Some of us have birthed with a doula by our side. Some of us have birthed with a spouse or extended family or a good friend by our side. Did you use a doula? Why did you decide to go that route? Did you consider using a doula and - in the end - decide to go without?
(For those of you considering using a doula, here are some urbanMamas doula recommendations...)
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I had a doula when my daughter was born. It was a nice experience and I thought it might be helpful to have her there. Having someone there who was not emotionally or medically involved who understood the experience I was hoping to have who could advocate for me should the need arise. When I was pregnant with my son three years later, I decided that I was a little more seasoned and that it was not necessary. While in labor with my son, I really appreciated the intimacy that my husband and I were afforded by not having a doula there. I don't plan to have a third but if I was, I would choose not to have a doula.
Posted by: Robin | January 27, 2007 at 04:21 PM
I had one for my second delivery; I was hoping for a VBAC (and had one!) and felt that having a doula there to help with the coaching, etc., would be a real help - especially since my birth experience with my son was so unique and somewhat surreal (I had an unsuccessful induction after my water broke), it was almost like I was a first-time mom when I had the second child - so it was really nice to have someone with me who knew what was going on. While I appreciate that having an intimate experience is great for a lot of people, I was so anxious to have a successful VBAC that I welcomed all the help I could get. When it came time to push, there were something like 8 people in the room, cheering me on! It was great.
As it turned out, my L&D nurse was a former doula, herself, and had worked with my doula before (even trained her, I think) so they worked really well together and I felt like even aside from the successful VBAC, I had a great experience. I hired Shari Saldana, by the way, and I recommend her very highly. I also interviewed Rhonda Davis and Jill Fransen - they were both great, but I felt like Shari was a great match for me because she was more like a peer rather than a mother-figure.
Posted by: Betsy | January 27, 2007 at 05:15 PM
I definitely recommend using a doula with your first. We interviewed a few doulas but my hubby & I really liked Rhonda Davis (davisdoula.com). She was wonderful - pre-birth - helping us with our birthplan, questions, etc.
She was such a comfort during labor. A few times my son kept getting "stuck" and you could tell my Dr was getting tired - it was great having an advocate there to help me go on & know all my choices. After 3 hours of pushing my 9lb 2 oz bundle of joy joined the world! Rhonda also took amazing photos as well. Post birth her visits really helped us - great advice, a lovely photo album with all of the great photos & she evenlent us a kangaroo korner sling that made our lives so much easier. She is awesome!
Posted by: Liz | January 27, 2007 at 05:35 PM
I had a doula for my second birth (as with the previous post, I was also trying for a VBAC-vaginal birth after C-section) I think I ultimately decided to hire her because there was a chance my husband was going to be in Europe on business around my due date and I really wanted experienced back-up. She was extremely warm, knowlegdable, open minded, and accomodating. She knew my hospital well since she is part of their free doula service, however unless you hire one, you just get whoever is on call. Some of the things she suggested were not things I believed in after doing the research. But she was open minded enough to put her beliefs aside and do what made me feel the most secure. I had a great VBAC meditative cd from Angelbaby, and she lit (battery powered) candles. My water broke on its own 2 days after my EDD and my hubby WAS there thank goodness. She was right there when we arrived at the hospital at 1:00 am. It was great to have another opinion, and my own advocate. I felt more in control since I was reminded of my rights and options. Ultimatley, I did need another Csection after 24 hours of labor. But! Since I had a doula, I know that I exhausted all the options for that birth experience and that the decision for surgery was not made in haste or for the wrong reasons. I am confident in my experince of bringing another life into the world, regardless of how he entered. My doula was definately a big part of that mental wellness. No regrets.
Posted by: Jenifer | January 27, 2007 at 07:43 PM
With my first, I never considered a doula. I had my husband, he'd taken the birth class, my mom was coming too,we were prepared!
Should have had a doula.
With my second, I never considered a doula. So we hadn't exactly been prepared last time, but we sure knew the ropes this time around!
(Not about back labor, we didn't).
Should have had a doula.
I'm done having children, but if I was ever to face childbirth again, the first thing I'd do would be to BOOK A DOULA!
Posted by: Zinemama | January 27, 2007 at 08:51 PM
I had a doula with my one and only. I really wanted a natural birth and thought a doula would help facilitate that process and be an advocate in the delivery room. I ended up with a c-section after 24 hours of labor but because of discussions with my doula I knew I had exhausted all other options. She was allowed in the room during my c-section and was very supportive to both me and my husband. If I were to have a 2nd child I don't think I would hire a doula again because I feel like we know better what to expect but do not regret hiring one for the birth of my daughter.
Posted by: Mary | January 27, 2007 at 09:23 PM
I had a doula for my second birth, but to be honest, in retrospect--by myself, my husband, and my family members that were there, she didn't really end up helping us as much as we had hoped. We had envisioned her giving us strategies, suggestions, and support for labor positions, etc. but instead got a lot of foot massages, she didn't seem to know how to handle all that was going on...she went home in the middle of what was, admittedly, a very long birth experience, returned, and then we had decided/been convinced we would need to have a c-section. If I were to have another child, I think I would really "shop around" more carefully for a doula.
Posted by: a | January 27, 2007 at 10:49 PM
Upon a recommedation from my very good friend, I interviewed several doulas AND AM SO GLAD I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE ONE!
My boyfriend and I interviewed several until we found one we both liked and I know we were both glad that she was a part of our birthing experience. As stated above, it is so nice to have someone there who is experienced and sincerely interested in not ONLY your physical well being but in your mental/emotional/spiritual state as well- someone who knows that birth is an all encompassing life experience.
Our doula had great massage techniques, aromatherapy and tons of experience, including three births of her own!
I cannot recommend having a doula enough. I haven't even considered not having one next time around.
People say that they know they will be fine with the support group they have (spouse, midwife, mom, sister, best friend, whatever it may be) and I think that is wonderful. What is important is that the birthing mama feel like she has what she needs. Having a doula is different than having a loved one there (and you can have both!) because the doula is a professional and all of her knowledge and resources come across with such sincerity and concern for you, the birthing mom, that you KNOW you have done your absolute best, even if you didn't have the birth you expected.
Portland is one of the most plentiful areas for doulas right now and I encourage anyone who is even curious about what having a doula means, to look around. A good place to start is http://www.dona.org
Best of luck!
Posted by: Meliah | January 28, 2007 at 01:12 AM
We chose not to have a doula for our first because we had a homebirth with a great midwife and her aprentice. My husband and I had taken a birth prep class, and did some Birthing from Within stff. My mom was there, and she read a few doula books, and was great.
If I was planning a hospital birth, I would definately have had a doula. With my homebirth I didn't feel the need for one. I knew that in the event we transfered to the hospital, my midwife would act as my advocate there, too.
Posted by: Ellie | January 28, 2007 at 07:49 AM
Our doula was worth her weight in gold! I wanted the most positive birthing experience I could have and that meant making sure I had lots of resources. My husband really wanted a doula too as he'd never done this before either. We both were glad to have an experienced person with us whose only job was to support me and help my husband be the best support person he could be. And it worked, my husband felt empowered by the experience and she was kind and thoughtful in her suggestions about - try this, she might like this, etc.
We used Jill Fransen and she is absolutely amazing. www.webroots.com/doula/
She met with us a couple of times pre-birth and then checked in as we neared the due date. She even answered our call on the first ring when we called at 3am! She helped us labor at home - offering great suggestions on pain coping and positions as well as giving foot and helping us decide when to go to the hospital.
Then in the hospital she served as a great resource and help to my husband - offering suggestions and encouraging him (and me!). I had a natural, water birth and the two of them spent hours pouring water over my shoulders with bedpans!
I just can't say enough great things about Jill - she took amazing photos of the birth, checked in on us in the hospital post-birth and has since followed up many times. She also does postpartum doula work and helped me with my extreme breastfeeding problems. I still know I can call on her as a resource and a friend.
I was more confident, more in-control and had an absolutely wonderful birthing experience because of her involvement. I wouldn't have another baby without a doula!
Posted by: Scotti | January 28, 2007 at 08:00 AM
I loved my doula. She was a student at Birthing Way Midwifery school and had to attend 5 births. She met with me several times prior to delivery to discuss my plan and give me some suggestions. She also helped me organize my home before and after the birth. I am single and needed as much support as possible. She made a belly cast for me, which was really nice. She was such a calming force during delivery. I couldn't even hear what she was saying, but her tone was enough to make me relax and breathe when I heard her speaking! I would highly recommend a midwifery student. They may not have as much experience as a professional, but they are so attentive and helpful, and free, which is nice when you are low income! I did have a friend in the delivery with me, but having the 2 of them as a team was so great. My doula also did a lot of follow up, and organized my friends to make me meals and deliver them in shifts for 2 weeks after my mom went back to the east coast. She also wrote up my whole birth story. I will never forget Betsy. She will be a fabulous midwife.
Posted by: Debby | January 28, 2007 at 08:53 AM
Two births - two different doulas. I would go collect soda bottles to pay for a doula if money were an issue. That's how vital they were to me. Now, if I were to have a third or fourth child, maybe I could skip it. But with my first pregnancy, it made the experience so much better for my husband and myself. We could work as a team and have her as the coach. BE present in the moment. Both births were also at the Good Sam with doctors (I'm old and therefore high risk). I might have skipped it with a midwife or a home birth. But the doulas were a perfect balance to the hospital for us. BTW, I got recomendations from my doctor - I didn't want any personality issues between those two. I think that was helpful. Both doulas were amazing, but neither are doing it anymore. It is quite draining work... but a great service to a mothers everywhere.
Posted by: Betsy | January 28, 2007 at 03:08 PM
I used a doula -- my sister-in-law -- for my second birth and, even though I was ultimately unsuccessful in having a VBAC, she was invaluable. I wrote about it a bit here: http://urbanmamas.typepad.com//urbanmamas/2006/07/second_child_pr.html#comment-19876570
I wish we'd had one for the first birth, too. I'm not sure what I'll do for birth #3 as it's looking more and more like I might end up with a scheduled c-section -- and my sister-in-law is due with *her* second baby a few weeks before I'm due!
But I agree, collect cans to pay for a doula if you have to, but be sure and find one who works for you personality-wise. I've met a lot of midwives and doulas and I'm sure I would have been very uncomfortable with a good half of them :)
Posted by: sarah gilbert | January 28, 2007 at 07:19 PM
We have one child and we did use a doula. I knew from the time we found out that we were pregnant we would need one because we live so far from family and at that time we were new to Oregon.
I am comforted by knowledge whether it turns out to be useful or not. I remember my doula talking to me about pain and how it is usually a sign of something wrong in the body, but in labor it is natural and therefore one has to daily prepare by saying a mantra of sorts regarding pain in order to be at ease with it...and I was.
I say, whatever you need to get you through the birthing process in a healthy way. Doulas are great.
Posted by: Amy | January 28, 2007 at 08:54 PM
After doing tons of research and finding out that the presence of a doula can help shorten the length of labor and reduce the incidence of C-sections (among other things) I knew I wanted to have a doula by my side. My husband was very hesitant at first. He felt like the doula might "take his place". I was insistant, and since the pregnant person must always win such disagreements, we hired a doula. I believe that knowing I would have a doula by my side made me much more relaxed about labor and delivery. With the support of my doula, I was able to make it through an induced labor with no drugs. Even if you know 100% you will have an epidural, don't let that disuade you from getting a doula. They are very open to helping you labor the way you want, and they do not place any value judgements on your choices. The doula is a wonderful support for your partner as well. It is really hard to ask someone who loves you and is worried about you to see you in pain, even if they've been through childbirth training with you. Partners need the doula as much as you do!
My husband now tells every expectant father, "do you have a doula? Dude, you need one!"
A quick shout out for our fabulous doula Shari Saldana: www.preciousbirthdoula.com
Posted by: lesa | January 29, 2007 at 09:26 AM
All I can do stress one of the key points already made above, namely that you should screen your doula candidates carefully and make sure you choose one who suits you best. There are paper credentials to consider, and then there are personality issues.
My husband and I somewhat hastily chose a doula who was not the best fit for us. But we felt pressed for time, and that was a major factor in our decision. The first two doulas we'd contacted, both of whom came highly recommended by people whose opinions we trusted, were unavailable; and we were hearing that we'd "waited too long" to book a doula for our birth date. By the time the third one we contacted said "sorry, not free then," panic had started to set in.
We then interviewed X, found out she was available, whispered among ourselves that she seemed awfully young and not all that experienced despite her resume... In retrospect, I'm sure that's unfair, but it was definitely a personality thing. Also in retrospect, I'm enough of a bossyboots myself that the best match for me would've been an older woman who'd birthed several kids herself, someone capable of being non-nonsense, firm, and supportive at the same time. Anyway, we never really meshed w/ our doula, and all sorts of dissatisfaction ensued.
You have the absolute right to work with a doula who "works" for you, whatever that means. Don't settle! And best of luck to you!
Posted by: theboss | January 29, 2007 at 12:18 PM
We didn't use a doula. We would have felt a little weird to have one there. We took really comprehensive birthing/nursing/basic baby care classes that helped us to prepare. We wrote a simple birth plan and shared multiple copies with nurses and docs. A doula didn't seem necessary as my husband did a fantastic job being my advocate. It's totally to each his/her own. Just wanted to share an alternative point of view.
Posted by: Monica | January 29, 2007 at 02:44 PM
We did not really consider using a doula for either of our births. It was important to know how my husband and I dealt with one another in states of distress. We knew we had pretty good teamwork and communication, although we knew we could not predict how it would all go. We felt that very little could prevent us from having a wonderful experience. We knew that we wanted an intimate experience, and we also wanted our mothers along our sides during the births. My mother is a source of inspiration to me when it comes to motherhood, and I felt so empowered to have her right next to me. She gave me much strength and hope and focus. She was a great coach, supporter, and advocate.
Posted by: olivia | January 29, 2007 at 09:53 PM
I had never even heard of a doula until my cousin recommended hers to me, who was also a friend of hers, and told me about her good experience. I have heard so many unique birth stories since moving to Portland. I always thought that all babies were born the the hospital in a bed with the 2 parents and a doctor. I am glad we have things like midwives, doulas, pools, home births, and for all I know, sky-diving births (ok, maybe not that!). I love Portland because people are so accomidating to your needs and if they are not, you can just look elsewhere. I never thought I would be in the delivery room with a female friend and a doula. Next time, if there is a next time (see post on Thoughts on Number 2) I might even do it at home...with a midwife AND a doula!
Posted by: debby | January 30, 2007 at 10:29 AM
I just moved here in July and will be delivering any day now, without a doula. Until recently I didn't even know what a doula was and have read and heard all sorts of wonderful things about the work that doulas do. Despite that, it hasn't worked out for us to have a doula primarily because of the cost (we are in a shaky financial situation right now), and because of the time it takes to investigate doulas. I interviewed a student doula at one point in my pregnancy and though she seemed nice, I just didn't feel like I clicked enough to feel comfortable having her there. It has become a little bit of a stressful subject for me because there are so many people here in Portland who claim that they couldn't have had a natural childbirth without a doula. What is better? Settling for a student doula you don't know that well or feel comfortable with, or birthing without one? It has been enough for me just to be working and being pregnant and preparing for this life change as well as I can. I wish doulas weren't so expensive, or were covered by health insurance.
Posted by: Emily | March 15, 2007 at 08:11 PM
Interesting doula story "And doula makes four" - some aspects I hadn't considered before:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/02/fashion/02doula.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=doula&st=nyt&oref=slogin
Posted by: catmom | March 03, 2008 at 07:57 PM
I didn't have a doula with either of my two boys, and will not have one with my third boy, who is due next month. I did not take any childbirth classes, did not write a birth plan. I did sign up for a lamaze class, but when the time came to go, DH and I just weren't feeling it. I know now, it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. I had my birth plan in my head, and let DH and my midwife know what I wanted. I was shooting for drug-free with both of them, but ended up getting some demerol once I hit about 6 or 8 cm.
I am all for midwives...and since I was very clear with mine about what I wanted, I think a doula would have just gotten in the way. Even when I changed my mind about the painkiller issue, the midwife was cool..."Are you sure? You're almost there..." ME: "YES! Give me the d*mn drugs."
In recovery, I was dressed and walking the floor the same afternoon after giving birth (and they were both over 9 lbs!). All the nurses were saying I must have had a midwife, since the women with doctor-assisted births seem to have had a more difficult recovery. That being said, had I had a doctor instead of midwives, I would probably reconsider the doula aspect.
Posted by: KMat | March 04, 2008 at 09:27 AM
I loved my doula! I chose her for both of my birth experiences and she was amazing. She helped us prepare ahead of time. We took the Mother Tree Seminars on Natural Pain Coping and she helped us use those skills to feel confident about the process. Since I was birthing in a hospital I knew that I wouldn't receive personal care -- that it could be anyone of the dozen or so midwives on call, so to have her by my side was an essential comfort. She helped my husband to feel more involved and used different positions to help move the baby, showed us massage techniques that felt great, got me in the tub and gave us information and helped us to form questions about different hospital policies we weren't clear about. She was my left hand and my husband was my right hand. I felt totally supported. She even came to my house afterward and brought photos of the birth and helped me with breastfeeding and learning baby cues. I'd highly recommend any of the doulas at Mother Tree Doula Services but especially Jesse!
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2009 at 03:01 PM
I had a hospital birth with a Certified Nurse Midwife, and never felt like I was missing the help of a doula. My husband and I took childbirthing classes, and my labor was short and without complication. We received lots of good care from the nurses and were satisfied with our experience. We're doing all the same things for our second due in July.
Posted by: Briana | April 16, 2009 at 11:30 AM