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Terrible Twos, Whiny Threes

I'm the first to admit that sometimes I don't know a thing about parenting - especially confronted with a whiny, non compliant toddler.  I remind myself - it's age appropriate, stand your ground, this ugly stage will soon pass.  But, why me, I ask myself.  Why am I cursed blessed with this horrible willful child?  This child who has taken to whining as his primary means of communication.  This child who tosses himself oh so dramatically on the ground in a fit of emotions when he doesn't get his way.  This child who particularly likes to act out in the company of others.  This child whose whining prompted another child to comment that his whining was *annoying*.  Yes, that's my child who I try to play off as if he is not my offspring - my semi-calm facade barely concealing my subconscious screaming.  Perhaps it's my lack of patience, but it seems my toddler seems to uphold the growing pains of each age milestone.  He was certainly a terrible two, and now that he's nearly three, he's reaching yet another ugly stage.  How do you curb the whining?  What's the best way to nip this in the bud?  This mama needs to know since I'm determined not to raise a brat.


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Good morning! I came across your blog while looking for indoor play areas for my daughter. Great site! I'm glad I found some other Mamas (although I'm in NW Portland and think I might fall more into the SUBurban category :) )I wanted to reply to your post because you said everything I have been thinking about over the last few weeks! Just recently my otherwise normally- behaved two and a half year-old daughter would immediatly launch into melt-down mode if she didn't get what she wanted. She would drape herself across furniture (or the floor, or the supermarket aisle) and whine unintelligibly. As you mentioned, it's very frustrating and tests my patience. I've found what has worked best is to pragmatically tell her I can't understand her when she whines and she needs to speak to me like a big girl. If possible, I walk away and continue with what I was doing. She finally realized she wasn't getting the attention and the response she wanted, so she gave up. Now on the next challenge...completing the potty training! With the impending arrival of baby number two this summer, I would love to have the Bug (baby number one) out of diapers. She gets the whole concept of the potty and using toilet paper and flushing the toilet (a source of great excitement and wonder) and washing her hands. She has gone a few times in the toilet, and she knows to tell Mommy and Daddy if she has to go (or at least parrots back to us that this is what she is *supposed* to do) but she has not been consistent. I am assuming it's because she is at an in-home day care for three days of the week (where they don't enforce using the potty unless the child has had a 'dry' weekend) and at home with my husband and me for the remainder of the week. I ask her if she needs to go when she wakes up in the morning and before/after naps. Also, I ask 20 minutes or so after meals. She'll sit on the toilet and we'll read books, sing songs, but no action. But, as soon as we put a diaper back on-- Bingo. I certainly don't want to push her but I don't want to be too passive. My only comfort thus far is that another trusted Mama reminds me every once in awhile there aren't too many fifth graders running around in diapers, so eventually the Bug *will* get it! Any thoughts on how to cross the great potty chasm?

I try my hardest not to respond to whatever my son wants while he's whining for/about it. I usually will say something to the effect of "Talk to me without whining" or "can you ask me in your normal voice first?" that usually does the trick, but still it's always case by case.

Everyone talks about the terrible twos, but from my experience (as a former nanny and as a mama), 2.5 to 3.5 is the absolute worst age ever. Dreadfully painful. But, the day my Starry hit 3.5, she became tolerable again. I actually started to like her again. I'm seeing this pattern repeated in Charley, too.

It will get better. I agree with the 'I can't hear you when you whine' and then walk away advice. It does help. But if it doesn't, maybe you should try some wine-ing of your own! :)

The "I can't hear you when you use that voice" is my tactic and it helps me even if it doesn't always stop the whining. My husband lowers his voice and booms "Use your big voice!" and our daughter usually laughs and trys it (Daddy is so much more fun!).

For meltdowns I try, and am amazed that it works so often, "You're mad at Mommy for pulling the string cheese when you wanted to do it?" or the like. Having her frustration articulated sometimes helps her calm down a bit. Of course, the underlying issue is usually hunger and/or sleepiness and another meltdown is imminent. When nothing else works, I just tell her it is okay to cry and I sit with/near her and let her cry/yell until she exhausts herself and crawls into my lap (this might take up to 45 minutes!). I remind myself that sometimes I need a good cry, too and that she doesn't always have the skills/experience to deal with the stress of her little life. I have to use my skills/experience to deal with her!

I just want to say "thank you" to all the mamas for this advice. Reading the posts about toddlers is like hearing the voice of The Future -- frightening yet comforting at the same time. Though I'm 18 months away from the twos, I'm already repeating to myself, "Remember to tell him you can't hear him when he speaks to you in that whiny voice..."

For the record, Philly used the term "annoying" in the most loving way possible. I think Philly went through an intense whiny period, but there are still tons of times when she still gets very whiny (and now she's five). But, at five, the intensity or frequency of the whining isn't what it was when she was 2.5-3.5 (I agree with you on that age segment, stellarma). Concepts I try to repeat to myself during those annoying whining moments: "keep it together", keep cool, stay aloof & noncholant (easy for me to say right now). Someone also once suggested mama time outs when times get really tough. Leave the room for a few seconds to take a few deep breaths. There are only so many times I can say, "I can't hear you when you use that voice." I say it three times, max, then I'm out. I just leave the scene. Leaving sometimes makes her more whiny, but I just can't stay there repeating the mantra.

Often times, some distraction can crack the whiny spell. I can't say that I don't use a stray treat to get her to stop (I'll give you three chips if you stop whining right now). Else, I do something completely wacky to crack her up so she forgets to whine (do a funky dance or make a funny face).

I'm right there with you. I'm not sure what happened to our good-natured happy baby. Starting at 2-2 1/2 was a period of biting, hitting and pulling toys out of other kids' hands. Now at 3+, it's full-on defiant, screaming at the top of lungs, kicking on the floor tantrums. We've tried the "whiny voice" thing, but it hasn't worked in awhile - just makes him madder. When it starts, we tell him calmly that he has to go to his room to calm down (removing his audience) - sometimes it works, but not always. Last night was 45 min of freakout (started because he didn't eat his dinner - alright, but you won't get anything else - he wanted a treat an hour later - no, but you can have a glass of milk/soymilk - no, mommy (hit) - please go to your room and settle down - NOOO (screaming) - etc etc). Woke up my sound-asleep-after-working-a-night- shift husband who had in earplugs, a loud white noise machine and was on another floor.

I'm at my wit's end. I'm tired of thinking about it, discussing it with my husband, feeling inadequate as a mom. And then, I feel even worse when I realize that most of my time with him lately just isn't very enjoyable - that's not the mom I want to be. I know he isn't always having a tantrum, but 1 a day, or even every few days, takes it out of me - so, what is it doing to him? People keep saying that he'll grow out of it, but I just keep thinking, what if he doesn't? If we can't control him/help him to control himself now, what will he be like at 6 or 16?

So I obviously don't have any answers or advice - but maybe small comfort that you're not alone?!!

Oh, that heavy-duty whining is always like fingernails down a chalkboard for me! I hate it when Ben gets into that mode, although thankfully, these episodes seem to be decreasing now that he is 3 years, and 3 months old.

As calmly as possible, I would generally try to do one of the following: (1) tell him that I couldn't hear him/understand him if he was using his whiny voice, (2) tell him that I needed to go to another room until he could calm himself down, or (3) tell him that he needed to go into his room for some quiet time until he was ready to come out again.

I am in the thick of it too with my 2 1/2 y.o. who doesn't seem to be able to talk without whining. I've started the "I can't hear you when you're whining" and then walking away; no results yet, but I'm going to stick with it. Lisa, wow, it sounds pretty bad right now, for me so far I've found that during birth, and during mothering, that when I really feel like I can't take one more second, that something finally gives and the situation is tolerable again. I hope that moment comes for you soon.

Boy can I relate. I have a very big 3.5 year old who was such a sweetheart for such a long time and now his first response to most things is to yell "NO!" at me.
I use the, "I can not understand you when you whine like that, use your nice voice," all the time.
It makes me feel good to know that I am not alone and that this is a normal phase they go through. Looking forward to better times!

My parents insisted that I express myself and tell them that I was frustrated or angry or wanted alone time. That taught me early on and I turn to my husband often when I am tired or angry or just irritated, exactly how I feel. I have even been known to tell him: "I do not know why, but I feel really irritated right now and may be upset at you. But it is not You. I just feel out of sorts." And he laughs, breaks the tension and leaves me with my alone-time to recuperate.

Now with my son, who is 18 months old and seems to have learnt to throw tantrums when he turned 1 (I have no clue what to expect when he gets to 2.5), I go up to him and ask him what is wrong - it takes me maybe 5 questions to get a nod from him. I then ask him if he wants a hug to feel better, and if he nods, he usually stops as soon as we hug and kiss. If the whining continues, sit him down usually on the first step on the stairs, I give him another minute or so; and then hold up my hand and count down from 5 to 1 and to 0 and ask if he is "All Done, ready for a hug?" and this works.

His caregiver says his tantrums seem to have gotten less intense and fewer, after she has started doing the same with him. It is either us expressing his feelings on his behalf, or just the fact that we let him whine it out, until Countdown begins, that work depending on how upset he is. I also believe seeing the Countdown and seeing time "disappear" to 0 helps for him to visualize how much more time he has to display his tantrum and express himself and sets a limit for himself. And sitting on the step works as he know that is his spot and his platform/ designated pedestal where he CAN throw a tantrum.

If we are at the grocery, I walk out with him and sit down outside - the cars help distract him sometimes if I start talking about the trucks and cars that go by. It has attracted smiles and laughs from others, but that just helps dissipate my tension when I smile back at them. Helps contain the frustration and anger so his tantrum does not result in one from me.

In response to Lisa--no, you are not alone in this at all. As a professional in the child development area, I've talked to literally hundreds of Moms who are having the same issues---and the same sense of frustration. One way to think about it that might be helpful is from a developmental standpoint--it isn't that you had a wonderful and charming two year old and all of a sudden they changed into some demonic entity (although we all would like to think that is the case!)...maybe it is that they got to be older and they DIDN'T change. If a two-month baby was screaming at us, we wouldn't get upset, we would just solve the problem. But now, as the child gets older, our expectations of how he should act change, and, if he doesn't change to meet those new challenges, and keeps using the "old" behavior, it gets more and more inappropriate. And that's the source of frustration!

I am SO happy to have discovered this site, and be reminded that thank God, I'm not the only one... A small trick that sometimes works with my 29-month-old drama queen is to mimic whatever silly, angry faces he's making at me. When he realizes I'm on to him, we both bust out laughing. Unfortunately, this is not so effective against the really big blowouts, when there is shrieking and biting and swipes at my glasses. At those times, I try to remember to tell my son that I'm going to love him dearly no matter how bad things get, so he might as well just calm down. (Hopefully he won't start questioning my logic too closely.)

Yes I want to know what to do wabout my three year old little girl I have to punnsh her way to much is that a bad thing will this every end?

I've tried EVERYTHING even PRAYER!!! HELP!

Thank you so much! My daughter just turned 3 and the whining has gotten so excessive it is driving me crazy. I am going to try the "I can not understand you when you whine like that, use your nice voice" I hope it will work. To Hayley, my daughter simpley refused to go potty and acted really terrified of panties. I have never seen anyone so scared of panties before.....then one day she ran up to me saying she wanted to potty on the big potty. We have been doing great here lately until this new whiney faze. I know she has to go and she says no when I ask her if she needs to go. I will have to force her to sit on the potty, and still while she is peeing she is still saying no I do not need to pee. She will not tell us when she has to go. She will hold it for hours at a time. She knows we will put one on her for nap and night time. She will hold it until then if I do not make her set on the toilet. Does anyone else have issues like this. Is this just a faze?

My son turned 3 in Sept and absolutely refuses to go on the potty. At least at home. Apparently he will try at his playgroup when the other kids are going, and very rarely his older brother can get him to sit on the potty.

Remembering how his brother used to be, I have decided it's a phase, and I've stopped trying to get him to go on the toilet. My little one is so willful, the more I try to get him to do something, the less likely he is to do it.

I figure if I just ignore the whole potty issue, then maybe (hopefully) the little guy will start to use the potty (even if it's only to spite me). For me, it's really not worth the trouble of arguing with a 3 year old--they don't fight fair, anyway. Besides, he's not going to be wearing diapers forever, whether I push him to go potty or not.

Good Luck!

just a thought on the potty issue--when at home just stop using diapers. sure, you'll have to clean up some messes and do some extra laundry but it's the way I potty trained my 4 year old when she was 20 months. already with my 18 month old i'm doing the same thing (when I'm stressed or for example during holiday hullaballoo I put the diaper back on) and sure, washing 6 pants/uderpants a day seems like a lot but already it's less than it was.
and a comment on the daycare--"enforce potty?" what? I've been potty training with a little girl for 7 months--it just means that she goes to the potty when I ask her to & she goes in her pants when she forgets to tell me she needs to. she's starting to have dry days. certainly i have days that I wonder when she'll ever learn, but I can't deny certain progress. keeping her in cotton panties certainly keeps both of us more motivated to get her there on time.
and about the terrible two/threes. definitely insist on using a nice voice, ignore the whine! it was really hard with my first but somehow I ran out of patience & now it's really easy! another thing, I used to try to get them to "work it out" when they were fighting but I've decided that two/three year olds aren't capable of learning negotiating skills when they're upset about a fight over a toy. so now I simply tell them that what they are doing is inappropriate & redirect them to another toy/activity. they'll have to learn nice ways of asking/negotiating at another moment!

I have read all of the comments and I am soooo happy that I am not alone!! We have a 3.5 year old son that is whiny and defiant and there are days that I just do not want to be around him. I have sworn that I will go into debt over daycare expenses just so I can have some time without him! I felt really bad about my feelings towards him until I read some of the comments here.
I am surprised that no on has called the police on my husband for kidnapping, since it usually him that takes a kicking and screaming child out of the store so that I can finish shopping.....Our son is generally screaming "I want my Mommy" and "I don't want to go with you!"
I have tried everything from calmy speaking to him to time outs to spanking to yelling to crying and I am at my wits end! I am however happy to know that I am not alone!

I have a 19 month old baby girl who whines from the moment she is awake till she goes to bed, it is so tiring and I find myself snapping at times. I don't think there is any way out of this it just goes on and on she cannot understand much language so I cannot tell her that I don't like her whining, time outs don't work as she won't sit still I'm at my wits end I blew up this morning and put her in her room then went into mine and cried forever feel like there will never be an end to this, almost like I'm living a nightmare. SOOO SOOO TIRED!

I have a 19 month old who whines from the moment she wakes till she goes to bed, I am exhausted because of it. I don't know what to do anymore feel like I am living a nightmare. I cannot give her time outs as she will not sit still, cannot tell her no whining as she doesn't understand it anyways, I ended up putting her in her room and going into mine and crying for what seemed like an eternity. Please Someone HELP I am So tired!

Colleen, we're not too far beyond that age, and I can tell you that if our experience holds true, it gets a lot better soon. In our case, there was a sudden burst of speaking and understanding just before two years old, and that really helps a kid say something, rather than just emoting it.

My daughter is a little older, so I can tell her I don't listen to whining and try to enforce "Please" and "Thank you," but you guys probably are still too young for that. Someone might be having luck with timeouts at 19 months, but for us, distraction and redirection were still much better bets - and still are, really.

One thing that might help is setting up some playdates with a slightly older child, hopefully outside somewhere. Even when they don't yet really play with other kids, they are fascinated by them, they get to see how someone a bit older acts, and it takes some of the pressure off you.

I'm sorry this advice sounds so lame. The reality of parenting can be so tough, and I'm glad people talk about it.

Colleen, we're not too far beyond that age, and I can tell you that if our experience holds true, it gets a lot better soon. In our case, there was a sudden burst of speaking and understanding just before two years old, and that really helps a kid say something, rather than just emoting it.

My daughter is a little older, so I can tell her I don't listen to whining and try to enforce "Please" and "Thank you," but you guys probably are still too young for that. Someone might be having luck with timeouts at 19 months, but for us, distraction and redirection were still much better bets - and still are, really.

One thing that might help is setting up some playdates with a slightly older child, hopefully outside somewhere. Even when they don't yet really play with other kids, they are fascinated by them, they get to see how someone a bit older acts, and it takes some of the pressure off you.

I'm sorry this advice sounds so lame. The reality of parenting can be so tough, and I'm glad people talk about it.

Hi Colleen,
I hope you are just having a bad day when you write this. If it's really often this bad, I beg you to ask for real live help. I really don't have much for solid advice. I do believe that every parent gets overwhelmed with frustration at some point. Of course some more than others. In my almost 4 years of parenting (and many years of childcare before that), I've learned one main thing. "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." The most important thing for your family is for you to be functioning and somewhat sane. Lately, I'm overwhelmed more than ever. The only way I can guarantee myself a break and keep my kids safe is to strap them into the car. We drive through Starbucks, listen to mommy music, maybe a carwash, maybe out to the airport so I can pretend like the real reason for the drive is to let them look at planes. The other day I made up a story about dad needing us to take him coffee to work. I don't drive much and certainly don't believe in wasting gas. It's against my morals in so many ways but like I said, somedays it's the way I stay sane. My kids can't harm each other when we're in the car and they are both usually very quiet on a drive. If they get bored with the drive or my music, we pop in a kid cd. Sometimes I just drive far enough for baby to fall asleep so the preschooler and I can do an art project back at home in the driveway while baby sleeps next to us. Then I can space out, drink my coffee, count the hours down til the end of the day. Those are the bad days that are definitely further between as the kids get older.

Long term, I have had great results with Unconditional Parenting (Alfie Kohn), Attachment Parenting, Dr. Sears type theories of - if they are bugging you, it's for a reason and they NEED more. MORE of you basically. So I try to smother them with love and with my time and usually that will remedy our problems. If I react with a hug to most snotty remarks, whines, complaints, baby sister slaps ... the issue stops and we quickly move on. That is worth looking into for any 2 or 3 year old. I think it's been mentioned well above that we do expect them to be more mature than they are capable of. They need to act like babies sometimes.

TV for young kids is also against my morals but I know that at that 18-24 month age I was plopping in a Signing Time (truly gentle, educational and slower moving than most) video and closing my eyes on the couch while snuggling.

The more my 3 year old has pushed me away, the more I've realized that she is pushing because she wants the opposite. Her annoying behaviors are just cries for an unmet need. It really helps me to look at that and try to err on the side of loving her too much. We refer to it as "filling up her cup" and once it's full, she'll play independently long enough to give me a break.

Speaking of breaks, I hope you are also getting true breaks. Absence really makes the heart grow fonder so whether it's a part-time job, a yoga class, a weekly lunch date, a pedicure, a massage, a run, a haircut, a solo grocery shopping trip or all of the above (gasp) - do it. Find what you need to do for yourself to enable you to manage with somewhat of a smile around your child. Being away from my kids makes me refreshed and want to be truly present in the times that I'm with them.

I hope that helps just a little. I truly feel for you, best of luck.

My 3 1/2 yr. old just woke up from a long needed nap. As I sat here at the computer dreading for him to wake up because of the whining I decided to look for help on here. I'm happy to find out I'm not alone. I liked the idea of being funny with the ewwww, yucky is that Mr. Whiney? I just used it and it seemed to work. We'll see how it goes. I have been using the whole "I can't hear what you're saying when you whine at me" and "Use your big boy voice". It hardly ever helps, but lately we've been trying to ignore it while gently reminding him to use a nice voice and telling him that I will answer him when he talks nice to me. During a tantrum last night, I reverted back to what I did when he was a baby. Calmly, I would say, "It's okay, honey, calm down, breathe, (showing him how to take deep breaths), everything's going to be ok, I know you're mad right now but it's not worth crying over, calm down". I'm surprised at how well that still works. It's hard to remember when I'm flustered.

Thank you Thank you Thank you! My son is just over 3 and has been so whiny lately! I finally decided to look on the internet to see if this was normal, or if we were heading for an eternally whiny child. You have answered my questions. Yes, it is normal, Yes, it will end, just have patience and perseverance. I am looking forward to that 3 1/2 age mark!

Yes, it is normal... and yes it does get better. I was just telling my Dad today that we have little signs that our youngest is, at 3.5 coming back from the dark side! She can be a manipulative whiny little booger and sometimes I just plain don't like her, though I love her to death. My son came around at about 3.5 and she seems to be as well. Must be that they start to annoy themselves at that age! Ha!

A couple tools in my toolbox that I have stumbled across during long, bleak, whiny days when our moods were all headed downhill: I say, "Ok, time to reboot." and get out the facepaint crayons and pull up everyone's shirts and draw reset buttons on everyone's bellies, mine included. Then, for the rest of the day we all press our reset buttons (or eachothers) when we get out of line. Another... when timeout after timeout doesn't seem to put a dent in behavior (usually my son's), I will declare in my most authoritative voice ("All right, that's it!") at the next timeout that I'm giving a tickle timeout and I will tickle the offender for the FULL duration of their timeout. It usually works to get us all back on track.

I also refuse to talk to either one if they are whining. "I will talk to you when you use a nice voice/ask politely". If I don't back down about it, it works pretty well, but sometimes I say it ALLLL day. :)

The other key is to look for progress in little teensy pieces. Celebrate all those little teensy pieces.

Can we talk about the effing fours?

I am so relieve to have read about all of the other 3 year olds out there who are stressing out their parents (misery loves company!) but while my son does get aggressive from time to time (it's pretty rare) we are actually experiencing more of a sadness come through instead. Rather than asking for something he might just get very whiney and start crying for what seems like no reason (which I ask him "why are you crying for no reason? just ASK for what it is you want," and I'm not sure this is the right way to go about it.) He is an incredibly sweet boy and I hate to think that he has low self-esteem or any kind of depression (it is genetic in both sides of his family.) It almost seems like he feels he is forced to do something he doesn't want to do (like riding his scooter, or something else he chose to do) and is afraid to ask to not do it. I'm having trouble finding any information online to support whether or not this is normal... I can't stand the thought of this having lasting effects on such a gifted and caring child.

Gee im a bit worried after reading all these post. My little one is just 16 months old(boy)he has been a great bub but lately he is just really whiney he goes from happy to whiney so quickley i spend alot of time with him and he even whines when we are playing .im hoping its not going to carry on till he's 3.5 at least give me a little break lol.

Just saw these posts, yes several years later and whew am I relieved to hear these same stories that I am going through right now! Makes me feel normal again :-) My almost 3 year old, he will be 3 in January, who has otherwise been an angel has all of sudden turned into another creature. As if someone turned on a switch and said here, try this child on for a while. I never imagined the difficultness of this age. Terrible Twos was NOTHING! Tortureous Threes is what I call it. I just keep trying to remind myself that this too will pass and stick to my guns. The whining will and noncontenment will end one day. Thanks for the encouraging words.

We are grandparents that are raising our 3 year old grandson. Love him to death but he is going thru that whining phase, which we must have forgotten how to handle since its been quite awhile since we did that with our own children. If he isnt whining he is being so destructive. I know we are more tired this time around but we still need help!!!!

Could excessive whining indicate a problem? My three-year old repeats a phrase over and over again when she is told "no", or "use your normal voice" or really anything other than "yes". Sometimes this phrase will be repeated for 10 minutes before she calms down and stops crying. We have been told that this could be bipolar disorder or even an autism spectrum disorder. Anyone have experience with this?

none of this stuff seems to work with my hard headed 2 almost 3 yr old. she is stubarn and dont listen and keeps the fits going and going, she screams and just dont listen. nothing can seem to calm her down when she gets this way. the potty has now become a battle that i am clearly loosing. but mainly she dose not listen. omg please help me im at the end of my roaps

ok moms i need your advice... im first time mom my son is 23 monthhe crys and whines everyday for no reason i change him feed him he takes. A Nap once a day he does not listen to me he dont talk he throws fits and hits me he also throws things at me i try to correct him but all he does is laugh everyone says its because im home with him all day it dont effect im (im a stay at home mom) mybe that is why but i need advice on what i can do or why he would be cryin even when i know he is fine. Its really getting to me .

My husband and I have been raising our 3 yr old grandson since birth. About a month ago the legal adoption went through so he is actually our son now. When I am not around, for my husband, he is generally a perfect, compliant, well behaved child. I walk into the room, he is incredibly mean to my husband and begins the whining and anger displays. For me, 75% of the time, he refuses to do what I ask of him...seemingly based solely on the grounds that I have asked him to do it. He is very clingy with me and I literally cant leave a room without him 10 steps behind me. I work a full time job and when we get home at night, I cant begin to cook supper until my husband gets home because he is so demanding of my attention. He fakes cries, he throw tantrums, he whines, he lashes out at me, he tells me he can't do (fill in the blank) because his (fill in the blank) hurts. With my own children, I generally knew what to do ....with this child, parenting feels completely foreign to me.... one week I'll try the "I cant hear you when you use that voice" thing and when that doesn't work I do the ignore him when he whines thing and when that doesn't work I do the give him a hug thing.... Now I know you're thinking that I am sending mixed signals by responding with so many techniques and that may be true but when each technique bring about NO CHANGE in behavior over a weeks time....... (and in whining child time...that's a looong time) I have to try something else.

Finally, I feel like an utter failure because I raised 3 kids of my own and I should know what to do. I am just lost. More than that, I am terrified because if I cant get it together...what's will life be like in 10 years?

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