About Boob: Weaning from Real-Life Mamas
Sometimes being a mama ain't all that easy. Tonia's preparing for the inevitable and is interested on how other mamas have gone about weaning. She writes:
I'm planning to wean my 17 month old daughter in the next few months (for medical reasons) and am very interested in hearing about how others went about doing it. All the mamas I know are either still breastfeeding or had little ones who just magically quit nursing on their own. My daughter, however, is a fiend for the boob and doesn't seem to have any intention of giving up without a fight. How about a call for weaning stories from some real-life mamas - any tips of the trade I should know? Happy endings, horror stories, words of encouragement, or common-sense advice are all welcome.
I am in the exact same boat (17 month old daughter, boob lovah, starting the weaning process sometime in the next month or so) and would also really appreciate words of advice. Its the right time for many reasons and I want to do everything I can to make the transition as gentle as possible, but I'm having a hard time getting up the courage to start. Thanks in advance for your thoughts....
Posted by: Cheryl | February 28, 2007 at 09:35 AM
At 12 months, I decided to cut off my daughter from night time feedings, as I was exhausted and working full time. It took about 2 weeks (I took time off from work to do this) and finally, she started sleeping through the night. Then, she started to want to breast feed during the day every hour. This happened for about a week, then, as you mentioned, she "magically quit." It's not all it's cracked up to be. I kept offering the breast, and she would make like she was going to take it, then change her mind, but making my body feel like I needed a let down. I thought she was on strike, so I kept trying, but nothing. Finally, I was super engorged and had to start hand expressing into the sink for a bit of relief. I didn't want to do too much as I knew it would prolong the experience. I tried ice, heat, ignoring it...and eventually it went away. But I missed out on weaning, having the time to prepare. I felt quite rejected, if you know what I mean! I had anticipated nursing for much longer. That was 7 months ago, and I still miss it, although after a month or so, I had pretty much forgotten what it feels like! I feel really jealous of moms who are nursing their toddlers, but I guess it's nice that I didn't have to worry about cutting my baby off or weaning issues! Good luck to you, it may be easier than you anticipate!
Posted by: debby | February 28, 2007 at 10:46 AM
I had one of those kids who weaned on his own, at 2.5 (by that time he was only nursing once a day for naps, though), so I don't have any words of wisdom. But I wanted to say, good for you (and Cheryl, too) for nursing so long! I hope this transition goes well for you and your daughters.
Posted by: Zinemama | February 28, 2007 at 12:09 PM
I was nervous about weaning, as my child was a big boobie fiend too. It was not as difficult as I expected. By that time, our nursing was on a more-or-less "schedule" that had evolved organically: first thing in morning, mid-morning/lunchtime, dinner time, and bed time. I simply eliminated a feeding per week, starting with the first one in the morning. Instead of bringing our son to me to nurse in the morning, my husband would take him straight downstairs and feed him breakfast. This was enough of a distraction that he didn't fuss for me. I do not remember how I eliminated the daytime feedings (it mustn't have been too traumatic!) but I do remember I saved the pre-bedtime nursing for last. One night my child didn't ask for the breast and I didn't offer. And then we were done. I think I might have gotten engorged for a day or two but even that wasn't bad. It went MUCH easier than I expected, all around. Hopefully this is encouraging to you!!
Posted by: mamaloo | February 28, 2007 at 01:21 PM
I think the first and most important step is to not offer the boob. Only nurse when they ask. This was a big step for me, psychologically, as the mama. It took ME a few weeks to become consistent with this.
Then we stopped day time nursings. I would offer goat milk or a snack as an alternative. I used encouraging words and acted like it was very exciting. I think we started with a bottle of milk, or maybe it was in a sippy cup. I can't remember. When the goat milk wasn't enticing enough we switched to cows milk (whole milk, norris dairy, its yummy).
This took another few weeks to a month. Then we were down to one time per day. (I thought it would be the pre-bedtime but it ended up being the first thing in the morning was our time) A few times I mentioned that mama had no more milk left. She started to get upset and wanted to test that theory out! I let her nurse and gently brought it up in another week. By the third time of telling her there was no more milk left she didn't ask to nurse. We gave her milk in a sippy cup from then on.
Posted by: Lori | February 28, 2007 at 03:11 PM
I weaned my daughter when she was 2 years old and I was already pregnant with her little sister. I had already night weaned 'cause I was worried about her teeth. That was the hardest. Before bed I talked to her about it & told her that I wouldn't be able to give her "chichi" at night. In the middle of the night she woke up, asked for it & I just lay in bed with her & held her when she cried. This went on for about 3 nights but then it was mostly over. Four months later when I just couldn't stand to breastfeed anymore because it was too painful I found a good time (alone & able to just focus on each other) and explained the situation to her: mama has a baby in her tummy & its eating all the milk. There's no more milk. When we go to bed I'll read you stories & hug you but I can't give you chichi. She cried a couple of times but I just repeated the story about no more milk & eventually she'd forget about it. She's really good about reading me & figuring out when she can get what she wants & when I won't give in.
The other day I realized with a jolt that it has been a year since I weaned her. She still says she wants to nurse & will pretend to but when she actually gets close she'll give me a funny look and back off.
Posted by: capella | February 28, 2007 at 04:43 PM
This was the EXACT topic I've been thinking about asking UM to post! I have no advice, just a simliar situation with my 18-month old boy. He self-weaned from the bedtime feeding, and things were going well while I was still working. But I've been home a few months and he goes from once a day to six times a day (when he's teething). Part of the reason I want to wean is that it's no fun when he's like a wild hyena feasting on a carcass of a dead animal -- there's no snuggling. The advice posted is very good -- I need to talk to him more about the milk being all gone (I've tried in the past, but he doesn't believe me). And I may just have to let him cry over lost milk!
Posted by: Suz | February 28, 2007 at 08:10 PM
What's weird is I can't even remember exactly how we did this...did we stop night nursing first? I think so. There were cries and fits but I just held her and she went back to sleep. The last to go was the nursing before bed. I finally told her (she was 22 months) that we couldn't nurse, but that I would always hold her,and I gave her lots of extra hugs and cuddles. Within a few days, she lost interest. It was bittersweet, but I was ready to be done.
Posted by: Kat | March 01, 2007 at 01:18 AM
It seems like it's harder to wean your last child, (or at least I'm expecting it to be!) I know our time is coming up within the year and it makes me sad.
Fionn was 2 years 4 months, and REALLY ready, but I didn't see the signs because I had my head stuck in bookland and had a set idea of how long I was going to nurse him. When it became really clear that it was time to stop, (he was like an addict, his whole reality revolving around boob) I made a photo album book for him, with pictures of us nursing and words from me to him. I talked about how much I loved nursing him, and now it's time for him to get his food from the earth instead of from me. We read it every night for a week, then had our last nurse together before bed. He understood what was happening and was fine, I cried my eyes out. All in all a very good experience. I wanted to avoid confusion and power struggles over nursing, so that's why we stopped all at once instead of a little at a time, it was just my instinct about what was best for him.
Good luck Kat! I will want to hear your story as well.
Posted by: fionnsnana | March 01, 2007 at 08:25 AM
great stories all! i am on my 4th (and last, as per doctors' orders) and she is now 3 1/2 and still nursing ... we are very close - she is the first of my four that i've had to oppotunity to actually stay home with. she knows to only ask for her "milkies" in private now - when she was younger it was totally ok for me to nurse anyway but now she knows it's a home thing. she's a great nurser and just prefers my milk to cow's milk - actually, she ONLY drinks water, outside of nursing. we are tyring to coax her to drink milk ... i know the day is coming when she'll be off to school and really does need to be weaned. she still sleeps with us, which of course makes weaning all that much harder ... i'm hoping, that like my first three, one day she will just say 'hey, i'm done with the boob!".
Posted by: kristin | March 01, 2007 at 11:41 AM
I'm trying to wean Truman, who's 22 months, and he's much like your daughter -- absolutely attached to breastfeeding. But I'm pregnant and am absolutely not comfortable with tandem nursing, for one reason because Truman is a tank and he'd be sure to kick the poor little thing right in his soft spot or something. For another reason: I work from home and just don't have time OR energy to give food to two little humans for much longer!
I've been trying pretty much since I found out I was pregnant, four-ish months ago. I started with nighttime feedings, too, and it seems to be going well -- he's almost sleeping through the night now (yep, four months later, it's not a quick process for me) and I make sure and make a bottle of (cow's) milk every night to have ready for him when he wakes up. Thanks to his longer sleeps it's finally working -- when we started, he would drink the bottle around 4 a.m. and then I would be too tired to get up and make another, so he'd nurse.
Now I typically only nurse him once or maybe twice a day, and it's when he DEMANDS it. I.e. yesterday, when I returned from a four-day business trip and he wanted to reconnect. Usually, now, if I just say, "don't you want a bottle?" when he's rooting around, it works and he happily jumps up to go to the kitchen with me and fill one up.
But still, when I'm lazy or not paying attention, or when he's not feeling well, I'll end up nursing him several times in one day. I think it takes a lot of discipline from a mama, especially when she's around the kids much of the time... not my best suit.
Posted by: sarah gilbert | March 02, 2007 at 09:57 AM
Oh, and p.s., Everett, my oldest, weaned easily in the "eliminate one feeding at a time" plan, at 18 months. I went away for a weekend when we were down to just the one and he weaned automagically. It's not nearly that easy with Truman, I go for a week and come back and he nurses as soon as he's got his sights on me.
Posted by: sarah gilbert | March 02, 2007 at 09:59 AM
I'm the one who originally asked this weaning question. My daughter and I recently "celebrated" our one-month weaning anniversary. Someone recently asked that I come back and give the full story, so here it is.
Not long after I made this original post, we made the move from constant nursing to nursing only three times a day. She drank water or soymilk from a sippy any other time. This was a massive change for us, and I think it was the hardest part of the whole weaning experience. There were tears on both sides for a few days and it was hard to stick to my guns, but once our daughter accepted the change it made a world of difference. Nursing a toddler three times a day was infinitely more doable than nursing 20+ times a day.
We stayed at 3x/day for about three months, then I decided to make my move. We fully weaned over the course of a month. First to go was the midday nursing... I just made myself scarce in the middle of the day for about a week, and she got used to taking a sippy cup from other people at naptime.
Second week, we worked on dropping the morning nursing session. I would make sure I was in the shower or doing laundry or something while she woke with my husband and had her soymilk. When she saw me and asked to nurse I would tell her that she just finished her soymilk and that we could have mama's milk later for sleepytime. And she was fine with that.
She went a couple of weeks with just nursing once a day, right before bedtime. The nursing sessions got shorter and shorter, although we kept on reading and cuddling at night like usual. I also had a sippy of soymilk at the ready so she could switch off between her beverages of choice. Sometime around the end of the second week of 1x/day nursing, she looked at me mid-suck and said "mama's milkers empty?" I guess I ran out of juice. She switched sides, nursed for about 60 seconds, then stopped and looked up at me. I asked her if that side was empty, too, and she said yes. Voila!
The next night she put the moves on me as if to nurse and I reminded her that mama's milk was empty... all gone (even though I did have *some* milk left). She kept lifting my shirt so I gave her the chance to see for herself. She latched on for just a few seconds, said "all done," and happily took her sippy cup. She was done on her 21-month birthday. I couldn't have asked for a nicer weaning experience.
Posted by: Tonia | July 25, 2007 at 01:18 PM
Tonia, thanks for sharing. Sounds like a very smooth plan. I have just been off nursing for about a year now, and I do miss it sometimes. Tati weaned at 2-1/2, when I intentionally planned a mama-weekend away. Philly weaned at almost 3 when I intentionally planned a 4-day work trip. I'm a weanie when it comes to weaning.
But, before I went on those trips, we did cut the one or two big nurse sessions. With both girls, a reunion at daycare meant a 20 minute nurse-fest. I worked with their teachers and eliminated that nursing session first. It was really, really hard, though, because their association was so strong between seeing mama in the afternoon and getting down to nursing.
Anyway, thanks again for sharing the follow up!
Posted by: olivia | July 25, 2007 at 01:59 PM
I am having a difficult time weaning my sixteen month old boy and need some ideas on weaning him gently. Currently, he nurses about twice during the day and about three times a night. When he has a good dinner, he nurses once before bed. He was eating solids ok and drinking cow's milk, but lately he seems to be relying more on breastmilk for sustenance than solids. I know that my milk production is low. On the days that he eats less during the day, he latches on more often at night. By the third night time latching, he knows there is no milk and cries. I feel so badly. I try to give him some warm cow's milk but he cries inconsolably. I don't know what to do. My mother says that I need to stop nursing him right away because, I am making him bad tempered. She is also concerned that he is not getting enough nutrition and losing weight. Any ideas?
Posted by: jihyun | November 26, 2007 at 11:21 PM
I need help with what to substitute an 11 month old when I wean that is allergic to milk. We were told (from a blood test)that goat's and cow's milk had a high potential for a bad reaction after having a bad reaction to a formula at 4 months. We've been supplimenting my milk since 4 months with a special formula, but I'm just not sure how long a kid needs either, for nutrition. If she can't transition to cow's milk, what will I substitute for it nutrition-wise?
Also--with all these posts there are no real details with what mom does while weaning in terms of needing to pump, or deal with engorgment--how does that side all work? Not all moms breastfeed, but all that do wean, sometime--I'm baffled at the lack of info/support for this. Please give any specific advice.
thanks!
Posted by: C | April 25, 2008 at 08:04 PM
I've been wondering the same thing. Mine is also 11 months and we've been supplementing breastmilk with Nutramigen formula (fairly tolerated so far). I plan to ask the doc about Hemp Milk. My older child drinks Hemp milk now - can be spendy and still higher in sugar than I prefer but really yummy. Lots of people use rice milk but it doesn't have much nutrional value. I think rice milk is about 1 gram protein for 10 grams of sugar and hemp milk is about 4 grams of protein for 24 grams of sugar? It's a trade-off for sure. We also give the older one Hemp Nut Seed on oatmeal for protein. Also high in fat though. If you figure it out before I do - would you post the solution? My 11 month old doesn't eat much so I don't think we can skip the milk all together.
As for weaning, it was very simple for me last time. I just offered nursing less often, offered cow's milk bottles at the key times and she never once asked for it. Pretty soon we were done - no engorgement issues. I never had an over-abundance of milk though. I don't think it's always that easy but it does usually seem to be easier than we anticipate. My plan this time is the same - just stop encouraging it - she's already having a hard time settling down enough to nurse during the day. I think (hope) it'll be easy once I find a suitable substitute. I never had tell #1 no and plan to let #2 decide to wean anytime after a year - if I stop offering, we'll already be nursing half as often. (All that said - she's nurses a lot at night so I think we'll be doing that for another 10 years - ha!)
Good luck, I look forward to hearing what happens with you!
Posted by: hypoallergenic mama | April 25, 2008 at 10:12 PM
Oops, sorry. The hemp milk is actually more like 14 grams of sugar ...
Posted by: hypoallergenic mama again | April 26, 2008 at 05:35 PM
here I am again, working on weaning my second. It's not going well.....it wouldn't be so bad if she weren't so BAD when breastfeeding (pinching, letting go, looking around & latching back on, twisting & flipping around, etc.). I'd like to eliminate the bedtime/nighttime feedings but i realize that I just don't have time in the day to sit & do long feedings and when I started to eliminate the night feedings then she started nursing a lot in the day. So I've been debating which feedings to start eliminating & can't figure out which one. I also realize I'm dealing with some guilt...it would be easier to justify weaning if I was doing it because I know she's ready, but I'm doing it because I'm stressed & it's just one more thing to deal with. Then there's the food allergy issue...I was told that if I could resolve her food allergies the breastfeeding would resolve itself. So, now I'm on dairy-free elimination diet. I don't think I could survive a wheat-free elimination diet. Are there other mama's who've made that connection of food allergies causing upset tummy/hunger and therefore breastfeeding issues?
Posted by: capella | May 17, 2008 at 11:43 PM
A great resource for any weaning questions is the Nursing Mothers Counsel. It's a volunteer based Mama to Mama counseling for any and all breastfeeding questions. The number is 503-282-3338.
C - Most Mamas slowly cut out one feeding at a time, so engorgement is not really an issue.
There are some great suggestions here for weaning.I've also heard from alot of Mamas that the band-aid trick works great. This is for weaning an older toddler:
Between two and four is such an empathetic age.... Once you have cut back to one or two feedings per day, giving them a time frame for when it will end, then you put the band-aids on your nipples. Show them the band-aids and let them know that you can't nurse today. Most toddlers will be very sympathetic to your plight. And after a few days to a week, they'll stop asking.
I haven't weaned yet, but I've heard this works well from many Mamas.
Posted by: lcl | May 19, 2008 at 12:36 AM
I just came back from a weekend to myself and it just felt like the time to wean. It surprised me. As I was getting my son ready for bed it hit me that we were done. I spoke to my husband about it and we sat our 22 month old down to discuss it. "You are such a great big boy now and it is time to say bye bye to your milks". He asked to read stories, asked once to nurse, stifling the tears pouring down my face I told reminded him of our conversation and he cuddled with his papa to rock to sleep. That was three days ago ad he is doing wonderfully. He cuddles me now and hugs me and we have talked briefly about his new identity as a big boy. I still feel pretty much in mourning I guess. What a momentous transition. I think my husband is in a way relieved that we are finally pulling from the same bag of tricks. For myself I can't shake the sweet weight of my son in my arms as I raise him up to the sky to "switch". What a blessed experience it has been. Did anyone else find themselves thinking about a second child right n the heels of weaning even if it isn't practical? Biology is pretty devious. Also any strategies to help with that stagnant feeling of unnursed milk just hanging around? We often talk about the practical steps involved in parenting our children but I would also love to hear about people's emotional transition.
Posted by: chris | February 10, 2009 at 09:37 AM
Here is my conundrum: I have a 17th month old who loves the boob. I have been sitting on the fence for a while about weaning, or at least eliminating nightnursing. I now just found out that I am pregnant, and not ready to be. We have decided that it is the most responsible thing for everyone to not keep the baby. (I hope I am not offending anyone).
Anyways, I am scheduled to take the Ru486 pill and they said I need to pump and dump for 48 hours. On one side I could take this opportunity to wean him now, but I think cold turkey will be too traumatic for him. On the other...I am not really ready to stop altogether. I have no idea how to go about this. I can have my husband put him to bed and I guess take him for a drive or a walk for naps? Any suggestions?
Posted by: Kim | February 13, 2009 at 08:50 PM
My 16 month old is a fan of the boob too. I have cut it down to only nap times, bed time and when she wakes through the night. In the day I tell her that the milk is "all gone" she cries some times and some times doesn't care. I am so afraid of whatever the next step is. I'm like a little kid!
She is so attached to me and my boobs!
Posted by: Carmel | September 02, 2009 at 11:05 AM