KISS: Keep it Sweet, Silly
Mamas. It is hard enough keeping stuff clean and keeping people fed. Diapers changed and laundry folded. But, how in the heck are we supposed to keep it all sweet, too? Many of us are in long-term relationships. How do we keep that fire burning? That yearning going?
Swap it up. Find a family with little one(s) who get on well with your litte one(s). Even a couple of hours, spent sharing some wine over a candle or something similarly saucy, can help reinvigorate. In the meantime, know that the little one(s) are having a fun playdate with your friend's little one(s). Everyone wins!
Keep it regular. Don't let it fall by the wayside! Do an outing on a regular basis, be it every month, every other week, or every even-numbered month of the year.
Take turns. So, the game is: you organize the outing and the childcare this time, then your partner organizes the outing and the childcare for the next time. Repeat. Again and again.
Short is sweet, too. Recently, we asked someone (gratis) to spend an hour reading to our girls at the Powell's down in the Pearl. Sure, it was to give us time to go to back-to-school night, but it proved to be so easy that we could/should do it again. Next time, we'll go to Vino Paradiso for a flight (or two).
Tell us, uMamas, what is the secret to your marital success??
We've been doing semi-regular date nights, regular enough that I don't feel deprived. But we're lucky in that my mom lives in town and is always more than happy to watch our kids. However, we've found that we really want to socialize with other couples. Besides having our relationship, and our individual friendships, we really want other adult interactions. Which means I always want to help friends find sitters! Anyone have strategies for how to get together with other couples? Not sure with my little baby if my mom could watch another couple's kids.
Posted by: Kat | October 10, 2006 at 10:50 AM
We do fairly regular date nights - at least a couple of nights a month we have dinner at a nearby restaurant. Usually mother-in-law will watch the kids for a couple of hours.
Sometimes other couples (who also have kids) join us. They all have family in town or other sitter arrangements (some daycares do "Parents Night Out"), so finding couples who can get sitter arrangements isn't a problem.
Another thing we do is that if we're home on the weekend, my mom likes to take our 3 yr old son for the afternoon on Sunday. She's done this since he was very little. Every other week she'll also take our 1 yr old daughter, so occasionally we have "couple" time on Sunday afternoons.
Posted by: Meena | October 10, 2006 at 03:37 PM
this is one area we need to devote more time and energy to. having two babes in two years has really broadsided our together time. we're only just now catching on that if we don't purposefully arrange for "us" time, we get lost in the whirlwind of family life and after a few weeks we're all, "who are you?" to each other, romantically. keeping that love strong is important because not only do we need it, our family needs it too. it's so worth it, however you can find to get away and recharge with each other.
Posted by: mamaloo | October 10, 2006 at 03:43 PM
We've been having more regular dates lately, and they are definitely worth getting a sitter, if only for a few hours. When we just had one, we didn't do it often, but sometimes we would have a "Coffee Date" after dropping our son off at his childcare for the date. It was a great way to start off the day. But it can be tough since we both try to get to work early and get off as soon as we can so that we have a life outside of work. If you and the significant other work fairly close to each other, lunch dates are good as well.
Posted by: Hau | October 10, 2006 at 10:45 PM
When the kids were young, we didn't really have any reliable babysitters, so my DH and I rarely got to go out alone. Over time, we found an arrangement that really worked out well for us and was much less stressful than trying to find a babysitter. Several times a year, we would each take a PTO (paid-time-off) day from work together while the children were already in preschool and aftercare. This would give us about 8 hours together! We would try to squeeze in things like breakfast, lunch, a movie, a hike, or going to a museum, etc.
Now that I'm not working, we've been trying to take advantage of "Parents Night Out" offered through my son's preschool. They usually offer it at least 4 times a year. In addition, we have a list of teachers/assistants at his preschool that also are available to babysit outside of normal school hours, so we'll be looking further into that so that we can additional date nights.
Posted by: betty | October 10, 2006 at 11:22 PM
Great post! It is soooo important to stay in touch with each other. It helps keep us unified and models healthy relationships for our kids. We too have a monthly date night, but more importantly, we have a "check in" period every day. The kids know during this time, that mom and dad need to have uninterrupted time to talk about our day and any other topics that need discussion. With our busy schedules it really helps keep us in touch :)
Posted by: The Mentor Mom | October 11, 2006 at 06:24 AM