Kid's Sick - Who Stays Home?
Just as the Activistas were discussing: Papas & The FMLS - Is anyone using it? A University of Cincinnati study recently released and looked at dual-working parent families: Who puts family first when a child is sick? Their data "finds a large gender disparity in providing urgent child care, with 77.7 percent of women taking time off from work and 26.5 percent of men reporting that they attend to child-care needs".
If you and your partner both work, how do you decide who stays home with a sick child? How does your workplace treat you're child's sickness & your need to stay home? As a single parent, have you found emergency back-up care that works? What do you do as a working parent when your child is sick?
Funny you should write about this! My daughter has hand/foot/mouth disease and of course my son's gettin' it too, so lots of days to cover. We split each day at work and at home if we can, depending on who's doign what. I go in super early and leave at noon to minimize the sick hours I use, and then my husband, who works for himself, works from 12:30 or so (after the kid hand-off) till whenever. He doesn't have to worry about using up all of his sick time since he works for himself, but does have to worry about getting work done, of course. It's hard if we're both busy and then get stressed b/c we feel like we're not getting our work done. And when this happens right after maternity leave and you have no/zero/zilch sick time b/c you used it all up paying for your leave, then there's really trouble. But on the whole I feel good about the option to spit days b/c we both get some work done and so neither feels totally behind.
Posted by: ltfdbc | August 15, 2007 at 09:20 PM
My husband usually stays home with sick kids because of our work environments. He has independent projects for the most part while if I am not at work, someone has to called in to cover my time with the public. Also, I have so little sick time banked after using it all during maternity leave that I need to save it for my own sicknesses! Once I have some hours saved, time off will be shared as they were after kid # but since I work part-time, he will still end up taking more days off than I (I'll just have sick kids on my regular days off).
Posted by: AmyS | August 16, 2007 at 08:45 AM
If the working man makes more than the working woman, and everything about having a family is expensive, doesn't it make sense for the woman to stay home?
my $.02
Posted by: anon | August 16, 2007 at 09:56 AM
We don't have a set system for this, we just base our decision on what is going on at work for us.
My husband has much more freedom and is not bound by a clock so sometimes its easier for him to stay home. Conversely, his job is more "high-powered" than mine and sometimes I need to call in sick to stay w/sick kids because he's has some very important thing scheduled at work or has a lot to do that he can't change or miss.
And as for the anonymous comment, not really.
My husband makes more money than I do but is on salary and I am on hourly wage. If I call in sick and don't have sick pay to use then we lose money. Not so for him, and he can make up what he has missed on his own time.
I work part-time and don't accumulate much sick pay, but can stay w/sick kids on my days off.
And I know many couples where the woman makes more money than the man, btw, and they still split sick days based on what makes sense at the time.
Posted by: anne | August 16, 2007 at 10:07 AM
In our family, the working man has made about the same amount as the working woman. In our case, working mom carries the benefits, as I have done so for most of our partnership.
I like to think of our arrangement sort of as the possession arrow in basketball. We take turns, almost always tit for tat. Both my husband and I have meetings, deadlines, and all that. We both want our employers to know we are dedicated. But, when a kid gets sick, we usually try to do split days (I used to work the early part from 7am to noon, then he goes in for the afternoon). Whenever I have left for a sick child, though, I will often have some residue of employee guilt, but that sentiment is not enough to keep me in the office away from a sick child.
We've been lucky with a relatively flexible working arrangement.
Posted by: olivia | August 16, 2007 at 10:18 AM
As a single mom (with no help from the father)- I often find myself in this situation. I am lucky to work for a large corporation where I get 5wks vacation and 2wks sick time. It is almost guaranteed that part of my vacation time is used to stay home with my son. In times where I have taken excessive amounts of leave, I have resorted to a back up sitter, or a nanny agency (not much luck with these though as I often call short notice and they can be pricey). Overall, I am thankful that I have an understanding boss....
Posted by: courtney | August 16, 2007 at 11:18 AM
This is an interesting conversation -- particularly because I think it highlights how often women do the majority of childcare. As for me, I'm married to a great guy who will call in sick if there is an illness, and will also go in late if we've had a particularly hard night.
I have friends, though, whose partners have never called in sick -- one even refused to stay home to help care for children when his 9 month pregnant wife had pneumonia.
For me, the reason I find it so interesting is because I think it highlights two different realms of feminism. One type is that which goes on in the public realm, where we can all vote, affect legislation, etc. Then there's the type of feminism that goes on at home -- where women's careers, interests, heck, amount of sleep can either be supported or neglected. How do you affect both?
Posted by: Kristin | August 16, 2007 at 01:09 PM
I hate to say this, but when my daughter was nursing a lot more frequently, all eyes were on me to be the one to stay home w/ her when she was sick. You could probably argue that dad has ways to comfort a small child, too, but w/ us biology prevailed. Now that she's a little older, we take turns.
Posted by: LeeAnn | August 16, 2007 at 02:14 PM
PS - and that was even though I outearn my husband - but when you're both on salary, does it matter, Anon? And isn't part of the problem that women are in fact outearned by hubby in most cases? Sigh.
Posted by: rockstar mama | August 16, 2007 at 02:15 PM
I had to make a decision on immunizations based on sick time. I was going to wait to have my daughter get the chicken pox vaccine to see if she would get it on her own, but after a pesky eye infection kept her out of day care for a week a few months ago, I realized how hard it is for me to take time off as a single mom, the only "bread winner" in the family. And since I have no family in the area, it all falls to me. No back up person will watch a sick kid if the kid has something contagious. So no Chicken Pox for us. That could be 2 weeks of sick time for me, time I am also paying for child care. My direct manager is understanding about needing to take time off for my child, but I still feel so weird about it. We have been really lucky that she has been (knock on wood) really healthy for quite awhile. Y'know most employers use Paid Time Off now (PTO) rather than split up the vacation, holiday and sick time, so if you take time off for your kid or yourself being sick, you compromise any time you may want to take for the fun things in life, like vacations and other special events.
Posted by: Debby | August 16, 2007 at 02:31 PM
I think anon's assumption that the man always makes more money is unfortunate. Each situation is unique and it shows that the poster thinks that men should earn more...hmmmm.
Anyway, my husband and I just talked about this today. In the last year, I usually stayed home because I was nursing and the little guy wanted to nurse when he was sick.
This year my husband is going to stay home because he is now on salary and can work from home. I am a teacher, so if I miss work, I have to prep for a least a few hours for the sub and use a sick day. I also need to start banking up sick days for the future as we plan to have another baby in two years and I have diabetes so I generally have to take a few a year for myself.
Posted by: meg | August 16, 2007 at 02:54 PM
Debby, I feel on the making decsion based on sick time. As a single mama too, I have been told to come to work when I had a 6 month old with 104 temp.
I think it's really hard if there's just one parent and no grandmas/aunts/uncles to stay with a sickie.
If you're not resourced sick child care is an impossibility. I have a child care provider friend now that has covered csince my daughter is older and could be isolated from the other kids. But she couldn't do it when if she were younger because the illness would spread.
If you know a single mom or dad, that you're close with, please offer (if you can) to help out with sickie care. Sometimes we won't ask. More than once I had to dose a mildly sick child with tylenol and run out of the child care provider's house before it wore off. That felt awful, but I imagined being jobless would've been worse.
Posted by: ProtestMama | August 16, 2007 at 04:05 PM
we split it down the middle -- if she's out for two days, i take one, he takes one, or we alternate. financially it would probably be smarter for *me* to take all the sick days, as i'm self-employed and have more flexibility, but we did it this way from an egalitarian perspective, and also because, since i'm just starting back as a freelancer after a year off as a SAHM, i desperately need the work time.
he's usually the one that takes off for the doctor's appts. too if she's sick, as her childcare is right by his work, while my office is across town. i realize i'm incredibly lucky to have a partner who can do this, and i doubt we could if his work didn't have generous leave benefits.
Posted by: jenn | August 17, 2007 at 10:30 AM
I think it's great that I'm hearing that most workplaces are understanding. For those that are not (and I work for one of them), I just want to remind you of the OREGON Family Leave Act... much more powerful than FMLA because it includes the "Sick Child Act". Under OFLA these could qualify as conditions for “sick child leave”:Common cold, Flu, Ear aches, Upset stomach, Routine headaches, and Sore throat. This piece of legislation protects you and your job from unethical employers. You can use the Sick Child Leave for 3 days (no necessarily consecutively) and they the employer can request a Dr's note... at THEIR expense.
Posted by: JenA | August 17, 2007 at 04:25 PM
I was a bit shocked by the 2 cents worth by anonymous and pleased to see many good arguments to the contrary. While my husband and I do a reasonable job of splitting the responsibility, when the going gets tough, I usually take more time off because my work environment is a bit more autonomous and flexible. I'm thankful to have my husband's support and if our job's were reversed I'm sure he would step up to the plate more often.
Posted by: PeggyM | August 17, 2007 at 10:30 PM