: Erika Plummer | September 20, 2007 at 03:27 PM
when considering the safety of cars, we've also realized that someone driving their own car is often more comfortable and, thus, safer.
our nanny takes our son to the zoo and omsi in her car (insured, excellent driving record, well maintained vehicle) and we feel confident he is in good hands.
Posted by: leslie | September 20, 2007 at 05:28 PM
I was a nanny for five years for one family. I had full use of their car and was included on their insurance. If you trust your nanny with the life of your child ideally that means in a car as well. Having the ability to get around town enabled me to stay with the job for as long as I did. At the time I was 24-29 yrs old and had (and have) a clean record. My boss wanted me to be able to take the girls anywhere, including the coast, and to get a chance to do my errands and hers. Because my bosses were not able to provide health insurance for me they tried to have other benefits in the job. Being a nanny is hard work. Anything you can do to make your nanny happy will help her be present to the taks at hand, your children. I do hesitate at your nanny's eye sight and driving record issues. Good luck with your decision.
Posted by: plain jane | September 20, 2007 at 05:51 PM
I have never hesitated in having my in-home day care providers take my child on errands and also to fun things like OMSI, the zoo, children's museum, and various parks. I feel that my daughter deserves to do the things that other kids do with their SAHMs, and this is the only way it will happen until I win the lottery. It also frees me up to do other things with her on weekends, like visit friends and go on trips. As far as breaks go, I think a nanny/day care provider has a unique situation...they cannot take breaks at their job with someone to cover for them, so if they can get the opportunity to go do their errands with the kids, I am all for it. Who among us hasn't run out to the bank or to Subway at lunch time, even if it is just for 10 minutes? A happy nanny/provider is sure to make happier kids/moms.
Posted by: debby | September 20, 2007 at 09:04 PM
It seems like it really depends on the individual, in addition to the factors Tony mentioned. I had a friend of ours watch my daughter at the friend's home and trusted her implicitly & explicitly not just to watch our kiddo at her place but to take her out in her car -- of course I was well-acquainted w/ my friend, her driving history, and her ability. I can't say the same for my mom, who I love madly, but whose driving(& dirivng history) terrifies me - when mom visits, mom & granddaughter hoof it unless I'm around to drive 'em. I say go with your gut on this one. The nanny's eyesight makes you nervous, her driving record makes you nervous, there you go.
Posted by: rockstar mama | September 20, 2007 at 09:54 PM
Oh my, I just hope that there is some mechanism by which a nanny gets legally mandated breaks and stuff.
I never had a nanny, but I generally have gone by the rule that I don't want anyone that is feeling mistreated caring for my child. Ever. That makes me more anxious/nervous/hysterical than driving.
And when mine was 4 and was driven to a birthday party featuring a rodent by one of my closest friends, I called her every 5-15 minutes that I knew they were on the road. I still get the nervousness. And she's 12.
Posted by: ProtestMama | September 21, 2007 at 10:14 AM
I'm with you, Debby. From the moment I starting searching for a nanny, the qualifications I looked for included a clean driving record, safe car, and a careful, responsible personality. My nanny drives my daughter to all the activities that I would have taken her to if I were a stay-at-home mom. My daughter gets WAY more learning and fun from the places and activities they go to than if they were stuck in the house or neighborhood all day, and our nanny enjoys herself too. IMHO, you hire a nanny to fulfill the needs and desires of you and your child, not to compromise their enrichment. Of course, if you've already hired a nanny who has a poor record or eyesight, then you have to make the decision that feels most comfortable to you.
Posted by: Lee | September 21, 2007 at 02:40 PM
I was employed as a nanny for 4 years with the same family during college, and had full use of their car to tote the kids around town. I was able to fill our afternoons with fun, educational, and creative activities, while also having the flexibility to run personal errands. 10 years later, I am the mother of a 2 year old daughter. We do not employ a nanny for her care, but if we did I'm sure that we would hire someone with whom we would have complete confidence behind the wheel. I think it’s crucial for the caregiver to feel that there are more than enough options for entertaining the kids throughout the day. You've got to be creative and on your toes all the time to ensure that that little kid energy is being burned everyday! Also, we all know that many lunch hours are filled with errand-running. How else do you take care of the minutiae of everyday life...dry cleaning, bank runs, etc. Nannies should be afforded this opportunity just like the rest of us.
That said, you have every right to be concerned about your nanny's driving record and eye sight. I think you should be candid with her about these concerns, and perhaps you can come to some agreement that satisfies everyone's needs.
Posted by: Jennifer | September 21, 2007 at 03:10 PM
If it were me, no , I would not feel comfortable with her driving. A few fender benders and poor eye sight...say no more! It may limit activities, but it sounds like there are enough activities that do not involve driving. I just wouldn't be confortable with this...
Posted by: karen c | September 21, 2007 at 05:10 PM
When we hired our nanny, we let her use our car. We specifically bought a volvo for the safety record, and I didn't feel comfortable with my baby in her car which wasn't as safe. We dind't have an extra car though, so I would walk where I needed to go, or occasionally use her car since she was going to use mine. Obvoiusly, this arrangement won't work for a lot of people, but we were very friendly. She was included on our insurance, and I felt really comfortable knowing she was in our big, safe volvo with our baby.
But, I did worry constantly while they were out.
I do think in the winter being able to take the kids out of the house would be wonderful for both nanny and kids. But given the eyesight and driving record, I would definitly say no in this particular situation. I would get a great stroller and do the far-away activities on days you are home.
Posted by: Laura | September 22, 2007 at 02:43 PM
A couple of years ago I had a falling out with a family member, one of the few I trusted to leave my young son with, over the fact that she wanted to drive him somewhere one day when she had agreed to watch him for a couple of hours. My husband and I both agreed we weren't comfortable with her doing that and told her so. Our relationship hasn't quite been the same since. Her feelings were hurt because she thought I didn't trust her and my feelings were hurt because she didn't respect me making my own parenting decisions.
My point is, regardless of whether or not you let the nanny drive the kiddo around, you need to make parenting decisions based on what you are comfortable with, believe to be right, etc. You can't let someone else's reactions to them (or our opinions here!) sway you. You're the momma and what you say goes when it comes to your kids.
Posted by: mom22 | September 22, 2007 at 03:09 PM
I was a nanny for two summers about 7 years ago. The family had an older minivan that I used to ferry the kids around. They were very relaxed about it. I was a late-20's college graduate pursuing my Master's, so they definitely we're afraid I was going to go joy riding.
It certainly made their lives and my life a lot easier. There is nothing worse than being cooped up in the house day after day with the kids. As a mom, I definitely try to get my little guy out and about as much as possible--for his mental stimulation and my sanity;)
Posted by: Jess | September 22, 2007 at 06:24 PM
I meant "...they WERE NOT worried I would take the car joy riding".
Caution: multi-tasking brain in use:)
Posted by: jess | September 22, 2007 at 06:26 PM
I would not let a person drive my kids around. My husband and I never allowed our babysitters or nannies (or for that matter, grandma) take our boys in their cars.
The reason being that not everyone is a good driver, no matter how terrific they are as a human, and I don't want to have to drill a perfectly qualified nanny on a skill that is not essential to the job.
Posted by: C | September 24, 2007 at 07:05 PM
I would not let a nanny with even the slightest hint of a record drive my kids around. My husband and I never allowed our babysitters or nannies (or for that matter, grandma) take our boys in their cars.
The reason being that not everyone is a good driver, no matter how terrific they are as a human, and I don't want to have to drill a perfectly qualified nanny on a skill that is not essential to the job.
Posted by: C | September 24, 2007 at 07:06 PM
I've been a nanny on and off for years, I am 32, have gotten a few tickets, but basically have a pretty good driving record. One the families I work for was hesitant to let me drive their child anywhere at first, but after a short while they relaxed a bit and now (its been 3 years) I can take her anywhere in my own car or theirs. The other two families I work for have me drive their kids around all the time. I am the one who picks them up from school (in my own car).
I agree that if you trust someone with your child, you should trust them to drive your child. I would be pretty uncomfortable and unhappy working for people who didn't trust me.
As for errands, I think if a nanny is full time, it's pretty selfish not to let her do her own errands once in a while. It is tough having a job with no breaks, and nobody is talking about needing a carton of milk!
I do resent reading some of the posts that make nannies sound like less-than-human employees, and not people.
Still, a very bad driving record and bad eyesight would be a concern, for sure. I wouldn't let my grandmother drive any kid anywhere! Obviously it all comes down to trusting your judgment.
Posted by: Jess | February 05, 2008 at 10:12 PM