Just say NO
The first time around, I took the easy way out. I cheated, in a way. I waited until I was pregnant again; I waited until she was 2-years 7-months old; and I waited until I had a work-related trip to separate me from her for 4 days. That was our weaning tactic.
Our second girl is now approaching that 2-1/2 year old age, the time when she is fully-potty trained and on her way to becoming an independent woman. And, yet, she says to me with such clarity and conviction: "Mama, I want to nurse."
And so I let her. What am I going to do? Say "NO?" She'll say, "Why?" and I'm afraid I don't really have a good enough reason. "You're too old," isn't really that true; "I don't feel like it," shouldn't be an excuse. I know. I'm a weakling! I can't do it.
So, I think I'm just going to leave. I need to find a place to go and hide for a couple of days. It'll be good for me, too. All of us mamas need a break from the "No, MINE!" and the "Mama, she's bothering me!" and the "Mama, I need some ..."
There is one thing, though. I've started to count while I nurse. I tell her, "I'm going to count to '5', and then we'll be done." I start counting: "One, two, three..." and by the time I get to "Five", she latches off. We've been doing this for several days. I think I'm going to start counting to '3', then maybe work my way down to '1'. Maybe we can do this after all, without having to take the easy way out ("outta sight, outta mind").
For all of yous who've been through this before, what has been your weaning tactic?
I'm afraid I don't have any advice. My first son naturally weaned himself at 2 and a half, and I expected it to be that way the second time around, too. But though I did NOT set out to be one of those Mothering Magazine mothers, here I am nursing a 3yo who shows no inclination to stop. For myself, I don't mind. He's the last baby I'll ever nurse, it's clearly important to him and it doesn't bother me.
However, I did want to comment on one aspect of your post. I don't think you should feel badly for not having a "real" reason to wean, because it sounds to me like you do. After 2 and a half years, I think a mother's "I don't feel like it" is a perfectly valid reason to stop.
The counting tactic seems to be working, so I'd do that for a couple of weeks and see. Good luck!
Posted by: Kate | April 04, 2006 at 08:20 AM
I agree with Kate. The fact that this isn't working for you anymore is a fine reason to wean. With Clara I hit that point at the same time I realized I really needed to start taking better care of myself nutritionally and emotionally. I was tapped out. We were only nursing at night, but she did know how to ask for it. I started telling her "no" and when she cried I told her I would always, always hold her. This seemed to comfort her a lot. She didn't need nursing for nutrition, she wanted the closeness. I followed through with that and then within a few days she practically forgot how to nurse.
Good luck to you! I know it's a bittersweet time.
Posted by: Kat | April 04, 2006 at 08:35 AM
Hi Olivia,
I know you have been thinking on this one for awhile. I think Tati will undoubtedly not be happy when you stop, but from what I know about you, you have been a patient and loving mother - this fact resonates within your little girl. She knows you love her and will quickly be over this small interuption in her life.
Some of my working mom friends had a hard time with this as well, they describe feeling "working mom guilt". Parenting can be so challenging without the guilt we put on ourselves! Be strong, it's not working for you, end it in the upcoming week and move on. As they say, when Mom's happy everyone's happy! Good luck.
Posted by: Monica | April 04, 2006 at 04:57 PM
Hey there Olivia,
Weaning can be such an intensely emotional process, maybe even more so for us than for them! I made a little picture/story book for Fionn, "Bye bye nana," with photos of us nursing, the doctor weighing him, him becoming a big boy and eating solids, etc. We read it every night for a week, doing the countdown to no more nurses. On the last day we had a "happy big boy party" in the park with his best little girl friend and her parents. We ate boob shaped cupcakes, (I even put a few drops of breast milk in the frosting...shhhhh.) As I look back on all this, it was more for me than for him. But that's OK, I count too! It was much easier for him than I expected; I had blown it all up in my head. Maybe it will be "a piece of cake"...good luck mama. You've done such a beautiful thing for her.
Posted by: Fionnsnana | April 04, 2006 at 10:18 PM
I just wanted to thank everyone for their supportive comments. This is a hard thing. It is true, though, it probably is harder for me than for her. We have not been successful, really, but I am still doing the count-down. And, I am still counting to "five", not to "four" or "three" or any smaller number. But, another big step is that I am taking a trip, ALL BY MYSELF, next weekend. So, I am prepping Tati (as well as the rest of the fam) for that separation. I think the space will be great for all of us. You're all right: I am "done", there is nothing wrong with being "done", and I have every reason to celebrate these past 2-1/2 years of being a nursing mama! Thanks for all your thoughts!
Posted by: olivia | April 11, 2006 at 05:13 PM